Missouri Man Denied Adoption Because Of His Weight

[imthemom]

You do? I agree his weight is a health issue, but if a judge can deny him adopting because of that, what next? Denying adoptions because a parent is diabetic, epileptic, an amputee, or has some physical deformity? Even at 500#'s he's employed and has already adopted a child and is a good parent. I would rather see the child go to him than be put in the foster care system.

There are way too many cases of children of "able bodied", normal weight parents that are horribly mistreated and killed. I don't think a parents appearance has anything to do with their ability to parent a child.

I am happy he's getting bypass surgery and wish him the best.

Yes exactly, we try to teach our children tolerance of race, religion, appearance, sexuality but here we have a judge being discriminatory. This is so wrong, this does not judge whether he is a good person or not. What happened to what matters is on the inside not on the outside. This is dispicable. I am glad he is going to get the baby now it is better than the baby being in foster care.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

You do? I agree his weight is a health issue, but if a judge can deny him adopting because of that, what next? Denying adoptions because a parent is diabetic, epileptic, an amputee, or has some physical deformity? Even at 500#'s he's employed and has already adopted a child and is a good parent. I would rather see the child go to him than be put in the foster care system.

There are way too many cases of children of "able bodied", normal weight parents that are horribly mistreated and killed. I don't think a parents appearance has anything to do with their ability to parent a child.

I am happy he's getting bypass surgery and wish him the best.

I've seen too many shows where parents turn their children into caregivers when they're unable to care for themselves. What is in the best interest of the child is getting a parent who can care for them. Not the other way around.

 

[nanandjim]

Anyone who eats his/her way up to 500+ pounds surely has a few hidden emotional problems. I trust that this guy is not one of the very few that can blame his metabolism for his condition. In any case, he needs to get his life and weight under control and then reapply to adopt this child. JMO.

 

[twinkiesmom]

You know, I know 500 lbs is life-threatening, but this is an intrafamily adoption, and I think it should have taken place.

I think it is more important to keep this child within its family than turn him over to strangers who may or may not provide a loving home.

And yes, I am one of those strangers who adopted, but my children were in an orphanage with no other options.

I am glad he is having the surgery but hope he survives it. I wish the judge could have given him a treatment plan whereby he lost another hundred pounds under Dr.'s supervision before he attempted bypass.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

You know, I know 500 lbs is life-threatening, but this is an intrafamily adoption, and I think it should have taken place.

I think it is more important to keep this child within its family than turn him over to strangers who may or may not provide a loving home.

And yes, I am one of those strangers who adopted, but my children were in an orphanage with no other options.

I am glad he is having the surgery but hope he survives it. I wish the judge could have given him a treatment plan whereby he lost another hundred pounds under Dr.'s supervision before he attempted bypass.

Well, you just mentioned one of the problems here. He may not even survive the surgery. Were they supposed to place a child here only to have one of the first things the child faces may well be losing a parent??? Don't you think this child has been through enough? Even if the guy survives the surgery, there are mounds of health issues and medical bills still to be faced. To add these huge burdens to a child who is already starting from a shaky place seems unnecessarily cruel to me. There are a great many stable families who could offer this child the world. I don't think that extended family is always the best place for some children. Certainly have this person in the child's life in some way, but at least give the kid a fighting chance at a normal life.

 

[eleven]

Well, you just mentioned one of the problems here. He may not even survive the surgery. Were they supposed to place a child here only to have one of the first things the child faces may well be losing a parent??? Don't you think this child has been through enough? Even if the guy survives the surgery, there are mounds of health issues and medical bills still to be faced. To add these huge burdens to a child who is already starting from a shaky place seems unnecessarily cruel to me. There are a great many stable families who could offer this child the world. I don't think that extended family is always the best place for some children. Certainly have this person in the child's life in some way, but at least give the kid a fighting chance at a normal life.

But that's just it....loss and death IS part of a normal life. As someone said earlier, it is better to have an obese good parent than a thin bad parent. This child needs love. Someone was willing to take this child as their own and give them love. To not allow that to happen based on the the weight of the person wanting to adopt is ridiculous. To block an adoption based on the adopter possibly dying in the future is just absurd.

Allowing the adoption would have been giving the kid a fighting chance of a normal life.

 

[Taximom]

Like I said quite a while ago, my sister looks like a model with perfect weight and height, skin etc. Her cholesterol was sky-high and so was her blood pressure. If she wasn't on medications and really strict with her meals etc, she could be dead. Would the judge have subpoened her medical records to see if she was a fit mom, and then denied her an adoption? She doesn't look like she could die any minute, but she could.

We all could.

 

[imthemom]

Like I said quite a while ago, my sister looks like a model with perfect weight and height, skin etc. Her cholesterol was sky-high and so was her blood pressure. If she wasn't on medications and really strict with her meals etc, she could be dead. Would the judge have subpoened her medical records to see if she was a fit mom, and then denied her an adoption? She doesn't look like she could die any minute, but she could.

We all could.

Exactly:clap: We all could die any time, no one knows the future.

 

[Taximom]

You know what is sad is that the rates of death and medical problems from this bypass surgery are very high. It's not always successful, either. This is not just a snip-snip operation. There can be many complications and many more hospitalizations in the future.

From:http://www.medpagetoday.com/PrimaryCare/WeightManagement/tb2/1958


David. R. Flum, M.D., M.P.H., and colleagues at the University of Washington in Seattle took a retrospective look at data on 16,155 patients (mean age 47.7 years) who underwent bariatric surgery.
They found that in contrast to other series, which suggested a perioperative death rate of about 0.5&#37;, the rates of 30-day, 90-day, and one-year mortality were 2.0%, 2.8%, and 4.6%, respectively. At every time point, men were about twice as likely to die as women (3.7% vs 1.5%, at 30 days, 4.8% vs 2.1%, at 90 days, and 7.5% vs 3.7% at one year, P<0.001).

I wish he would just lose the weight naturally.

 

[Boyzmomee]

If his doctor says he's not in good health, I can see the social worker and judge holding it up then.

Why? He has a wife and single parents are allowed to adopt.

 

[southcitymom]

But that's just it....loss and death IS part of a normal life. As someone said earlier, it is better to have an obese good parent than a thin bad parent. This child needs love. Someone was willing to take this child as their own and give them love. To not allow that to happen based on the the weight of the person wanting to adopt is ridiculous. To block an adoption based on the adopter possibly dying in the future is just absurd.

Allowing the adoption would have been giving the kid a fighting chance of a normal life.

Fantastic post, eleven!

 

[Jeana (DP)]

But that's just it....loss and death IS part of a normal life. As someone said earlier, it is better to have an obese good parent than a thin bad parent. This child needs love. Someone was willing to take this child as their own and give them love. To not allow that to happen based on the the weight of the person wanting to adopt is ridiculous. To block an adoption based on the adopter possibly dying in the future is just absurd.

Allowing the adoption would have been giving the kid a fighting chance of a normal life.

Well, first of all, why is the choice only between an obese parent or a thin bad parent? There are many, many, many GOOD people who want children and cannot have them. Having a parent that is bedridden and dependent on others for everything they need in order to survive isn't my idea of placing a child in a stable home. Would they place a child in a home where the parents are blind? I don't think so. So, while its a nice idea that we don't discriminate against people with disabilities for different things in life, sometimes I believe even the disabled person needs to think beyond their own wants and decide that for the good of the child, maybe another home could be best.

 

[j2mirish]

Well, first of all, why is the choice only between an obese parent or a thin bad parent? There are many, many, many GOOD people who want children and cannot have them. Having a parent that is bedridden and dependent on others for everything they need in order to survive isn't my idea of placing a child in a stable home. Would they place a child in a home where the parents are blind? I don't think so. So, while its a nice idea that we don't discriminate against people with disabilities for different things in life, sometimes I believe even the disabled person needs to think beyond their own wants and decide that for the good of the child, maybe another home could be best.

and there are many many good people who would like to adopt, but because they arent the "perfect" profile they are denied
I dont recall reading he was bed ridden- are you stating you dont believe blind people should be allowed to have children? or anyone else that has a disabilitly?
wow

 

[Jeana (DP)]

and there are many many good people who would like to adopt, but because they arent the "perfect" profile they are denied
I dont recall reading he was bed ridden- are you stating you dont believe blind people should be allowed to have children? or anyone else that has a disabilitly?
wow

If he's already 500 pounds, if he's not bedridden already, he will be one day. Unfortunately, people with food addictions don't cure themselves overnite. He needs help.

I never said blind people shouldn't be allowed to have children. I'm saying they wouldn't be allowed to ADOPT a child. There's a huge difference between someone with a disability giving birth to a child and adopting one.

I also never said that someone who is overweight shouldn't be allowed to adopt. There's a HUGE disparagity between someone whose overweight and someone who weighs 500 plus pounds. Let's not put words in one another's mouths, ok?

 

[Boyzmomee]

Well, first of all, why is the choice only between an obese parent or a thin bad parent? There are many, many, many GOOD people who want children and cannot have them. Having a parent that is bedridden and dependent on others for everything they need in order to survive isn't my idea of placing a child in a stable home. Would they place a child in a home where the parents are blind? I don't think so. So, while its a nice idea that we don't discriminate against people with disabilities for different things in life, sometimes I believe even the disabled person needs to think beyond their own wants and decide that for the good of the child, maybe another home could be best.

Uh, yes, there are blind parents, deaf parents, and even mentally retarded parents and they can do just fine.

 

[Boyzmomee]

I never said blind people shouldn't be allowed to have children. I'm saying they wouldn't be allowed to ADOPT a child.

NOT true, nor should it be.

 

[Utopia]

So, while its a nice idea that we don't discriminate against people with disabilities for different things in life, sometimes I believe even the disabled person needs to think beyond their own wants and decide that for the good of the child, maybe another home could be best.

It's a nice idea? Wow, I haven't heard that kind of condescension since the last time someone tried to pat me on the head or give me money because I use a wheelchair. Its a lot more than a "nice idea" - disabled people have a right not to be discriminated against just like anyone else.

I know lots of disabled parents with children adopted and by birth, and all of them are excellent parents. I've also met many "non-disabled" parents who are not.

 

[southcitymom]

NOT true, nor should it be.

Absolutely not true - at least in North America. In most states and provinces blind people can adopt a child through public means. Which is, of course, as it should be.

 

[southcitymom]

It's a nice idea? Wow, I haven't heard that kind of condescension since the last time someone tried to pat me on the head or give me money because I use a wheelchair. Its a lot more than a "nice idea" - disabled people have a right not to be discriminated against just like anyone else.

I know lots of disabled parents with children adopted and by birth, and all of them are excellent parents. I've also met many "non-disabled" parents who are not.

Excellent post.

And again, I go back to what we know about the father in this case. He's married, he has a job, he plays with his son, he loves this other child and wants to adopt him, he's obese and trying to do something about that.....if discriminating against overweight people weren't such a popular, socially accepted pasttime these days, we would have never even heard of this case because that little boy would be home with his new family.

Hopefully, the child will get to his family sooner rather than later. Sooner, I suspect, than society will be able to let go of its collective prejudice against overweight people.

 

[tennessee]

Well, first of all, why is the choice only between an obese parent or a thin bad parent? There are many, many, many GOOD people who want children and cannot have them. Having a parent that is bedridden and dependent on others for everything they need in order to survive isn't my idea of placing a child in a stable home. Would they place a child in a home where the parents are blind? I don't think so. So, while its a nice idea that we don't discriminate against people with disabilities for different things in life, sometimes I believe even the disabled person needs to think beyond their own wants and decide that for the good of the child, maybe another home could be best.

I am so glad my father didn't have to give me and my siblings up for adoption when he became disabled.

I am really ashamed for you.