My Experience With Borderline Disorder: By Aprilshowers

[cacnotcam]

The other thing that was revealing to me, kiki, was her first phone covo from jail when she goes from saying "honey" and "love" to her bff (supposed) Kristina to yelling and cursing...like two different people.

I should have prefaced that I have talked out of both sides of my mouth before. However, I think the situation in which she was doing it was very inappropriate.

I have done the same thing....I love you and then I hate you. If you do not agree/appease me then screw you! I know this....I realize this....I can say that for sure KC has bpd. All her "symptoms" match.

 

[simonsmom]

There are two excellent books on the topic of BPD..."I Hate You/Don't Leave Me" and "Understanding Your Borderline Mother". I was the chosen one and my brother was "all bad". He tried so hard to please but gave up and became rebellious. He stayed away from the family most of his adult life. He returned to help her care for our father who was ill but once again he found himself giving all and being pushed away. There was no unconditional love for him, only "what have you done for me lately." She wears a mask of nornalcy but there is nothing inside of her. She does not love or feel attachment. She uses her children until they are no longer useful. We, her children are simply seen as puppets on HER stage. He killed himself.

 

[ElizaAvalon]

There are two excellent books on the topic of BPD..."I Hate You/Don't Leave Me" and "Understanding Your Borderline Mother". I was the chosen one and my brother was "all bad". He tried so hard to please but gave up and became rebellious. He stayed away from the family most of his adult life. He returned to help her care for our father who was ill but once again he found himself giving all and being pushed away. There was no unconditional love for him, only "what have you done for me lately." She wears a mask of nornalcy but there is nothing inside of her. She does not love or feel attachment. She uses her children until they are no longer useful. We, her children are simply seen as puppets on HER stage. He killed himself.[/quote]

OMG. How horrible. I'm so sorry.

 

[ArtichokeHeart]

I read this thread and wondered how it could relate to Cindy and Casey just from what little we know. One thing that caught my eye was Cindy's July 3rd Myspace talking about repeated betrayal. I'm not sure I would ever use that term to describe something that my daughters had done to me.

If anyone let alone my daughter betrayed me once they would never be considered my best friend.

Betrayal, my eye. What does Cindy expect for turning such a blind eye? She has been betrayed over and over and over and it is still going on . I suspect that there is something seriously wrong with Cindy.

 

[tiredofthis]

I have done the same thing....I love you and then I hate you. If you do not agree/appease me then screw you! I know this....I realize this....I can say that for sure KC has bpd. All her "symptoms" match.

I can relate to this behavior. I can go from being super nice to saying mean things in a heart beat. Sometimes I feel like I am two different people. I have never been tested for bpd, but I understand the behavior.

 

[tiredofthis]

There are two excellent books on the topic of BPD..."I Hate You/Don't Leave Me" and "Understanding Your Borderline Mother". I was the chosen one and my brother was "all bad". He tried so hard to please but gave up and became rebellious. He stayed away from the family most of his adult life. He returned to help her care for our father who was ill but once again he found himself giving all and being pushed away. There was no unconditional love for him, only "what have you done for me lately." She wears a mask of nornalcy but there is nothing inside of her. She does not love or feel attachment. She uses her children until they are no longer useful. We, her children are simply seen as puppets on HER stage. He killed himself.

Wow. I'm so sorry.

 

[ArtichokeHeart]

Quote: The other thing that was revealing to me, kiki, was her first phone covo from jail when she goes from saying "honey" and "love" to her bff (supposed) Kristina to yelling and cursing...like two different people.

Quote: She is.. she is two different people. She is one person when people do what she wants them to and she is another when they don't.

Yes, and yes!! As charming and manipulative as they can be when getting their needs met, when you cease feeding their NS (narcissistic supply), a narcissist will chew you up, and spit you out. I know from firsthand experience: when they're finished using a person, when you finally set a limit and can not give anymore you'll become to the narcissist a useless object--and they will instantly forget every kindness ever shown. There's tremendous need for control, and I noticed myself when that call was first released, KC was vacilating back and forth between flattery and manipulation ("sweetie" and "hon,") and if that was ineffective she switched to intimidation with anger, and back... cue head swivel...

I didn't think that the way she said :"honey" and "love" was loving in any way. It sounded like worn out repetoire that the two of them pass between themselves.for years. It sounded like crap to me and I wouldn't want anyone to call me either name the way she did. It was fresh and demeaning.

 

[aprilshowers]

I have done the same thing....I love you and then I hate you. If you do not agree/appease me then screw you! I know this....I realize this....I can say that for sure KC has bpd. All her "symptoms" match.

YUP ... me too. I laughed my *advertiser censored* of, when I read a title of one of the forum areas ... having to do with BPD: excuse my language, just quoting:

**** Off! No, Wait. **** Me Now!

LOL! Truly .. that IS the way it is.

 

[aprilshowers]

There are two excellent books on the topic of BPD..."I Hate You/Don't Leave Me" and "Understanding Your Borderline Mother". I was the chosen one and my brother was "all bad". He tried so hard to please but gave up and became rebellious. He stayed away from the family most of his adult life. He returned to help her care for our father who was ill but once again he found himself giving all and being pushed away. There was no unconditional love for him, only "what have you done for me lately." She wears a mask of nornalcy but there is nothing inside of her. She does not love or feel attachment. She uses her children until they are no longer useful. We, her children are simply seen as puppets on HER stage. He killed himself.

I am SOOOO sorry!

 

[mybrokenwings]

There are two excellent books on the topic of BPD..."I Hate You/Don't Leave Me" and "Understanding Your Borderline Mother". I was the chosen one and my brother was "all bad". He tried so hard to please but gave up and became rebellious. He stayed away from the family most of his adult life. He returned to help her care for our father who was ill but once again he found himself giving all and being pushed away. There was no unconditional love for him, only "what have you done for me lately." She wears a mask of nornalcy but there is nothing inside of her. She does not love or feel attachment. She uses her children until they are no longer useful. We, her children are simply seen as puppets on HER stage. He killed himself.

Wow, I didn't know there was a name for what me and MY mother had!! She too loved my brother unconditionally and I was always being judged. Only my mother was so good at hiding it from others that me and my husband and children are the only ones who can see what she does. I was adopted so it is even harder for me. My mother never has shown her insides. I too thought that perhaps there is nothing there? I have been struggling this week with this and here is a little light for me! I feel that my spirit was broken as a child and cannot be fixed. Hence the name "brokenwings".

She seems so very normal and to everyone who knows her she is so "nice". Except to me. She can say the most hurtful things to me and only to me. I wonder often if she even feels love?? I have to get this book and read it. I am needing help with this and I didn't know where to turn. Maybe this will help. Thanks for sharing. I don't want to wind up like your brother did. I am so sorry.

 

[mybrokenwings]

I wonder if any of you saw Oprah's show yesterday?? She had on a boy who had murdered his entire family except his father managed to live. He was diagnosed of course as a sociopath.

The expert that Oprah had on explained it clearer than I have ever heard it explained. It sounded as if he was talking about Casey as she fits it to a tee!!

The Sociopath is unable to "feel" emotions. They are without a concionce. They act out and do worse and worse things so they can "feel" just for that moment!! It is the only way for them to "feel" any type of emotion. For that moment they are not dead inside!! It truely explains why they do what they do and why they can never show any remorse.

It is worth going to her web site and watching the doctor who was on. Totally will make you understand a Sociopath!

My step-daughter is a Sociopath so I have always wondered why she just does not "get it" and change. She is uncapable and was really screwed up in childhood by a Sociopathic mother. Now I understand that she can not and WILL not EVER change!!

 

[tiredofthis]

Wow, I didn't know there was a name for what me and MY mother had!! She too loved my brother unconditionally and I was always being judged. Only my mother was so good at hiding it from others that me and my husband and children are the only ones who can see what she does. I was adopted so it is even harder for me. My mother never has shown her insides. I too thought that perhaps there is nothing there? I have been struggling this week with this and here is a little light for me! I feel that my spirit was broken as a child and cannot be fixed. Hence the name "brokenwings".

She seems so very normal and to everyone who knows her she is so "nice". Except to me. She can say the most hurtful things to me and only to me. I wonder often if she even feels love?? I have to get this book and read it. I am needing help with this and I didn't know where to turn. Maybe this will help. Thanks for sharing. I don't want to wind up like your brother did. I am so sorry.

{{Hugs}} from one adopted person to another. Being adopted isn't always as great as some people think it is. My mother never let me forget I was adopted. She had me as a foster baby first and then she said she let my other brothers and sisters vote about whether or not they wanted to keep me. I grew up with her telling me this story and about how lucky I was that she adopted me, since the adoption agency had supposedly labeled me as "unadoptable."

 

[mybrokenwings]

{{Hugs}} from one adopted person to another. Being adopted isn't always as great as some people think it is. My mother never let me forget I was adopted. She had me as a foster baby first and then she said she let my other brothers and sisters vote about whether or not they wanted to keep me. I grew up with her telling me this story and about how lucky I was that she adopted me, since the adoption agency had supposedly labeled me as "unadoptable."

Well bless you heart! {{{{hugs}}}} back to you. How cruel can a person get? I am sorry for how you were treated. How have you recovered from this?

 

[simonsmom]

For those with a family member with BPD please read "'Understanding Your Borderline Mother". It is jaw dropping. Just as you said, my mother says the most hurtful cruel things but only in private. It took me over 40 years to see the whole picture and go no contact with her. That saved my life. Read it. You won't believe how much it will ring true.

 

[tiredofthis]

Well bless you heart! {{{{hugs}}}} back to you. How cruel can a person get? I am sorry for how you were treated. How have you recovered from this?

Thanks. I am not sure I have recovered. I haven't seen my mom in six years. We have emailed, but that is about it. People can be cruel sometimes.

 

[Gray's Mom]

{{Hugs}} from one adopted person to another. Being adopted isn't always as great as some people think it is. My mother never let me forget I was adopted. She had me as a foster baby first and then she said she let my other brothers and sisters vote about whether or not they wanted to keep me. I grew up with her telling me this story and about how lucky I was that she adopted me, since the adoption agency had supposedly labeled me as "unadoptable."

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}from a Mom who has adopted. I am so sorry for you both. We feel it is the other way around, WE are lucky to have our daughter.

 

[tiredofthis]

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}from a Mom who has adopted. I am so sorry for you both. We feel it is the other way around, WE are lucky to have our daughter.

Your daughter is lucky to have such great parents.

 

[Tricia]

WOW.

I just wanted to stop in and thank all of you who have shared on this thread.

You are amazing people. The fact that many of you admit to having these types of issues is a huge step in the right direction.

For the rest who shared your horror stories thank you for trusting us with your truth. It makes Websleuths even stronger when you feel you can "talk" to the other posters and share.

As far as the ink blot...Dear God in heaven....I saw a penis sliced down the middle.

I know I need to run to a shrink...NOW..LOL.

Thanks again everyone and please keep it up. This is one of the most interesting threads I have read in a long time.

Tricia

 

[EgyptNug]

The other thing that was revealing to me, kiki, was her first phone covo from jail when she goes from saying "honey" and "love" to her bff (supposed) Kristina to yelling and cursing...like two different people.

I thought her tone of voice was VERY condescending, like she was talking to a child or an idiot. Meanwhile, she (casey) is the one sitting in jail, who is she to be looking down on ANYONE, especially to look down on someone bc they are worried about HER baby. Sheesh.

 

[EgyptNug]

As I've watched KC relax more and more, and become more "happy" for a better word, I have to say it has worked for her, and now she has her, "my mommy really does love me," answer implanted in her head.

Wow. That makes sense as to why she does seem smug or content, but it's some seriously messed up thinking.