How many times do I have to say it?
I do not condone her affair!! I think it was foolish and thoughtless!
I feel for ABC's three daughters and I worry about any torment that may be endured by TMs children!
Not for one second have I ever said it was ok! What I have said is that I believe that she must have loved him and foolishly allowed her heart to rule her head. I have also said affairs happen everyday though that don't usually result in a murder.
AGAIN... I support my friend in my true and strong belief that she had no involvement nor knowledge of ABC's murder. AT ALL.
Never have I said the affair was ok so please do not put words into my mouth.
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TM is lucky to have you as a friend and your loyalty is admirable. If in fact she had no knowledge of GBC's alleged plans, in any way shape or form, then she will need some supportive and unwavering friends to help her through this horrible time. I acknowledge that you have said you don't condone the affair.
Personally I absolutely despise the idea of people getting involved with those who are married. The fact that it happens all the time is irrelevant. Everyone knows that innocent people get hurt because of affairs, so if you enter into one, you do so knowing you are contributing to a situation that could cause pain to another woman, and possibly a family, for many years or even a lifetime.
Also, the fact that for some of the time it appears that TM was conducting the affair during a period when Allison was working in the same workplace I think is despicable. To be honest I don't know how anyone could look the wife in the eye and be able to sleep at night. I know I couldnt do it and I wouldnt, and I consider those who do are not nice people, and I'd have a hard time continuing a friendship with someone who I knew was doing this, as all of my friends and I have shared values. We may be different in many ways and we are not perfect, we make mistakes and we forgive, but a major change of behaviour that hurts others and is in complete discord with the shared values of the friendship, well I couldnt see how I could continue a friendship with someone who wasn't the person I thought they were.
You say that you thought the affair was "foolish and thoughtless". Agreed, but I also think of it as "callous"? When someone has an affair, as GBC did, multiple lies are told to the wife on a regular basis, sometimes multiple lies daily. If you are the mistress you must know the wife is going to feel suspicious, maybe confused, neglected, vulnerable, for at least some of the time. You also know (unless you are paying for everything) that your lover is spending money on you, and time with you, that could have been spent on his wife and children. You could even be contributing to the children going without things. And to flaunt the affair around the place and to conduct it right under the nose of the wife who is in your workplace? I consider it worse than thoughtless.
As for TM's knowledge of GBC's alleged plans to murder Allison - I'm not sure she didnt know or possibly suspect something but because it wasn't specific she selfishly didnt say or do anything about it, only thinking of herself. After all, IMO she has already shown she is quite selfish and possibly a little callous. I guess we'll never know what was in her mind.
I am still open to the possiblity she actually did know, although I think it less likely. It's just that the unfolding of thise case has led to GBC being arrested for murder and some fairly dramatic evidence being revealed, and that's just for starters. Those who have believed for some time that GBC was the perp and would be arrested, were considered by many to be 'jumping the gun' and doing the wrong thing for being certain and not keeping an open mind for a longer period of time. Now that we've heard about some of the prosecution case it actually looks to me like some of the behaviour of GBC in relation to the alleged murder and other facts are even more damning than we imagined, and I suspect there could be worse to come that hasn't been revealed.
So in relation to TM I'm just saying that nothing would surprise me. She may be totally unaware but you never know. Some people thought GBC was a lovely gentle man.
PS I'm not condemning you for being her friend, you don't have to justify yourself for these types of choices. It's just that your posts sparked my alternative thoughts about some of the issues.
