NV NV - Steven T. Koecher, 30, Henderson, 13 Dec 2009 - #14

[laytonian]

You bring up a good point here, laytonian. If Steven DID just walk away, it may simply be because he decided he didn't want what everyone else wanted him to have. It didn't have to be anything sinister or "dark" - by most people's standards. It could just be that he felt he would not be accepted by those in his life. Or he didn't want to hurt them. Which, if that was his plan, he's done anyway.

Or maybe "I'll show THEM! I'll do THIS and come back as a big SUCCESS!"

But I think there was a bit of that, in the move to St George. Stretching his wings at a late age.

As a mother, I would much rather have my children destroy my expectations of them than to have them leave my life forever.

Of course. And we later realize that our expectations didn't meet their own psyches.

I see truly valid points in every argument for every theory. But it's funny, most of us still feel the same way we did from the very beginning.

I came here seeing gay vibes, likely leading to suicide. I've absorbed everyone else's theories and scenaries, and honestly, don't really have one all-encompassing thought.

I just don't think, if he's alive, he could leave his family and friends for this long. I think something happened.

 

[Fairy1]

Like the "wrong man" (perhaps married - meaning that it reinforces your friend's good taste, to know that someone else pre-approved him???)

Or Steven's "God says she was wrong" ... but God evidently never pointed him at the right one.

Yes, one was married. But in the beginning, she chose guys who were waaaaaay out of her league and/or out of state! She got herself into shape - lost tons of weight, etc., and still can't find a guy. She's a really lovely girl and altho she's not LDS, she would actually be a nice match for Steven!

My parents, for an example. They're 90, and to misquote U2, "They Still Haven't Found What They're Looking For".

This makes me sad. But then, you know firsthand how some folks just keep on keeping on!

 

[Fairy1]

Or maybe "I'll show THEM! I'll do THIS and come back as a big SUCCESS!"

But I think there was a bit of that, in the move to St George. Stretching his wings at a late age.

Of course. And we later realize that our expectations didn't meet their own psyches.

I came here seeing gay vibes, likely leading to suicide. I've absorbed everyone else's theories and scenaries, and honestly, don't really have one all-encompassing thought.

I just don't think, if he's alive, he could leave his family and friends for this long. I think something happened.

I don't know that he would leave his family either. But people don't always do what we think they'll do. Especially if they're not in their right minds.

I still believe (hope?) he's alive and I don't think you do. Course, with Steven's case, I've just never seen any truly compelling evidence either way. I guess that's what keeps me hoping....

 

[CONCRNED CTZN]

You bring up a good point here, laytonian. If Steven DID just walk away, it may simply be because he decided he didn't want what everyone else wanted him to have. It didn't have to be anything sinister or "dark" - by most people's standards. It could just be that he felt he would not be accepted by those in his life. Or he didn't want to hurt them. Which, if that was his plan, he's done anyway.

As a mother, I would much rather have my children destroy my expectations of them than to have them leave my life forever.

I see truly valid points in every argument for every theory. But it's funny, most of us still feel the same way we did from the very beginning.

I would hope that when my kids grow up they will know that "my expectations" are only my own selfish desires and whatever they choose I will still love them. BUT what if they don't know that because of their own desire to please me? Maybe Steven was trying to fit into his parents desires, and not wanting to disappoint them he.....

As hard as it is to understand, he might not have thought that anything other than "perfection" would suffice...even if that wasn't what was expected. As
parents we often assume our children can read our minds...leaving the unspoken never understood or wrongly deducted.

 

[laytonian]

I would hope that when my kids grow up they will know that "my expectations" are only my own selfish desires and whatever they choose I will still love them. BUT what if they don't know that because of their own desire to please me? Maybe Steven was trying to fit into his parents desires, and not wanting to disappoint them he.....

As hard as it is to understand, he might not have thought that anything other than "perfection" would suffice...even if that wasn't what was expected. As parents we often assume our children can read our minds...leaving the unspoken never understood or wrongly deducted.

For sure.

I've wondered myself if Steven felt like the "loser" in the family; not because anyone said so, but because he saw his siblings progress further than he did. Someone who felt like that, may take the slightest criticisms as a signal that they needed to do something drastic - or remove themselves from the criticism.

 

[Willow57]

Just enjoyed reading the back and forth between Laytonian and Fairy1 above.

The things you were discussing were very interesting. I haven't posted so much on this case-but I come back here day after day after day-to read. I always look to see the "Located-Found" tag. But-so far it hasn't happened. This case-as so many others where people just disappear-never to be seen again-has always baffled me. Oh! the mysteries of life.

I so hope Steven is found soon-one way or the other.

 

[Lato]

Hi Folks....I am out of town and only able to read for the most part. Two questions today....Was Steven a "good student" in college, someone who made acceptable grades? Where was Steven in the line of his siblings...first, second, third...?

I am curious about the birth order as I agree that it is difficult to see your siblings succeed (jobs, marriage, children) if they are even younger than you are....

Maybe what I am asking in question one is....is Steven intelligent...could he have pulled off the perfect disappearance? Did he have the planning skills?
the ability? I look at this question and think that no matter his intelligence...he did not seem to have all that it would take to leave for
this long.

Fairy1....you are right....most of us seem to be right where we were no matter how much we discuss what has happened.

I think Steven intended to return home to St. George although I agree that the complexity of his life, especially in regard to his financial situation, might make him run. For some reason, after you tell your Mom that you are coming home for Christmas, and you have bought gifts for the children, this is not the time to be running. He apparently just had a conversation with his bishop....the one that was going to help him get a job in January...so again, not a good time to be running.

If he intended to go back to St. George, who stopped him? Surely someone knows and should have the courage to speak up. This will be a heavy burden to carry for a lifetime.

Where are you Steven?

 

[sbakker]

All of the thoughts, scenarios,ideas, are much appreciated here. Even though we all have our own ideas of what happened, the food for thought makes me think, "yes, that may be a possibility".

I do not think Steven would walk away from his family. He loved his family-parents, siblings,neices,nephews. But if he was feeling depressed, unhealthy, feeling like a failure,he may have left, and said (like laytonian said) "I will show everyone I can be successful" and left for success.

I ran away when I was a teenager from SL to San Francisco. I did not think that my family would be worried, or the pain I would cause. I was feeling unloved, nobody cared,life for them would be better without me,and I would start a new life. Now I realize I was 17, but many people who do leave, are not 17, and leave for some of the same reasons.

Of course, I was found within a short time. I do reflect back now, and think of how I felt,and how I hurt people. But at the time, I felt like it was the best decision for everyone.

 

[Lato]

If any part of Steven's story was on the up and up, we would have heard from the other half of the story. If he went to SCA on a job hunt, the
homeowner would have told LE that Steven was there and left - or Steven
never made it to his noon appointment - or Steven had a job to do and
did not show. When I think of it that way, I think he was the victim of a crime or.....

he left with someone, and that someone or Steven himself should be thinking that all of the hurt this causes is not worth it to his family or to themselves - like what a way to start a relationship - because if you are strong enough to start a relationship under these circumstances, you should be able to deal with it - or....

he walked out into the desert - and no one has found him - or....

what else?

This last part of Steven's story is an either - or story.

 

[laytonian]

Hi Folks....I am out of town and only able to read for the most part.
Two questions today....Was Steven a "good student" in college, someone who made acceptable grades? Where was Steven in the line of his siblings...first, second, third...?

I am curious about the birth order as I agree that it is difficult to see your siblings succeed (jobs, marriage, children) if they are even younger than you are....

Steven was a middle child, of four. His youngest sibling (Dallin) is the brother whose baby was born within a few weeks of when Steven turned 30.

Maybe what I am asking in question one is....is Steven intelligent...could he have pulled off the perfect disappearance? Did he have the planning skills?
the ability? I look at this question and think that no matter his intelligence...he did not seem to have all that it would take to leave for
this long.

I have to agree; that's pretty much what Naegle told us, early on.

I made contact with the Tribune a few months ago, and here's what a coworker told me via email:.

"By the way, I appreciate the site and timeline you've created for
Steve. As you probably know, he worked with us here in the online
department for a few years. I actually trained him for his job. It's
surreal to say the least."

"Honestly, we are all just baffled. He really WAS the nicest, most honest and upright person I've probably ever met. Just a super sweet, shy person. A bit naive? Maybe. I really can't see him doing ANYTHING that would knowingly worry his family. Our suspicions are he either had some sort of mental break and has wandered off with no idea who he is, or that he trusted someone he shouldn't have and is the victim of foul play. He NEVER would have committed suicide or just gone off on his own. I just don't see it."

Fairy1....you are right....most of us seem to be right where we were no matter how much we discuss what has happened.

I think Steven intended to return home to St. George although I agree that the complexity of his life, especially in regard to his financial situation, might make him run. For some reason, after you tell your Mom that you are coming home for Christmas, and you have bought gifts for the children, this is not the time to be running. He apparently just had a conversation with his bishop....the one that was going to help him get a job in January...so again, not a good time to be running.

If he intended to go back to St. George, who stopped him? Surely someone knows and should have the courage to speak up. This will be a heavy burden to carry for a lifetime.

Where are you Steven?

I think whoever's carrying the burden, has reason not to speak. They may feel "guilty" AND expressed that to someone else. That p"someone" may or may not know what happened, though.

 

[carbuff]

If any part of Steven's story was on the up and up, we would have heard from the other half of the story. If he went to SCA on a job hunt, the
homeowner would have told LE that Steven was there and left - or Steven
never made it to his noon appointment - or Steven had a job to do and
did not show. When I think of it that way, I think he was the victim of a crime or.....

he left with someone, and that someone or Steven himself should be thinking that all of the hurt this causes is not worth it to his family or to themselves - like what a way to start a relationship - because if you are strong enough to start a relationship under these circumstances, you should be able to deal with it - or....

he walked out into the desert - and no one has found him - or....

what else?

This last part of Steven's story is an either - or story.

bbm

That's assuming the person who knows is also aware that they know something -- if he helped somebody pack and move, for instance, they might not be aware that he didn't make it back to his car. Even within SCA, it seems a few people haven't heard.

 

[sbakker]

Steven was a middle child, of four. His youngest sibling (Dallin) is the brother whose baby was born within a few weeks of when Steven turned 30.



I have to agree; that's pretty much what Naegle told us, early on.

I made contact with the Tribune a few months ago, and here's what a coworker told me via email:.

"By the way, I appreciate the site and timeline you've created for
Steve. As you probably know, he worked with us here in the online
department for a few years. I actually trained him for his job. It's
surreal to say the least."

"Honestly, we are all just baffled. He really WAS the nicest, most honest and upright person I've probably ever met. Just a super sweet, shy person. A bit naive? Maybe. I really can't see him doing ANYTHING that would knowingly worry his family. Our suspicions are he either had some sort of mental break and has wandered off with no idea who he is, or that he trusted someone he shouldn't have and is the victim of foul play. He NEVER would have committed suicide or just gone off on his own. I just don't see it."



I think whoever's carrying the burden, has reason not to speak. They may feel "guilty" AND expressed that to someone else. That p"someone" may or may not know what happened, though.

I think that most of the people that knew steven, say the same things. He was kind,happy,a bit naive,cared about his family,and honest. (sounds an awful lot like his father).

If I could do anything for FATHER'S Day, it would be to bring peace to Steven's family and other families in similar situations.

I think for Father's Day, a story in newspapers about Steven and others like him would be wonderful. No he was not a dad, but I bet he would be darn happy to be here to express his love to his dad.

 

[sbakker]

Who and what are we going to pressure on? What more do we need to look at? What are things that are bugging us? What have we been afraid to say, and now might be a good time to express it, even if we think people might think we are bizarre? (at this point, who cares?) Who are the people that are stuck in our heads, we need to keep focused on?

I know we can keep going, and help find Steven, he is somewhere! Come on you that know him, or know something, you friends, give us some thoughts. Any tidbit helps.

 

[laytonian]

I think that most of the people that knew steven, say the same things. He was kind,happy,a bit naive,cared about his family,and honest. (sounds an awful lot like his father).

If I could do anything for FATHER'S Day, it would be to bring peace to Steven's family and other families in similar situations.

I think for Father's Day, a story in newspapers about Steven and others like him would be wonderful. No he was not a dad, but I bet he would be darn happy to be here to express his love to his dad.

I thought it would be nice for Mother's Day, too - but nothing.

We had an indication that the family was trying to get some "six months" publicity, but THEN the local news covered a similar update on SCP (a week late). :furious:

 

[laytonian]

Who and what are we going to pressure on? What more do we need to look at? What are things that are bugging us? What have we been afraid to say, and now might be a good time to express it, even if we think people might think we are bizarre? (at this point, who cares?) Who are the people that are stuck in our heads, we need to keep focused on?

I know we can keep going, and help find Steven, he is somewhere! Come on you that know him, or know something, you friends, give us some thoughts. Any tidbit helps.

Remember, we have to be careful how we talk about things. There are things we cannot say publicly, due to the TOS. Unless someone has been named a POI, we can't directly discuss their potential involvement in a crime. It's understandable why WS has this policy.

(This is just a reminder to some of the newer users or those who drop in infrequently.)

 

[jokie7348]

I read this thread every day hoping that there will be some word about Steven or that he has been found.
I'm sure you know that a middle child often has difficulties finding his place in life. The first child often has high parental expectations and fulfills them; the youngest is always the baby. But the middle child is having to forge a place for himself, pretty much on his own. I know that Steven's parents were supportive of him. I"m in no way "downing" his parents. It does seem that they remained overinvolved in his life, possibly because he was irresponsible, still "finding himself."
I love to read the back and forth exchanges; you are all such great sleuthers. My mind doesn't run that way, but I do have a genuine concern for Steven. I wish he would be found safe and happy. I doubt that will happen. I think he either had a major mental meltdown and possibly wandered off or that he met with foul play, just as the coworker from the Trib said. I probably won't post again, but please know that I am here lurking and supporting those of you who do post in an effort to find Steven.

 

[Fairy1]

I read this thread every day hoping that there will be some word about Steven or that he has been found.
I'm sure you know that a middle child often has difficulties finding his place in life. The first child often has high parental expectations and fulfills them; the youngest is always the baby. But the middle child is having to forge a place for himself, pretty much on his own. I know that Steven's parents were supportive of him. I"m in no way "downing" his parents. It does seem that they remained overinvolved in his life, possibly because he was irresponsible, still "finding himself."
I love to read the back and forth exchanges; you are all such great sleuthers. My mind doesn't run that way, but I do have a genuine concern for Steven. I wish he would be found safe and happy. I doubt that will happen. I think he either had a major mental meltdown and possibly wandered off or that he met with foul play, just as the coworker from the Trib said. I probably won't post again, but please know that I am here lurking and supporting those of you who do post in an effort to find Steven.

Thank you for sticking around, jokie.

I am the middle child - and the only girl. In my case, it was a huge motivator to succeed and made me super self-sufficient. But I can totally see how it could go completely the other way, under certain circumstances. Particularly if the expectations of others - or even yourself - are overwhelming and elusive.

If Steven really did walk away of his own volition, I think we'll all be peeved that he caused so much worry for so long. But if he emerges as the next Bill Gates - that would be cool!

Just trying to hang on to hope, ya'll.

 

[justice57]

I don't think Steven just walked away. When you look at the one utube video, it looks like he is almost running towards someone. I looked at his timeline (which whoever did, was fantastic) and he was making calls in the early morning hours from the Henderson area. Do you think he was seeing someone from Henderson romantically and maybe even spending the night there? From what I read, he was a kind and trusting person. Just what a con artist would be looking for. Do we know if he ever went on some of the dating sites on the internet? Maybe, he met someone on the internet and that had something to do with moving to St. George.
I think Steven was trying to sort something out. He took that long drive from St George to his x-girlfriend's home in Nevada. He traveled over 900 miles to just dropped in?
I am just giving some of my thoughts that hit me when I read his timeline.

 

[laytonian]

I don't think Steven just walked away. When you look at the one utube video, it looks like he is almost running towards someone. I looked at his timeline (which whoever did, was fantastic) and he was making calls in the early morning hours from the Henderson area.

Minor clarification: those were incoming calls.
He hadn't called out (except to check voicemail) since about 3pm on Dec 11th.

Do you think he was seeing someone from Henderson romantically and maybe even spending the night there? From what I read, he was a kind and trusting person. Just what a con artist would be looking for. Do we know if he ever went on some of the dating sites on the internet? Maybe, he met someone on the internet and that had something to do with moving to St. George.

I did find his profile on ldslinkup.com, and although it was properly filled out, it doesn't look like he "friended" much nor did it even look used. (You have to register to see his profile, but that's easy to do.)

Now, after you join, you can do a search for user name "sparticus" (yes, spelled that way). Notice how many others use that odd spelling in some form, in their user names -- and where they're all from.
I sent the info to the family, and I never heard back. Maybe they know all of those people...I dunno, but they might have been people with more insight into Steven, especially the girl who (apparently) goes to college just a few miles from St George.

I think Steven was trying to sort something out. He took that long drive from St George to his x-girlfriend's home in Nevada. He traveled over 900 miles to just dropped in?
I am just giving some of my thoughts that hit me when I read his timeline.

Thanks for that. We've all been "hit" like that for months; not much makes sense -- from what we know. :banghead:

 

[webrocket]

I am running out of things to say. I felt from day one this was a voluntary departure. I felt the answer to this mystery is in one way shape or form on Steven's laptop. I felt SCA was just a rendezvous point and not a final destination.

What have we learned? Henderson LE is not impressed with this case and is not treating it as a criminal matter (best I can tell). The family selectively released only emails that show someone looking for jobs but nothing else on that hard drive has been publicly discussed. Then we learn from the cell tower pings that at least Steven's phone made it out of SCA for the Whitney Ranch area of Vegas until it was used one last time the next morning.

To all those who say Steven would never do this or that let's examine the facts. It is claimed he was always looking for a job which is not true. He left a full time job to move to St. George and it has been claimed there were all kinds of job applications sitting at home that were unmailed. His last known boss said that his company did NOT solicit business in Las Vegas so Steven would not have been there on behalf of the boss.

To all those who say Steven would never leave family behind, well he DID that already. He left them all behind in SLC when he moved to St. George.

To all those who say church was central to his life, that is not true. He had no qualms about skipping church or church functions. In fact the day he bailed out in SCA he told people he was not going to be at church, without further explanation.

So what does that leave us?