I scanned back and don't see anyone being mean in their responses to you, Lady. People are just efficiently matter-of-fact in their responses here.
No idea who lady is but with 11 pages of posts since I last checked in 11 hours ago, expect brief, maybe brupt replies from me & don't take it personally anybody.
JMO - We all going to have varying points of view because we're viewing this through the prisms of our own life experiences and memories of other cases we're familiar with.