Time for more funnies:
Dress Of Love
An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter: "what are you doing naked?" The daughter responds: "This is the dress of love."
When the mother returns home, She strips naked and waits for her husband.
When her husband arrives, he asks her: "what are you doing naked, woman?"
She responds: "This is the dress of love."
And he said to her: "Well, go iron it."
Grandma's Birth Control Pills
After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"
Yes, they help me sleep at night. "
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks . . . and believe me, it helps me sleep at night. "
Parking Ticket
'Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Dumb a$$. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So Dawn called him a sh$$head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived.
Social Security
After retiring, a man went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opened his shirt revealing his curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application.
When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants... you might have gotten Disability."
New Hearing Aid
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I done changed my will three times!"
Letter To God
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President.
The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill.
The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C. and those %&#*& took $95.00 in taxes.