Special things for my wife
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning.
Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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"Love" stamps
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says: "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed: 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer." the man replies.
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The Rejected Valentine
At the office, where I worked, there was an angel there.
Her hair was long and flowing, and her skin was soft and fair.
I wanted so, to ask her out, but I was way too shy.
I thought she was too beautiful, for me to even try.
A few times I approached her, she just smiled and walked away.
I could not get the courage up, and "Hi" was all I'd say.
Then, I had an idea, I would get her home address,
And send a VALENTINE to her, and with it I'd express.
I poured my heart out in the card, and ask her to be mine,
And then I dropped it in the mail, my special VALENTINE.
In just a few short days, I had a response in my mail,
A card with her return address, I started feeling pale.
I opened up my eyes to see, a card shaped like a heart,
And in the center, someone drew, a bloody piercing dart.
I opened up the card to see, if writing was inside,
And when I started reading it, I damn near almost died.
I'd love to be your VALENTINE, but I think I will pass,
My husband says he'll be at work, to kick your stupid *advertiser censored**.
I'm glad you like my body, and you think it's really fine,
My husband says this card is going, where the sun don't shine.
In your card, you said there's things to me you'd love to do,
I think my husband's going to do, all of those things to you.
So, have a Happy VALENTINES, I'll see you Monday morn,
My husband says on Tuesday, you'll wish you were never born.
