BritsKate
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- Jan 14, 2010
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Respectfully, it isn't as simple as that. There are certainly red flags but so many of these are covert, insidious and take time to be revealed. Because you don't see their true self, your mind makes up excuses and justifications for things that seem odd. By the time you're learning about their lies, you've very likely already been a victim of psychological abuse. By the time you see the 'real' them, you're sometimes already trapped since they'll know everything about you and also know exactly what weapons to use to manipulate you into staying in the relationship. In my opinion, this is exactly what happened to Travis.
I believe psychopaths deliberately target people who are, in some way, vulnerable. The beginning of a romantic relationship with a psychopath is utterly intoxicating. They use a technique called 'love-bombing' to make you feel as if you're the center of the very universe. You've never felt more loved or important than when you're being targeted by a psychopath. Meeting a psychopath in person is nothing like reading about one - many are gregarious, charming, warm and friendly. But, just like any other abusive personality, their relationships follow similar patterns - one of the absolute biggest warning signs are when they seek to escalate the relationship very quickly. Even without their lies being exposed though, you'll notice small things first - like them telling you how much they miss you when you're hanging out with friends (guilting you into self-imposed isolation) or you may notice your keys missing; they'll 'suggest' what you should wear; they'll call you repeatedly and show signs of what looks like insecurity. It's all a quest for control.
To avoid a psychopath altogether, I say: trust your gut. If something feels off or someone seems too good to be true, it very often is just that. If your gut fails you but the person you're interested in is always in victim mode, he's hesitant for you to meet his friends or family, he tells you how wonderful you are all the time but makes you feel guilty or ashamed for living your life, and he's way, way more into you than anyone has been (and is talking marriage by date three) I'd be very, very cautious proceeding with the relationship. If you stay in the relationship, it will really only just get worse. There is no 'fixing' a psychopath - you cannot love them enough, you cannot right the wrongs life has dealt them.
The only way I know of to cut ties with a psychopath is a very strict policy of no contact. If you don't engage, you can't be manipulated, guilted, shamed, threatened, etc. They lose their power and control - although, you also have to be very careful during this phase because psychopaths will often 'up the ante' to try and reestablish control.
JMO and FWIW
