TX TX - Lina Sardar Khil, 3, last seen on playground @ apartment complex, San Antonio, 20 Dec 2021 #2

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Shamrock1 said:
Most kids are taught to respect and obey adults. If an adult - perhaps especially a female - beckoned her over or instructed her to remain silent, there’s a decent chance she obeyed. (Many parents insist they teach their kids not to talk to strangers, but that’s just not true: we teach kids to thank cashiers, apologize/seek permission on a playground, and say “excuse me” in a crowd). For some kids under age 5 or so, obedience to adults trumps safety. JMO.
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IMO the difference here is that little Lina didn’t speak English. So if someone random lured her by speaking to her (rather than maybe just showing an object she’d want) that means they’d have to be from her community (many in that complex are). A random stranger wouldn’t be able to verbally communicate with her.
 
ForensicToxicologist said:
IMO the difference here is that little Lina didn’t speak English. So if someone random lured her by speaking to her (rather than maybe just showing an object she’d want) that means they’d have to be from her community (many in that complex are). A random stranger wouldn’t be able to verbally communicate with her.
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True. If the perp tried to lure her they'd probably need to be part of her community. But 3 yr olds don't necessarily need to be lured---they are so small and vulnerable. If she was running through the parking lot area, someone could just grab her and throw her in their car and go. It could be quick and relatively quiet, leaving no trace or evidence behind.

That's why I was so upset when I read the description , by her mother, that the last she saw Lina , she was running with the other kids towards the parking area, and she lost sight of her.
 
katydid23 said:
True. If the perp tried to lure her they'd probably need to be part of her community. But 3 yr olds don't necessarily need to be lured---they are so small and vulnerable. If she was running through the parking lot area, someone could just grab her and throw her in their car and go. It could be quick and relatively quiet, leaving no trace or evidence behind.

That's why I was so upset when I read the description , by her mother, that the last she saw Lina , she was running with the other kids towards the parking area, and she lost sight of her.
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Oh I agree with you. I was just referring to the OP’s comment (which I also agree with) about small children being inclined to respect/obey what adults say rather than fear them. In this case that would greatly narrow down the possibility of suspects. I also mean no disrespect to her community by that. Just if a child can’t understand you, I think they’d be less likely to trust you if given the opportunity to make that decision.
It’s entirely possible Lina was just grabbed without a word or was shown something to make her come to the perpetrator.
 
Yesterday I got an alert on my phone that two little girls, 6 and 8, were missing in our town and I thought of Lina. Fortunately, they were found.

I thought of Lina again when my husband just described to me his walk in a local park this afternoon. As he sat on a bench, two chatty three year olds…a boy and a girl…approached, greeted him and asked him questions like “Where are you going?” “What’s your name?” etc. He’s a retired second grade teacher who loves kids, so he had fun with them until it was time to pick me up at an appointment. I asked him if their mothers were nearby and he said “Not close enough.” The moms were busy chatting and had no idea what the kids were doing. The kids followed him to the parking lot still asking questions “What’s your wife’s name?.” :) They knew enough not to follow him into the parking lot, but he could have easily lured them to the car and whisked them away. Their mothers were sitting a fair distance away at a table in the shade with their backs to the children.

I told him about Lina. He felt awful and said “It’s a good thing I’m one of the good guys.” Personally, I would have walked the kids back to their mothers from the parking lot and quietly told them how easily I could have abducted their children…which would probably go over like a lead balloon. But he agreed that if it ever happens again that’s what he’ll do. It might save a child’s life.

Where is Lina? :(
 
Lilibet said:
Yesterday I got an alert on my phone that two little girls, 6 and 8, were missing in our town and I thought of Lina. Fortunately, they were found.

I thought of Lina again when my husband just described to me his walk in a local park this afternoon. As he sat on a bench, two chatty three year olds…a boy and a girl…approached, greeted him and asked him questions like “Where are you going?” “What’s your name?” etc. He’s a retired second grade teacher who loves kids, so he had fun with them until it was time to pick me up at an appointment. I asked him if their mothers were nearby and he said “Not close enough.” The moms were busy chatting and had no idea what the kids were doing. The kids followed him to the parking lot still asking questions “What’s your wife’s name?.” :) They knew enough not to follow him into the parking lot, but he could have easily lured them to the car and whisked them away. Their mothers were sitting a fair distance away at a table in the shade with their backs to the children.

I told him about Lina. He felt awful and said “It’s a good thing I’m one of the good guys.” Personally, I would have walked the kids back to their mothers from the parking lot and quietly told them how easily I could have abducted their children…which would probably go over like a lead balloon. But he agreed that if it ever happens again that’s what he’ll do. It might save a child’s life.

Where is Lina? :(
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I don't agree with the idea of teaching children not to talk to strangers. That amounts to victim blaming, in my opinion. It's like telling women not to go out alone at night so they don't get raped.

There's nothing wrong with talking to strangers. Let's stop focusing on telling kids not to talk to strangers and start focusing on telling strangers not to abduct children.

Children do need to be taught some boundaries. For instance, it makes sense to teach them not to get into a car with a stranger. We should teach kids to avoid truly dangerous or risky behavior, but simply talking to someone should not be discouraged.

The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of strangers are not a threat. Children are far more likely to be harmed by someone they know (unfortunately). I don't believe in living life based on trying to avoid one-in-a-million shot, worst-case scenarios. Yes, stranger abductions do happen, but they happen so rarely that teaching children to live in fear is too dear a price to pay, in my opinion.
 
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Ozoner said:
I don't agree with the idea of teaching children not to talk to strangers. That amounts to victim blaming, in my opinion. It's like telling women not to go out alone at night so they don't get raped.

There's nothing wrong with talking to strangers. Let's stop focusing on telling kids not to talk to strangers and start focusing on telling strangers not to abduct children.

Children do need to be taught some boundaries. For instance, it makes sense to teach them not to get into a car with a stranger. We should teach kids to avoid truly dangerous or risky behavior, but simply talking to someone should not be discouraged.

The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of strangers are not a threat. Children are far more likely to be harmed by someone they know (unfortunately). I don't believe in living life based on trying to avoid one-in-a-million shot, worst-case scenarios. Yes, stranger abductions do happen, but they happen so rarely that teaching children to live in fear is too dear a price to pay, in my opinion.
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Great point. After the first paragraph of your post I was sure I’d disagree with the rest of it because of course children shouldn’t talk to strangers. And while in a perfect world we’d be able to get strangers to quit abducting children instead, we haven’t found it yet so children must have “stranger danger” top of mind at all times to stay safe.

But darn it, me thinks you are right. I hadn’t considered the long-term impact to the developing psyche. Fear of people, dampened friendliness and curiosity, questioning yourself when wanting to say something—none of those things are remotely helpful 99.9999% of the time. It’s like never riding in cars to prevent being in an accident. Literally true, but at what price to quality of life.
 
Lilibet said:
Yesterday I got an alert on my phone that two little girls, 6 and 8, were missing in our town and I thought of Lina. Fortunately, they were found.

I thought of Lina again when my husband just described to me his walk in a local park this afternoon. As he sat on a bench, two chatty three year olds…a boy and a girl…approached, greeted him and asked him questions like “Where are you going?” “What’s your name?” etc. He’s a retired second grade teacher who loves kids, so he had fun with them until it was time to pick me up at an appointment. I asked him if their mothers were nearby and he said “Not close enough.” The moms were busy chatting and had no idea what the kids were doing. The kids followed him to the parking lot still asking questions “What’s your wife’s name?.” :) They knew enough not to follow him into the parking lot, but he could have easily lured them to the car and whisked them away. Their mothers were sitting a fair distance away at a table in the shade with their backs to the children.

I told him about Lina. He felt awful and said “It’s a good thing I’m one of the good guys.” Personally, I would have walked the kids back to their mothers from the parking lot and quietly told them how easily I could have abducted their children…which would probably go over like a lead balloon. But he agreed that if it ever happens again that’s what he’ll do. It might save a child’s life.

Where is Lina? :(
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Well that’s terrifying!
 
<modsnip>

Children should definitely be taught the boundaries you mention. And it appears that they had been taught to stay out of the parking lot. Otherwise, my husband would have made sure they went back to their mothers.

But they were only three! To expect a three year old to routinely obey boundaries is unrealistic. Parents need to know what their little ones are doing, and to be so absorbed in conversation for as long as these mothers were that you don’t know where your child is can end in disaster. It probably won’t, but if it’s your child, once is enough.

<modsnip>

Any blame is on whoever abducted Lina <modsnip>

I think a savvy parent can teach their children to be cautious about certain things without hurting their psyches for the rest of their childhoods or lives. We tell our children “Don’t run with scissors,” but that doesn’t mean we are teaching them to fear scissors and never use them! “Don’t run out into the street” doesn’t mean never cross a street. Children are capable of separating reasonable caution from irrational fear if it’s presented properly. It’s the same concept when it comes to their interactions with strangers. “Don’t go anywhere with a stranger” (which these children did) doesn’t translate into “Don’t talk to strangers.” But above all, a parent is responsible for making sure their child is mature enough to be trusted to stay within those boundaries.

<modsnip> my point in writing. <modsnip> ……(about) these two charming and gregarious little kids was that it can be very easy to abduct a child.

Ozoner said:
I don't agree with the idea of teaching children not to talk to strangers. That amounts to victim blaming, in my opinion. It's like telling women not to go out alone at night so they don't get raped.

There's nothing wrong with talking to strangers. Let's stop focusing on telling kids not to talk to strangers and start focusing on telling strangers not to abduct children.

Children do need to be taught some boundaries. For instance, it makes sense to teach them not to get into a car with a stranger. We should teach kids to avoid truly dangerous or risky behavior, but simply talking to someone should not be discouraged.

The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of strangers are not a threat. Children are far more likely to be harmed by someone they know (unfortunately). I don't believe in living life based on trying to avoid one-in-a-million shot, worst-case scenarios. Yes, stranger abductions do happen, but they happen so rarely that teaching children to live in fear is too dear a price to pay, in my opinion.
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Colorado303 said:
Great point. After the first paragraph of your post I was sure I’d disagree with the rest of it because of course children shouldn’t talk to strangers. And while in a perfect world we’d be able to get strangers to quit abducting children instead, we haven’t found it yet so children must have “stranger danger” top of mind at all times to stay safe.

But darn it, me thinks you are right. I hadn’t considered the long-term impact to the developing psyche. Fear of people, dampened friendliness and curiosity, questioning yourself when wanting to say something—none of those things are remotely helpful 99.9999% of the time. It’s like never riding in cars to prevent being in an accident. Literally true, but at what price to quality of life.
Click to expand...
 
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In the society we live in, a woman does think twice about going out alone at night. They shouldn't have to, but they do and must.

Some think about the dangers and dismiss them "oh, I'll be fine, nothing will happen to me", but they do.

I don't even like my son walking home late at night on his own.

No-one is victim-blaming, it's just a case of being mindful of your surroundings.
 
Allabouttrial said:
In the society we live in, a woman does think twice about going out alone at night. They shouldn't have to, but they do and must.

Some think about the dangers and dismiss them "oh, I'll be fine, nothing will happen to me", but they do.

I don't even like my son walking home late at night on his own.

No-one is victim-blaming, it's just a case of being mindful of your surroundings.
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Exactly. Well said. :)
 
Kristin Esq. said:
In partnership with @MissingKids, we are seeking information that could help bring Lina Sardar Khil home safely. If you have seen Lina or have any information, please call 1-800-THE-LOST.

https://twitter.com/AETV?ref_src=twsrc^google|twcamp^serp|twgr^author
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I saw the commercial last night. It hit me particularly hard because most of the NCMEC A&E spots are for teens who are presumed runaways. Those kids need to be found too, but a 15 year old can find ways to survive alone while a 3 year old can't. If someone isn't taking care of her, then she is no longer with us.
 
thelesis said:
I saw the commercial last night. It hit me particularly hard because most of the NCMEC A&E spots are for teens who are presumed runaways. Those kids need to be found too, but a 15 year old can find ways to survive alone while a 3 year old can't. If someone isn't taking care of her, then she is no longer with us.
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I wonder how many of these missing person cases would be solved if we sifted every landfill in the country down to the bedrock. I think that that's where many murder victims end up.

I hope that Lina isn't one of those victims; I hope that she's still alive. If she is, it probably means that she is being exploited, but that would still be preferable to her being a murder victim. If she is still alive, then there is at least a chance that she could be rescued.
 
Lilibet said:
I told him about Lina. He felt awful and said “It’s a good thing I’m one of the good guys.” Personally, I would have walked the kids back to their mothers from the parking lot and quietly told them how easily I could have abducted their children…which would probably go over like a lead balloon. But he agreed that if it ever happens again that’s what he’ll do. It might save a child’s life.
Click to expand...

Agreed, I could not have walked away without really gently saying something to the moms.
 
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