Found Deceased TX - Sherin Mathews, 3, Richardson, 7 Oct 2017 #7 *Arrests*

[Margo/Mom]

You are right. They chose Sherin! So how does that work? Do they give prospestive parents a list of children available and the parents pick the child?

My experience is more with domestic than international adoption, but in fact there are profiles (used to be books of them that were sent to local agencies and adoption groups) of children or sibling groups. Helpful to allow families to express interest in addition to relying on the wisdom of social workers across multiple systems to match children and families. Expressing an interest may or may not result in a match, but it does help to open conversation, may help to make another county agency aware of a family with an interest/willingness to consider some specific (sibling group, particular health issue, etc). I believe some agencies use video interviews of children. It's sort of a dance. You don't want kids to feel that they are on display (or being rejected). On the other hand, families can more honestly assess their resources/abilities when faced with an actual child--instead of a list of problems (something else that prospective adoptive families are asked to do).

 

[Margo/Mom]

There are actually adoption subsidies for people who are willing to adopt SNAP kids in the US. Special Needs often just means the kid is not an infant.

Here's Kentucky's program. At the bottom you can see all the different kinds of support offered you adoptive parents.

https://adopt.ky.gov/learnMore/Pages/snap.aspx


Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

Yes, thank you.

I don't know by what means international adoption might be prohibited. But we do have multiple incentives in support of the domestic adoption of children with special needs. Some have a subsidy--not enough to cover all costs of raising a child, but still helpful. One huge help has to do with Medicaid eligibility--put in place prior to the ACA, when the choice to adopt a kid with health needs could rapidly exhaust a family's lifetime insurance caps, or throw a small business into an unaffordable insurance rate.

Many families who adopt internationally, however, may find themselves with NO avenue for help, and sometimes with a child having severe disabilities (particularly in the realm of undiagnosed mental health issues). One ugly reality is that sometimes families with children (birth children or those adopted domestically) who have such severe mental/behavioral issues as to require institutionalization/residential care/hospitalization are forced to surrender parental rights to CPS in order to have a funding source. Families who adopt internationally can be faced with paying for the care of their child even if they surrender the child to CPS.

No easy answers.

 

[MarisaS1985]

My dad has a cousin who was adopted after secondary infertility. The way that she was placed with my great aunt and uncle was based on LOOKS. Her parents has similar skin tone, hair colors etc and that was what made her available to them at birth. This was about 50 years ago.

I have a cousin who was put up for adoption about 8 years before I was born. She was also placed with a family based on appearance, BUT, also money, and the means to care for a child who was premature 40 years ago. We met her and she became part of the family when I was in my mid-teens. Her brother, is also adopted, and if you look at their family photos. You would NEVER know that the kids weren't biologically related to either parent or each other. It's crazy!

Fortunately, adoption no longer has a race/ethnic side to it, aside from the adopting parents choosing which country they want to adopt from. This could be cost of adoption, wanting to get the child out of a dangerous country, or any number of reasons. How an orphanage or agency decides a match is okay with one kid over another is info I haven't found, and I am not sure even comes into play. It seems like if a parent sees the childs photo and information and they want to pursue that child the "match" is made. Maybe this is something parents don't talk about in the adoption process though?

Anyway, just sorta interesting to me that 40-60 years ago adoption was so private and many kids didn't even know, because they were placed based on appearances, while nowadays the shift really seems to be who is BEST for THAT child. Clearly the system fails. No system is perfect. Every system has room for improvement. But, its cool to think on how much it's changed!!

MOO

 

[AgeofAquaruis]

A narcissist adopts a needy child to get applause from friends and family. Then gets angry when the child misbehaves after all you did for her.

Nailed it.

 

[Margo/Mom]

I really don’t want to monopolize the thread today but I can’t seem to stop LOL.
This is purely speculation on my part but after looking at so many pictures of beautiful little Sherin I can’t help but wonder if she suffered from some sort of dwarfism. The orphanage pictures show her with what appears to be a head out of proportion but the later pictures with the weight gain and addition of that beautiful head of hair doesn’t show as much emphasis on the head size but her wrists and elbows make me think her growth had been stunted somehow. Now it could be as simple as the malnutrition that was alluded to previously especially if it was for an extended time. When I look at the pictures of her with the sister the size difference is considerable if there were 2 years between them but if the newer report of less than a year between them is accurate I think there must be an issue.

JMHO

And a video link
[video]https://drive.google.com/open?id=1UTZMyw1s143IvhUHKzKPi_EjlS1tgwCmjA[/video]

Monopolize away!

I just want to add that the terms "special needs," "disability," 'developmental delay," are fairly general, and it can take quite awhile, years even, to arrive at accurate diagnosis of some of the specifics that fall under those umbrellas. And the definition of special needs in adoption is very different from the definition of special needs in education.

As you point out, a child who was abandoned in their first year would more likely than not be impacted in many ways--nutritional, nurturance (important for development), bonding. Followed by some time in an institution--which can never fully take the place of family--then the trauma of adoption. Quite the diagnostic puzzle. And the black box about which we know little to nothing is what life was like in that family.

All of which is to say, regarding the nature of her disabilities/issues, I would imagine there are many opinions, none definitive.

 

[AgeofAquaruis]

Exactly!
While complete strangers were looking for her daughter, she's retaining lawyers and not talking to anyone!
If she was "the abused spouse," you'd think she would've helped with searches while her abuser sat in jail.

IMO

Exactly. I was in an abusive marriage, but he'll hath no fury if he ever would have done anything to our children.

 

[AgeofAquaruis]

Thanks yes, Maria has been allowed thus far as
MSM



https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/B...ews-Placed-in-Familys-Care-CPS-458954603.html

and
https://m.facebook.com/pg/MariaGuerreroNews/posts/?ref=page_internal&mt_nav=1

I suppose they wait to see how damaging the autopsy report is before they tell version 3.0 aarrgggg. Jmho

I think you're on the money.

 

[MissMalowe]

Via the news article:
https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/B...ews-Placed-in-Familys-Care-CPS-458954603.html

Both parents told police Sherin was alive and in the kitchen where they left her when they returned home from dinner approximately an hour-and-a-half later.

BOTH parents told LE? When did Sini tell LE they had left Sherin alone? Or is this perhaps a mistake/typo meant to say that Wesley told LE that both parents left? I noticed at the beginning of the article they mentioned Oct 6 as the date of Sherin's "disappearance" being reported when infact it was the 7th. Another typo?

 

[Deleted member 158085]

My dad has a cousin who was adopted after secondary infertility. The way that she was placed with my great aunt and uncle was based on LOOKS. Her parents has similar skin tone, hair colors etc and that was what made her available to them at birth. This was about 50 years ago.

I have a cousin who was put up for adoption about 8 years before I was born. She was also placed with a family based on appearance, BUT, also money, and the means to care for a child who was premature 40 years ago. We met her and she became part of the family when I was in my mid-teens. Her brother, is also adopted, and if you look at their family photos. You would NEVER know that the kids weren't biologically related to either parent or each other. It's crazy!

Fortunately, adoption no longer has a race/ethnic side to it, aside from the adopting parents choosing which country they want to adopt from. This could be cost of adoption, wanting to get the child out of a dangerous country, or any number of reasons. How an orphanage or agency decides a match is okay with one kid over another is info I haven't found, and I am not sure even comes into play. It seems like if a parent sees the childs photo and information and they want to pursue that child the "match" is made. Maybe this is something parents don't talk about in the adoption process though?

Anyway, just sorta interesting to me that 40-60 years ago adoption was so private and many kids didn't even know, because they were placed based on appearances, while nowadays the shift really seems to be who is BEST for THAT child. Clearly the system fails. No system is perfect. Every system has room for improvement. But, its cool to think on how much it's changed!!

MOO

Yup. My neighbors also adopted two boys in the early 70s who were not siblings, but who looked like they could be brothers, and who resembled the parents. I was always told that their placement was partly based on the fact that they could appear to be a biological family. I don't think it's done like that anymore. But people had weird ideas about what made a successful adoption back then.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

 

[georgiajean]

Via the news article:
https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/B...ews-Placed-in-Familys-Care-CPS-458954603.html



BOTH parents told LE? When did Sini tell LE they had left Sherin alone? Or is this perhaps a mistake/typo meant to say that Wesley told LE that both parents left? I noticed at the beginning of the article they mentioned Oct 6 as the date of Sherin's "disappearance" being reported when infact it was the 7th. Another typo?

Sherin's sister is also listed as 4 years old in this article. I would question the facts in this article based on all the mis-prints....

 

[Margo/Mom]

Some good points made in the last few pages (about the protein drinks/milk vs. real food)
While it wouldn't normally raise any red flags for me when a child prefers to eat outside the home (pot roast vs McDonalds happy meal....I know which one *I* preferred as a child �� ) It wouldn't surprise me to find that perhaps dinner was offered and when that was refused, a protein drink/milk was offered as an alternative (again, doesn't seem too odd) but when a refusal to drink it turns into being left behind while the rest of the family goes out to eat, that's where it becomes unbelievably cruel to me (even if you set aside the fact that it meant she was left home alone)

Did they go out to eat often and either always leave Sherin behind? Did they often bring her along but not allow her to eat if the protein drink/milk wasn't drank first?

When they told the social worker who was doing the check-ins / updates for the adoption about her only liking to eat outside the home was that to mean dining out or eating anyone else's home cooking?

Was she willing to eat outside the home because milk was the only thing being offered inside the home or because outside the home there was less pressure therefore less struggle and stressors for little Sherin regarding eating?

In any of the videos/photos, were any celebrations/parties or things where food was involved or a main part of the event? Was a protein drink or milk present in any of those photos (if they exist)? Does anyone remember/know?

What I thought on reading that report was not so much family dinner at home vs family dinner in a restaurant, but perhaps family meal at home vs meals in other social settings like church and preschool, or maybe even babysitters or relative's houses. Looking to me like perhaps a tense/fearful situation at home that wasn't happening elsewhere. And perhaps even tension around eating specifically. Creating a spiralling situation. Tense mealtimes leads to feeding difficulties, spurring weight loss or concern, creating greater tension/control efforts.

Makes more sense to me than withholding solid foods, etc.

 

[Margo/Mom]

Hopefully, we will eventually know where she was on the growth chart at the time of adoption. If she declined or stayed the same instead of improving from orphanage conditions, that could definitely be a sign that she was mistreated for quite a long time. However, if she was always extra tiny, so long as she stayed at or above the same percentiles, they likely wouldn't consider that to be a problem closing in (the Dr's)... BUT I think many of us believe one or both of these parents were very controlling (heck who has a garage that clean?), and that control could easily have caused eating issues. There are many people who are controlling who have an all or nothing type of perfectionist attitude, I could see an unnecessary panic/fear of being looked down on by medical professionals AKA co-workers for SM, and of course peers wondering why she is so small, becoming a weird breaking point.

Unfortunately, we can't understand this mindset because we don't think the way they do, and we also don't have the full story to be able to piece together exactly what happened in order to be able to fill in the emotional/mental gaps.

Needless to say, I am really wanting to see this trial and I hope it is covered by MSM in full. There are so many holes and unanswered questions that will help us to not only understand what happened, but maybe also some answers as to WHY.

JMO

I think you have landed on a scenario that makes some sense.

We know that CPS said the family was known to them. Many have speculated that there was an injury. I don't rule that out. But what if there was another issue, such as a concern about nutrition/failure to thrive? How might that be handled by one or two rigidly authoritarian professional parents? Triggering shame on the one hand, but also taking in advice to CHANGE in ways that are uncomfortable, trusting that gentler ways might bring change (and the social worker giving the advice might not have seen the same behaviors in front of her that the children see). There are many, many parents who believe firmly that parents are to MAKE their children behave, and that parents who do not or cannot elicit desired behaviors are weak and failures.

This doesn't make them less responsible for whatever they did--just helps to understand the path that they may have followed to get there.

 

[georgiajean]

I think you have landed on a scenario that makes some sense.

We know that CPS said the family was known to them. Many have speculated that there was an injury. I don't rule that out. But what if there was another issue, such as a concern about nutrition/failure to thrive? How might that be handled by one or two rigidly authoritarian professional parents? Triggering shame on the one hand, but also taking in advice to CHANGE in ways that are uncomfortable, trusting that gentler ways might bring change (and the social worker giving the advice might not have seen the same behaviors in front of her that the children see). There are many, many parents who believe firmly that parents are to MAKE their children behave, and that parents who do not or cannot elicit desired behaviors are weak and failures.

This doesn't make them less responsible for whatever they did--just helps to understand the path that they may have followed to get there.

I appreciate your thoughts here. It seems plausible that a constellation of variables came together in Sherin's life to create a horrible storm (the term often used is "perfect storm" but that seems really wrong in this context). Parental variables of culture, social status, how others perceive the family, and patterns of male-female relations, coupled with Sherin's variables of small size, verbal communication struggles (learning new languages and possible verbal delays), her own control issues (orphanage said she could be stubborn), and any issues she brought with her as a product of orphanages (attachment, self-soothing, etc). My opinion is that Sherin paid a horrible price for her parents' unsuitability to deal with this constellation of difficulties.

 

[Pamela_Brewer]

Via the news article:
https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/B...ews-Placed-in-Familys-Care-CPS-458954603.html



BOTH parents told LE? When did Sini tell LE they had left Sherin alone? Or is this perhaps a mistake/typo meant to say that Wesley told LE that both parents left? I noticed at the beginning of the article they mentioned Oct 6 as the date of Sherin's "disappearance" being reported when infact it was the 7th. Another typo?

Nice catch!
Sini wasn't talking until shd. "turned herself in" due to a warrant issued for her arrest.
MOO

 

[Margo/Mom]

I still think back to the Amber Alert and how quickly it was called off, and then how quickly WM was arrested and searches on the home were carried out. I have a feeling that LE figured out pretty fast based on talking to WM that Sherin wasn't abducted and that's why his original charge was abandonment without intent to return. Clearly, we don't know what was shared from LE to Sini at that time, but for all we know, her lawyer may have said they wanted to do a public plea and LE said not to that they didn't have any reason to believe an abduction occurred. Clearly, we don't know. But just tossing this out as a possibility. It would also explain why Sini wasn't personally out putting up flyers, aside from the fact there was an angry mob outside her house almost immediately.

Tonight alone, when I saw Maria Guerrero's fb post about older sister being placed with family, there were only 15 comments, and one said to arrest every single family member. How could a parent safely go outside into their own yard, never mind walk around searching, with that type of mentality following them around?

I am NOT saying this IS the reason. I am simply giving it as a possible reason. I personally have anxiety. Esp around other people. I would have holed up too. I would have done what I refer to as "turtle-ing" where I pull completely into myself, if, I had been led to believe by either LE or my lawyers, that my child was dead.

A secondary issue, is that Sini had lost custody of her other child as well. She had an upcoming court date, had no clue what was happening with that child and those court dates and such are non-negotiable. She had to be focused on something, and I imagine for most people they would be concerned about the other child too. Had we saw her walking the streets posting flyers, demanding Sherin, looking in gutters, and so on, everyone would be saying she never cared about the older child and that she was just putting on a show to look innocent... damned if you do, damned if you don't...

JMO

Yeah--I have never seen her lack of active searching to be proof of anything. With the latest revelation (going out to dinner without Sherin) I tend toward the possibility that she was already fatally injured if not dead before they left.

 

[Margo/Mom]

I still think back to the Amber Alert and how quickly it was called off, and then how quickly WM was arrested and searches on the home were carried out. I have a feeling that LE figured out pretty fast based on talking to WM that Sherin wasn't abducted and that's why his original charge was abandonment without intent to return. Clearly, we don't know what was shared from LE to Sini at that time, but for all we know, her lawyer may have said they wanted to do a public plea and LE said not to that they didn't have any reason to believe an abduction occurred. Clearly, we don't know. But just tossing this out as a possibility. It would also explain why Sini wasn't personally out putting up flyers, aside from the fact there was an angry mob outside her house almost immediately.

Tonight alone, when I saw Maria Guerrero's fb post about older sister being placed with family, there were only 15 comments, and one said to arrest every single family member. How could a parent safely go outside into their own yard, never mind walk around searching, with that type of mentality following them around?

I am NOT saying this IS the reason. I am simply giving it as a possible reason. I personally have anxiety. Esp around other people. I would have holed up too. I would have done what I refer to as "turtle-ing" where I pull completely into myself, if, I had been led to believe by either LE or my lawyers, that my child was dead.

A secondary issue, is that Sini had lost custody of her other child as well. She had an upcoming court date, had no clue what was happening with that child and those court dates and such are non-negotiable. She had to be focused on something, and I imagine for most people they would be concerned about the other child too. Had we saw her walking the streets posting flyers, demanding Sherin, looking in gutters, and so on, everyone would be saying she never cared about the older child and that she was just putting on a show to look innocent... damned if you do, damned if you don't...

JMO

Yeah--I have never seen her lack of active searching to be proof of anything. With the latest revelation (going out to dinner without Sherin) I tend toward the possibility that she was already fatally injured if not dead before they left. Maybe it is true she slept, or pretended to, during the activities of the night. Maybe the original plan was to leave her by true and hope for coyotes to take her. And she allowed WM to handle whatever needed to be handled before she arose.

It seems not uncommon for perps to engage themselves in searches for the express purpose of misleading. Inventing suspicious persons (the babysitter with no name, etc). So, Sini's not putting on a big show of putting out flyers and making pleas just doesn't speak to me of guilt. Could be lack of planning, or shock, or not being let in on the specifics that happened between returning home from dinner and getting up in the morning.

 

[Rocco]

Yeah--I have never seen her lack of active searching to be proof of anything. With the latest revelation (going out to dinner without Sherin) I tend toward the possibility that she was already fatally injured if not dead before they left. .

SBM

Or sedated.

 

[citigirl]

I still think back to the Amber Alert and how quickly it was called off, and then how quickly WM was arrested and searches on the home were carried out. I have a feeling that LE figured out pretty fast based on talking to WM that Sherin wasn't abducted and that's why his original charge was abandonment without intent to return. Clearly, we don't know what was shared from LE to Sini at that time, but for all we know, her lawyer may have said they wanted to do a public plea and LE said not to that they didn't have any reason to believe an abduction occurred. Clearly, we don't know. But just tossing this out as a possibility. It would also explain why Sini wasn't personally out putting up flyers, aside from the fact there was an angry mob outside her house almost immediately.

Tonight alone, when I saw Maria Guerrero's fb post about older sister being placed with family, there were only 15 comments, and one said to arrest every single family member. How could a parent safely go outside into their own yard, never mind walk around searching, with that type of mentality following them around?

I am NOT saying this IS the reason. I am simply giving it as a possible reason. I personally have anxiety. Esp around other people. I would have holed up too. I would have done what I refer to as "turtle-ing" where I pull completely into myself, if, I had been led to believe by either LE or my lawyers, that my child was dead.

A secondary issue, is that Sini had lost custody of her other child as well. She had an upcoming court date, had no clue what was happening with that child and those court dates and such are non-negotiable. She had to be focused on something, and I imagine for most people they would be concerned about the other child too. Had we saw her walking the streets posting flyers, demanding Sherin, looking in gutters, and so on, everyone would be saying she never cared about the older child and that she was just putting on a show to look innocent... damned if you do, damned if you don't...

JMO

I agree. I have to confess also, that the behavior of the neighborhood group that wanted to hold Sherin's funeral, which at the time seemed batpoop crazy to me, has made a lot more sense in the last couple of days. My opinion.

 

[Grouchymom]

I think you have landed on a scenario that makes some sense.

We know that CPS said the family was known to them. Many have speculated that there was an injury. I don't rule that out. But what if there was another issue, such as a concern about nutrition/failure to thrive? How might that be handled by one or two rigidly authoritarian professional parents? Triggering shame on the one hand, but also taking in advice to CHANGE in ways that are uncomfortable, trusting that gentler ways might bring change (and the social worker giving the advice might not have seen the same behaviors in front of her that the children see). There are many, many parents who believe firmly that parents are to MAKE their children behave, and that parents who do not or cannot elicit desired behaviors are weak and failures.

This doesn't make them less responsible for whatever they did--just helps to understand the path that they may have followed to get there.

I appreciate your thoughts here. It seems plausible that a constellation of variables came together in Sherin's life to create a horrible storm (the term often used is "perfect storm" but that seems really wrong in this context). Parental variables of culture, social status, how others perceive the family, and patterns of male-female relations, coupled with Sherin's variables of small size, verbal communication struggles (learning new languages and possible verbal delays), her own control issues (orphanage said she could be stubborn), and any issues she brought with her as a product of orphanages (attachment, self-soothing, etc). My opinion is that Sherin paid a horrible price for her parents' unsuitability to deal with this constellation of difficulties.

I think the two quotes above may have hit gold. We all know that the many ingredients that combined to create this horrible act can be infinite but I think MargoMom may have found the flame that ignited the fuse and georgiajean the container that held it all.

Two rigidly authoritarian professional parents paired with a child who by the nature of institutional care had to be more autonomous than most her “estimated” age, for lack of a better term a free range child.

One who misses the morning milk if not in line quick enough. Add to the equation a second child just 6 months her elder as deduced here earlier this evening. A child who for all practical purposes was, as are most first babies, coddled and babied, dependent on her parents for everything. Suddenly Sherin is expected to behave the way the other child has and that is not going to happen.

Once a child gets a taste of autonomy there is no putting the genie back in the bottle. And the batte begins. Parents' unsuitable to deal with this constellation of difficulties. A child, a survivor unwilling and perhaps unable to meet their demands. Something had to give and it ended up being Sherins life. Two rigidly authoritarian parents unwilling to “lose” a battle with a child. Sherin knew what she wanted and couldn’t even communicate with them to let them know. Only able to understand one of them. Yet they were the parents and they were in control at all costs. Well, look what it cost.

JMHO

 

[Rocco]

I think the two quotes above may have hit gold. We all know that the many ingredients that combined to create this horrible act can be infinite but I think MargoMom may have found the flame that ignited the fuse and georgiajean the container that held it all.

Two rigidly authoritarian professional parents paired with a child who by the nature of institutional care had to be more autonomous than most her “estimated” age, for lack of a better term a free range child.

One who misses the morning milk if not in line quick enough. Add to the equation a second child just 6 months her elder as deduced here earlier this evening. A child who for all practical purposes was, as are most first babies, coddled and babied, dependent on her parents for everything. Suddenly Sherin is expected to behave the way the other child has and that is not going to happen.

Once a child gets a taste of autonomy there is no putting the genie back in the bottle. And the batte begins. Parents' unsuitable to deal with this constellation of difficulties. A child, a survivor unwilling and perhaps unable to meet their demands. Something had to give and it ended up being Sherins life. Two rigidly authoritarian parents unwilling to “lose” a battle with a child. Sherin knew what she wanted and couldn’t even communicate with them to let them know. Only able to understand one of them. Yet they were the parents and they were in control at all costs. Well, look what it cost.

JMHO

Although it greatly pains me to do so, I'm going to have to disagree with you about the communication part of your post.

She lived with them from the age of 2 until age 3. The child abusers speak English and so does her sister---as do the people at her church and the pre-school/daycare she attended. We've seen the clip of her at the church looking for the male abuser and yelling "Daddy." I think since she lived with them for a year during the time her language was developing, verbal communication was the least of the problems in that house. JMO