Found Deceased TX - Sherin Mathews, 3, Richardson, 7 Oct 2017 #7 *Arrests*

[Riice]

WARNING: The following thoughts are ramblings, unravelings and may be strident, incoherent, all just my OWN thoughts and opinions. May contain spelling and grammar errors.

These are thoughts that I am having as I sit here, refreshing and waiting for the ME Reports for Sherin. My daughter is 17 months old. She was born premature, and I had her after quite the struggle. I am an Indian professional, I had a quasi arranged marriage and my husband ranks lower than I do in terms of professional qualifications. So, in a lot of ways I can imagine what the dynamics in the Mathews household may look like, as I am privy to it in both my professional (Immigration Lawyer) and in my personal life (being Indian and observing environments in our own homes and those of family members.)

My daughter is being very difficult as of late - I have been leaving her with my mother a few days a week as I try to clear major projects and so forth. I guess my mom is a grazing feeder, always a bottle within reach with milk. Right or Wrong - is not the point. It got to the point now that my daughter refuses to eat.. and its not a battle I am wanting to win at all costs so I let her eat as much or as little (when she was born, my doctor said a child will never starve itself, our job is to provide the food and whether or not they eat it (save anyother issues) is on them.. they will eat as much as they need). So, here I am.. eggs in one hand.. chasing after this child .. I stopped chasing.. eventually she came around looking for something to eat.. Thats really it.. most of you are mothers or know of children and know that the only real arsenal a mother needs is Patience.

As far as adoptions go.. and did she really have issues - lets be frank.. Puppies and Children- do you ever really know what you are getting into? Even if you raised them from wee babies... Example: My sister had 2 pitbulls, one she raised from a puppy and one that wandered into her life off the streets.. The street dog was the most affectionate dog you could ever meet, while the one raised by hand, in a LOVING home, was such a jerk. However this *advertiser censored* dog, is the most amazing guardian around my daughter.. he doesnt get too close to her but is steadily near and watching at all times.. Nature - I doubt will ever be predictable.

I read EVERY post, every WORD, which is probably why I dont say much, Im too busy absorbing.. And I still maintain whether or not Sherin's death was an accident - the actions taken by her parents dont do her justice. And while WS may have been just as quiet as SM, I still say SM is the bigger evil, not by a lot, but by a hair but definitely alpha. WS is falling in the sword most likely in the belief that there is a lack of evidence against him, whereas when all things fall into place, the evidence against Sini may be a mountain, and WS, a molehole. Lay persons understanding of the law:
Sini has an Alibi (Check),
Minimal Evidence against WS (Check)
We admitted to some awful things, for which evidence may corroborate (Check)
We are husband and wife and dont have to testify against each other (Check) - even if the law states otherwise, lay person mentality.

When those reports come back and this story comes together, most of us will most likely vomit. Thats how horrible I think this is.. Patterns of Systematic Abuse, Narcissism. Can parents really be this evil, why not - Think Theresa Knorr. (Think of her and then STOP, because going in further down that thought train is beyond disturbing).

End for now.. No point really, just food for thought.

(EDITTED TO add: SOS please someone help with my signature to make it display properly.)

 

[ilovepierre]

^ Right. You can't force a child to eat if they just don't want to.
My brother (who is now 5 1/2) would never eat anything but junk food. My mom and stepdad even tried giving him Pediasure just so he could get the vitamins and nutrients he needed. He wouldn't even drink that. My brother was healthy and was hitting all milestones for his age. He's always been on correct weight and height curve....he just chose to eat junk instead of proper food. And my mom never forced him to eat anything. If he was hungry enough at mealtime, he'd eat. When he started eating dinner (and more than 5 bites), he would be rewarded with dessert. Now, he eats perfectly fine.

But never would my mom force him to eat and she certainly didn't punish him for not eating, that's for sure!

 

[georgiajean]

(respectfully snipped by me)
As hideous as this one is, I don't think at the end of the day that we will be looking at criminal insanity (sociopathy or an extreme narcissism), or the sorts of people who torture and kill either for fun or acting in the absence of conscience. More likely an escalation and spiralling of doing the wrong things, making matters worse, accumulating shame, anger and frustration and ultimately going too far. And then panicking And doing very stupid things to cover. Sometimes a whole pile of small but bad decisions can lead to the same outcome as one big bad one.

Thank you for your post This scenario makes the most sense, to me. There is just NO history on these two that would lead me in the other directions. They lost control and killed their daughter (one parent or the other or both). I do believe both know what happened, and I think they made an agreement about who would do time and who would take care of their other daughter. Unfortunately for them, LE does not allow perpetrators to decide those kinds of things....

 

[Rocco]

Thank you for your post This scenario makes the most sense, to me. There is just NO history on these two that would lead me in the other directions. They lost control and killed their daughter (one or the other or both). I do believe both know what happened, and I think they made an agreement about who would do time and who would take care of their other daughter. Unfortunately for them, LE does not allow perpetrators to decide those kinds of things....

I don't think it can said for certain there is NO history on these two. They were involved with CPS in the past and LE is not saying for which child.

 

[georgiajean]

I don't think it can said for certain there is NO history on these two. They were involved with CPS in the past and LE is not saying for which child.

There is that. Thanks. My bet, knowing what we know about the Adoption review reports that were carried out during Sherin's first year with the Mathews, the CPS report was done by the adoption person. The adoption review person noted the escalation of struggles with feeding, and recommended actions. I am guessing that the adoption review person would be a mandated reporter, and would be bound to filing a CPS report (with good reason!).
To paraphrase a post from earlier, there is no evidence of drugs, trouble with the law (save WM's traffic citation), domestic violence, defaulting on loans, repeated divorces/marriages, robbery, being fired, etc. Having such "clean" records is not what you would expect from folks with psychopathy/sociopath/personality disorders. IMO.

 

[Rocco]

There is that. Thanks. My bet, knowing what we know about the Adoption review reports that were carried out during Sherin's first year with the Mathews, the CPS report was done by the adoption person. The adoption review person noted the escalation of struggles with feeding, and recommended actions. I am guessing that the adoption review person would be a mandated reporter, and would be bound to filing a CPS report (with good reason!).
To paraphrase a post from earlier, there is no evidence of drugs, trouble with the law (save WM's traffic citation), domestic violence, defaulting on loans, repeated divorces/marriages, robbery, being fired, etc. Having such "clean" records is not what you would expect from folks with psychopathy/sociopath/personality disorders. IMO.

That's most likely the case. However, seems to me both children had arm 'issues' in the past---which makes me suspicious.

Add to that the bizarre and cruel stories he/they came up with regarding Sherin's disappearance and the fact she was dumped like trash in that nasty culvert, makes me wonder if they aren't depraved.

ETA: They had time, before they called the police, to come up with a story that put them in the best possible light in regards to Sherin's disappearance----- and what they came up with horrified the rest of us.

 

[Grouchymom]

In this case and most of the child abuse related deaths we see they have some common threads. Ill prepared parents who ultimately do not have the stress management skills to prevent them from going to the point of no return. Those of us who are currently rearing children or who have done so know that at times children can really push our buttons and especially in their teens years or the “terrible twos” and fostering and adoption, due to the nature of the reasons some of the children are available to come into our lives, can require an even higher level of stress management and control.

I am the first to admit there were occasions where my hand and arm began moving involuntarily, ready to strike a target. The example that frightened me the most was the first time my oldest daughter (the one that I personally hatched) tried to imitate some behavior she had witnessed with some teens we fostered and told me to go *advertiser censored** myself. Like a king cobra striking my open hand made contact with the mouth that statement escaped from. One quick strike and I am not quite sure to this day exactly who it frightened the most. I do know that as she quickly approaches 40 she still apologizes if an obscenity slips out in front of me.

But horrible things can and do happen just that quick. She was a teen when this occurred not an infant or toddler but even extremely fussy babies and exhausted parents can approach the danger zone. Toddlers who are constantly one messy disaster ahead of you can try your patience. Special needs children can create frustrations you never imagined. Take the toddler for example, at the end of a long trying day you can remind yourself that it is a phase and it is only a matter of time until they become more civilized housebroken (not a reference to psychological breaking but the potty trained, cup drinking, self feeding, self dressing, hold your hand and walk, understand the words no and stop, children ) Imagine if you will a child like my Katie with special needs, autism combined with developmental delays.she was 2 for four years and has vacillated between 3 -5 depending on the skill for the last 5. Our goal is that she get to the developmental age of 8, an arbitrary goal without trying to be unrealistic.

Teenagers especially teens who are “in the system” can literally chew up and spit out inexperienced, under prepared, foster/adoptive parents without exemplary stress management skills, patience, creativity, understanding, compassion, self-control and anger management skills. Some of those teens have had multiple placement disruptions and are now determined to push far enough to create the situation where you will throw up yours hands and send them to the next placement before they can get invested or bond to anyone or anything there.

This is is one of the reasons I try to find the why in cases like Sherin’s. Which factors influenced this situation. Yes evil exists but more often a combination of factors and events or expectations create the road to that point of no return. Why were the parents unable or unwilling to halt the destructive path they were on? Most times we will never know for certain where the breakdown started or what was the final thing that pushed the situation in a deadly tailspin.

While we have a good understanding of the mechanics involved with certain other offender types such as the family annhilator or the grievance collector, it is much more difficult to pinpoint the the causes when parents who otherwise have appeared to be “good” people with no criminal history and are well thought of in their communities and churches even become killers.

So it is in that spirit that I offer you this odd info. I was asked to be a guest panel member in a few foster/adoptive training sessions for both parents and social workers. The one question that was always asked was my most important coping or parenting skills. My answer always left mouths agape. I gave some variety of this:

bread
pockets
gardening
love
creativity

Once everyone looked totally confused I continued..

Bread - there are few ways as productive and has such rewards while eliiminating stress and anger as making home made yeast bread. I do not mean using a bread machine! Bread making is practically a lost art and it is not as time consuming as some think. Concentrating on the ingredient gathering gives you a few minutes to take that deep breath and redirect you thoughts. Kneading the bread is a cheap upper body workout and the more vigorous the kneading the better the final result. So taking your frustrations and anger out on that lump of dough leaves you feeling refreshed and in back in control. If you are still in need of more stress release don’t worry you let your dough sit in a warm draft free area to rise while you can clean up, have a cup of tea or a quick shower and it is time to knead once more. One more kneading session shape into rolls, loaves, breadsticks or whatever makes you happy and rise again giving you time to take inventory of the wonderful things in your life. Now pop it in the oven and wait for the aroma to turn the savages into civilized family who can’t wait to get the first piece fresh from the oven slathered with butter (or butter substitute) no one can argue with their mouth full of bread and for some unexplained reason the aroma of fresh baked bread has a calming effect.

Pockets - I simply could not have survived parenthood without pockets. Pockets as we all know can serve as a temporary home to a multitude of items some planned and others a quick reaction. From vending machine coins to candy or tissues the possible inventory is limitless but that is not why I found them important. I am a very demonstrative and expressive person. I have always had a compulsion to hug anyone who seemed to be in pain of any type. Whether it is the homeless guy on the corner or a teenager in pain throwing F bombs at me or the skinned knee of a toddlers first sidewalk disaster. However there are times when a physical show of emotion is not appropriate or even safe. Not to mention those emotional flailings my hands and arms attempt when I am trying to make a point. So I found that as long as my hands remain in my pockets they can not move as a reflex on their own, potentially instilling fear in a child who has been a victim of abuse or being interpreted as aggressive or hostile. Giving them added security especially during conflict or when assigning behavioral consequences. Now back pockets are a whole new world of awesome. Most men only use back pockets for a wallet, handkerchief and maybe a comb. Women rarely use back pockets at all but why do mom jeans always have back pockets? I have an answer. If one finds themselves the subject of a child’s meltdown. I am not referring to the normal temper tantrums of youth but a full fledged meltdown. Restraint is a must. You are in a situation that requires you to prevent a child from harming him/her self or others while remaining calm yourself. However that is not easy. When the Vase that belonged to your grandmother explods against the wall or pictures start flying off the wall emotion will kick in. A response especially negative will only exacerbate the situation. So placing ones hands firmly in the back pockets with palms facing outward away from the body, grabbing onto the pocket fabric and holding on for dear life will prevent those same hands from any movement that you will later regret. Believe me when I say that in the years that we only fostered teenage girls who were getting one last chance at residential placement before institutional care, I went through a lot of back pockets.

Gardening - most people already know the basic benefits of gardening but I have a few more. First it is a wonderful project to get you children involved with that you can do while spending quality time. Even the picky “I don’t get my hands dirty types can contribute something. Gardening involving food items is productive, educational and fulfilling but flowers have powers of healing. Without going into basic botany we all remember from school the life process of plants. All living items have one purpose and that is to reproduce their identity group. Snapdragons have always been among my favorites because aside from their beauty and that they last well in cut arrangements seeing the wonder in the eyes of a child the first time you give that gentle squeeze to the bloom and make it “talk” for them is unforgettable. (Way beyond the time they plant donut seeds (Cheerios) and wait to see them grow) Annuals or plants that live only one season and reproduce by seeds have a life cycle of grow, bloom, make seeds and die but every gardener learns quickly that one can increase the ouput of the plant by delaying the completion of seeds. This involves a very simple process. One must remain vigilant and remove the blooms before the seeds are complete. I always found the pinch method the most effective for single bloom or clusters with large blooms such a snapdragons. Using clippers or scissors does not yield the same results. The better you are about removing the fading blooms the more abundant the flowers will become. So when stressed go out and pinch the heads off those defenseless little flowers because the more you pinch the less stress and more beauty. I always had the most beauttiful snapdragons around when I had teens in the house.

Love - It should be understood that love is a requirement but just as a reminder, the more love you give away the more that will come back to you.

Creativty - Not everyone wants to make bread or garden but you must find activities that can release the stress, anger and frustrations that come with the job both physically and emotionally. Finding activities that can include the children are beneficial on so many levels for all parties. From bonding, education, stress reduction to feeling of self worth or effort vs reward, the potential is limitless. When the children reached the age to be safely involved we started building holiday decorations. This was a rather inexpensive project that continued for years. With a garage or other shelter from seasonal elements it can be done year round. We starrted simple. I am not very good at free hand drawing so I bought an inexpensive jumbo coloring book for young children The kind with very simple pictures. I found full page pictures of simple Christmas ornaments (the kind that are basic shapes with the cap to hang them with. Cut out the design and trace onto your plywood or wood of choice. Cut it out with a jigsaw (back then it was a cheap Back & Decker that cost about $25). Drill a hole where the ribbon or hanging hook would be. Using a pencil to draw the lines from the original picture on the wood and let the children paint them. We used ribbon to hang them in our outdoor trees and they would spin beautifully in the wind. That was such a hit we moved to candy cane and lollipop stand ups and with the help of a more artistic friend gingerbread men. (I learned that newspapers sell the ends of the news print paper cheaply and it is a wonderful size and texture to make your project patterns. We bought light sets and drilled holes in the lollipops to light them up. As we continued we made a huge Santa’s sleigh with reindeer and packages to fill it up. One of our last Christmas items was the stable and manger for the nativity. We had great holiday decorations while building family unity and relieving stress. Once the yard was full for Christmas we started on Halloween. We used those cheap styrofoam coolers and craft store sheets of styrofoam to create headstones. A little grey primer spray paint and a large nail did the trick. We shaped the styrofoam in the desired shapes then spray painted them. The children used the nail to etch the epitaphs on them. It was amazing how good they looked and 2 bricks or rocks serve as a holder or a paint stirrer half in the ground half in the tombstone. If course we had the coffin and a 10’ spiderweb made from yarn. The children would bring their friends over and let them add to our cemetery. Teaching a child how to use a hammer to drive a nail gives them a wonderful outlet for stress,anger, frustration and hurt as well as a handy skill throughout their life. I have seen my “clean Hands” girl take a piece of scrap wood and just drive as many nails as possible into it to vent.

Now that that I have yet again written a novella perhaps it will serve to get more people posting because I post less when I have lots to read LOL.

My point is that there are so many ways to be creative and inexpensively strengthen the family while reducing stress and conflict. It doesn’t always take ”anger management” classes to deal with issues although they do help give people basic skills. I find that for me personally, keeping a q-tip in my pocket to rub before I respond or reciting “1 - 2 - 3 what the heck is bothering me” are not nearly as effective as productive methods that challenge both the mind and the body and actually reap a useful or usable end product. Once my first family of children left home I began woodworking. I find that the more I saw, hammer, and sand the better I feel and the better my furniture comes out.

JMHO
Happy Thanksgiving

 

[TeaTime]

I agree with this soo much and have posted on it a bit before. What the orphanage said about Sherin being an eager eater and always finishing her milk seemed a little bit ridiculous, she was very very skinny for a 2 year old.
JMO

JMO

Snipped by me.

The photos tell me that there was something seriously wrong with Sherin's development and the people at the orphanage knew it, but so did WM and SM. No one could look at this baby and think she had a normal, healthy start in life. I don't know if the damage from pre-natal starvation and severe undernourishment in the early developmental stages post birth can ever be repaired. It looks like the Mathews tried, she had grown and filled out after a year with them.

Poor little baby girl, she just never had a chance. Everyone in her life rejected her.

 

[AgeofAquaruis]

Thank you for your post This scenario makes the most sense, to me. There is just NO history on these two that would lead me in the other directions. They lost control and killed their daughter (one parent or the other or both). I do believe both know what happened, and I think they made an agreement about who would do time and who would take care of their other daughter. Unfortunately for them, LE does not allow perpetrators to decide those kinds of things....

I think she met Zanny the Nanny, but this time is was forced on her, because she didn't want to miss out on a family dinner out, so she was refusing to drink her sleep 'milk'. So a combination. Of sedatives,and being choked with it killed the sweet little babe.
I think Mommy was disappointed with
Sherin from the get go. Because she thought they would get a daughter just like their birth daughter, but It's clear from the pics etc that there is something different maybe chromosomal. So She's just not as easy as birth daughter.
Who has access to Sedatives etc? Who worked in a children's hospital?
Who has been of absolutely ZERO help to the investigation, in little Sherin's death?

 

[katydid23]

My problem here is this. We can pretty much narrow this down to just three possibilities. Wesly or Sini killed Sherin. Or they collaborated on her death.

Most of the things people are using to justify an inclination toward Sini (public silence, not searching, not "looking" appropriately concerned) could also be said of Wesley. And he also provided some bogus stories to LE.

Personally I lean in the direction of one killer with collaboration on some level in the cover-up. Because it would simply be too difficult (especially in light of Sherin's now-known absence from the dinner trip) for a non-involved parent to be wholly ignorant that something was going on.

Wesley is clearly the one who has taken the lead since the first report, at least based on what the police have revealed to us. And this includes twice offering up information that resulted in his own arrest. One theory seems to be that he is falling on his sword to protect Sini. One has to ask why. Why would he be doing all that he can (given the circumstances) to ensure that Sini stays out of jail and available to parent the older child? Would he be doing that if he believed her to be capable of murder or abuse unto death?

As hideous as this one is, I don't think at the end of the day that we will be looking at criminal insanity (sociopathy or an extreme narcissism), or the sorts of people who torture and kill either for fun or acting in the absence of conscience. More likely an escalation and spiralling of doing the wrong things, making matters worse, accumulating shame, anger and frustration and ultimately going too far. And then panicking And doing very stupid things to cover. Sometimes a whole pile of small but bad decisions can lead to the same outcome as one big bad one.

The only reason or scenario that I can come up with, for why WM might fall on the sword is if they were both doing some harsh punishments, which resulted in an unexpected death. WM may have felt guilty in that , perhaps, he was the one that pushed her to continue with the adoption, even though she became pregnant in the middle of the process.

She may have wanted to postpone or cancel the adoption but WM said NO< we can do it. I promise and I will care for the 2nd child and you will be happy we did it...or something like that.

 

[Rocco]

I think she met Zanny the Nanny, but this time is was forced on her, because she didn't want to miss out on a family dinner out, so she was refusing to drink her sleep 'milk'. So a combination. Of sedatives,and being choked with it killed the sweet little babe.
I think Mommy was disappointed with
Sherin from the get go. Because she thought they would get a daughter just like their birth daughter, but It's clear from the pics etc that there is something different maybe chromosomal. So She's just not as easy as birth daughter.
Who has access to Sedatives etc? Who worked in a children's hospital?
Who has been of absolutely ZERO help to the investigation, in little Sherin's death?

And who says her breathing gradually slowed, I tried taking her pulse and couldn't find one, so I thought she was dead? (Or words to that effect).

Sounds more like a Nurse Ratched .

 

[Riice]

Yes!!

i think she met zanny the nanny, but this time is was forced on her, because she didn't want to miss out on a family dinner out, so she was refusing to drink her sleep 'milk'. So a combination. Of sedatives,and being choked with it killed the sweet little babe.
I think mommy was disappointed with
sherin from the get go. Because she thought they would get a daughter just like their birth daughter, but it's clear from the pics etc that there is something different maybe chromosomal. So she's just not as easy as birth daughter.
Who has access to sedatives etc? Who worked in a children's hospital?
Who has been of absolutely zero help to the investigation, in little sherin's death?

 

[Grouchymom]

WARNING: The following thoughts are ramblings, unravelings and may be strident, incoherent, all just my OWN thoughts and opinions. May contain spelling and grammar errors.

These are thoughts that I am having as I sit here, refreshing and waiting for the ME Reports for Sherin. My daughter is 17 months old. She was born premature, and I had her after quite the struggle. I am an Indian professional, I had a quasi arranged marriage and my husband ranks lower than I do in terms of professional qualifications. So, in a lot of ways I can imagine what the dynamics in the Mathews household may look like, as I am privy to it in both my professional (Immigration Lawyer) and in my personal life (being Indian and observing environments in our own homes and those of family members.)

My daughter is being very difficult as of late - I have been leaving her with my mother a few days a week as I try to clear major projects and so forth. I guess my mom is a grazing feeder, always a bottle within reach with milk. Right or Wrong - is not the point. It got to the point now that my daughter refuses to eat.. and its not a battle I am wanting to win at all costs so I let her eat as much or as little (when she was born, my doctor said a child will never starve itself, our job is to provide the food and whether or not they eat it (save anyother issues) is on them.. they will eat as much as they need). So, here I am.. eggs in one hand.. chasing after this child .. I stopped chasing.. eventually she came around looking for something to eat.. Thats really it.. most of you are mothers or know of children and know that the only real arsenal a mother needs is Patience.

As far as adoptions go.. and did she really have issues - lets be frank.. Puppies and Children- do you ever really know what you are getting into? Even if you raised them from wee babies... Example: My sister had 2 pitbulls, one she raised from a puppy and one that wandered into her life off the streets.. The street dog was the most affectionate dog you could ever meet, while the one raised by hand, in a LOVING home, was such a jerk. However this *advertiser censored* dog, is the most amazing guardian around my daughter.. he doesnt get too close to her but is steadily near and watching at all times.. Nature - I doubt will ever be predictable.

I read EVERY post, every WORD, which is probably why I dont say much, Im too busy absorbing.. And I still maintain whether or not Sherin's death was an accident - the actions taken by her parents dont do her justice. And while WS may have been just as quiet as SM, I still say SM is the bigger evil, not by a lot, but by a hair but definitely alpha. WS is falling in the sword most likely in the belief that there is a lack of evidence against him, whereas when all things fall into place, the evidence against Sini may be a mountain, and WS, a molehole. Lay persons understanding of the law:
Sini has an Alibi (Check),
Minimal Evidence against WS (Check)
We admitted to some awful things, for which evidence may corroborate (Check)
We are husband and wife and dont have to testify against each other (Check) - even if the law states otherwise, lay person mentality.

When those reports come back and this story comes together, most of us will most likely vomit. Thats how horrible I think this is.. Patterns of Systematic Abuse, Narcissism. Can parents really be this evil, why not - Think Theresa Knorr. (Think of her and then STOP, because going in further down that thought train is beyond disturbing).

End for now.. No point really, just food for thought.

(EDITTED TO add: SOS please someone help with my signature to make it display properly.)

RBBM

:loveyou::loveyou::great::goodpost:
Great post. I knew you had it in you!

I agree adoption, home made or transplant you get no returns no guarantees, warranty voided. Each child grows as a bi=product of their biology and environment, nature and nurture. Some more one than the other. I have watched children grow and change after adoption but they always retain a degree of their genetic contributions too. Taking on the job of raising a child is always an unknown but the results are usually positive.

 

[MsMarple]

That's most likely the case. However, seems to me both children had arm 'issues' in the past---which makes me suspicious.

Add to that the bizarre and cruel stories he/they came up with regarding Sherin's disappearance and the fact she was dumped like trash in that nasty culvert, makes me wonder if they aren't depraved.

ETA: They had time, before they called the police, to come up with a story that put them in the best possible light in regards to Sherin's disappearance----- and what they came up with horrified the rest of us.

RBBM
Yep, hands down this is the weirdest "explanation" I've ever heard from a parent - or g/f, b/f or caregiver - accused of killing a child. After following numerous cases here it seems like the most common excuse is that the child fell or they dropped the baby, not really believable and examination by medical personnel always contradicts the stories. Still, they keep claiming something happened to the child, like it was beyond their control.

Plus, in many cases once the story is debunked the person will often go a step further and disclose a little more, much like WM did but usually that's when the blame gets put on the child - they were fussy or wouldn't stop crying, whatever. WM's second version was just as bizarre as his first. Did he not understand that he was essentially admitting to killing Sherin by not seeking help?

I honestly can't figure how in the world he thought saying those things would get him anywhere but in prison for the rest of his life. It's sooo weird! No wonder all of us are afraid of learning the truth about Sherin's death!

 

[angorwat]

Thank you for your post This scenario makes the most sense, to me. There is just NO history on these two that would lead me in the other directions. They lost control and killed their daughter (one parent or the other or both). I do believe both know what happened, and I think they made an agreement about who would do time and who would take care of their other daughter. Unfortunately for them, LE does not allow perpetrators to decide those kinds of things....

But why did WM admit to direct involvement in the disappearance from the very outset while he could have just stated the kid went to sleep at night but was missing in the morning ?

Or they could have been even more devious and with little help from immediate family could have kept quiet and told the child care and others that Sherin has been taken to Kerala for cultural immersion .

Also assuming the RPD search did not miss a body in the culvert during their initial searches and if it was indeed dropped off after WM's first arrest, why would the body be dropped so close to home and not somewhere far far away ?

 

[Grouchymom]

My problem here is this. We can pretty much narrow this down to just three possibilities. Wesly or Sini killed Sherin. Or they collaborated on her death.

Most of the things people are using to justify an inclination toward Sini (public silence, not searching, not "looking" appropriately concerned) could also be said of Wesley. And he also provided some bogus stories to LE.

Personally I lean in the direction of one killer with collaboration on some level in the cover-up. Because it would simply be too difficult (especially in light of Sherin's now-known absence from the dinner trip) for a non-involved parent to be wholly ignorant that something was going on.

Wesley is clearly the one who has taken the lead since the first report, at least based on what the police have revealed to us. And this includes twice offering up information that resulted in his own arrest. One theory seems to be that he is falling on his sword to protect Sini. One has to ask why. Why would he be doing all that he can (given the circumstances) to ensure that Sini stays out of jail and available to parent the older child? Would he be doing that if he believed her to be capable of murder or abuse unto death?

As hideous as this one is, I don't think at the end of the day that we will be looking at criminal insanity (sociopathy or an extreme narcissism), or the sorts of people who torture and kill either for fun or acting in the absence of conscience. More likely an escalation and spiralling of doing the wrong things, making matters worse, accumulating shame, anger and frustration and ultimately going too far. And then panicking And doing very stupid things to cover. Sometimes a whole pile of small but bad decisions can lead to the same outcome as one big bad one.

:goodpost::clap:

 

[Margo/Mom]

In this case and most of the child abuse related deaths we see they have some common threads. Ill prepared parents who ultimately do not have the stress management skills to prevent them from going to the point of no return. Those of us who are currently rearing children or who have done so know that at times children can really push our buttons and especially in their teens years or the &#8220;terrible twos&#8221; and fostering and adoption, due to the nature of the reasons some of the children are available to come into our lives, can require an even higher level of stress management and control.

I am the first to admit there were occasions where my hand and arm began moving involuntarily, ready to strike a target. The example that frightened me the most was the first time my oldest daughter (the one that I personally hatched) tried to imitate some behavior she had witnessed with some teens we fostered and told me to go *advertiser censored** myself. Like a king cobra striking my open hand made contact with the mouth that statement escaped from. One quick strike and I am not quite sure to this day exactly who it frightened the most. I do know that as she quickly approaches 40 she still apologizes if an obscenity slips out in front of me.

But horrible things can and do happen just that quick. She was a teen when this occurred not an infant or toddler but even extremely fussy babies and exhausted parents can approach the danger zone. Toddlers who are constantly one messy disaster ahead of you can try your patience. Special needs children can create frustrations you never imagined. Take the toddler for example, at the end of a long trying day you can remind yourself that it is a phase and it is only a matter of time until they become more civilized housebroken (not a reference to psychological breaking but the potty trained, cup drinking, self feeding, self dressing, hold your hand and walk, understand the words no and stop, children ) Imagine if you will a child like my Katie with special needs, autism combined with developmental delays.she was 2 for four years and has vacillated between 3 -5 depending on the skill for the last 5. Our goal is that she get to the developmental age of 8, an arbitrary goal without trying to be unrealistic.

Teenagers especially teens who are &#8220;in the system&#8221; can literally chew up and spit out inexperienced, under prepared, foster/adoptive parents without exemplary stress management skills, patience, creativity, understanding, compassion, self-control and anger management skills. Some of those teens have had multiple placement disruptions and are now determined to push far enough to create the situation where you will throw up yours hands and send them to the next placement before they can get invested or bond to anyone or anything there.

This is is one of the reasons I try to find the why in cases like Sherin&#8217;s. Which factors influenced this situation. Yes evil exists but more often a combination of factors and events or expectations create the road to that point of no return. Why were the parents unable or unwilling to halt the destructive path they were on? Most times we will never know for certain where the breakdown started or what was the final thing that pushed the situation in a deadly tailspin.

While we have a good understanding of the mechanics involved with certain other offender types such as the family annhilator or the grievance collector, it is much more difficult to pinpoint the the causes when parents who otherwise have appeared to be &#8220;good&#8221; people with no criminal history and are well thought of in their communities and churches even become killers.

So it is in that spirit that I offer you this odd info. I was asked to be a guest panel member in a few foster/adoptive training sessions for both parents and social workers. The one question that was always asked was my most important coping or parenting skills. My answer always left mouths agape. I gave some variety of this:

bread
pockets
gardening
love
creativity

Once everyone looked totally confused I continued..

Bread - there are few ways as productive and has such rewards while eliiminating stress and anger as making home made yeast bread. I do not mean using a bread machine! Bread making is practically a lost art and it is not as time consuming as some think. Concentrating on the ingredient gathering gives you a few minutes to take that deep breath and redirect you thoughts. Kneading the bread is a cheap upper body workout and the more vigorous the kneading the better the final result. So taking your frustrations and anger out on that lump of dough leaves you feeling refreshed and in back in control. If you are still in need of more stress release don&#8217;t worry you let your dough sit in a warm draft free area to rise while you can clean up, have a cup of tea or a quick shower and it is time to knead once more. One more kneading session shape into rolls, loaves, breadsticks or whatever makes you happy and rise again giving you time to take inventory of the wonderful things in your life. Now pop it in the oven and wait for the aroma to turn the savages into civilized family who can&#8217;t wait to get the first piece fresh from the oven slathered with butter (or butter substitute) no one can argue with their mouth full of bread and for some unexplained reason the aroma of fresh baked bread has a calming effect.

Pockets - I simply could not have survived parenthood without pockets. Pockets as we all know can serve as a temporary home to a multitude of items some planned and others a quick reaction. From vending machine coins to candy or tissues the possible inventory is limitless but that is not why I found them important. I am a very demonstrative and expressive person. I have always had a compulsion to hug anyone who seemed to be in pain of any type. Whether it is the homeless guy on the corner or a teenager in pain throwing F bombs at me or the skinned knee of a toddlers first sidewalk disaster. However there are times when a physical show of emotion is not appropriate or even safe. Not to mention those emotional flailings my hands and arms attempt when I am trying to make a point. So I found that as long as my hands remain in my pockets they can not move as a reflex on their own, potentially instilling fear in a child who has been a victim of abuse or being interpreted as aggressive or hostile. Giving them added security especially during conflict or when assigning behavioral consequences. Now back pockets are a whole new world of awesome. Most men only use back pockets for a wallet, handkerchief and maybe a comb. Women rarely use back pockets at all but why do mom jeans always have back pockets? I have an answer. If one finds themselves the subject of a child&#8217;s meltdown. I am not referring to the normal temper tantrums of youth but a full fledged meltdown. Restraint is a must. You are in a situation that requires you to prevent a child from harming him/her self or others while remaining calm yourself. However that is not easy. When the Vase that belonged to your grandmother explods against the wall or pictures start flying off the wall emotion will kick in. A response especially negative will only exacerbate the situation. So placing ones hands firmly in the back pockets with palms facing outward away from the body, grabbing onto the pocket fabric and holding on for dear life will prevent those same hands from any movement that you will later regret. Believe me when I say that in the years that we only fostered teenage girls who were getting one last chance at residential placement before institutional care, I went through a lot of back pockets.

Gardening - most people already know the basic benefits of gardening but I have a few more. First it is a wonderful project to get you children involved with that you can do while spending quality time. Even the picky &#8220;I don&#8217;t get my hands dirty types can contribute something. Gardening involving food items is productive, educational and fulfilling but flowers have powers of healing. Without going into basic botany we all remember from school the life process of plants. All living items have one purpose and that is to reproduce their identity group. Snapdragons have always been among my favorites because aside from their beauty and that they last well in cut arrangements seeing the wonder in the eyes of a child the first time you give that gentle squeeze to the bloom and make it &#8220;talk&#8221; for them is unforgettable. (Way beyond the time they plant donut seeds (Cheerios) and wait to see them grow) Annuals or plants that live only one season and reproduce by seeds have a life cycle of grow, bloom, make seeds and die but every gardener learns quickly that one can increase the ouput of the plant by delaying the completion of seeds. This involves a very simple process. One must remain vigilant and remove the blooms before the seeds are complete. I always found the pinch method the most effective for single bloom or clusters with large blooms such a snapdragons. Using clippers or scissors does not yield the same results. The better you are about removing the fading blooms the more abundant the flowers will become. So when stressed go out and pinch the heads off those defenseless little flowers because the more you pinch the less stress and more beauty. I always had the most beauttiful snapdragons around when I had teens in the house.

Love - It should be understood that love is a requirement but just as a reminder, the more love you give away the more that will come back to you.

Creativty - Not everyone wants to make bread or garden but you must find activities that can release the stress, anger and frustrations that come with the job both physically and emotionally. Finding activities that can include the children are beneficial on so many levels for all parties. From bonding, education, stress reduction to feeling of self worth or effort vs reward, the potential is limitless. When the children reached the age to be safely involved we started building holiday decorations. This was a rather inexpensive project that continued for years. With a garage or other shelter from seasonal elements it can be done year round. We starrted simple. I am not very good at free hand drawing so I bought an inexpensive jumbo coloring book for young children The kind with very simple pictures. I found full page pictures of simple Christmas ornaments (the kind that are basic shapes with the cap to hang them with. Cut out the design and trace onto your plywood or wood of choice. Cut it out with a jigsaw (back then it was a cheap Back & Decker that cost about $25). Drill a hole where the ribbon or hanging hook would be. Using a pencil to draw the lines from the original picture on the wood and let the children paint them. We used ribbon to hang them in our outdoor trees and they would spin beautifully in the wind. That was such a hit we moved to candy cane and lollipop stand ups and with the help of a more artistic friend gingerbread men. (I learned that newspapers sell the ends of the news print paper cheaply and it is a wonderful size and texture to make your project patterns. We bought light sets and drilled holes in the lollipops to light them up. As we continued we made a huge Santa&#8217;s sleigh with reindeer and packages to fill it up. One of our last Christmas items was the stable and manger for the nativity. We had great holiday decorations while building family unity and relieving stress. Once the yard was full for Christmas we started on Halloween. We used those cheap styrofoam coolers and craft store sheets of styrofoam to create headstones. A little grey primer spray paint and a large nail did the trick. We shaped the styrofoam in the desired shapes then spray painted them. The children used the nail to etch the epitaphs on them. It was amazing how good they looked and 2 bricks or rocks serve as a holder or a paint stirrer half in the ground half in the tombstone. If course we had the coffin and a 10&#8217; spiderweb made from yarn. The children would bring their friends over and let them add to our cemetery. Teaching a child how to use a hammer to drive a nail gives them a wonderful outlet for stress,anger, frustration and hurt as well as a handy skill throughout their life. I have seen my &#8220;clean Hands&#8221; girl take a piece of scrap wood and just drive as many nails as possible into it to vent.

Now that that I have yet again written a novella perhaps it will serve to get more people posting because I post less when I have lots to read LOL.

My point is that there are so many ways to be creative and inexpensively strengthen the family while reducing stress and conflict. It doesn&#8217;t always take &#8221;anger management&#8221; classes to deal with issues although they do help give people basic skills. I find that for me personally, keeping a q-tip in my pocket to rub before I respond or reciting &#8220;1 - 2 - 3 what the heck is bothering me&#8221; are not nearly as effective as productive methods that challenge both the mind and the body and actually reap a useful or usable end product. Once my first family of children left home I began woodworking. I find that the more I saw, hammer, and sand the better I feel and the better my furniture comes out.

JMHO
Happy Thanksgiving

AMEN and AMEN! Preach!

 

[Margo/Mom]

RBBM

:loveyou::loveyou::great::goodpost:
Great post. I knew you had it in you!

I agree adoption, home made or transplant you get no returns no guarantees, warranty voided. Each child grows as a bi=product of their biology and environment, nature and nurture. Some more one than the other. I have watched children grow and change after adoption but they always retain a degree of their genetic contributions too. Taking on the job of raising a child is always an unknown but the results are usually positive.

Warranty voided is a term I have used, along with directions missing.

But sometimes the best finds come from the bargain basement tables of overlooked treasures.

 

[JazzTune]

My problem here is this. We can pretty much narrow this down to just three possibilities. Wesly or Sini killed Sherin. Or they collaborated on her death.

Most of the things people are using to justify an inclination toward Sini (public silence, not searching, not "looking" appropriately concerned) could also be said of Wesley. And he also provided some bogus stories to LE.

Personally I lean in the direction of one killer with collaboration on some level in the cover-up. Because it would simply be too difficult (especially in light of Sherin's now-known absence from the dinner trip) for a non-involved parent to be wholly ignorant that something was going on.

Wesley is clearly the one who has taken the lead since the first report, at least based on what the police have revealed to us. And this includes twice offering up information that resulted in his own arrest. One theory seems to be that he is falling on his sword to protect Sini. One has to ask why. Why would he be doing all that he can (given the circumstances) to ensure that Sini stays out of jail and available to parent the older child? Would he be doing that if he believed her to be capable of murder or abuse unto death?

As hideous as this one is, I don't think at the end of the day that we will be looking at criminal insanity (sociopathy or an extreme narcissism), or the sorts of people who torture and kill either for fun or acting in the absence of conscience. More likely an escalation and spiralling of doing the wrong things, making matters worse, accumulating shame, anger and frustration and ultimately going too far. And then panicking And doing very stupid things to cover. Sometimes a whole pile of small but bad decisions can lead to the same outcome as one big bad one.

If the idea of possible 'criminal insanity' came from one of my previous posts, I am very sorry, and want to clarify that.

Malignant narcissists are not insane. They are not 'mentally ill' like many of my other patients.

They have no psychotic behavior. They know exactly what they are doing. Just sadistic, with no conscience.

They were only on my psychiatric unit because they tried to con the police. When arrested for a crime, they told the police they were suicidal.

That's how they ended up with us. They were never suicidal. They just believed they'd con the doctors too, and somehow manage to go free at discharge.

Never happened. The police were always waiting to escort them out the door.

All malignant narcissists do not end up in jail. Many hold jobs. In fact, they can often be found in leadership positions in their companies.

Politics and law seem to attract a fair share of them.

One of the worst was an attorney who embezzled a huge sum of money from his law firm. Was absolutely vicious on our unit.

Cunning. No conscience, no morals.

Hurting others is their game.

You are entitled to your opinion and I respect that. I just do not agree with it.

Nothing is a plausible explanation to me of their treatment of that child. Their actions do not reflect anger and frustration. Their actions reflect complete and total lack of care for her.

I could never put my dead dog inside a culvert. Much less my child.

That one action alone tells me exactly how they felt about her.

We can only wonder where Wesley and Sini will fit on the mental health scale.

But for little Sherin, it's really not going to make one bit of difference.

She's no longer around...



JMO

 

[Lucyray]

In this case and most of the child abuse related deaths we see they have some common threads. Ill prepared parents who ultimately do not have the stress management skills to prevent them from going to the point of no return. Those of us who are currently rearing children or who have done so know that at times children can really push our buttons and especially in their teens years or the “terrible twos” and fostering and adoption, due to the nature of the reasons some of the children are available to come into our lives, can require an even higher level of stress management and control.

I am the first to admit there were occasions where my hand and arm began moving involuntarily, ready to strike a target. The example that frightened me the most was the first time my oldest daughter (the one that I personally hatched) tried to imitate some behavior she had witnessed with some teens we fostered and told me to go *advertiser censored** myself. Like a king cobra striking my open hand made contact with the mouth that statement escaped from. One quick strike and I am not quite sure to this day exactly who it frightened the most. I do know that as she quickly approaches 40 she still apologizes if an obscenity slips out in front of me.

But horrible things can and do happen just that quick. She was a teen when this occurred not an infant or toddler but even extremely fussy babies and exhausted parents can approach the danger zone. Toddlers who are constantly one messy disaster ahead of you can try your patience. Special needs children can create frustrations you never imagined. Take the toddler for example, at the end of a long trying day you can remind yourself that it is a phase and it is only a matter of time until they become more civilized housebroken (not a reference to psychological breaking but the potty trained, cup drinking, self feeding, self dressing, hold your hand and walk, understand the words no and stop, children ) Imagine if you will a child like my Katie with special needs, autism combined with developmental delays.she was 2 for four years and has vacillated between 3 -5 depending on the skill for the last 5. Our goal is that she get to the developmental age of 8, an arbitrary goal without trying to be unrealistic.

Teenagers especially teens who are “in the system” can literally chew up and spit out inexperienced, under prepared, foster/adoptive parents without exemplary stress management skills, patience, creativity, understanding, compassion, self-control and anger management skills. Some of those teens have had multiple placement disruptions and are now determined to push far enough to create the situation where you will throw up yours hands and send them to the next placement before they can get invested or bond to anyone or anything there.

This is is one of the reasons I try to find the why in cases like Sherin’s. Which factors influenced this situation. Yes evil exists but more often a combination of factors and events or expectations create the road to that point of no return. Why were the parents unable or unwilling to halt the destructive path they were on? Most times we will never know for certain where the breakdown started or what was the final thing that pushed the situation in a deadly tailspin.

While we have a good understanding of the mechanics involved with certain other offender types such as the family annhilator or the grievance collector, it is much more difficult to pinpoint the the causes when parents who otherwise have appeared to be “good” people with no criminal history and are well thought of in their communities and churches even become killers.

So it is in that spirit that I offer you this odd info. I was asked to be a guest panel member in a few foster/adoptive training sessions for both parents and social workers. The one question that was always asked was my most important coping or parenting skills. My answer always left mouths agape. I gave some variety of this:

bread
pockets
gardening
love
creativity

Once everyone looked totally confused I continued..

Bread - there are few ways as productive and has such rewards while eliiminating stress and anger as making home made yeast bread. I do not mean using a bread machine! Bread making is practically a lost art and it is not as time consuming as some think. Concentrating on the ingredient gathering gives you a few minutes to take that deep breath and redirect you thoughts. Kneading the bread is a cheap upper body workout and the more vigorous the kneading the better the final result. So taking your frustrations and anger out on that lump of dough leaves you feeling refreshed and in back in control. If you are still in need of more stress release don’t worry you let your dough sit in a warm draft free area to rise while you can clean up, have a cup of tea or a quick shower and it is time to knead once more. One more kneading session shape into rolls, loaves, breadsticks or whatever makes you happy and rise again giving you time to take inventory of the wonderful things in your life. Now pop it in the oven and wait for the aroma to turn the savages into civilized family who can’t wait to get the first piece fresh from the oven slathered with butter (or butter substitute) no one can argue with their mouth full of bread and for some unexplained reason the aroma of fresh baked bread has a calming effect.

Pockets - I simply could not have survived parenthood without pockets. Pockets as we all know can serve as a temporary home to a multitude of items some planned and others a quick reaction. From vending machine coins to candy or tissues the possible inventory is limitless but that is not why I found them important. I am a very demonstrative and expressive person. I have always had a compulsion to hug anyone who seemed to be in pain of any type. Whether it is the homeless guy on the corner or a teenager in pain throwing F bombs at me or the skinned knee of a toddlers first sidewalk disaster. However there are times when a physical show of emotion is not appropriate or even safe. Not to mention those emotional flailings my hands and arms attempt when I am trying to make a point. So I found that as long as my hands remain in my pockets they can not move as a reflex on their own, potentially instilling fear in a child who has been a victim of abuse or being interpreted as aggressive or hostile. Giving them added security especially during conflict or when assigning behavioral consequences. Now back pockets are a whole new world of awesome. Most men only use back pockets for a wallet, handkerchief and maybe a comb. Women rarely use back pockets at all but why do mom jeans always have back pockets? I have an answer. If one finds themselves the subject of a child’s meltdown. I am not referring to the normal temper tantrums of youth but a full fledged meltdown. Restraint is a must. You are in a situation that requires you to prevent a child from harming him/her self or others while remaining calm yourself. However that is not easy. When the Vase that belonged to your grandmother explods against the wall or pictures start flying off the wall emotion will kick in. A response especially negative will only exacerbate the situation. So placing ones hands firmly in the back pockets with palms facing outward away from the body, grabbing onto the pocket fabric and holding on for dear life will prevent those same hands from any movement that you will later regret. Believe me when I say that in the years that we only fostered teenage girls who were getting one last chance at residential placement before institutional care, I went through a lot of back pockets.

Gardening - most people already know the basic benefits of gardening but I have a few more. First it is a wonderful project to get you children involved with that you can do while spending quality time. Even the picky “I don’t get my hands dirty types can contribute something. Gardening involving food items is productive, educational and fulfilling but flowers have powers of healing. Without going into basic botany we all remember from school the life process of plants. All living items have one purpose and that is to reproduce their identity group. Snapdragons have always been among my favorites because aside from their beauty and that they last well in cut arrangements seeing the wonder in the eyes of a child the first time you give that gentle squeeze to the bloom and make it “talk” for them is unforgettable. (Way beyond the time they plant donut seeds (Cheerios) and wait to see them grow) Annuals or plants that live only one season and reproduce by seeds have a life cycle of grow, bloom, make seeds and die but every gardener learns quickly that one can increase the ouput of the plant by delaying the completion of seeds. This involves a very simple process. One must remain vigilant and remove the blooms before the seeds are complete. I always found the pinch method the most effective for single bloom or clusters with large blooms such a snapdragons. Using clippers or scissors does not yield the same results. The better you are about removing the fading blooms the more abundant the flowers will become. So when stressed go out and pinch the heads off those defenseless little flowers because the more you pinch the less stress and more beauty. I always had the most beauttiful snapdragons around when I had teens in the house.

Love - It should be understood that love is a requirement but just as a reminder, the more love you give away the more that will come back to you.

Creativty - Not everyone wants to make bread or garden but you must find activities that can release the stress, anger and frustrations that come with the job both physically and emotionally. Finding activities that can include the children are beneficial on so many levels for all parties. From bonding, education, stress reduction to feeling of self worth or effort vs reward, the potential is limitless. When the children reached the age to be safely involved we started building holiday decorations. This was a rather inexpensive project that continued for years. With a garage or other shelter from seasonal elements it can be done year round. We starrted simple. I am not very good at free hand drawing so I bought an inexpensive jumbo coloring book for young children The kind with very simple pictures. I found full page pictures of simple Christmas ornaments (the kind that are basic shapes with the cap to hang them with. Cut out the design and trace onto your plywood or wood of choice. Cut it out with a jigsaw (back then it was a cheap Back & Decker that cost about $25). Drill a hole where the ribbon or hanging hook would be. Using a pencil to draw the lines from the original picture on the wood and let the children paint them. We used ribbon to hang them in our outdoor trees and they would spin beautifully in the wind. That was such a hit we moved to candy cane and lollipop stand ups and with the help of a more artistic friend gingerbread men. (I learned that newspapers sell the ends of the news print paper cheaply and it is a wonderful size and texture to make your project patterns. We bought light sets and drilled holes in the lollipops to light them up. As we continued we made a huge Santa’s sleigh with reindeer and packages to fill it up. One of our last Christmas items was the stable and manger for the nativity. We had great holiday decorations while building family unity and relieving stress. Once the yard was full for Christmas we started on Halloween. We used those cheap styrofoam coolers and craft store sheets of styrofoam to create headstones. A little grey primer spray paint and a large nail did the trick. We shaped the styrofoam in the desired shapes then spray painted them. The children used the nail to etch the epitaphs on them. It was amazing how good they looked and 2 bricks or rocks serve as a holder or a paint stirrer half in the ground half in the tombstone. If course we had the coffin and a 10’ spiderweb made from yarn. The children would bring their friends over and let them add to our cemetery. Teaching a child how to use a hammer to drive a nail gives them a wonderful outlet for stress,anger, frustration and hurt as well as a handy skill throughout their life. I have seen my “clean Hands” girl take a piece of scrap wood and just drive as many nails as possible into it to vent.

Now that that I have yet again written a novella perhaps it will serve to get more people posting because I post less when I have lots to read LOL.

My point is that there are so many ways to be creative and inexpensively strengthen the family while reducing stress and conflict. It doesn’t always take ”anger management” classes to deal with issues although they do help give people basic skills. I find that for me personally, keeping a q-tip in my pocket to rub before I respond or reciting “1 - 2 - 3 what the heck is bothering me” are not nearly as effective as productive methods that challenge both the mind and the body and actually reap a useful or usable end product. Once my first family of children left home I began woodworking. I find that the more I saw, hammer, and sand the better I feel and the better my furniture comes out.

JMHO
Happy Thanksgiving

This is the most perfect post I have seen! Brilliant! I have tears , literally, from reading this.

i will turn 60 this week.. My mother died from a complication of childbirth (mine), never making it out of the hospital. For three years, I lived with my gentle and genteel grandparents..my saving grace. For nine years after that I had a stepmother who hated me. I learned quickly never to cry, never to complain, never to speak unless spoken to; I learned that if I ever crossed my stepmother, she would beat me, pull my hair, make my nose bleed, whip me with a belt, put welts on my legs and my back, and if I cried it would be worse. My father never knew (or he had no options ..). I went from being a precocious child to becoming very insecure and shy. When they finally divorced I was so grateful. In later years it was my wonderful husband who helped me overcome many insecurities. All of that said, your post describes what I have always believed a perfect parent to be. My perceptions of SM raise red flags because of my own past. I wish all moms, all parents would live up to the description in your post. Sadly, not all do. (I add also, I do not rent any space in my brain to my stepmother. I chose in life to not look back.). Thank you for your thoughtful post.