Here is some of what Helen wrote in her blog about not sleeping. She does say she tried sleeping tablets but they didn't work. Somewhere I think I read she would never use them, but I haven't found it yet. This is from her posting called "Pillow Talk".
"Sleep.
In the first few months after the funeral, although it often took me until the early hours of the morning to nod off, with the help of American over-the-counter sleeping tablets I did sleep and I slept in. Even if I didnt get to sleep until three in the morning, dozing until nine or ten still gave me a good run of zzzzs. I used to read posts on grief forums about sleep-deprived widows, and seriously wonder if I could have loved JS as much as these insomniacs loved their partners, guilty that whilst they were tossing and turning, watching the hours tick by until dawn, I was out like a baby stuffed full of Calpol.
Oh, how things have changed.
I am now one of those widows I used to read about, awake at all hours, unable to get to sleep or stay asleep. Ive tried hot baths with smelly oils; herbal sleeping tablets which didnt work, and OTC sleeping tablets which make me feel drunk in the morning. I bought an electric blanket to try and make the bed more inviting, but lying with wires down the side and a controller on the bedside table reminds me of a hospital bed. I flirted with Horlicks, but sitting in my hospital bed under the electric blanket in my Snoopy nightie, drinking Horlicks with The Hound by my side, on his back with his plums in the air, I felt ready to be carted off to the sort of nursing home where the telly is too loud and everywhere smells of wee. So I stay up and look at strange internet sites and late night TV channels, but these are grief forums and QVC, and Im so exhausted that even if Alistair Campbell appeared at the end of my bed swinging a bag from Fettered Pleasures with a come hither look in his eyes, Id be too weary to pour myself into a bee outfit, and anyway, Id be worried the electric blanket would melt the PVC.
I do listen to the radio, but even that is fraught with danger. A piece on camping which seemed totally safe listening (the only tent Ill go into is one serving Pimms) had me tearfully reminiscing about a cottage in Northumberland we stayed in, right next to a camping site. A phone-in on what makes a long and happy marriage resulted in me shouting into the dark, Not dying helps! As to the phone-in on widowhood, it was grimly fascinating listening to the Welsh fireman who coped by sleeping with every available female; I presume his uniform was the pull it certainly wasnt his personality. Marieke rang in and came over brilliantly, but then straight after her, the radio host said, And now we have a caller from Barbados
Even The Hound looked sorry for me when I sighed, Can someone, please, just give me a break?"
I wish Ian would give her a break and admit his guilt but I'm sure he won't. I don't think he even knows he's lying.
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