GUILTY UK - Helen Bailey, 51, Royston, 11 April 2016 #6

[cottonweaver]

I very much doubt this is true. She certainly wasn't kicked from the widow fb group. You do sometimes get a bit of 'oh that's quick I couldn't do it that quick' judging on the messages people post about dating but that's all. I doubt she ever got any messages she couldn't handle and I very much doubt anyone would have blocked or unfriended her for dating someone so soon.

I think it is unfortunate with such a horrible thing happening to Helen it shows that one can be too vulnerable to date so soon. Obviously only very few people are evil sick money grabbing bar stewards but I suppose it's definitely something widows need to be aware of, just because of what a fragile mental state you're in at that time.


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am just reading her page which has guarded references to some of this Snoopy

"I’m sorry those widows are angry and disappointed in me, I really am, but they are not living my life and nor I theirs. Whilst I will always cherish the memories of JS and our time together, I believe there is a difference between honouring the past and clinging to it."

http://planetgrief.com/2012/03/26/brighton-belle/

ETA - just scrolling down the post comments and replies from Helen:
"Those that know me in real life...... do not or would not begrudge me a breather (and it is just a breather, not a cure) from the terrible pressure of grief. xx"

I also got a fuller picture from reading the comments from everyone in the reply list, without naming their names/pseudonyms, there's the bereavement counsellor and one or two who have known HB for many years, off-line.

 

[snoopydog]

Certainly quite a lot of it is, Helen wrote about it, I will try and get a link tomorrow.

ETA no need to wait for tomorrow -

http://planetgrief.com/2012/03/26/brighton-belle/

I do wonder if the backlash made Helen cling closer to her "GGHW". I'm sure some of the comments were purely unhelpful but there must have been some voices that were saying "too soon, too raw, be careful".

Ah ok. I stand corrected... doesn't sound like a massive issue though. 'A small band of widows' you're always going to get some. It's the I'll never marry again righteous bunch. Easily ignored and I'm sure Helen knew this.....


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[pinklilies]

Often with elderly people, they have a DNR (do not resusitate) in place. But Mol wouldn't have known if he did or not.

Sorry for going off topic but do they still do that Duchy? Crikey, hope they never decide me or mine (grammar error) are not worth saving.

 

[pinklilies]

I think he has revealed his motive -




This explains why it had to be disappearance, given his understanding of the power of attorney, rather than a discovered death.

This is what I thought too and posted about the other morning but got myself in knots and 'went round the houses' to explain, ha.

ETA: plus, if we change the She to I in those quotes that you posted, that's probably more like it.

I can't quote your original post in this one.

 

[hunkerdown]

For Helen [emoji173]


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[Moll]

Sorry for going off topic but do they still do that Duchy? Crikey, hope they never decide me or mine (grammar error) are not worth saving.

My fault for starting the off-topic bit about my experience with a 999 call I made that should perhaps have been a 101 call...but yes, Duchy is right, and right that I didn't know, although I knew what he'd said to me (but that wasn't good enough). His daughter told me later that he didn't have the requisite form. If he had, I probably wouldn't have found it. It's not a matter of not being worth saving of course, just saying that you don't want extreme efforts made if you conk out.

Thanks to all of you for being so kind about this, I really appreciate it.

 

[pinklilies]

My fault for starting the off-topic bit about my experience with a 999 call I made that should perhaps have been a 101 call...but yes, Duchy is right, and right that I didn't know, although I knew what he'd said to me (but that wasn't good enough). His daughter told me later that he didn't have the requisite form. If he had, I probably wouldn't have found it. It's not a matter of not being worth saving of course, just saying that you don't want extreme efforts made if you conk out.

Thanks to all of you for being so kind about this, I really appreciate it.

Last post about it [emoji51] so it's something you decide yourself, not that someone decides for you. Very different thank you.
Back on topic

 

[Moll]

This is what I thought too and posted about the other morning but got myself in knots and 'went round the houses' to explain, ha.

ETA: plus, if we change the She to I in those quotes, that's probably more like it.

As we keep noting, he often gives himself away with his oddly-phrased attempts to provide an alternative reality. 'This is what happened to Helen' supposedly said by Nick, or was it Joe, was the other striking example.

 

[Duchy]

Sorry for going off topic but do they still do that Duchy? Crikey, hope they never decide me or mine (grammar error) are not worth saving.

Yes but you make the decision yourself unless you don't have the mental capacity to do so, then NOK will make it. It's a topic which is being explored by Ken in Coronation Street at the moment. He recently had a stroke and although recovering well, he wants to do a DNR for the future. It has to be signed off by a doctor. It is also known as DNACPR.

https://www.resus.org.uk/faqs/faqs-dnacpr/

 

[jenspired]

I love this piece of art Helen's friend Jay created to honour Boris (publicly available)

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[badhorsie]

Last post about it [emoji51] so it's something you decide yourself, not that someone decides for you. Very different thank you.
Back on topic

One more tiny OT comment. Sometimes the ambulance service has an electronic reminder when someone has a DNAR in place. That is how the system should work, also a DNAR is decided upon with the full knowledge and co operation of the person named on the DNAR

 

[badhorsie]

I really hope that IS spends the weekend sweating and worrying about his ongoing cross examination. He probably won't though because he is a psychopath

 

[BlueMosaic]

That reminds me of the John Lennon's quote:

I have just printed this out. I need to replace the Leonard Cohen quote on the stairs about cracks letting the light in-my youngest is going through a relapse of chronic fatigue so I sometimes leave little messages and cards around .

FB really worked for IS-invoking a reaction which was probably a mix of bewilderment and concern and, yes, even momentary anger or envy, probably from people who didn't really know Helen . I am a newbee on this site but from all I have seen she was clearly much loved and cared for by her friends and family. There must have been concern about her vulnerability and his character and motives. Her mother's remarks about her (Eileen's)growing unease are telling. As to IS's remarks about the post Brighton episode, I doubt if her husband or brother would ever use the phrase, "big time" except in a jokey way.

 

[JudgeJudi]

[FONT=Guardian Text Egyptian Web, Georgia, serif]"[/FONT][FONT="]Now it feels like my heart doesn’t even exist"

[/FONT]I always found that a very strange thing to say. Considering this was a written statement and not something blurted out under duress, what does it really say?

Yes, it's more than strange because he never had a heart to begin with, and still doesn't. To torture her family and her friends with these hideous, monstrous lies is one thing, but to do it to his own sons!!! His cruelty knows no bounds and he's evil personified.

 

[Florrie]

Last post about it [emoji51] so it's something you decide yourself, not that someone decides for you. Very different thank you.
Back on topic

Yes you make the decision unless you cannot. My 90 yr old grandmother was asked when she went to a nursing home for a stay and she was adamant she did not want them to resuscitate her if anything happened. In fact something DID happen and the nurse in charge was new and didn't know Nan's wishes so they had to try and resuscitate her. The paramedics could see she had passed though so they did the minimum needed and then left her alone for which I will be forever grateful



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[Squamous]

I read the comments on the Brighton Belle piece after CW mentioned them. Turns out that IS had also posted pictures of Boris on his Facebook as an early clue to the fact he was seeing Helen too - which nearly gave Helen a heart attack (or WTTE). What a horrible man.

I still really dislike the pushy bereavement coach, including her comments on that entry, but that's just my personal bugbear. Obviously she had no idea who IS really was but calling him "the most wonderful man", ugh. I hope the outcome has given her cause to reflect on her practice a bit.

Changing topic but I am finding the comments about IS' weight a bit personal and irrelevant. Lots of people (you may guess that this includes me!) are overweight but that doesn't make them slobs or indicate anything about their personality.

 

[JudgeJudi]

Is this the photo? The first time I saw this photo my impression was that IS was a lazy slob. The hair is obvious but notice how his shirt buttons are not all done up, the collar is not ironed. He looks like he just got out of bed and threw on clothes that had been lying on the floor. Some one mentioned that towards the end that Helen felt she was living through "Men Behaving Badly".

I have always thought of IS as a covert narcissist, but I may be convinced he is more a psychopath as mentioned by others. He does seem well aware that that he does not operate like a normal human with the full range of emotions and drives. A covert narcissist would not have that self awareness.

And now to try and attached this photo - first time trying this so apologies if I stuff it up!

This photo of him caught my attention too. I'd describe his look as feral.

 

[Interested Bystander]

I really hope that IS spends the weekend sweating and worrying about his ongoing cross examination. He probably won't though because he is a psychopath

I think he will be totally shocked with a guilty verdict. I am sure he believes he has given a brilliant account that will get him off!

 

[Alyce]

Maybe because if she signed and then died the sale would be held up? Whereas if she died and he used POA to sell it wouldn't get held up? Don't know if this is the case it's just and idea.

Very good thought.

Or even, he may have been thinking that if she was just * missing * the sale could carry on, with him being in control.
It couldnt of course, but he didnt realise that. Clearly he didnt research LPAs properly.

 

[Alyce]

I was just reading about the Brighton time a couple of nights ago, Tortoise - hang on a moment and I shall find it. OK it is within the Chapter, titled 'Brighton Belle'. Page 252/253

Cutting to the moment where Helen writes about their time away.
.... Which is why having two nights and three days in Brighton with GGHW was so lovely. It was (in memory terms) neutral ground, the weather was great, the hotel lovely. We went wild, spending 50p each on the push 2p machines and won a pencil; we ate fresh doughnuts and drank champagne; we lay fully clothed on the nudist beach and felt the early spring sunshine warm our faces. But most of all we laughed and laughed.

At one point, sitting on Brighton Pier, GGHW announced that he was going to 'Check In' on Facebook on his phone. 'Shall I put who I am with?' he teased.

...... etc

Throwing caution to the wind and in holiday mood, i urged GGHW to go ahead and tag me on FB.

The button got pressed. We giggled like teenagers at our recklessness. I then posted a picture on my FB page.
And that is how the group of online friends reacted (as Helen explains in widowhood groups - it is upsetting when others 'move on' after such grief - and she had many angry messages - and her FB friend count dwindled).

I remember when I read that ( I read the book while Helen was * missing * ) I thought it sounded a bit odd...

It was only later when I had done a bit more lookin around ( as I call it, some might say research ! ) and I saw ISs FB page and thought, he does not look or sound like the kind of person who *checks in on Facebook* every five minutes.
So it was done quite deliberately at a point when Helen was having a lovely time and he catches her off guard in a happy, reckless moment.
He knows she will never blame him afterwards, even if she suffers for it -because of course he asked her permission didnt he.
It's like the nurse and the police all over again, asking them if he should go on holiday. Nothing is ever his fault.