Feeling so very sombre this evening. Too many thoughts and emotions. Mainly sadness and anger.
This is one of the most horrific and terrifying cases our country has ever seen. Not just a nurse but a neonatal nurse, the amount of trust parents have to put into these nurses is beyond measure. I practically had to be dragged away from my baby every night because I hated leaving her there to be looked after by strangers. You’ve just given birth, your hormones are going crazy, you’re up on the ward full of other mums with their babies crying, family and friends coming in with balloons and taking pictures. I’ll never forget being discharged while my daughter was still in neonatal walking out the doors without her and seeing other parents leaving carrying their babies cosy in car seats. I sobbed all the way home.
Now I think of those parents who never got to take their baby home. Had to go back and pack away the Moses basket, the clothes, the nappies, the car seat. When your baby is in neonatal the only thing you have to look forward to is your baby coming home, you hope and pray for that day and it’s all you focus on. LL ripped that hope from so many parents. She stamped all over their hearts, betrayed their trust in the worst way possible, abused her position as someone trusted to care for these vulnerable little babies, she revelled in every single moment.
She excitedly text colleagues wanting them all to know about the drama we now know she’d caused. She pretended to think it was ‘awful’, pretended to feel sorry for the parents, spoke about dads being on the floor screaming. She looked into parents eyes and said she was sorry for their loss, she made memory boxes and dressed their tiny little bodies, she gloated about having given one victim her first bath. She portrayed herself as a hardworking, devoted, career driven nurse. She pretended to care. She stole handover notes so she’d always remember parents names, she kept them as trophies, she searched for parents on Facebook on Christmas Day hoping to see a ‘missing you at Christmas’ post so she could enjoy seeing the heartache she’d caused. She wrote a sympathy card with hollow empty words. She told bereaved parents ‘you’ve had long enough now put him in here’ or (words to that effect) as they cradled their dying child.
She hovered around that unit like the grim reaper. And now her evil house of cards has collapsed around her she can’t even face the music in court, she can’t even come up to hear her fate, face the parents, face her parents. She wants complete power and control, and because she’s lost it in every other aspect, the only control she has left is denying her victims parents the chance to physically see her get sentenced and taken away as a convicted multiple murderer.
I have never felt so much total disdain and hatred for an individual in my life. The betrayal is horrifying, the level of calculation and deceit is terrifying. Plain boring ‘nice’ Nurse Lucy - The most prolific child killer of recent times, the only neonatal serial killer in British history. I hope she is haunted forever.
There’s a lump in my throat that just won’t go away. Even though we felt it coming at some point, the reality is really sinking in and it’s so difficult to fathom that anyone could do this but she said it herself ‘I AM EVIL I DID THIS’ - yes she did and now the world knows it too.
This is all JMO and IMOO
