Found Deceased VA - Nicole Clardy Mittendorff, 31, Woodbridge, 13 April 2016 - #2

[winterrose]

As with so many we read about here, you come to know them for awhile reading their story, seeing their photos. You come to care about them and their families, which makes it sadder. This outcome was my last thought, I just couldn't imagine someone so beautiful and young with her strength and drive taking her own life away. You never know the state of mind and sadness a person can be going through just by looking at them.

What brought her to this point we've only heard pieces of, but even in her state of mind she called in to let them know so her shift would be covered. She won't be forgotten, her story's gotten all over the world, and I hope anyone that has the same thoughts will reach out for help. They'll see that people care, and will listen if they'll only let others know they need help.

 

[MiniMoo]

Some previous thread writer thought she was found somewhere flat. I understand now it was "treacherous rocky terrain".

In what direction from the trail? Eg North or South West.

And are there any meadows or fields near there or below it perhaps for someone to maybe think flat or no heights.

A short distance below one of the falls.

 

[RPsleuth]

What I don't understand is if there was a suicide note in the car and LE picked up her car on Saturday, why did it take until Thursday to acknowledge the suicide note and find her then. Why the delay?


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[grsz11]

What I don't understand is if there was a suicide note in the car and LE picked up her car on Saturday, why did it take until Thursday to acknowledge the suicide note and find her then. Why the delay?


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Privacy

 

[RPsleuth]

Privacy

So privacy not to let the public know. My point is why didn't they find her sooner if they found the suicide note on Saturday. Or did they not look in the car on Saturday? You would think the suicide note would be in plain sight when they found the car.

 

[grsz11]

So privacy not to let the public know. My point is why didn't they find her sooner if they found the suicide note on Saturday. Or did they not look in the car on Saturday? You would think the suicide note would be in plain sight when they found the car.

I'm sure they had it. And I'm sure they have been methodically covering ground but it's impossible to do a grid search so maybe were slowly working their ways further from the trail

 

[MiniMoo]

It is a sad outcome really. Feel strongly for her family and it is truly a tragic loss of a young life.

Suicide isn't, and I am no expert, always about someone being depressed or hitting rock bottom though.

I know of a newly married couple that did it because they wanted to die in that state of absolute happiness.

Therefore, I question it when some start to bring mental illness into it, because some have committed suicide in the most happiest of states. If "assisted suicide" or "Euthanasia" can be touched on here at this point and it is a choice some terminally ill people make as they do not want to suffer or have less quality to life - is that due to mental illness? I think not.

Not that I support suicide or anything, but I do not always think "mental illness" is the cause for some of them. In regards to this case I think I would like to see what pans out when it is pieced together.

Damn waste of life and for those left to pick up the pieces is the saddest part of it all.

 

[hazel0206]

Topo map, accessed at
http://www.hikingupward.com/SNP/WhiteOak/images/Map.pdf :

Sorry - looks tiny, but you have the link. Bottom line, it looks steep. Closer the lines, steeper the slope. Steep on both sides in the lower part of the trail.

 

[hazel0206]

PS - the topo map may seem too little, too late, but it was part of a message I sent VSP earlier.

 

[Lots2Learn]

My heart is shattered for Nicole and her family. May she rest and peace. She is no longer suffocated by her sadness anymore.
My heart and mind are with her family. My husband committed suicide almost a year ago and I find that the guilt and those thoughts and feelings of I caused this somehow , what could I have done different
, never go away. It's an ache and a torture I'm not sure you ever surpass.
One thing I have learned ok this journey is that the person doing this is not selfish. In their mind they are doing this because they feel it is best for everyone. They feel like they are a burden , they are unneeded that life is better without them. That includes kids and spouses.
I will hush now ... But I am praying for her family and friends


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[RPsleuth]

My heart is shattered for Nicole and her family. May she rest and peace. She is no longer suffocated by her sadness anymore.
My heart and mind are with her family. My husband committed suicide almost a year ago and I find that the guilt and those thoughts and feelings of I caused this somehow , what could I have done different
, never go away. It's an ache and a torture I'm not sure you ever surpass.
One thing I have learned ok this journey is that the person doing this is not selfish. In their mind they are doing this because they feel it is best for everyone. They feel like they are a burden , they are unneeded that life is better without them. That includes kids and spouses.
I will hush now ... But I am praying for her family and friends


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I'm sorry for your loss. God bless you. Stay strong. God bless Nicole as well and her family.

 

[Snoopster]

My heart is shattered for Nicole and her family. May she rest and peace. She is no longer suffocated by her sadness anymore.
My heart and mind are with her family. My husband committed suicide almost a year ago and I find that the guilt and those thoughts and feelings of I caused this somehow , what could I have done different
, never go away. It's an ache and a torture I'm not sure you ever surpass.
One thing I have learned ok this journey is that the person doing this is not selfish. In their mind they are doing this because they feel it is best for everyone. They feel like they are a burden , they are unneeded that life is better without them. That includes kids and spouses.
I will hush now ... But I am praying for her family and friends


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Thank you for sharing Lots2Learn. You are very insightful. I'm so sorry for what you've had to deal with. Stay strong.
:grouphug:

 

[tlcya]

Police have confirmed the female remains found Thursday in Shenandoah National Park are that of missing Fairfax County firefighter Nicole Mittendorff.

[...]

Police say in addition to finding Nicole's body, they also found a suicide note in her vehicle. Police do not believe her death is suspicious, and have also ruled out foul play.

http://wjla.com/news/local/womans-b...al-park-during-search-for-missing-firefighter

Rest in Peace Nicole. Praying for her loved ones.

 

[mayita]

Or, because of who her husband is, in deference to him, they left that out.

also food for thought - I was talking to my husband about this and possible mental illness and he said even if so, he doubted she would have gone and gotten diagnosed bc that would have been the end of her career. I don't know how accurate that is, but it could certainly have played a role if in fact her job was her ray of light so to speak.

I speak only from experience. Most government workers have an EAP which is 100% confidential and if you have insurance (She probably did) you can go to mental health doctors and HIPAA prevents your employer from knowing (unless you disclose). They only disclose if you are making threats.

Depression is like a broken bone. You have to treat it, it just does not go away.

It saddens me because suicide is preventable and no one should be ashamed or afraid to lose their job because they have depression.

 

[helpfulcharlie]

I'm curious if the searchers knew about the note and were expecting to find her body.

Sometimes we are briefed on this fact, and sometimes they aren't, but knowledge of such things tends to leak into the field. Of course, searchers in the field take unbriefed info (and even briefed info) with a grain of salt, and are generally prepared to find a subject in any condition. We know the potential outcomes, and we're thinking about all of them as we search.

 

[bookboarder]

I am so sad to read this news. I come from a family [including me, obviously] that has been dealt many mental health issues. Both of my parents suffer from depression as well as a step-parent. My grandmother's mother took her own life and that has caused such sadness in our hearts over the years-- those of us who were left behind never stop struggling with the what-ifs. Shortly after my great-grandmother killed herself [and accidentally blew up the family home] her father also killed himself.

Now, nearly 100 years later, I'm 36 and a wife and the mother of two wonderful little boys [and 5 miscarried babies I hope to meet one day in heaven]. Unfortunately since my early teen years I've dragged myself through the depths of depression.

Sometimes it's manageable, sometimes it has torn my world apart. But I keep on going, even when it feels like an immediate end to the pain would have to be better than what turmoil was happening both in my head and life.

I just wanted to impart this story just to remind everyone how one person's choices affect those around them for years to come. Rest well now, Nicole, I pray for your family as their grief will likely cross generations as it has in my family. Only she knows why she felt this was the best course of action, but some are very easily able to conceal their mental health issues. There should be no stigma attached to mentail health but sadly, there is. If anyone reading this is feeling that suicide is an option and try to think of those you'll leave devastated in your wake.

I am certain my great-grandmother never thought I would feel repercussions from her suicide in the 1920s, but I do. For me, though, it has been a source of strength. No matter what I keep fighting this cancer of depression because I understand the pain it will inflict on people I had never considered. No matter what, no matter how badly it hurts I won't take my own life. I couldn't bear the burden it would saddle on my little ones or husband. I guess that goes along with my people-pleaser atttitude but it's true, always remember... "This too, shall pass...".

I will hold Nicole and her loved ones in prayer for some time because this is a wound that cuts deeply and heals slowly.

 

[curiouser_]

I speak only from experience. Most government workers have an EAP which is 100% confidential and if you have insurance (She probably did) you can go to mental health doctors and HIPAA prevents your employer from knowing (unless you disclose). They only disclose if you are making threats.

Depression is like a broken bone. You have to treat it, it just does not go away.

It saddens me because suicide is preventable and no one should be ashamed or afraid to lose their job because they have depression.

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

[MzOpinion8d]

They will do tests so see if the note is written by her, but in this case there are so many things that point to suicide. I guess I´m not allowed to say anything about that here, but I think a lot of people who met the challenges that Nicole has met the last months would probably contemplate suicide themselves.

These rules are really confusing me, I´m sorry.

Everything is allowed until it's not. And everything isn't allowed until it is. Easy!! LOL. J/k! It can be very confusing.

 

[SimplySara]

I'm new here, joined because of this case. I wrote in the other thread, about being an RN in Fairfax County and about how the emts, FF's and people in Healthcare can be pretty mean. I had one RN respond that I was insulting the profession to say that. But it's been my experience, my brother being a paid paramedic/firefighter went through years of what we would call bullying. I've been through some significant bullying from fellow nurses, maybe it's just my area of Northern Virginia, I don't know.
I am aware there are lots of things we can't say here. Don't really know what can or can't be said. But I just got off of the night shift at work and pretty much everyone knows this situation with NM all who work in the ED and in the FF community in FFX are aware of what happened with NM. Most people are really upset, some don't care, some say it was just locker room talk that shouldn't be taken so seriously.
But it happened and now the community is left with this and I hope everyone learns from it. It's truly very sad, one never knows what would make someone commit suicide, but we know some things don't help.
Everyone needs to remember to be kind to everyone because you never know who is fighting a battle.
Rest in Peace Nicole. I'm so very sorry for those who loved her who have been left behind.
Last Year in the spring in March right before he was to graduate in May from JMU my cousin killed himself. He always helped everyone and on his Facebook he always posted uplifting messages to never give up, stuff about hope and the sun will always come out again, etc. It was a shock to everyone when he committed suicide. His mother, my Aunt walked across the stage for him on his graduation day and received his bachelors degree. He was her only child. My point is, even when it seems that someone has it all together we never know what's inside, many people aren't thinking about that and can act horribly towards others without thinking. I wish people would think first. Sadly some people will never learn as evidenced by the people I spoke with last night, being crass and blase about what transpired in the months leading up to NM's death. That's really too bad. Suicide does also affect the ones left behind for years and years.

 

[mayita]

maybe it's just my area of Northern Virginia, I don't know.

I moved from Woodbridge VA for 2 reasons: Awful traffic and what I call, the disconnect. People is disconnected. If you are an outsider (which I am) is hard to make friends. It is not only the HealthCare field; DC attracts people that live for work, are materialistic, shallow and disconnected.

Then I went to work (still in DC) meet my fiancé and we have been together for 2 years. We feel the same way about the whole DC area but in my opinion PWC is the worst, also because a lot of people is very racist, sexist etc.

Now we live in MD; I like it better. It is more diverse and where I live people is not as materialistic as NOVA.

JMO based on 2 years in Woodbridge, VA and 13 in NOVA all together.