Lilibet
Southern Oregon
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- Apr 13, 2013
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BBMWould an approach that avoided violence not have led to a better outcome?
Dominion students are all kinds of messed up. The potential for violence in a 17 yo male Dominion student is high... *Any* 17 yo male Dominion student.
I have teenagers. I am very interested in how one might handle this situation without risking one's life. If I know one of my child's friends may be violent, how might I address that without triggering that violence?
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I think handling that situation without triggering violence is easier said than done. You and I talked about this very early in post #42 before we knew about what kind of school it was or that the daughter was messed up too. At that point we thought the main problem was his Nazi viewpoint. Im not sure if what I said then (quoted below) is even applicable...it sounds kind of naive with what we now know. Im a firm believer in approaching volatile situations in a peaceful, calming way. I still think showing how much you care gets better results than alienation. If I knew that the boyfriend was capable of violence, I would tread very, very lightly. But sometimes decisive action is needed.
Buckleys apparent goal was to protect her daughter from acquiring repugnant beliefs. I think that horse had already left the barn and her daughter was clearly part of the problem. It sounds as if Buckley felt that taking a public stand against Nazi beliefs was hugely important. Maybe she realized that her daughter was already on the dark side and all she could do is stand firm for her own values, no matter what. Its impossible to second guess her decisions. Dying for what you believe is not the worst thing someone can do, although I doubt that was her intent, of course. I wish I had an answer. But Im still on the side of a peaceful approach.
I think the only approach that would work is cultivating an extra close and understanding relationship with their daughter and counteracting his indoctrination over time, not in one intervention. Let her explain her new views, if she would admit them. Let him explain his views. Keep calm and keep lines of communication open...easier said than done! The Mom was asking about WWII videos they could show their daughter, so she realized that was needed. At what point she realized that, Im not sure. I totally understand her sense of panic, but extreme action is just going to make a teen dig in their heels. Im sure they had no idea that he would be so dangerous though. What a tragedy.