There was some exceptionally high quality info on BPD right at the end of the last thread, so I thought I'd bring it over.....
Blefuscu, Post #1:
I'm medicated too. I still go through periods of cycling. Especially when I'm in a very stressful situation. I'm on diazepam at the moment as I am dealing with some stuff, and I'd be literally asleep if I had to sit in a court for hours at a time trying to concentrate on testimonies. Many BPD sufferers also self harm. It's a major factor in BPD. People with BPD also have low self worth. They tend to think that the are ugly, useless, unattractive. CMJA certainly doesn't think that! She is flirty, her photos from before prison show she's confident in her body image, she's narcissistic. It peed me off to hear her, frankly pathetic, faux suicide attempt. EVERY person I know with BPD has cut themselves at some point in their life. I'm rather ashamed to admit, but up until 10 years ago I had a big problem with self harming. But CMJA managed one small nick to her arm and then stopped because it stung? I'm calling BS! She has SOME symptoms of BPD, but they could also be attributed to other personality disorders.
I'm also amazed how for someone with supposed PTSD she hasn't had ANY typical PTSD reaction during the trial. She has listened to autopsy reports, seen photos, been around people with guns, heard others talk about the supposed domestic violence she endured, she herself talked about it, and no PTSD reactions. No freaking out, no dissociation, no panic attacks, no flashbacks, nothing. The whole premise of PTSD is that the trauma has mentally scarred you. My PTSD has me freaking out if I hear a certain song never mind talk about the trauma.
It angers me that conditions that I live with, BPD, severe depression, PTSD, Battered Women's Syndrome are all being used by CMJA and yet we see no evidence of her suffering from any side effects of those conditions. I'm not an expert, I put my faith entirely in Janeen DeMarte, but I can spot someone with BPD and PTSD a mile off, and I've sat and watched CMJA specifically trying to see BPD and PTSD ever since they were mentioned. I've gone over tapes and court testimony that she's done. I'm just not feeling it with her.
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Blefuscu, Post #2:
Thank you for your lovely post. And I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is harming. It's an awful situation. I wish her all the best. She's got a good mam beside her.
I also have tattoos to cover my scars. They help me to cope with what I was left with.
I watched both the Troy Hayden and (OMG I can't remember the other guy's name~the one she called a hater). Her manipulation is, to me, much different from a BPD's manipulation. When you hear manipulation you automatically assume it's a deliberate, negative action. I think that a true BPD doesn't mean that. It's not always a wilfully negative thing. BPD's are terrified of abandonment. They are terrified of being judged. They are terrified of being alone. CMJA's manipulation appears much more sinister. She downright lies! Even after the guilty verdict she tries to flirt her way out of the situation with the two male interviewers.
I have problems with empathy. It's extremely hard for me to empathise. HOWEVER in situations I can do it. I feel enormously for Travis' family. I feel grief stricken at times for their loss. I have emotional instability not no emotions at all. It's been described to me by a health care provider by saying "imagine you have no skin above your nerve endings. Imagine how much more pain you would feel because those nerve endings are being triggered all the time. With BPD your emotional "nerve endings" are being constantly triggered, and so you feel emotions much more severely than others, you don't have the coping tools to deal with feelings like a "normal" adult would, your emotional growth stopped for you when you were a young teenager and so you cope with and react to emotions much like a hormonal teenager would."
CMJA displays far too much composure for me. Far too much. BPD's are often intelligent. I've got an IQ of 152, but my coping skills are at an average 13-14 year old teenager level. When Troy Hayden interviewed CMJA 20 minutes after the guilty verdict came out I expected her to be in a total emotional mess. But she was calm, she was composed, she could verbalise exactly what she thought about the verdict. It doesn't make sense from a BPD point of view.
She relished in talking about how nasty Travis was. How badly he treated her. How awful it all was. That's just not how PTSD works. She should have been near breakdown point. She should have noticeable physical reactions to traumatic stimuli. She should have heightened reflexes to things like unexpected noise (doors banging etc) but she doesn't have that.
As a mitigating factor BPD cannot be used. Not by itself. I get psychotic sometimes, because of the severe depression that co-exists with the other mental health issues I have. If I was having a psychotic episode then that could be a mitigating factor if I ever committed a crime. But my psychosis doesn't just last hours like my mood can. The last psychotic episode I had lasted nearly a month until the got the anti-psychotic meds at the right combination and level and I was in hospital.
I hope the jury don't put too much weight on the BPD as a mitigator. I feel that would be an injustice to the people who live with BPD and never hurt anyone. As someone said a BPD is much more likely to hurt themselves than another person and suicidal behaviour with BPDs has been reported to affect as many as 80% of sufferers. I have had to work damn hard to live with my mental health problems. I don't make excuses for my behaviour because of them. I don't feel sorry for myself. I want to show the world that experiencing significant trauma throughout life, and surviving domestic violence can be done.
lease:
