Hello all. I know I'm new to posting in this discussion, but I was just so disgusted last night with this case I felt compelled to post.
Last night as I was lying in bed about to fall asleep I kept running the same thought over in my head.
There is no shame.
No one today seems to have any shame or pride. Nothing is private. It used to be only your close friends and family knew who you were as a person and could make judgment calls on your life. It used to be that if you acted out or did something questionable, they called you on it and you were held accountable by your own shame. With sites like myspace and facebook, blogs and social networking in general I see young people and some older folks posting the most ridiculously private and shameful things as if they were proud of them.
Thankfully not everyone uses these sites to bloat their egos by sharing with the entire world how they partied their a$$es off all weekend, did drugs, slept with multiple people, etc. But many in this younger generation do just this. Oh and there are lot's of photo's and video's posted to back up their claims of coolness.
I myself am 38 years old. I have three children. I was part of the "latch key" generation. My parents could've cared less about where I was, as long as I was home before the street lights came on. And if I were caught doing something bad I was held accountable. No if's and's or but's about it. I knew there would be consequences. And if I did do something crazy or silly or kid-like, then it was a SECRET. Something which usually was later found out by the people who knew me (Mom, Dad, etc) and I was once again held accountable. I had learned SHAME and PRIDE through good choices. I had developed that little voice that guides my actions. I had a conscience.
Now, hang with me here for a second. There are a few things in the above equation that are responsible for the learning of shame and pride in good choices and it shaped my behavior.
First of all, fear. I was fearful of the consequences of my actions or poor choices. Secondly, my group of friends (as we had no internet and had to go outside to seek friendships) was smaller. I was less likely to meet people who didn't really care about me and encouraged me to make poor choices. Oh there were those people around but not 500 of them on myspace egging me on. Instead I had one or two best friends (not BFF's but REAL friends) that always pulled me back to reality. I also had Grandparents who guided me in the absence of my mother and step-father. They EXPECTED something more of me than to run around like a lunatic doing whatever I wanted. And then I also had the sense of community that kept me grounded knowing that I would be the talk of the town. Like the time two friends and I drove my mothers car down the street and got caught. People who knew us, saw us and told my mother without fear my mother would turn things around on them. She would actually direct her frustration where it belonged.....with me. Scolding me and teaching me a lesson about lying, stealing and respect.
Now I see these kids all over these social networking sites bragging about things I would've been embarrassed of then and now. They are "best friends" egging one another on, encouraging shameful behavior. There is no respect for one's self or respect for others. There is bullying and promiscuity, false pride and disrespect. There is no real and true parental presence in their lives.
For example, my niece. She has a myspace page and has had this page since she was 12 years old. Her mother knows but either doesn't understand or doesn't care. I became "friends" with her on her page. One day I noticed she posted pictures of herself that were very questionable, as well as pictures and video of the front of her home, the school and grade she was in, etc. Things a pedophile could see and use to hurt her. First thing I did was call her mother to warn her. And guess what happened? I was screamed at on the phone! I think her mother felt embarrassed and "bothered" by it instead of concerned and appreciative of the information. I did not in any way approach her with venom or in order to shame her parenting skills. I was genuinely concerned for this child and the direction in which she was headed. Just like when I was a kid and called out for "borrowing" my mothers car and my neighbor reported to my mother my activities. Except like I said earlier, my mother held ME accountable and not my accuser. After all, they were my actions. I had to own them.
And so after turning this over in my head and relating it to this case I have an opinion of my own. And indeed part of that opinion is based on things I have read on this family's myspace pages they felt the need to make public just as if we knew one another personally and lived in the same town. I guess we could call that town the internet.
I believe this Casey girl (dare I call her a woman) cares nothing about anyone but herself. She does not see past her own nose. She is disconnected with the real world. Her family, as it appears to me, cannot handle her. There is/was no accountability or discipline. There is no shame. I am fairly sure Casey could pretty much do whatever she wanted without any real consequences because either her parents just threw their hands up and she had plenty of party friends encouraging her to continue with her shameful behavior, or she is just plain crazy. Either way someone should have stepped in long ago and rescued that child from a mother like that. After all, it is obvious in this little town we call the internet that she did not respect herself or others. She lies. She steals. She is promiscuous. She is irresponsible. In any town in the United States she would be viewed as the girl you don't bring home to your mother. Of course that would have been a generation ago..........
And so I have one thing to say to the family, to Casey, to the father or boyfriend and his family. SHAME ON YOU. Shame on you for not being engaged in your daughters life enough to care about her and her child. To not care enough to do something before any of this happened. To not care enough to do something now but point fingers at everyone but yourself. Shame on you for attacking and blaming others who just call it like they see it. After all, if you had cared long before this, maybe it would have never happened and no one would even know your name.