DV is not just physical. Red flags I noticed, based on the
Power and Control Wheel developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, MN
Using coercion and threats
- threatening to leave (why, if they were both just going to take walks, as he claimed, did she have to force herself into the driver's side door and climb over him? he had locked her out; the implication that he was leaving was clear)
Using emotional abuse
- putting her down ("she's crazy")
- making her feel bad about herself (she blamed herself for being 'OCD'; he didn't think she could become an influencer)
- making her think she's crazy (If he said "she's crazy" so casually to the police, chances are he's said it directly to her before, too)
- making her feel guilty (her repeated "I'm sorry")
Using isolation
- controlling what she does... where she goes (he was the primary driver; he wanted to leave the public coffee shop, so they did; told her that she needed to take a walk to cool down)
Minimizing, denying, blaming
- making light of abuse (him joking with police about the whole situation)
- shifting responsibility for abusive behavior (he said he was grabbing her face because she was trying to get the keys - which are
hers!)
- saying she caused it
Using male privilege
- acting like "master of the castle" (the fight was, according to him, because he kept tracking dirt into the van and moving her things around, which he just laughs off like she's being unreasonable to ask him to clean up after himself)