Found Deceased AZ - Benjamin Anderson, 41, Car found burned, Phoenix, 31 Dec 2021

[DustysMom]

That’s a very interesting interview. I have two observations.

The first one is that the father worked at a car dealership prestigious enough to have service appointments not just with the dealership but with an actual service manager. That sounds like a high end make to me. Like IMO Lexus, BMW, Cadillac, Mercedes etc

My experience in previously owning a Chevrolet - and a very expensive high performance Camaro at that - is that it would just go to the dealership for its service and my interaction with the service department was with whoever was on shift at the time. No service manager was in charge of the car.

Was this a some sort of ruse to steal Dan’s car and had the father clocked him at the high end dealership before and thought he’d be an easy target? Maybe they convince him he won a prize and that’s why he canceled brunch plans?

I’m undecided if this was or wasn’t a homophobic attack.

My second observation is probably nothing but in spite of the car being totally burned out it appears that the rims and tires have not been destroyed and melted. Was this photo taken where the car was found or after the police department had it towed or removed? I would expect that alloy rims would have been completely destroyed in the fire.

I look forward to these scum going to jail. Is AZ a death penalty state?

Not sure about the dealership/service manager position pointing to a high end car dealership. But it’s VERY interesting that someone in the friend group had an appointment set up by RK, the man accused of murdering (or involved in some way) Benjamin Anderson. It was my understanding that all dealerships have a service manager who is a liaison between customers and the mechanics and is responsible for the efficient running of that department. Sometimes, the service manager will schedule appointments and explain/sell repairs/maintenance to customers, but there are usually other people in the department who do that as part of their job. That’s just been my experience with a number of different cars, domestic and foreign, both in IL and AZ. Also had family members who worked in dealerships.
Anyway —-
My main takeaway was - and as a daughter of LE, I don’t like writing this -
Phoenix/Maricopa county LE must be understaffed with a bunch of lazy bozos. Jaden should have been arrested and in jail awaiting trial for murdering his friend in a public park, which would have prevented BA’s senseless murder. DS and friends and family should’ve been notified that Benjamin was found off Table Mesa when they reported him missing hours later - instead they were forced to do their own detective work. THEIR work did result in finding Benjamin’s car and suspects in a parking garage that had security cameras. Yet, it took four years - FOUR - to recommend charges to the DA. RECOMMEND! no one formally charged or arrested!
IMO - The reason there have been very FEW updates from LE over the last FOUR years is because they are embarrassed by the shoddy investigation. They weren’t holding back information because they were tracking a savvy serial killer - these suspects are local men with arrest records!

 

[realanastasia]

That’s a very interesting interview. I have two observations.

The first one is that the father worked at a car dealership prestigious enough to have service appointments not just with the dealership but with an actual service manager. That sounds like a high end make to me. Like IMO Lexus, BMW, Cadillac, Mercedes etc

My experience in previously owning a Chevrolet - and a very expensive high performance Camaro at that - is that it would just go to the dealership for its service and my interaction with the service department was with whoever was on shift at the time. No service manager was in charge of the car.

Was this a some sort of ruse to steal Dan’s car and had the father clocked him at the high end dealership before and thought he’d be an easy target? Maybe they convince him he won a prize and that’s why he canceled brunch plans?

I’m undecided if this was or wasn’t a homophobic attack.

My second observation is probably nothing but in spite of the car being totally burned out it appears that the rims and tires have not been destroyed and melted. Was this photo taken where the car was found or after the police department had it towed or removed? I would expect that alloy rims would have been completely destroyed in the fire.

I look forward to these scum going to jail. Is AZ a death penalty state?

It was his aunt’s car, though—not his own (see link below from early on in the case). So while it is possible Ben could’ve taken it in for service, it’s also not a sure thing, either. I don’t know if the dealership RK worked at was a Lexus dealer, either—but it IS possible that maybe Ben’s own car (assuming he had one and did not only drive the Lexus belonging to his aunt) was a different make than a Lexus, and maybe RK could’ve been employed at a dealership for that make? @BenjaminJAndersonAlly do you happen to know if Ben owned or drove any cars other than the Lexus UX he was driving around the time of his murder?

https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/phoenix-breaking/2022/01/02/10000-award-safe-return-missing-phoenix-man-ben-anderson/9072874002/

 

[formerlyme]

I can only say at the chevy and at the jeep dealership here I have always had a service manager assigned to me, and they had a high turn over, always a change.

 

[BenjaminJAndersonAlly]

Not sure about the dealership/service manager position pointing to a high end car dealership. But it’s VERY interesting that someone in the friend group had an appointment set up by RK, the man accused of murdering (or involved in some way) Benjamin Anderson. It was my understanding that all dealerships have a service manager who is a liaison between customers and the mechanics and is responsible for the efficient running of that department. Sometimes, the service manager will schedule appointments and explain/sell repairs/maintenance to customers, but there are usually other people in the department who do that as part of their job. That’s just been my experience with a number of different cars, domestic and foreign, both in IL and AZ. Also had family members who worked in dealerships.
Anyway —-
My main takeaway was - and as a daughter of LE, I don’t like writing this -
Phoenix/Maricopa county LE must be understaffed with a bunch of lazy bozos. Jaden should have been arrested and in jail awaiting trial for murdering his friend in a public park, which would have prevented BA’s senseless murder. DS and friends and family should’ve been notified that Benjamin was found off Table Mesa when they reported him missing hours later - instead they were forced to do their own detective work. THEIR work did result in finding Benjamin’s car and suspects in a parking garage that had security cameras. Yet, it took four years - FOUR - to recommend charges to the DA. RECOMMEND! no one formally charged or arrested!
IMO - The reason there have been very FEW updates from LE over the last FOUR years is because they are embarrassed by the shoddy investigation. They weren’t holding back information because they were tracking a savvy serial killer - these suspects are local men with arrest records!

Thank you for your thoughtful message. I do share your frustration with LE/ the extraordinarily slow, snail’s pace progress. I do not know/understand the extreme length of time it took for them to get to this point, either … Especially given what we know now about the suspects (local, past records, etc.).

That said, I can answer the reason they did not tell friends and family they had found Ben right away/immediately following the discovery of his body at around 1:40pm on 12/31/21 (before Dan & company’s search that night). IThe reason for that was because it was not confirmed that the body found was even Ben for a few days. Ben was burned so badly, the family was actually told they would not want to see his body. LE was only able to determine the deceased body was Ben after they checked dental records and matched DNA.

 

[BenjaminJAndersonAlly]

It was his aunt’s car, though—not his own (see link below from early on in the case). So while it is possible Ben could’ve taken it in for service, it’s also not a sure thing, either. I don’t know if the dealership RK worked at was a Lexus dealer, either—but it IS possible that maybe Ben’s own car (assuming he had one and did not only drive the Lexus belonging to his aunt) was a different make than a Lexus, and maybe RK could’ve been employed at a dealership for that make? @BenjaminJAndersonAlly do you happen to know if Ben owned or drove any cars other than the Lexus UX he was driving around the time of his murder?

https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/phoenix-breaking/2022/01/02/10000-award-safe-return-missing-phoenix-man-ben-anderson/9072874002/

Yes, the Lexus was his aunt’s car. This was not unusual at all for him to be driving his family members’ cars. Even when he first got his license, I remember him driving her (or his grandmother’s) 90s Ford Escort station wagon complete w/a Bill Clinton bumper sticker on the back to my house on many/multiple occasions.

Also, in November 2019, Ben drove me to California for a surgery, in the LA area. We got into a fender bender there, and I remember the phone call to his aunt. He explained the accident, and he was extremely apologetic as this was her vehicle, too (which complicated things).

That said, Ben did own cars of his own, as well. As Dan alluded to, at Ben’s memorial service, Ben was never satisfied with his current vehicle for long regardless of what he was driving/whose name it was in. He seemed to be in constant pursuit of a better fit to his personality, or more prestigious, or more comfortable, “more him,” car … Whatever his feeling and mood of the moment was. Sometimes, he just drove whatever was most convenient or made the most sense, at the time. It was as though he was perpetually in transition when it came to cars.

He did have his limits though. I remember in the 90s my mom would occasionally drive our oldest car to church. We were middle school aged, and Mom had this (in his opinion, UGLY) pastel yellow 1985 Nissan Stanza. I remember he insisted we wear paper bags over our heads after church as she drove us to lunch, my grandmother’s house …. wherever. LOL! He was so embarrassed. So funny to think of that now. Thx for jogging that memory.

I honestly do not know whether he had one in his own name at the time of his murder. I think, if memory serves me, he may have purchased a modest car (sometime around that time frame), and perhaps gifted it to his parents. He always wanted to be sure his family was taken care of … parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

I do recall in the months leading up to his death, Ben had asked me about how much we would charge him for him to purchase one of our extra vehicles (a hybrid that was a few years old).

 

[BenjaminJAndersonAlly]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN. You were born 45 years ago today.

Do you remember, in our youth, that time my school had the overnight “lock in” at Pistol Pete’s Pizza, and we all but moved the world to get the “powers that be” to allow you to come, participate? We talked them into letting you come & stay the night in the pizza parlor (even though you didn’t attend our school). Fun times!

I told the kids that story, and they have decided it would be appropriate to celebrate your birthday at Peter Piper Pizza tonight.

I purchased you a cake from A.J.’s Fine Foods … A marble rum cake identical to the one we shared celebrating my birthday the last time I saw you in life.

The gal at the bakery asked if I would like anything written on the cake. I asked that she write, “Happy Birthday, Ben.” “It’s for Ben,” I continued.

When the gal returned from the back room, she exclaimed, “I would venture to guess Mr. Ben is a very nice person.” I answered, “Ohhh … YES,” with a tear in my eye.

Incidentally, the cake cost exactly $45. That was kind of neat to see pop up on the register (being that it is your 45th birthday).

You know how much I miss you. Dealing with the pain of your loss is still difficult. I can’t believe it has been almost 4 years.

In many ways, it seems like time froze when I became informed of what happened, and, in a lot of ways, I am still there on that day. It is so difficult to keep going … To keep “doing life” without you. The way I have felt kind of reminds me of the old movie “Flight of the Navigator.” It is as though time had continued to pass and the world has continued to change and move ahead without me … without you … without us. It’s like I just wanted to stay there with you at that moment in time. I felt “I cannot move forward. I can’t leave you behind.” :”(
————————
In almost every conversation we had, you gave me a brief synopsis of whatever was current and happening in your life, but you quickly shifted to, “Now, more importantly, HOW ARE YOU?”

You meant it. You really wanted to know. You genuinely cared. You listened.

No matter what was going on, life was not so overwhelming with your support, and you were never too busy to be there for me, whenever I needed you. In your life or my life, whatever the circumstance … Whatever the trouble was, we could handle it, and we would talk through it together.
———————-
Whenever we went anywhere together, by ourselves, or with the children, I knew we were physically safe with you. We absolutely NEVER doubted that fact. You were so strong, and you were tall, and I was sure nobody would even consider attempting to harm us while we were in your company.

In our youth, I remember wanting to go to Metrocenter Mall, Souper Salad (near there), Castles & Coasters, and the like. When requesting permission, Mom would usually say “No way. Not in that area.” There was one exception. “Is Ben going?” she would ask. She shared the opinion that his presence ensured my safety. If Ben would be going with me, I could go.

You were STRENGTH. You were POWER. You were COMFORT. You were SECURITY. You were LOVE.

On our out-of-state vacations, if we were together, I felt so protected. I was totally safe. We had planned many more adventures together. We were supposed to go to New York City together, remember? I still have not seen NY.
——————
I circle back in my mind to, “How did he (Jaden, allegedly) overtake YOU???”

What happened?

He surely had to have had a weapon and taken you by force.

Did he want to steal your Rolex? Prescriptions you were picking up for family? Maybe he bumped into you at that Walgreens near your home. Perhaps it was the Lexus he wanted to steal? Were you carjacked? I think/hope I will, personally, feel a bit better when we learn more details as to what, exactly, transpired.

I remember you reminding ME of an Oprah survival story episode where it was emphasized, “NEVER GET IN THE CAR.” Once one got in the car with a carjacker, kidnapper, etc. the story was more likely to end tragically.

You knew this.

I can’t imagine you going anywhere with him voluntarily. I would imagine you would have fought.

Well … If we were sitting together having this conversation, I know you would, again, shift. “Enough about me. How are YOU doing?”

Well, I am doing all I can to try to heal. I have done all I can to avoid getting on antidepressants or anxiety medication if at all possible.

I know you would encourage that … Not that there is anything wrong with utilizing those, if need be. Try all natural methods of healing first, right?

I have incorporated acupuncture into my weekly routine 2-3 times per week and the same with PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field therapy). It does help calm my central nervous system which had felt like the danger was still present until I learned Jaden is already incarcerated. That has helped.

I was going through some of our photos last night. I found several that were “live photos.” What was cool about those is that when I pressed down on the picture, I could watch you move. I could hear your voice. That was nice. Comforting.

I also reached out to Allison “The Medium” DuBois’s office a few months ago. I had thought a visit with her might be beneficial to my healing, maybe to the case, etc. The price was $2,000 for an hour with her. I thought about it, but I decided you would likely say, “Save your money. I’m already gone. The truth will be revealed in time.”

Happy birthday, my friend. I am so grateful to have shared so many beautiful years with you. I am pleased we spent so many of our birthdays celebrating each other over the years. It has been my honor and privilege to know you & to be so close to you throughout your life. We will always love you.

 

[itsdev]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN. You were born 45 years ago today.

Do you remember, in our youth, that time my school had the overnight “lock in” at Pistol Pete’s Pizza, and we all but moved the world to get the “powers that be” to allow you to come, participate? We talked them into letting you come & stay the night in the pizza parlor (even though you didn’t attend our school). Fun times!

I told the kids that story, and they have decided it would be appropriate to celebrate your birthday at Peter Piper Pizza tonight.

I purchased you a cake from A.J.’s Fine Foods … A marble rum cake identical to the one we shared celebrating my birthday the last time I saw you in life.

The gal at the bakery asked if I would like anything written on the cake. I asked that she write, “Happy birthday, Ben.” “It’s for Ben,” I continued.

When the gal returned from the back room, she exclaimed, “I would venture to guess Mr. Ben is a very nice person.” I answered, “Ohhh … YES,” with a tear in my eye.

Incidentally, the cake cost exactly $45. That was kind of neat to see pop up on the register (being that it is your 45th birthday).

You know how much I miss you. Dealing with the pain of your loss is still difficult. I can’t believe it has been almost 4 years.

In many ways, it seems like time froze when I became informed of what happened, and, in a lot of ways, I am still there on that day. It is so difficult to keep going … To keep “doing life” without you. The way I have felt kind of reminds me of the old movie “Flight of the Navigator.” It is as though time had continued to pass and the world has continued to change and move ahead without me … without you … without us. It’s like I just wanted to stay there with you at that moment in time. I felt “I cannot move forward. I can’t leave you behind.” :”(
————————
In almost every conversation we had, you gave me a brief synopsis of whatever was current and happening in your life, but you quickly shifted to, “Now more importantly, HOW ARE YOU?”

You meant it. You really wanted to know. You genuinely cared. You listened.

No matter what was going on, life was not so overwhelming with your support, and you were never too busy to be there for me whenever I needed you. For you or for me, whatever it was, we could handle it, and we would talk through it together.
———————-
Whenever we went anywhere together, by ourselves, or with the children, I knew we were physically safe with you. We absolutely NEVER doubted that fact. You were so strong, and you were tall, and I was sure nobody would even consider attempting to harm us while we were in your company.

In our youth, I remember wanting to go to Metrocenter Mall, Souper Salad (near there), Castles & Coasters, and the like. When requesting permission, Mom would usually say “No way. Not in that area.” There was one exception. “Is Ben going?” she would ask. She shared the opinion that his presence ensured my safety. If Ben would be going with me, I could go.

You were STRENGTH. You were POWER. You were COMFORT. You were SECURITY. You were LOVE.

On our out-of-state vacations, if we were together, I felt so protected. I was totally safe. We had planned many more adventures together. We were supposed to go to New York City together, remember? I still have not seen NY.
——————
I circle back in my mind to, “How did he (Jaden, allegedly) overtake YOU???”

What happened?

He surely had to have had a weapon and taken you by force.

Did he want to steal your Rolex? Prescriptions you were picking up for family? Maybe he bumped into you at that Walgreens near your home. Perhaps it was the Lexus he wanted to steal? Were you carjacked? I think/hope I will, personally, feel a bit better when we learn more details as to what, exactly, transpired.

I remember you reminding ME of an Oprah survival story episode where it was emphasized, “NEVER GET IN THE CAR.” Once one got in the car with a carjacker, kidnapper, etc. the story was more likely to end tragically.

You knew this.

I can’t imagine you going anywhere with him voluntarily. I would imagine you would have fought.

Well … If we were sitting together having this conversation, I know you would, again, shift. “Enough about me. How are YOU doing?”

Well, I am doing all I can to try to heal. I have done all I can to avoid getting on antidepressants or anxiety medication if at all possible.

I know you would encourage that … Not that there is anything wrong with utilizing those, if need be. Try all natural methods of healing first, right?

I have incorporated acupuncture into my weekly routine 2-3 times per week and the same with PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field therapy). It does help calm my central nervous system which had felt like the danger was still present until I learned Jaden is already incarcerated. That has helped.

I was going through some of our photos last night. I found several that were “live photos.” What was cool about those is that when I pressed down on the picture, I could watch you move. I could hear your voice. That was nice. Comforting.

I also reached out to Allison “The Medium” DuBois’s office a few months ago. I had thought a visit with her might be beneficial to my healing, maybe to the case, etc. The price was $2,000 for an hour with her. I thought about it, but I decided you would likely say, “Save your money. I’m already gone. The truth will be revealed in time.”

Happy birthday, my friend. I am so grateful to have shared so many beautiful years with you. I am pleased we spent so many of our birthdays celebrating each other over the years It has been my honor and privilege to know you & to be so close to you throughout your life. We will always love you.

Thank you for sharing these beautiful memories with us. It's easy to see how good of a human Ben was based purely on the company he kept. You were lucky to have Ben and Ben was lucky to have you.

Reading this reminded me of Love Poem from the Afterlife by Andrea Gibson

My love, I was so wrong. Dying is the opposite of leaving.
When I left my body, I did not go away.
That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here.
I am more here than I ever was before. I am more with you than I ever could have imagined.
So close you look past me when wondering where I am.
It’s Ok. I know that to be human is to be farsighted.
But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living.
Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive?

Happy Birthday Ben

 

[Teche]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN. You were born 45 years ago today.

Do you remember, in our youth, that time my school had the overnight “lock in” at Pistol Pete’s Pizza, and we all but moved the world to get the “powers that be” to allow you to come, participate? We talked them into letting you come & stay the night in the pizza parlor (even though you didn’t attend our school). Fun times!

I told the kids that story, and they have decided it would be appropriate to celebrate your birthday at Peter Piper Pizza tonight.

I purchased you a cake from A.J.’s Fine Foods … A marble rum cake identical to the one we shared celebrating my birthday the last time I saw you in life.

The gal at the bakery asked if I would like anything written on the cake. I asked that she write, “Happy Birthday, Ben.” “It’s for Ben,” I continued.

When the gal returned from the back room, she exclaimed, “I would venture to guess Mr. Ben is a very nice person.” I answered, “Ohhh … YES,” with a tear in my eye.

Incidentally, the cake cost exactly $45. That was kind of neat to see pop up on the register (being that it is your 45th birthday).

You know how much I miss you. Dealing with the pain of your loss is still difficult. I can’t believe it has been almost 4 years.

In many ways, it seems like time froze when I became informed of what happened, and, in a lot of ways, I am still there on that day. It is so difficult to keep going … To keep “doing life” without you. The way I have felt kind of reminds me of the old movie “Flight of the Navigator.” It is as though time had continued to pass and the world has continued to change and move ahead without me … without you … without us. It’s like I just wanted to stay there with you at that moment in time. I felt “I cannot move forward. I can’t leave you behind.” :”(
————————
In almost every conversation we had, you gave me a brief synopsis of whatever was current and happening in your life, but you quickly shifted to, “Now, more importantly, HOW ARE YOU?”

You meant it. You really wanted to know. You genuinely cared. You listened.

No matter what was going on, life was not so overwhelming with your support, and you were never too busy to be there for me, whenever I needed you. In your life or my life, whatever the circumstance … Whatever the trouble was, we could handle it, and we would talk through it together.
———————-
Whenever we went anywhere together, by ourselves, or with the children, I knew we were physically safe with you. We absolutely NEVER doubted that fact. You were so strong, and you were tall, and I was sure nobody would even consider attempting to harm us while we were in your company.

In our youth, I remember wanting to go to Metrocenter Mall, Souper Salad (near there), Castles & Coasters, and the like. When requesting permission, Mom would usually say “No way. Not in that area.” There was one exception. “Is Ben going?” she would ask. She shared the opinion that his presence ensured my safety. If Ben would be going with me, I could go.

You were STRENGTH. You were POWER. You were COMFORT. You were SECURITY. You were LOVE.

On our out-of-state vacations, if we were together, I felt so protected. I was totally safe. We had planned many more adventures together. We were supposed to go to New York City together, remember? I still have not seen NY.
——————
I circle back in my mind to, “How did he (Jaden, allegedly) overtake YOU???”

What happened?

He surely had to have had a weapon and taken you by force.

Did he want to steal your Rolex? Prescriptions you were picking up for family? Maybe he bumped into you at that Walgreens near your home. Perhaps it was the Lexus he wanted to steal? Were you carjacked? I think/hope I will, personally, feel a bit better when we learn more details as to what, exactly, transpired.

I remember you reminding ME of an Oprah survival story episode where it was emphasized, “NEVER GET IN THE CAR.” Once one got in the car with a carjacker, kidnapper, etc. the story was more likely to end tragically.

You knew this.

I can’t imagine you going anywhere with him voluntarily. I would imagine you would have fought.

Well … If we were sitting together having this conversation, I know you would, again, shift. “Enough about me. How are YOU doing?”

Well, I am doing all I can to try to heal. I have done all I can to avoid getting on antidepressants or anxiety medication if at all possible.

I know you would encourage that … Not that there is anything wrong with utilizing those, if need be. Try all natural methods of healing first, right?

I have incorporated acupuncture into my weekly routine 2-3 times per week and the same with PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field therapy). It does help calm my central nervous system which had felt like the danger was still present until I learned Jaden is already incarcerated. That has helped.

I was going through some of our photos last night. I found several that were “live photos.” What was cool about those is that when I pressed down on the picture, I could watch you move. I could hear your voice. That was nice. Comforting.

I also reached out to Allison “The Medium” DuBois’s office a few months ago. I had thought a visit with her might be beneficial to my healing, maybe to the case, etc. The price was $2,000 for an hour with her. I thought about it, but I decided you would likely say, “Save your money. I’m already gone. The truth will be revealed in time.”

Happy birthday, my friend. I am so grateful to have shared so many beautiful years with you. I am pleased we spent so many of our birthdays celebrating each other over the years. It has been my honor and privilege to know you & to be so close to you throughout your life. We will always love you.

Hugs. Your post is truly heartfelt and filled with love for Ben.

 

[vls12345]

Happy Birthday, Ben. Thinking of you and your loved ones today.

 

[formerlyme]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEN. You were born 45 years ago today.

Do you remember, in our youth, that time my school had the overnight “lock in” at Pistol Pete’s Pizza, and we all but moved the world to get the “powers that be” to allow you to come, participate? We talked them into letting you come & stay the night in the pizza parlor (even though you didn’t attend our school). Fun times!

I told the kids that story, and they have decided it would be appropriate to celebrate your birthday at Peter Piper Pizza tonight.

I purchased you a cake from A.J.’s Fine Foods … A marble rum cake identical to the one we shared celebrating my birthday the last time I saw you in life.

The gal at the bakery asked if I would like anything written on the cake. I asked that she write, “Happy Birthday, Ben.” “It’s for Ben,” I continued.

When the gal returned from the back room, she exclaimed, “I would venture to guess Mr. Ben is a very nice person.” I answered, “Ohhh … YES,” with a tear in my eye.

Incidentally, the cake cost exactly $45. That was kind of neat to see pop up on the register (being that it is your 45th birthday).

You know how much I miss you. Dealing with the pain of your loss is still difficult. I can’t believe it has been almost 4 years.

In many ways, it seems like time froze when I became informed of what happened, and, in a lot of ways, I am still there on that day. It is so difficult to keep going … To keep “doing life” without you. The way I have felt kind of reminds me of the old movie “Flight of the Navigator.” It is as though time had continued to pass and the world has continued to change and move ahead without me … without you … without us. It’s like I just wanted to stay there with you at that moment in time. I felt “I cannot move forward. I can’t leave you behind.” :”(
————————
In almost every conversation we had, you gave me a brief synopsis of whatever was current and happening in your life, but you quickly shifted to, “Now, more importantly, HOW ARE YOU?”

You meant it. You really wanted to know. You genuinely cared. You listened.

No matter what was going on, life was not so overwhelming with your support, and you were never too busy to be there for me, whenever I needed you. In your life or my life, whatever the circumstance … Whatever the trouble was, we could handle it, and we would talk through it together.
———————-
Whenever we went anywhere together, by ourselves, or with the children, I knew we were physically safe with you. We absolutely NEVER doubted that fact. You were so strong, and you were tall, and I was sure nobody would even consider attempting to harm us while we were in your company.

In our youth, I remember wanting to go to Metrocenter Mall, Souper Salad (near there), Castles & Coasters, and the like. When requesting permission, Mom would usually say “No way. Not in that area.” There was one exception. “Is Ben going?” she would ask. She shared the opinion that his presence ensured my safety. If Ben would be going with me, I could go.

You were STRENGTH. You were POWER. You were COMFORT. You were SECURITY. You were LOVE.

On our out-of-state vacations, if we were together, I felt so protected. I was totally safe. We had planned many more adventures together. We were supposed to go to New York City together, remember? I still have not seen NY.
——————
I circle back in my mind to, “How did he (Jaden, allegedly) overtake YOU???”

What happened?

He surely had to have had a weapon and taken you by force.

Did he want to steal your Rolex? Prescriptions you were picking up for family? Maybe he bumped into you at that Walgreens near your home. Perhaps it was the Lexus he wanted to steal? Were you carjacked? I think/hope I will, personally, feel a bit better when we learn more details as to what, exactly, transpired.

I remember you reminding ME of an Oprah survival story episode where it was emphasized, “NEVER GET IN THE CAR.” Once one got in the car with a carjacker, kidnapper, etc. the story was more likely to end tragically.

You knew this.

I can’t imagine you going anywhere with him voluntarily. I would imagine you would have fought.

Well … If we were sitting together having this conversation, I know you would, again, shift. “Enough about me. How are YOU doing?”

Well, I am doing all I can to try to heal. I have done all I can to avoid getting on antidepressants or anxiety medication if at all possible.

I know you would encourage that … Not that there is anything wrong with utilizing those, if need be. Try all natural methods of healing first, right?

I have incorporated acupuncture into my weekly routine 2-3 times per week and the same with PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field therapy). It does help calm my central nervous system which had felt like the danger was still present until I learned Jaden is already incarcerated. That has helped.

I was going through some of our photos last night. I found several that were “live photos.” What was cool about those is that when I pressed down on the picture, I could watch you move. I could hear your voice. That was nice. Comforting.

I also reached out to Allison “The Medium” DuBois’s office a few months ago. I had thought a visit with her might be beneficial to my healing, maybe to the case, etc. The price was $2,000 for an hour with her. I thought about it, but I decided you would likely say, “Save your money. I’m already gone. The truth will be revealed in time.”

Happy birthday, my friend. I am so grateful to have shared so many beautiful years with you. I am pleased we spent so many of our birthdays celebrating each other over the years. It has been my honor and privilege to know you & to be so close to you throughout your life. We will always love you.

I think it is so important to celebrate them on the special days. However I understand how it takes you to the bad days. My husbands greatest fear was being forgotten. I work so hard to keep him remembered, and feel like I am the only one who does.... it is so challenging when we are left behind remembering someone so special... but you are such a good friend, keep it up .... he knows what you are doing for him.

 

[whitelilac]

Oh, Ben's dear friend, having read what you wrote just now made my eyes tear up. So beautiful and heartfelt. I will never understand why such good and exceptional people are taken from us so terribly.
Happy Birthday Ben, thinking of all who loved you.