AZ - Timothy Romans, 39, & Vincent Romero, 29, slain, St Johns, 5 Nov 2008 - #5

[oceanblueeyes]

When Eryn voiced her concern to the Court, BEFORE the plea deal, that she objected to the 'plea deal' and when she went on GMA and voiced her concern AGAIN about the 'plea deal,' AND she said she doesn't believe the child understands what he signed is a little more than 'mouth work' as you refer.

Minimizing the child's mother's advocacy for her son is kind of in the same line as ignoring all the EXCULPATORY evidence that we do NOT know what the results were, or,.... even IF there are results at all and ASSUME they point towards the child. But alas, the records are sealed as to WHAT IS NOT in evidence.

This isn't an adult who's been given a plea deal, this is a young child who trusts the ADULTS around him are looking out for his best interests. But are they? or are they CYA?

I guess it doesn't really matter what Eryn does, she'll be criticized anyway.
I hope we do see answers, for the child's sake if nothing else. IF it's not him, it would be nice to know the person who did commit the crime was behind bars.

JMHO
fran

Maybe I do have some animosity toward Eryn. I will admit that. IMO, I fault her for a lot of what has happened to this boy and what he has become. Maybe it is the mothering instinct inside of me of never abandoning my own children, nor moving far away from them when they needed me most, nor did I just drop back into their lives occasionally.

It is only my opinion but message boards are about expressing one's own opinion. I think his bio mother not being a consistent nurturing figure in his life when he most needed it, caused him to have an attachment disorder. I think a lot of children in this situation, think if their own mothers move away, that they don't love them, and if their mothers don't love them, then they think no one will. So they shutdown their emotions, feelings and learned to care about no one but themselves.

I still believe the plea deal will stand but we will see. It is such a high risk she puts her own son in but if she is willing to take that chance, then so be it.

I do agree. I wish that ALL the evidence would come to light. It may not. Everyone seems pretty mum about it and the media seems to have moved on to other things now. I do not wish it for the boy. The boy already knows the truth but I do wish it for the victims' families, friends and the townsfolk of St. John and San Carlos.

The only other chance we may see a lot more of the evidence is if Tanya Romans files a wrongful death lawsuit. Much more is learned in a civil case because in many criminal cases things that are considered too prejudicial are usually withheld or if it ends in a plea deal then records are sealed.

imoo

 

[fran]

I guess that's part of the problem with our society. When a child does anything bad, they immediately blame the mom. I don't believe it's as easy as that. Also, to just lump all cases together is completely wrong, imo. As with this case, they NOT only 'forgive' anything that could possibly involve the present wife (step-mom) and blame it all on Eryn, wife no. 1.

I personally raised two children that were not my biological children. They both were abandoned by their mom for a different reason and at different ages. One was 1 yo and the other was 5 (I didn't get him until he was 10 though). For one mom, it was her life style, the other was economics AND an abusive relationship (not abusive to the children, but to her). It's what happens to the children for their ENTIRE childhood, not JUST one person who influences that child's future.

The child I began raising when she was 2 turned out normal. The one I didn't get until 10, well, we never had any problem with him what-so-ever,..........except he has problems with relationships and..............well, he's disappeared from OUR life for no good reason other than, .....because. We know he's doing ok, just not feelin' the love we thought we showed him. Guess it might be considered detachment disorder or something. But it wasn't just his mom, it was his dad too.........believe me, you don't want to hear it.

I don't know Eryn or this family, but I get the feeling the reason she left the child with the dad was more economics in the beginning. Then, later, he filed for custody and he used anything he could think of to use against her. I had a relative once who wanted custody, just because they could. Then, every time the two would work out temporary visits, they would invariably end up in a custody dispute. It got ugly and at times, could drag the whole family in it with court appearances, etc.

Eryn appears to be just a young woman who may have had her first child too young for her emotionally, the marriage didn't work out and she may have struggled to support them both. Then she met someone else, married and had another child. In between trying to maintain her life, there was the custody issue of this boy. We have to realize that Eryn may have been out of work for some time because of having a child, so she may very well have not had the $$ for a custody fight. Everyone can say what they want, but you have no idea what you would do when your young and poor and there's a child custody dispute. No idea...........seriously.....

As far as this child and his plea deal and the sealed evidence. Well, I just wish him well. I hope his mom is able to get his life back on track. I know there's a delay now because he can't even have schooling until he's examined by doctors. Whatever the results, I believe it's imparative this child receives mental help..Whether he's guilty or not, he's definitely damaged now.

God bless his little heart,
fran

 

[Trino]

I guess that's part of the problem with our society. When a child does anything bad, they immediately blame the mom. I don't believe it's as easy as that. Also, to just lump all cases together is completely wrong, imo. As with this case, they NOT only 'forgive' anything that could possibly involve the present wife (step-mom) and blame it all on Eryn, wife no. 1.

I personally raised two children that were not my biological children. They both were abandoned by their mom for a different reason and at different ages. One was 1 yo and the other was 5 (I didn't get him until he was 10 though). For one mom, it was her life style, the other was economics AND an abusive relationship (not abusive to the children, but to her). It's what happens to the children for their ENTIRE childhood, not JUST one person who influences that child's future.

The child I began raising when she was 2 turned out normal. The one I didn't get until 10, well, we never had any problem with him what-so-ever,..........except he has problems with relationships and..............well, he's disappeared from OUR life for no good reason other than, .....because. We know he's doing ok, just not feelin' the love we thought we showed him. Guess it might be considered detachment disorder or something. But it wasn't just his mom, it was his dad too.........believe me, you don't want to hear it.

I don't know Eryn or this family, but I get the feeling the reason she left the child with the dad was more economics in the beginning. Then, later, he filed for custody and he used anything he could think of to use against her. I had a relative once who wanted custody, just because they could. Then, every time the two would work out temporary visits, they would invariably end up in a custody dispute. It got ugly and at times, could drag the whole family in it with court appearances, etc.

Eryn appears to be just a young woman who may have had her first child too young for her emotionally, the marriage didn't work out and she may have struggled to support them both. Then she met someone else, married and had another child. In between trying to maintain her life, there was the custody issue of this boy. We have to realize that Eryn may have been out of work for some time because of having a child, so she may very well have not had the $$ for a custody fight. Everyone can say what they want, but you have no idea what you would do when your young and poor and there's a child custody dispute. No idea...........seriously.....

As far as this child and his plea deal and the sealed evidence. Well, I just wish him well. I hope his mom is able to get his life back on track. I know there's a delay now because he can't even have schooling until he's examined by doctors. Whatever the results, I believe it's imparative this child receives mental help..Whether he's guilty or not, he's definitely damaged now. God bless his little heart, fran

Although I have no reference, I believe Eryn is going through a second divorce if she isn't divorced already. IMO her homelife right now cannot be the most stable place - a second child that the boy must vie with for Eryn's affections. The boy is presumeably not able to have friends, and all visitors must be monitored. What kind of life it this? Should she be concerned about raising him? Can she do so?

 

[fran]

Although I have no reference, I believe Eryn is going through a second divorce if she isn't divorced already. IMO her homelife right now cannot be the most stable place - a second child that the boy must vie with for Eryn's affections. The boy is presumeably not able to have friends, and all visitors must be monitored. What kind of life it this? Should she be concerned about raising him? Can she do so?

The rules have been set by the pros and the Court. It's not should she be concerned with raising him, but will the Court allow her to?

The Court now has all the cards and Eryn and this child are at their mercy. The states aren't always right when it comes to making decisions about our children's welfare. The state of the school systems across this nation are a testament to that.

I personally don't see a problem with Eryn raising the boy. He is her son, after all. IF he committed this crime, he was SUPPOSED to be in the best environment between the two parents. Didn't go to far with that.

JMHO
fran

 

[Bobbisangel]

This is just a FYI and I haven't been able to confirm this from news reports. I received information that Tiffany was in an auto accident Saturday, 3/14, and they had to life flight her to another area. I heard she had to have emergency surgery yesterday.

Like I said, I haven't seen any official report.

As controverial as this thread has been, no one has wanted any further harm to come to any of these victims. I hope you'll all join me in saying a prayer for Tiffany's recovery. She really has already been through enough without this.

sincerely,
fran

Thanks for letting us know about Tiff and the accident. I hope she makes a full recovery.

 

[Fairy1]

Is it confirmed Tiffany was in an accident? I haven't been able to find any report of it at all.

 

[Trino]

I have not been able to find info about Tiffany re: accident. While I'm not saying this didn't happen, one would think it would be splashed all over the AZ news, considering the case.

 

[fran]

I haven't seen anything about Tiffany in the news either but I'm confident of my source. Her injury involves her back. She came out of surgery ok, but I don't know what the prognosis is. It is a severe injury and I hope she can lead a normal life upon her recovery.

JMHO
fran

 

[oceanblueeyes]

The rules have been set by the pros and the Court. It's not should she be concerned with raising him, but will the Court allow her to?

The Court now has all the cards and Eryn and this child are at their mercy. The states aren't always right when it comes to making decisions about our children's welfare. The state of the school systems across this nation are a testament to that.

I personally don't see a problem with Eryn raising the boy. He is her son, after all. IF he committed this crime, he was SUPPOSED to be in the best environment between the two parents. Didn't go to far with that.

JMHO
fran

I think through all of this the experts were only trying to determine if he was age competent to stand trial. Now I fervently hope that these new evaluators will dig deep into the history of his life from the very beginning and look very closely how this may have begun to form his mental mindset about certain things.

Just because Eryn is his biological mother never means that she is the one best suited to care for a troubled child, who has found himself in the juvenile system for the next 9 years, under strict probation standards.

I keep remembering what a friend or family member said at the very beginning of this case "this boy may have killed the one person that truly loved him" (paraphrasing) I don't think the boy was in a bad environment. He just did not want the relationship that he had. I am not even sure he can forge true meaningful relationships. If he is removed and detached it will take years and years of treatment hoping to remold what is already entrenched deeply within him imo. And in his interview he did seem removed and simply had no emotion, concerning his father's horrible death, even if he killed him or didn't kill him, his affect was flat.

Eryn's stability should also be weighed very carefully. This is no typical boy and 9 years have already gone by with her only being in his life occasionally and not on a daily basis.

imoo

 

[Linda7NJ]

I guess that's part of the problem with our society. When a child does anything bad, they immediately blame the mom. I don't believe it's as easy as that. Also, to just lump all cases together is completely wrong, imo. As with this case, they NOT only 'forgive' anything that could possibly involve the present wife (step-mom) and blame it all on Eryn, wife no. 1.

I personally raised two children that were not my biological children. They both were abandoned by their mom for a different reason and at different ages. One was 1 yo and the other was 5 (I didn't get him until he was 10 though). For one mom, it was her life style, the other was economics AND an abusive relationship (not abusive to the children, but to her). It's what happens to the children for their ENTIRE childhood, not JUST one person who influences that child's future.

The child I began raising when she was 2 turned out normal. The one I didn't get until 10, well, we never had any problem with him what-so-ever,..........except he has problems with relationships and..............well, he's disappeared from OUR life for no good reason other than, .....because. We know he's doing ok, just not feeling' the love we thought we showed him. Guess it might be considered detachment disorder or something. But it wasn't just his mom, it was his dad too.........believe me, you don't want to hear it.

I don't know Eryn or this family, but I get the feeling the reason she left the child with the dad was more economics in the beginning. Then, later, he filed for custody and he used anything he could think of to use against her. I had a relative once who wanted custody, just because they could. Then, every time the two would work out temporary visits, they would invariably end up in a custody dispute. It got ugly and at times, could drag the whole family in it with court appearances, etc.

Eryn appears to be just a young woman who may have had her first child too young for her emotionally, the marriage didn't work out and she may have struggled to support them both. Then she met someone else, married and had another child. In between trying to maintain her life, there was the custody issue of this boy. We have to realize that Eryn may have been out of work for some time because of having a child, so she may very well have not had the $$ for a custody fight. Everyone can say what they want, but you have no idea what you would do when your young and poor and there's a child custody dispute. No idea...........seriously.....

As far as this child and his plea deal and the sealed evidence. Well, I just wish him well. I hope his mom is able to get his life back on track. I know there's a delay now because he can't even have schooling until he's examined by doctors. Whatever the results, I believe it's imperative this child receives mental help..Whether he's guilty or not, he's definitely damaged now.

God bless his little heart,
fran

Young and poor is no excuse. I DO KNOW I would NEVER leave my child. I would live in a cardboard box under a bridge before I'd leave the state and not see him.

Where is Eryn's support system? Where's her family and friends? Something very fishy about her history. Maybe she has NO IDEA how to be a parent ....Where's HER parents? There seems to be nothing indicating she can provide any sort of stability for her son. Apparently, the father of her daughter feels the same way.

My son is adopted, and I would never abandon him. Being a mother involves so much more than giving birth............

 

[OrdinaryLife]

Young and poor is no excuse. I DO KNOW I would NEVER leave my child. I would live in a cardboard box under a bridge before I'd leave the state and not see him.

Where is Eryn's support system? Where's her family and friends? Something very fishy about her history. Maybe she has NO IDEA how to be a parent ....Where's HER parents? There seems to be nothing indicating she can provide any sort of stability for her son. Apparently, the father of her daughter feels the same way.

My son is adopted, and I would never abandon him. Being a mother involves so much more than giving birth............

IMVHO, this is very, very unfair. Do we know everything concerning this mother's life/history, no we absolutely do not. If there was anything out there that showed any evidence that this woman was lessor than, it would have been brought out in the media, the legal system, and the DA.

Define "support system". It does not mean it has to be family. Nor, should it be. In fact, the definition of family can be very broad. In your opinion, she does not know how to be a parent. That is your opinion only.

What her decisions were, way back when, between her ex husband and herself. It does not mean, on any level, that she was incompetent as a mother nor that she did not love her son. As far as being a mother is more than giving birth, you are right. However, how you or I choose to be a mother does not mean that that is the only way of being so and it certainly isn't perfect.

jmho

 

[SoobsinMI]

As far as being a mother is more than giving birth, you are right. However, how you or I choose to be a mother does not mean that that is the only way of being so and it certainly isn't perfect.

jmho

I'd even go as far to say that those women who give up their children for adoption, because they want better for their children, are ALSO "good mothers." Giving up your child when you are 18/20 and can't provide everything that a child needs, doesn't make a person less of a human. I'd give more credit for that, than one who hangs onto their child, just because they gave birth, yet are abusive or neglectful.

 

[OrdinaryLife]

I'd even go as far to say that those women who give up their children for adoption, because they want better for their children, are ALSO "good mothers." Giving up your child when you are 18/20 and can't provide everything that a child needs, doesn't make a person less of a human. I'd give more credit for that, than one who hangs onto their child, just because they gave birth, yet are abusive or neglectful.

I cannot possibly add more to what you have stated. I have no doubt that those who have adopted children are grateful for the gift that another made to "give up". :clap:

 

[fran]

Wow! tough crowd.

I would hope that an adoptive parent would not badmouth the bio mom to their child. What a guilt trip that COULD cause the child to walk through life. I believe that most adoptive parents would only be thankful for the gift of their child and let the child find out later,...IF they wanted to, the circumstance of the adoption,.........LATER, when they're more equipped to handle a 'grown up' type decision and situation.

I guess loosing custody of one's child, you have to have been there, done that, or seen it first hand as it unfolds, to understand the torment, guilt, and REAL LIFE circumstances that can develope to put you in that situation.

Like I said, I've raised non-biological children as well as my own. I've seen where it was the mom's fault and I've seen where it was just circumstances. When you're young, you aren't always equipped to handle some things and the hurdles appear insurmountable, and you acquiesce. Had you been older, more experienced, more financially secure, the results may have been sooooo different.

The unfortunate thing is, sometimes we make decisions early in our life that effect the REST of our life. We can try to make it right, but that one decision can never be erased completely. It will always haunt the one making the decision and others as well.

There's a reason why, in many divorces, although it COULD be completely one person's fault, the other NEVER badmouths the other to the kids. Because above all else, that other person is ONE of the parents of the children and there's years for the children to see for themselves, 'who?' was at fault and anything else that shows up. Sometimes, the momentary circumstances that caused the break-up could completely disappear and a new leaf turned and the 'other' parent turns out to be a benefit to the child's life.

My little sis lost custody of her first child, a daughter. Does that make her a bad person? What were the circumstances? Why did she give up her quest for custody?

Some might say they'd do anything and she must have been unfit. But,........you don't know the circumstances.

FWIW, her ex stole the child from the babysitter while my sis was at work. She hired a private detective and was always one step behind him, from Calif to Alaska to parts unknown. She finally found him after two years,...... in South America. Oh, she tried to get her daughter. She begged and borrowed from everyone in the family. She finally decided to accompany her private detective to pick-up her child. After grabbing her daughter off the streets of a foreign country, when caught at the airport and taken into a room, she was given a choice, either get on the plane alone or go to jail in a foreign country for kidnapping.

Sure she gave up. This was wayyy before the 24/7 news and laws regarding international child-kidnapping and the notoriety it can generate. Believe me, she was alone in her quest. We tried to help, support, but some times, there's just so much one can do, to take both financially and emotionally.

Yeah,...........you gotta have been there, done that, before you judge. I'm not going to pretend to know the circumstances of Eryn loosing custody. It's not fair to her or the child.

Just sayin'
fran

PS......just an aside, her daughter has made her life in the U.S., found my sis a few years ago. She's a teacher in Florida, married with a daughter of her own. They're now good friends and have gotten together several times and talk all the time on the phone. They're even having a reunion in a week or so. She wants to meet her 1/2 sister and brother, step sisters and LOTS of nieces, nephews and all those contacts she was denied for so long. fran

PPS.....a little caveat to my sis' story, if you've read this far......Her ex didn't take their daughter from her because he was such a wonderful person. My niece was raised by her grandparents while her dad moved on to a life with a new wife, more kids, another family........So why did he deprive my sis of being the mother to her own child????? IMHO, because he COULD. The law allowed him to.......sometimes it's not love that drives someone to have custody of a child, it's CONTROL AND the LAW..... fran

 

[fran]

I guess those who doubt Eryn really wanted her child,................

Why then, a couple of years prior to this incident, did Vince file a police report because he thought Eryn might try to kidnap her child?

Why was it necessary for the step-mom to ease-drop on this child's private conversation with his own mom?

IF Eryn didn't want her child, IMHO, there would NOT have been any need for the above {circumstances, precautions?}.:doh:

Just sayin'
fran

 

[SoobsinMI]

Wow! tough crowd.


There's a reason why, in many divorces, although it COULD be completely one person's fault, the other NEVER badmouths the other to the kids. Because above all else, that other person is ONE of the parents of the children and there's years for the children to see for themselves, 'who?' was at fault and anything else that shows up. Sometimes, the momentary circumstances that caused the break-up could completely disappear and a new leaf turned and the 'other' parent turns out to be a benefit to the child's life.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I don't care WHAT your ex has done to YOU, there is NO reason to ever badmouth a child's parent in front of them. And so many people will NEVER get how much damage they do to children, while doing this. I've always said that those who do this, hate their ex more than they love their child.

 

[OrdinaryLife]

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I don't care WHAT your ex has done to YOU, there is NO reason to ever badmouth a child's parent in front of them. And so many people will NEVER get how much damage they do to children, while doing this. I've always said that those who do this, hate their ex more than they love their child.

Yep. Amen to this thought. I couldn't agree more!!!!

 

[colette]

I think the fact that Eryn didn't see or contact her son for extended periods of time was more troubling than the fact that she did not have custody.

 

[Trino]

Young and poor is no excuse. I DO KNOW I would NEVER leave my child. I would live in a cardboard box under a bridge before I'd leave the state and not see him.

Where is Eryn's support system? Where's her family and friends? Something very fishy about her history. Maybe she has NO IDEA how to be a parent ....Where's HER parents? There seems to be nothing indicating she can provide any sort of stability for her son. Apparently, the father of her daughter feels the same way.

My son is adopted, and I would never abandon him. Being a mother involves so much more than giving birth............

I wonder exactly what you've expressed. WHERE and WHO are Eryn's friends? I've heard absolutely no mention of anyone. WHERE and WHO are her relatives that are supporting her? Has the father of her daughter supported her? Does she have custody or share custody with him? What does he think about a possible murderer sharing a home with his daughter?

 

[fran]

I think the fact that Eryn didn't see or contact her son for extended periods of time was more troubling than the fact that she did not have custody.

Just how long Eryn didn't see or have contact with this child is NOT FACT but speculation. Unless we KNOW for sure, it's opinion.

About the only thing we know for a FACT is Vince had legal custody. We don't even know the TRUE circumstances. We've seen the 'court documents' but we haven't seen what was going on in REAL LIFE, out of the eye of the Court.

Everything else is speculation.

I personally don't find her contact 'troubling.' Other than the fact the step mom listened in on the bio mom's private conversations with her son........ of course, then again, is that rumor or fact?

Speculation of unknown = rumor

JMHO
fran