kiki the parrot
Former Member
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2008
- Messages
- 4,481
- Reaction score
- 11
But KC has done None of that. Her attention never went away from herself and to the "accident" victim. She has been secretive, dishonest, gone underground, was never going to report it, did not ask for support or help, and evidence suggests she may even have planned it. And now we find the victim here wrapped in a bag and thrown in a garbage heap, which is not indicative of an accident victim. LE knows how to tell one parent from the other and gave KC every opportunity to come clean and admit it was a terrible accident. She did not. LE has profiles of parents who caused a terrible accident by neglect or a mistake, and parents who commit these terrible crimes on their children. LE has concluded, after considerable analysis of the facts and evidence, that KC is most likely part of the latter category.
(respectfully snipped) Hmm, wonder where she learned this self-preservation and these irresponsible, blameshifting, deceitful behaviors... Is it possible the values were, if not taught openly, at least tolerated or even subtly modelled while growing up? Could it be that small lies overlooked led to bigger lies... If we call our children only on the lies that cause us inconvenience and embarassment while turning a blind eye to the ones that make things less stressful, or "normalize" what's going on in the home eg we are headed for trouble. Parents who either model, or excuse "little white lies" all along, instead of instilling in their child very early on the value of truthfulness, are planting seeds that will bear fruit for years to come. And will be in for a real ride when it comes time to hold their teen accountable, for whom deception has been ingrained, only now the child can outwit them--and the ante has soared. I don't think KC from a baby was predestined or predisposed to lie and deceive any more than she was programmed to blameshift. Could it be excuses had long been accepted and consequences spared? Could a lack of empathy, exploitation, the sense of entitlement and a hardened have resulted from an overbearing parent who ran her brain, and having to fight for even the right to disagree or have an opinion of her own? Or from enmeshment with a parent for whom children were seen as mere extensions of herself. KC wasn't just born missing the "empathy chip." Of course CA didn't "make" KC murder--and neglect alone can easily cause the death of a toddler--but we shouldn't minimize the role of the parent in shaping and forming who our children become--and whether they ever grow up or develop a spine, or a moral compass. I am not disagreeing w your assessment of who KC became, I'm taking issue w/ how she got there.
this is a brilliant post, i totally agree! because if you think about it, ca mother (or father) would have had to be a narcissist to have raised her to be one, to have ultimately raised kc to be this way. so far, we haven't seen anything that indicates this.
Also, I cannot imagine how hard it was to raise her, i am sorry to say this but those pics of KC as a baby and child spooked the heck outta me. she had the same creepy mask/smile she has in every single picture i have seen of her.
this is the most interesting thread and i agree in part with both sides of the debate. i love how you are all debating and there is so much i have learned or validated about my own thoughts from those of yours. ahhh, the old nature vs. nurture debate brings back so many memories of college.
Has anyone here read the book "We Need To Talk About Kevin" by L. Shriver (mods if i referenced that wrong please let me know the correct way?)? It is an excellent look into this debate. It is a fictional story about a boy who as a teen massacres his classmates in a gymnasium. It depicts the relationship between the mother, son who commits the crime, sister, and father. It eerily parallels Kc's actions. I HIGHLY recommend it.
(bold mine) While KC's features as a baby may not have been, in the opinion of some, as cute as her daughter's who we all came to love and adore, to go as far as referring to any baby or small child as "creepy" seems a little childish. We're simply recognizing the same features we've come to associate w/ her abhorrent behavior as an adult. And I disagree completely that we see no signs of narcissistic parenting, or parent-centered parenting! (On one hand, CA eg will neither give KC "permission" to relinquish parental responsibility by refusing to allow KC to adopt out Caylee as KC planned as KC knows and admits she isn't prepared to make the sacrifices of parenting. But neither will CA entirely assume the responsibility. Above her protests, CA talks KC out of giving away "her grandchild" so it could be argued CA should therefore assume full responsibility. And not only by footing the bill or assuming those responsibilities when it's convenient for her, as she goes along steadily reminding KC of all she's doing and maligning her daughter, and particularly while it is also gratifying some need of her's as a needy parent is so apt to do... just one eg). And I don't have any trouble at all imagining "how hard it was to raise KC" or more accurately, to live w/ KC after failing to raise her w/ boundaries or limits. Many parents are simply in need of a better working definition of "love." Because every parent who loves their child disciplines them. Yet how often, in trying to spare children consequences, we do them such a disservice, confusing accountability w/ unforgiveness, and by equating love with licentiousness. No this job isn't for the fainthearted nor weakkneed, requires skills and sacrifices, and doesn't lend itself well to "winging it." JMO
While working on an adolescent psych. inpatient unit I realized many parents of teens who have acting out behaviors think this is a phase their child is going through and they will work out of it. These are pts. who have not hurt themselves or others at this point. After a short stay of one month they return home, behavior escaltes to harming self by stealing lying, physical harm, everything pointing to sciopathic behaviors, possible dual diagnosis of mental illness & so on. By the time adulthood arises, parents thenn start to understand they are dealing with a severe problem. The pt. may get better or just placid until the next wave of deviant behavior starts. I am no fan of the A's. I feel if a counselor for KC in highschool would have approached the A's with concern for KC's acting out in some ways, they would have been offended and chose to ignore any slightest problem. Very common for we parents to stick our heads in the ground when our own personal lives are anxiety ridden & we just don't choose to believe the worst for the ones we love. All those stuffed animals, model home look was to say to the world, "See, we love her." Caylee was never on the backburner of our, dysfunctional, broke, mistruth family life.
ITA. You can not look the other way, go on ignoring all the warning signs... minimizing, normalizing, and sanitizing problems, excusing, and enabling for 22 years... and then one day look up and wonder, "Where did we go wrong??" CA seems to have had some sort of idealized fantasy of what the perfect family should look like, and feels pressure apparently to project this. JMO
An example of mixed messages given by CA to Kc was in the jail visitation video where CA tells KC when she returns home after all this is figured out she doesn't have to work. What!!! isn't KC sitting in jail at that time because she wasn't responsible. Wasn't the choke hold because of KC lack of being responsible that she chooses to steal. I was blown away to hear a mother after all that had occured tell her daughter she wouldn't have to work.
(bold mine) THANK YOU! I about fell out of my chair on that one myself... (that is after I picked myself up from GA's, "Maybe we were too domineering...") Just plain crazymaking. JMO2!