CO- Dylan Redwine, 13, Vallecito, 19 November 2012 - #15

[SuziQ]

Wonderfully stated. I cannot rule out an abduction or a deliberate disappearance and until I can I will not accuse MR . :fence:

BBM. I think we get that point by now. :floorlaugh:

 

[ICUDOUCME]

As a parent, we do one of two things with each decision concerning our children
1. Do what's best for them.
2. Do what makes them happy.

I know this is going WAY back in the story, but what kind of parent forces a child to come visit them (with no specific plans) instead of letting them spend what is most likely the last holiday season with a grandparent?

For me, that speaks volumes about MR.
It's what put me on my thinking path and it's what makes me believe the former wives.

The kind of parent that loves his child, and is a bit selfish about wanting to spend the holiday with him....he probably wasn't even aware about the sick grandparent(ER and MR appear not to be able to even have a civil conversation now even when DR is missing this speeks volumes).

 

[Donjeta]

uh, yeah. That.

Are we so desperate to fault MR that we're going to fault him for wanting to not be a deadbeat dad? Really?

I was once a teen who thought I didn't want my custodial father, and thought life would have been better with my druggie mother who I didn't even know. If my dad really loved me he'd have put my wishes ahead of his own and let me go. :waitasec:

It seems like a no-win situation. If a father doesn't want to see his child it's bad and if he wants to see his child it's bad too.

 

[SuziQ]

My thoughts are maybe he tried to call the one friend that lives 2 miles away(i believe) from the land line maybe he got no answer since it was so early but he didn't wont to be there when dad got home so he left,i wonder with kids sometimes if he did call them do you think they would defiantly tell?

Then why didn't he try to contact the friends he already had plans with?

 

[SuziQ]

I've only heard specifically that the two boys with backpacks and one of the joggers were ruled out, but I may have missed something. I don't search for news items every day. I guess that means the sighting in my mind is a definite maybe.

IIRC, the principal of Dylan's school posted on their facebooks a clarification of things that were not true. The suppposed sightings of Dylan were attributed to another boy in the neighborhood that looks like Dylan. I have no link or original source for that info, so take it as you will.

 

[Confusion]

As a parent, we do one of two things with each decision concerning our children
1. Do what's best for them.
2. Do what makes them happy.

I know this is going WAY back in the story, but what kind of parent forces a child to come visit them (with no specific plans) instead of letting them spend what is most likely the last holiday season with a grandparent?

For me, that speaks volumes about MR.
It's what put me on my thinking path and it's what makes me believe the former wives.

Wouldn't it be nice if all parents did make decisions based on those things? I know my sons are not Dylan, and I keep saying that we can't compare how one person would feel about something to how another person would. I'm going to do it anyway.

My mother was diagnosed with "terminal cancer" when my older son was 5 and I was pregnant with my younger one. When they found that she'd had lung cancer and it had already spread to her brain (a large mass that caused a lot of problems) just before Thanksgiving, they said they didn't expect her to make it to Christmas. A few Christmases came and went, and when my older son was 13 he was given the choice to spend the Holidays with my family or spend it with his father who lived close to his old friends (we didn't move as far away, but it was over 2 hours away). My mother was still alive, but had a couple of strokes that year, which they said was because of her radiation treatment. Even knowing it could be his last Thanksgiving, and later Christmas, with her, he decided at that age that he'd rather be able to go back to see friends.

When my younger son was 13, he was given the same choice. That was the year my mother (who had been in a nursing home for over a year) had another stroke, more serious than the others. She'd had many minor ones over the years, but this time she lost the ability to sit, feed herself, speak and almost everything else. Again, they didn't expect her to make it, and he chose to see friends. Two days before his 15th birthday, she did finally die. She had never recovered from that last stroke and just deteriorated steadily from that point.

Neither of the boys has ever shown nor expressed any guilt or regret about their decisions. They both said they knew they'd see her again, but it was very rare that they got a chance to see their friends for any length of time. They grieved for her loss when she died, but they also remember holidays with her cooking, talking, laughing and spoiling them more than she should have. They have other memories of her falling out of her chair, forgetting the names of people she'd known for years, "sounding like a Medicine Man chanting" when she tried to talk, and numerous other things. I'm glad that they chose to preserve their special memories, and visit with her a few days after holiday celebrations. I think kids need to be able to look back and see as many happy times as possible.

I'm just not convinced that Dylan "wanted" to spend Thanksgiving with family, especially a sick grandmother. I'm also not convinced that he wasn't looking forward to the visit and having time to spend with his lifelong friends. New friends may be great, but sometimes they pale in comparison to old friends. MOO

 

[Confusion]

IIRC, the principal of Dylan's school posted on their facebooks a clarification of things that were not true. The suppposed sightings of Dylan were attributed to another boy in the neighborhood that looks like Dylan. I have no link or original source for that info, so take it as you will.

As rumor, like all FB comments. MOO

 

[asyousay]

No mention of Dylan wanting to spend time with his father tho , all about him wanting to see his old friends . That says a lot when he is barely sees his dad !

bbm


http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1212/03/ng.01.html

 

[ICUDOUCME]

Wouldn't it be nice if all parents did make decisions based on those things? I know my sons are not Dylan, and I keep saying that we can't compare how one person would feel about something to how another person would. I'm going to do it anyway.

My mother was diagnosed with "terminal cancer" when my older son was 5 and I was pregnant with my younger one. When they found that she'd had lung cancer and it had already spread to her brain (a large mass that caused a lot of problems) just before Thanksgiving, they said they didn't expect her to make it to Christmas. A few Christmases came and went, and when my older son was 13 he was given the choice to spend the Holidays with my family or spend it with his father who lived close to his old friends (we didn't move as far away, but it was over 2 hours away). My mother was still alive, but had a couple of strokes that year, which they said was because of her radiation treatment. Even knowing it could be his last Thanksgiving, and later Christmas, with her, he decided at that age that he'd rather be able to go back to see friends.

When my younger son was 13, he was given the same choice. That was the year my mother (who had been in a nursing home for over a year) had another stroke, more serious than the others. She'd had many minor ones over the years, but this time she lost the ability to sit, feed herself, speak and almost everything else. Again, they didn't expect her to make it, and he chose to see friends. Two days before his 15th birthday, she did finally die. She had never recovered from that last stroke and just deteriorated steadily from that point.

Neither of the boys has ever shown nor expressed any guilt or regret about their decisions. They both said they knew they'd see her again, but it was very rare that they got a chance to see their friends for any length of time. They grieved for her loss when she died, but they also remember holidays with her cooking, talking, laughing and spoiling them more than she should have. They have other memories of her falling out of her chair, forgetting the names of people she'd known for years, "sounding like a Medicine Man chanting" when she tried to talk, and numerous other things. I'm glad that they chose to preserve their special memories, and visit with her a few days after holiday celebrations. I think kids need to be able to look back and see as many happy times as possible.

I'm just not convinced that Dylan "wanted" to spend Thanksgiving with family, especially a sick grandmother. I'm also not convinced that he wasn't looking forward to the visit and having time to spend with his lifelong friends. New friends may be great, but sometimes they pale in comparison to old friends. MOO

I so agree with you. My children although they love there family(children at almost any age think about just themselves)would rather hang with friends than stuffy old people anyway...love or no love.

 

[TexasCharm]

No mention of Dylan wanting to spend time with his father tho , all about him wanting to see his old friends . That says a lot when he is barely sees his dad !

As spoken by the same woman who accused his father publicly of doing something to him. You really think she is going to say that DR was excited to see his father? And if he was, do you really think he's going to ACT excited in front of his mother who obviously can't stand his father?

That poor kid has probably been dancing around the animosity between his two disfunctional parents his entire life..

imo

 

[Confusion]

They say they change but they dont!
JMO

Let me correct that
They say they are going to change and it wont happen again.

But it does!

Who are "they"? :waitasec:

 

[SuziQ]

As rumor, like all FB comments. MOO

Exactly. That's why I put the disclaimer in my post. I wish that we had an official update to clear some details up.

 

[aust amateur slueth]

As rumor, like all FB comments. MOO

Several possible sightings of Dylan were reported early on, but those have been discounted.

Read more: With Dylan Redwine missing for almost two weeks, dad clings to hope - The Denver Post http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_22108222/dad-its-wait-wonder#ixzz2EwXTSdIy


does that clarify it?

 

[oceanblueeyes]

But dont you think there comes a time when its too late.
Once kids are teens the damage is done not easily mended.
My son didnt want to see his dad at all he said Mom im 14 he had no time for me
for all these years now he wants to see me and I dont want to see him.

Just cause DAd wanted to become dad again does not mean son wanted dad.
JMO

No I dont.......it is never too late.

IMO

 

[aust amateur slueth]

I must have been a strange child and teen because I loved hanging out with my grandparents. I spent many weekends at their place right up into my twenties.

I love the memories I have of the time I spent with them.

 

[aust amateur slueth]

No I dont.......it is never too late.

IMO

It might never be too late

but forcing a child to spend time with someone if they don't want to causes a lot of anger and resentment. So much resentment that the child takes it out on the parent forcing them to go, physically hitting out at them and verbally abusing them. it can also cause the child to rebel against authority.

it can traumatise and leave long lasting trust issues, dealing with those is a hard thing to do

 

[mck16]

The kind of parent that loves his child, and is a bit selfish about wanting to spend the holiday with him....he probably wasn't even aware about the sick grandparent(ER and MR appear not to be able to even have a civil conversation now even when DR is missing this speeks volumes).

Jumping off your post and this may not even be allowed if not mods delete. I saw the post that said DR's grandmother was sick and that is why he didn't want to go away on Thanksgiving. Pictures being taken, etc. My question is have there been anymore posts from this person that I have missed? Just curious and maybe that post was not even factual. jmo

 

[ICUDOUCME]

I must have been a strange child and teen because I loved hanging out with my grandparents. I spent many weekends at their place right up into my twenties.

I love the memories I have of the time I spent with them.

I spent time at my grandparents home, but never time with them...we were always told to go outside and play. I do have to say I know many that have loved spending time with there grandparents, usually because there relationship was built on that love(kinda like one they have with there mother and father). When strongly bonded I can see children love spending time with there grandparents, but at 13 most children are wrapped up in thinking about themselves and wanting what they want, which usually doesn't have anything to do with adults, unless it requires to be driven somewhere.

 

[Confusion]

Several possible sightings of Dylan were reported early on, but those have been discounted.

Read more: With Dylan Redwine missing for almost two weeks, dad clings to hope - The Denver Post http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_22108222/dad-its-wait-wonder#ixzz2EwXTSdIy

does that clarify it?

That doesn't say they confirmed that ALL of the sightings were another boy. In fact, the second person searchers said they saw running was never identified. What they eventually said was that it was either the first jogger seen a second time or it was Dylan. There are some things in that article that say that LE had said them, but that statement isn't one of them. I also remember reading about them identifying the boys the postal worker saw, but I've never seen that they identified the one the neighbor saw - only that it's assumed to be that boy who looks like him. If they did eventually talk to him and learn that he'd been in that place at that time, I missed it. But thanks for the link.

I must have been a strange child and teen because I loved hanging out with my grandparents. I spent many weekends at their place right up into my twenties.

I love the memories I have of the time I spent with them.

I was going to say you weren't that strange because I spent every minute at my grandmother's house possible, but then I realized that we could both have been strange. :blushing: I spent all vacations from school. holidays and many weekends at my grandparent's house. When I moved out of my parents home, I lived alone for a couple of years, and then moved in with my grandmother for a few to keep her company.

 

[oceanblueeyes]

Who are "they"? :waitasec:

To me that is putting all men/fathers in the same box when they are just individuals like all human beings.

Of course anyone can change and they do change for the better.

I have seen some mothers where the dad got custody of the kids but the mom changed her ways and when she did she had a good relationship with her kids again. Anyone can change if they want to...

Now I have seen one parent or the other interfere and try their best to drive a wedge between the child and the other parent when they are divorced.

I never talked badly about my ex to my children......FGS just because I didnt like him at the time.... I knew our children loved him even at times when they didnt like what he had done to me. And I didnt tell them that. They knew about it because the police talked to them too to make sure he had never harmed them either. They were all shocked and sad at the time.

I wanted them to have a good relationship with their father and they do. I encouraged it by never speaking ill of him and respecting he was the father they loved. I could have manipulated them I suppose if I was the devious type by constantly putting him down but I would never do such a thing. I love my kids too much to ever do that. JMO

imo