CO- Dylan Redwine, 13, Vallecito, 19 November 2012 - #15

[oceanblueeyes]

Amen Ocean! Happy for you to get a good life out of the ordeal !

Thank you. I have been blessed beyond words since my prior marriage and have the best husband any woman could ever dream of having and he has also been a blessing to our children who he loves like his own.

And my ex knows that and admires my hubby very much. He knows he is a very good person who has been good to me and a very good father too. They get along great and chat away about 'their kids.'

IMO

 

[sunni]

He didn't go to the friends in Vallecito until about 4 pm. It was then that he became alarmed and drove to Bayfield. So he did wait nearly 5 hours.

[ I will go find the link]

As usual I am way behind, but keep seeing this brought up and wanted to say that it is possible MR was awaiting a text/call from Dylan.

Plus he may have been waiting to see if Dylan might be back soon, from a walk/hike, fishing.

There was no reason for MR to immediately come to the conclusion something was wrong. Men don't always react as we Moms do.

This may be something Dylan did before when visiting, so MR expected him to be back.


Sorry for all the disorganised rambling.

 

[MissJ]

I have multiple exes, BF and husbands and amazingly we keep in contact and are friends except two. The were both physically and emotionally abusive. One was the father of my only child and he hates me because I divorced him for being a serial cheater and was abusive to me and my son. The others are still friends of mine and my DH.

 

[tamild]

I think he does care. He is older now and sometimes it takes age to realize what someone has missed and what is really important to them.

I dont think there is any evidence that he didnt give a hoot either, imo.

And we dont know if Dylan didnt want to go. He is 13 and certainly old enough to speak with the Judge to voice his own opinion in PRIVATE without trying to appease one or the other parents.

imo

BBM

JMO-It's very possible that Dylan didn't want to go, but for reasons that have nothing to do with dislike for his father. Dylan is 13 and that's a pretty self-absorbed age. FWIW-my 13 yo doesn't want to go to my Grandparent's for Christmas. Not because she doesn't love or miss them, but because it's a four hour trip, we'll be gone for a week, and she might miss out on something by not being home. :twocents:

 

[Eileen730]

People change though. Some learn from their mistakes. I know I did. I've changed a lot from the way I use to be. Life experiences and age make you change priorities. I don't know if that's happened in this case, but I've seen it happened in others.

I've also seen some not too flattering things said about the other one as well. I'm not taking it as gospel even though it would benefit my theory greatly.

They say they change but they dont!
JMO

Let me correct that
They say they are going to change and it wont happen again.

But it does!

 

[Eileen730]

I think he does care. He is older now and sometimes it takes age to realize what someone has missed and what is really important to them.

I dont think there is any evidence that he didnt give a hoot either, imo.

And we dont know if Dylan didnt want to go. He is 13 and certainly old enough to speak with the Judge to voice his own opinion in PRIVATE without trying to appease one or the other parents.

imo

But dont you think there comes a time when its too late.
Once kids are teens the damage is done not easily mended.
My son didnt want to see his dad at all he said Mom im 14 he had no time for me
for all these years now he wants to see me and I dont want to see him.

Just cause DAd wanted to become dad again does not mean son wanted dad.
JMO

 

[BritsKate]

It is highly unlikely Dylan's wishes would have mattered to the judge one iota when it came to visitation, not custody, but visitation in my opinion. All parents have a constitutional right that often supersedes a child's wishes or desires (not to be confused with legal presumption of best interest).

Unless there was an overwhelming reason for not allowing Dylan to be left alone with Mark (like Mark having an open warrant for murder, child sexual assault or a long and well documented history of child abuse) the judge acted according to the actual black and white family statutes. He balanced what the state's perception of best interest of the child is (the access to both parents) and the rights of both parents as afforded by the constitution. FTR, I've read accounts of parents plagued by forcing 16 and 17 year olds to court-ordered visitation too. As a custodial parent you are required to abide the court order or risk damaging your own custodial status, fines, contempt, etc.

So how Elaine and even Dylan felt about such visitation is really a moot point at least legally in my opinion. Dylan just not wanting to visit Dad, or even not liking Dad, wouldn't be enough to sway a court against visitation without trampling Dad's rights.

 

[asyousay]

I think if MR truely loved his son then he would put his son wishes before his own needs .

Why would Dylan want to leave his brother and family for the holidays to spend it with his dad who it seems he is not close to ( IMO )

 

[SuziQ]

Katy, assuming you sent a text message and there was no cell service, I want you to explain to me how you would figure out (say) an hour later that the message was never sent.

Simple question.

A failure Icon should show next to the text. Or even a message saying there was a failure to send. It would be clearly seen. I've seen this on every phone I've had since Text messaging came out. I've had the old Nokia's, Samsungs, Razr's, Blackberry's and more. The old tap method phones, keyboards and touch.

 

[katydid23]

As usual I am way behind, but keep seeing this brought up and wanted to say that it is possible MR was awaiting a text/call from Dylan.

Plus he may have been waiting to see if Dylan might be back soon, from a walk/hike, fishing.

There was no reason for MR to immediately come to the conclusion something was wrong. Men don't always react as we Moms do.

This may be something Dylan did before when visiting, so MR expected him to be back.


Sorry for all the disorganised rambling.

But it's not like dad just came home and on a regular routine day, and his son happened to be out of the house. It was not a routine day.

This was the first morning of as court ordered visitation, and they had plans for 11 am that morning. Dylan was supposed to be home, to get a ride to town.

I don't understand why he didn't check out the friends earlier, to make sure he arrived. Why wait for 5 hours to see if everything is alright with your kid?

It makes no sense to wait for a text or a reply if there is spotty reception there.

 

[Abby Normal Again]

I just don't know. I've never pointed fingers at anyone in my years here on WS. IF MR is arrested for his missing son's case = so be it. IF someone else disappeared Dylan ..... there ya go. IF no one is held accountable for Dylan going poof ..

WE allllllllllll, here on WS, want Dylan found safe. I'm on board with that. ME (myself) will not say Mark Redwine is guilty of anything from what I have read/heard.
Be well Score.
Off to bed. See you all tomorrow

This is where I am too. I just want the truth.

I don't have any desire to defend a guilty person. I also don't want to pat myself on the back and feel good that I solved it before the FBI and local LE combined. In fact, I think that's pretty presumptuous to think we (the general we) know better than the people who really do have all the facts in the case, not to mention training and resources, if they don't feel like they can determine precisely yet.

They have the FBI on this, I don't think they are missing the signs and I do not believe that family members kill other family members without investigators getting wise to it. I just don't. Not with the savvy of modern FBI and LE. Even when there is lack of enough evidence (*cough* Julia Metalwala) FBI and LE are NOT fooled.

JMO, but the longer we go with LE being stumped, the more I think random. Because random is the only thing in my mind that accounts for people with so many resources, skills, and facts to be stumped.

But if it sways, and they give indication that they are trying to build an evidence based case against MR, I'd gladly throw away the key.

JMO.

 

[Donjeta]

I think if MR truely loved his son then he would put his son wishes before his own needs .

Why would Dylan want to leave his brother and family for the holidays to spend it with his dad who it seems he is not close to ( IMO )

JMO, I don't agree with this. I am not familiar with the particular circumstances of this family but generally speaking I am not of the opinion that parents who truely love their children should say no to visitation just because it may not always be convenient for the teenager. In most cases it is considered to be in the child's best interests to have access to both parents, especially if they are truly loving parents. It's usually the best way to become close as well.

 

[aust amateur slueth]

whats the first rule of investigating? Start with the last person and place they were seen, once that person's ruled out then move the investigation out.

the above is what I keep thinking about, IMO we can't rule sunday night out at all, we can rule out some of monday morning for MR, not all because we have no verification that MR left at 7.30am.

so what does that leave us with? anywhere to look?


I'll repeat myself and say once again my primary focus is on finding Dylan

and I'll add that I really don't care who is responsible other than I want them to be punished for the pain and suffering they have caused the family, friends and the community. I want whoever is responsible to feel the full weight of the law breathing down their neck.

 

[asyousay]

JMO, I don't agree with this. I am not familiar with the particular circumstances of this family but generally speaking I am not of the opinion that parents who truely love their children should say no to visitation just because it may not always be convenient for the teenager.

I disagree

If his son did not want to go and said he did not want to go then why force him ?

It just makes everybody unhappy in the long run .


( I am basing this on his mum saying he was unhappy about going )

 

[SuziQ]

As far as I know, that exclamation only comes up if it doesn't send from your end, not if it isn't received. I don't know of any way to get a notification that your message has been read by the person you sent it to.

My phones always have had the option to receive a notice that a message has been read. I never set it as it's annoying to get all those alerts. I think the point is if MR didn't have service and his text wouldn't send, then he would have definitely been alerted of the failure.

 

[tamild]

But it's not like dad just came home and on a regular routine day, and his son happened to be out of the house. It was not a routine day.

This was the first morning of as court ordered visitation, and they had plans for 11 am that morning. Dylan was supposed to be home, to get a ride to town.

I don't understand why he didn't check out the friends earlier, to make sure he arrived. Why wait for 5 hours to see if everything is alright with your kid?

It makes no sense to wait for a text or a reply if there is spotty reception there.

It was my understanding that MR was supposed to be back at 11am and would be working on getting Dylan to his friend's house-not that he would be back at 11am and would take him right then. I don't recall MR stating that he actually said to Dylan, "I'll take you when I get back at 11." JMO

 

[Abby Normal Again]

JMO, I don't agree with this. I am not familiar with the particular circumstances of this family but generally speaking I am not of the opinion that parents who truely love their children should say no to visitation just because it may not always be convenient for the teenager. In most cases it is considered to be in the child's best interests to have access to both parents, especially if they are truly loving parents. It's usually the best way to become close as well.

uh, yeah. That.

Are we so desperate to fault MR that we're going to fault him for wanting to not be a deadbeat dad? Really?

I was once a teen who thought I didn't want my custodial father, and thought life would have been better with my druggie mother who I didn't even know. If my dad really loved me he'd have put my wishes ahead of his own and let me go. :waitasec:

 

[Donjeta]

I disagree

If his son did not want to go and said he did not want to go then why force him ?

It just makes everybody unhappy in the long run .


( I am basing this on his mum saying he was unhappy about going )

JMO. There are degrees of unhappy. If a teenager is unhappy about going for a visit because the parent is abusive it should be considered but they may also be unhappy simply because they miss a party or a Saturday night skateboarding with their friends and in such cases the teens not getting their way is probably not deeply detrimental for everyone's happiness in the long run. Loving parents do make decisions that are not always what the teen would prefer but end up being good for them anyway.

 

[Abby Normal Again]

I disagree

If his son did not want to go and said he did not want to go then why force him ?

It just makes everybody unhappy in the long run .


( I am basing this on his mum saying he was unhappy about going )

bbm

GRACE: What was his demeanor, Elaine?

REDWINE: You know, he was excited to go see his friends. He has friends in Bayfield, which is about -- oh, about 30 minutes away from Vallecito. So you know, he was really excited to go hang out with his friends in Bayfield.

GRACE: ...

REDWINE: Yes. I mean, I just don`t think -- you know, we had joint parenting time. And because, you know, Mark had to earn a living and we live in a small community, he was on the road a lot. So he didn`t spend a lot of time with Dylan in the three years prior to Dylan moving to Colorado Springs. So I just don`t think he knew Dylan all that well.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1212/03/ng.01.html

 

[TexasCharm]

They say they change but they dont!
JMO

Let me correct that
They say they are going to change and it wont happen again.

But it does!

Not always true. People can, and do, change. I thank GOD I'm not the same person I was in my 20's ....

imo