CO- Dylan Redwine, 13, Vallecito, 19 November 2012 - #46

[tresptip]

that might be true when you're at home, but what about when you're away from home and itching to see friends that you haven't seen for months, friends who you've been texting for hours making plans.

you being in general.

It would depend on how spunky I felt at 6:00 in the morning.If Dylan had not gotten much sleep I can easily see him hesitating to get up.

 

[song22]

snipped by me.

Since you asked, during the first two years when we lived together, yes, I hugged and kissed him and experienced the entire cycle of domestic violence.

Afterwards, I obtained a civil protection order that was in effect for 10 years (that's two renewals, two times I was in court convincing a judge that there remained a credible threat of harm). The child he harmed was named as a protected person as was I on the protection order. The infant we had together was not. For two years, my abuser had supervised visitation with my little one. After that, the court determined that supervision was no longer necessary. To this very DAY, I worry when my child is with her father. Everyone I know is aware of my fear. Two domestic violence shelters have records of my stays. There exist three convictions of my abuser violating the protection order.

So yes, I know an abuser. I lived with an abuser. I escaped an abuser. I did everything in my power to protect my children from an abuser.

Now, let's talk about women who claim abuse while not taking every necessary step to protect themselves and their children. Did they suffer abuse? Perhaps.

Since Dylan has vanished, I put myself in his mother's place. I know the agony of sending a child to a parent with whom you have little confidence, with a parent who engenders fear, a parent who has a record of hurting another of my children. Perhaps, because I am actually forced (by court order and the threat of jail time for non-compliance) to send my child with this man, I take comfort from the fact that my child is old enough now to understand and implement a safety plan. That we hide a cell phone in her belongings when she visits. That my abuser has abused but has never killed another person.

This is my experience. I do not think my actions needed explaining but then again perhaps they did.

I will never give up on Dylan. Bottom line.

You have really been through a tremendous amount. Thank you for sharing your story. You really fought for your child in very difficult circumstances.

 

[katydid23]

MR isn't even accused in the sense of not charged, not arrested, not a suspect, not a person of interest.

And confidence? No, MR does not have my confidence. He may be guilty of harming Dylan. I just reject a many of the reason others have to convict him in their own minds. I'm looking at MR with as open a mind as possible. And why? For Dylan.

What if your child went missing while on one of the court ordered visits with your ex? And you KNEW he was responsible for the situation. Would you want everyone to give him the benefit of the doubt, and avoid being suspicious of him? Would that be helpful for your missing child?

How does it help Dylan to not be suspicious of Mark?

 

[song22]

I want to know what his alibi is.... What time did he go to work? Actually I think he works at that storage unit? So, maybe he didn't have to leave to go to work? So who saw him when and is the person that saw him when trustworthy? Was there more than one person that can verify his alibi?

I don't know - but I sure would like to know how thoroughly LE checked his alibi......

I also want to know why the heck he only got 9 months for what he did? He should have gone to prison for life

Salem

So, can someone explain to me how this works? I mean, if you're on the sex offender registry for something like that and a child goes missing in your neighborhood--am I right that he lives in walking distance?-- Can the police just take some dogs down to your house and sniff around or sniff at the storage facility where you work? Is that not legal?

 

[Confusion]

Check out #13 on this list: http://www.coloradoicac.com/arrests/2009.html

Salem

Additional info:

Thank you OtherEyes!

Thanks. He was my first serious "suspect", but it's hard not being allowed to discuss why. Considering where he lives, I think it's very possible that one of his acquaintances may have been at his place and done something even if he did have an alibi himself. MOO

 

[scorekeeper]

Check out #13 on this list: http://www.coloradoicac.com/arrests/2009.html

Salem

Additional info:




Thank you OtherEyes!

Thanks. I remember this guy also.

I wonder what other types of "pictures" they found on his computer or in his possession?

 

[Bayou Mistress]

What if your child went missing while on one of the court ordered visits with your ex? And you KNEW he was responsible for the situation. Would you want everyone to give him the benefit of the doubt, and avoid being suspicious of him? Would that be helpful for your missing child?

How does it help Dylan to not be suspicious of Mark?

If my child went missing on her father's watch, and the case appeared here, on WS, I would rejoice when you located his record of violating the protection order. I would clap when you saw my efforts at protecting my child. I would know that the record supports my suspicions. I would come here (or someone on my behalf) and tell you exactly how he hurt my other child. It wouldn't be vague. It wouldn't be unsupported accusations. Not only that, he has another ex with the exact same story. EXACT same story. We would both attest to his alcoholism. My child that is still court ordered to visits has attested to the ongoing alcoholism.

And to the ones who don't accept the RECORD presented, oh well. It is what it is and everyone gets an opinion. Would I encourage a protest at his house? I don't know. I might have had I not seen this particular case and the damage that could occur to the actual search for my missing child. I do think ER is in a difficult position. I FEEL for her, the pain, the sense of loss and even the anger.

Drawing a line between "MR is guilty" and "I wonder if MR is guilty or someone else may be guilty" is counter-productive to finding Dylan. Opinions, okay, but the line in the sand--not so much.

 

[Salem]

So, can someone explain to me how this works? I mean, if you're on the sex offender registry for something like that and a child goes missing in your neighborhood--am I right that he lives in walking distance?-- Can the police just take some dogs down to your house and sniff around or sniff at the storage facility where you work? Is that not legal?

Police could take the dogs in the public right of way. They could not take the dogs on the mini-storage property without consent or a search warrant, backed by probable cause.

Salem

 

[scorekeeper]

Numerous court records/reports (by both ex-wives) and verified statements by AZgrandma has been seen by LE and reporters (and some here) that show Mark's past violent/controlling behaviors.

I believe them.

JMO

 

[Magdalyn]

So, can someone explain to me how this works? I mean, if you're on the sex offender registry for something like that and a child goes missing in your neighborhood--am I right that he lives in walking distance?-- Can the police just take some dogs down to your house and sniff around or sniff at the storage facility where you work? Is that not legal?

I'm no lawyer but I'm guessing once you're a registered sex offender, you're kind of on a lifetime probation of sorts, and your 'rights' to privacy and search, etc, are not what they once were...as a condition of your release.

•Assignment to community supervision is a privilege, and sex offenders must be completely accountable for their behaviors. Offenders must agree to intensive and sometimes intrusive accountability measures. These measures are designed to increase the likelihood that the offender can safely remain in the community rather than in prison. Offenders must learn to be accountable to maintain the privilege of remaining under community supervision.

http://sor.state.co.us/index.cfm?SOR=home.youshouldknow

 

[dlc]

snipped by me.

Since you asked, during the first two years when we lived together, yes, I hugged and kissed him and experienced the entire cycle of domestic violence.

Afterwards, I obtained a civil protection order that was in effect for 10 years (that's two renewals, two times I was in court convincing a judge that there remained a credible threat of harm). The child he harmed was named as a protected person as was I on the protection order. The infant we had together was not. For two years, my abuser had supervised visitation with my little one. After that, the court determined that supervision was no longer necessary. To this very DAY, I worry when my child is with her father. Everyone I know is aware of my fear. Two domestic violence shelters have records of my stays. There exist three convictions of my abuser violating the protection order.

So yes, I know an abuser. I lived with an abuser. I escaped an abuser. I did everything in my power to protect my children from an abuser.

Now, let's talk about women who claim abuse while not taking every necessary step to protect themselves and their children. Did they suffer abuse? Perhaps.

Since Dylan has vanished, I put myself in his mother's place. I know the agony of sending a child to a parent with whom you have little confidence, with a parent who engenders fear, a parent who has a record of hurting another of my children. Perhaps, because I am actually forced (by court order and the threat of jail time for non-compliance) to send my child with this man, I take comfort from the fact that my child is old enough now to understand and implement a safety plan. That we hide a cell phone in her belongings when she visits. That my abuser has abused but has never killed another person.

This is my experience. I do not think my actions needed explaining but then again perhaps they did.

I will never give up on Dylan. Bottom line.

Perhaps? Thanks to newspapers and the net, I can be pretty confident in stating that there are plenty of women who, for any number of reasons, do not pursue their attackers through the legal system. I don't think we have a problem of over reporting of domestic violence in this country.

JMO IMO

 

[Bayou Mistress]

Yeah, I feel like Mark has A LOT more support here than other parents of missing children, who are also viewed as suspicious. Look at the Kyron Horman case. His family accuses Terri of being involved, just like the Redwines accuse Mark of being involved. But the claims against Terri are not questioned or picked apart or scrutinized like the claims against Mark are.

How do you get to truth without scrutiny? And I refuse to address another case in this forum or delve into my questions about Kaine or Desiree...

 

[Confusion]

<modsnip>

I don't blame either of the exes if that's what they really believe (or Cory, other family members and friends). I don't even find it hard to believe that he could be involved based on what's been said to date. If he were arrested today and immediately confessed, it wouldn't be a big surprise. I just have a problem accepting that he is the only possible person who could have done anything.

Since I have never met any of the people involved, I have no idea what is truth, what is embellishment, what is conjecture, and what is outright lies/paranoid delusions. I've tried going by what has been said by LE, unbiased witnesses and the media to some extent. If both parents agree on something, I'm willing to accept it as complete truth. If 2 parties give close to the same account (one supporting MR and one not), I tend to think it's mainly a difference in perception. If 2 parties give accounts that are totally different, I tend to think the truth is somewhere in the middle. If an accusation is made by anyone that can't be backed up with any evidence at all, I tend to ignore it.

Other people have to decide for themselves what criteria they need for making their decisions, but these have always been the basics of mine. MOO

 

[ColdHands]

Here's a packet with Colorado sex offender regulation information:
http://www.colorado.gov/cs/Satellit...goBlobs&blobwhere=1251605675344&ssbinary=true

I believe that while under parole their rights are severely curtailed, per this document. I could not find anything that said what their rights are once they are off probation and only under the sex offender registry.

 

[Kimster]

http://forums.strengthandhonour.net/images/smilies/offtopic2.jpg

Hey, I'm the point moderator in the Kyron Horman case and would love to have you guys to go over there and discuss it! But not here. Thanks!

[ame="http://websleuths.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=410"]Kyron Horman - Websleuths Crime Sleuthing Community[/ame]

 

[Psychic Sleuth]

I probably would have assumed it was an accidental drowning... until Mark came forward and gave a 'word salad' speech---and then I would have started wondering.

I guess that's my point. If we knew nothing about MR (and had never heard him speak) and knew nothing of the family dynamics and Dylan was found quickly at the lake and with MR's account of the fishing pole being gone, then many of us and possibly LE might just assume it was a horrible drowning accident. Perhaps that was the plan?

JMHO

 

[rebeccaeee]

There is an endangered runaway boy from Castle Rock, 16 years. missing Dec 2012. I couldn't find any information, news articles or anything. It just made me wonder, as how easy it would have been to label Dylan an "Endangered Runaway" and I wonder how they really know, though I have to trust that LE knows. I just thought it might be something to look at different endangered runaways of that age. Maybe there is abduction involved or sex trafficking.
<snip by me.>

We looked at crime stats early on and repeatedly and discovered that Bayfield hasn't had a murder in years. One in a decade plus, if I recall. No missing kids from Bayfield/Vallecito/Durango/Ignacio either. Sheesh- the next kid to go missing after Dylan (found safe, wandered off on his own for a bit, 17 years old I think) caused a huge media fuss so the Dylan Redwine Effect has happened in this smallish community. I also think the total lack of violent crime points to how LE was caught off guard. We were all delighted to see the FBI come in but really wish it would have happened sooner rather than later. Who knows what might have been missed?

 

[Salem]

Remember that Dylan followed on the heels of the Jessica Ridgway case also. I would think the whole state of Colorado would be concerned about any child that was late for dinner at this point.

Even when the case is solved, it doesn't wipe out that fear or the realization that it could happen in your own community, kwim?

Salem

 

[rebeccaeee]

Remember that Dylan followed on the heels of the Jessica Ridgway case also. I would think the whole state of Colorado would be concerned about any child that was late for dinner at this point.

Even when the case is solved, it doesn't wipe out that fear or the realization that it could happen in your own community, kwim?

Salem

Oh absolutely! Dylan's case has resonated so much that I do not think I will ever watch the news and discount any case of a missing child ever again. In fact, we've had a few in my town since November (some with bad endings, most with happy ones) and my response is to be engaged and alert and proactive. That's a far cry from "hmmm, poor kiddo" which is what I used to look at the tv and say. My mom reminds me that my early childhood years saw the Atlanta child killings and she likes to say we have not been out of her sight since then. It's a timeless problem.

 

[*Lash*]

BBM
I understand and respect that each of us are allowed our personal opinions and that they do not nor need not agree with others.
Since it was mentioned, I have to ask, during your four years in an abusive marriage:
Did you ever hug or kiss your husband? If you did, did that mean that he was NOT abusive, ever? Or did it mean that he was not abusive at that moment?
Afterwards, did your child have visitation and hug or kiss the other parent, go on vacations?

As a survivor of abuse, IMO is would be known firsthand that the abuse is not 24/7, there are good times and bad times. The wine and roses period when after the abuse, the apologies come, the promises, the wonderful life and happy marriage that you (in general) really want is back. There is a cycle and those cycles get closer and closer as the abuse continues. The wine & roses period gets shorter and shorter.

A victim of domestic violence tends to blame themselves &#8211; next time I won&#8217;t do this because it sets him off, I should have done this better, I never should have mentioned that because it makes him mad.
Many abusers are masters at their control, the old saying no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, is very true. The life of the party can also be the nightmare at home.

I won&#8217;t speak for ER, but I do know that in my case, my strength and my assertiveness came AFTER the divorce and after therapy. I still coward when a man raises his hand, which may never change.

CR&#8217;s anger may have always been there, publicly we don&#8217;t know, or it could have grown from frustration over time.

I can be specific about WHY I believe that MR is involved. That is an in-depth conversation I have had with those that need to know WHY. It is up to the reader to take with them anything or nothing from what I may post; however, it is NOT up to the reader to disparage me or anyone else for not giving more details than I believe are safe to give on a public forum. Please keep in mind that WE are living this, while others are viewing this. If 6 out 7 people that have lived with MR believe that he has heavy involvement and the 7th is missing, there is reason for that and it is up to each to accept or not.

BBM - Amen! Also, there is that part of you that hopes the abuser will change. Things will surely get better. The mentality of possibly being able to change them. The private home of an abused family is like walking on eggshells. Every corner you turn or room you enter, you never know what personality you're going to encounter.

Especially as seen through a child's eyes. Children don't want to believe their mommy or daddy are bad people. Children want to believe their parents are their safe zone. Until sadly, that one day comes and the child realizes it is never going to be this way for them. They will never find a safety net with this parent(s). When reality surfaces, it hurts and hits hard. Then a whole new battle begins in learning how to separate yourself from that parent(s) and live a normal healthy life.

Great post AZG!