CO- Dylan Redwine, 13, Vallecito, 19 November 2012 - #52

[katydid23]

Is it wrong for me to take a nap while my child is out playing? A child who was old enough to play without constant supervision? My youngest is hanging with a grandparent today, my oldest is off playing with friends, I am tired. I can take a nap since it's quiet. Taking a nap doesn't mean he is a bad father. Being a "lax" dad doesn't mean he didn't love Dylan. If he is accustomed to Dylan going off and doing his own thing and it's something he allowed, it doesn't mean, again, that he doesn't love him or care about him. Different strokes for different folks. What works for me may not work for you(general) all that good stuff. Wonder what he did during summers when MR was home and Dylan stayed there, on the days MR had to go do the payroll?

Mark DID NOT KNOW where Dylan was. He had no idea. He was planning to pick him up at 11, but Dylan was not there, and left no note or message. So he did not know where D was or if he was out 'playing' or not.

So imo, taking a nap under those circumstances is irresponsible and suspicious. JMO Like you said, one of your kids is with a Gparent and one is with friends.I assume you have verified this. So taking a nap is a great idea. But if you HAD PLANS to come pick up your child, and they were inexplicably gone, would you try to figure out if they were safe somewhere, or would you lie down for a nap?

 

[Emma Ems]

I saw your explanation. 'MAYBE he became a better father with his 4th child.' I don't see that, according to what I have seen so far. I think you are who you are, and a tiger doesn't change his spots. I still see a bitter, obnoxious, critical old jerk, and not a loving, caring father. JMO

Did you ever personally know this tiger before this case? Just wondering because those are the kind of things one can only know about a person, those from first hand experience with a person. I will never pretend to know a person. I can say that they "appear" to be, etc, but to also know if they have changed you would need past and present knowledge of the person.

 

[Bayou Mistress]

Unless Mark asked Elaine or Dylan why Dylan wasn’t responding to his text messages, why wouldn’t he suspect Elaine either blocked his messages on Dylan’s phone or instructed Dylan not to answer him?

MR told MB the reason Dylan didn't reply to his text messages was "because his environment wasn’t conducive for that" and he may have said that to cover up the fact he believed Elaine was involved in this and it was her fault.

And while this was going on, Dylan had a secret meeting with the Judge which resulted in Elaine winning primary custody of Dylan. Yikes!

MOO

I don't think people "win" custody unless they are in a war. MR was working a job that put him out of town frequently and the court gave ER permission to move six hours away. By necessity, this changes the previous visitation schedules and reduces the child's ability to be flexible. ER herself has stated that her and MR did not "fight" about the children, but about financial matters/assets. By the same token, it is always a "loss" for a child to be geographically separated from a parent. Custodial or not.

 

[Emma Ems]

Mark DID NOT KNOW where Dylan was. He had no idea. He was planning to pick him up at 11, but Dylan was not there, and left no note or message. So he did not know where D was or if he was out 'playing' or not.

So imo, taking a nap under those circumstances is irresponsible and suspicious. JMO Like you said, one of your kids is with a Gparent and one is with friends.I assume you have verified this. So taking a nap is a great idea. But if you HAD PLANS to come pick up your child, and they were inexplicably gone, would you try to figure out if they were safe somewhere, or would you lie down for a nap?

Again, different strokes for different folks. Everyone has an idea of how everyone else should raise their children. You say tomayto, I say tohmatoh. Over the course of the various interviews that despite what MR said about being strict, he wasn't. Same with ER. You act like he went into a RiP Vanwinkle sleep instead of took a 20-30 minute nap(that's what he stated how long the nap was.)

 

[katydid23]

Your post isn't reading very well, can you clarify, because right now it looks like you are trying to call me MR. If so, that's funny.

Phew, just reread that, my eyes are burning, as I was cooking in cast iron. I tried reading it twice and it still didn't read right, but now I see. I am LOL at myself right now.

Sorry, I was most definitely NOT calling you Mark. When I said ' you are who you are' I was talking about MARK, not you.

 

[Bayou Mistress]

Blocking a parent's phone number from your child's phone is a pretty heinous thing to do. Is this just a suspicion on your part, or is there something that leads you to believe this is true? I don't understand why she would do that despite the supposed animosity - and I'm not sure I feel there was horrible animosity there, really. EH could have made things much, much worse for MR if she really wanted to do so - for the reasons we can't discuss.

Also, how would one go about researching a charge like this anyway? How do we know, for instance, that Dylan didn't block his Dad's number HIMSELF? And, again, what proof is there that the number was blocked in the first place?

ETA: O/T (kind of) snark... we could always call the NSA and ask them for transcripts of all the messages back and forth considering it's a verizon account...

I said I wondered if this was the case, as it would explain MR not getting many text responses from Dylan after September 2012. My understanding is that a block on Dylan's line, would not prevent Dylan from sending a text to the blocked number, but would stop MR's texts from being received. This might also explain Dylan's "distance" especially if he felt his father wasn't keeping in touch with him. So, proof for wondering? I don't think so, no more that anyone has proof for asking questions or exploring possibilities.

 

[dlc]

Again, that's not always true, Katy. I can attest from personal experience that it's not true. BIL youngest of three children, he was the closest to his father, while the other two, for quite a while did not like their father. It wasn't until they were older adults that they learned to forgive their father of his "short comings" as a father. This is not one of those areas that is black and white. There is a lot of gray and to look at it like there isn't any gray, IMO, is erroneous.

But, like you just pointed out to another poster:

"Those people, you refer to, are not Dylan. People have different types of relationships with different people."

 

[katydid23]

Again, different strokes for different folks. Everyone has an idea of how everyone else should raise their children. You say tomayto, I say tohmatoh. Over the course of the various interviews that despite what MR said about being strict, he wasn't. Same with ER. You act like he went into a RiP Vanwinkle sleep instead of took a 20-30 minute nap(that's what he stated how long the nap was.)

I don't understand what you mean by ' different strokes for different folks.' This was a MISSING kid. Who cares how long his nap was, he should have put his kids safety first. I wouldn't have been able to sleep if I didn't know where my kid was.

They HAD PLANS. That means something. The last Mark knew, D was expected to be there waiting for a ride.<Mod Snip>

 

[Bayou Mistress]

I find the discussions about who Dylan had a better bond with to not be particularly helpful. I believe that Dylan loves both his parents and was bonded with both. I refuse to undermine the loving relationships of a missing child and his parents. Wondering independently what those parents may have done as it ties to the child's disappearance is one thing, but this is not a who did Dylan love best contest. I also don't find it odd that both parents think Dylan was bonded and that they both "know' their child. They both did. And maybe each saw different aspects of the same child. I am willing to put money on the fact that Dylan Redwine knew he was loved by his mother and his father. For all their failings, they did that part right.

 

[dlc]

I actually tend to believe the science as I am a stay at home mom currently. I was not for my oldest, so the relationships are different. My youngest tends to stick to me like glue, but she loves her daddy too. When she gets hurt though, she comes running to me. My oldest will go to us both equally, actually, who ever is closer. I don't know how that will change as my youngest gets older though.

You say it depends on his level of connection and caring with Dylan, but how do you know what that was? I am not pretending to even know that, only that it's possible if MR stayed home with him. Those people, you refer to, are not Dylan. People have different types of relationships with different people.

And there's a great deal of science out there! This article does a nice job (IMO) explaining the difference between attachment and bonding, which are not synonymous, and also goes briefly into different _kinds_ of attachment.

Just because you are attached to a person as your primary caregiver does _not_ mean that the attachment is a healthy one. A quick scan of the daily news makes it quite clear that those charged with being the primary caregiver, and theoretically the one to whom the child is attached, and to whom they turn to for protection, often turn out to be pretty God-awful at their job.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2724160/

JMO

 

[Bayou Mistress]

I notice an interesting pattern here. When we were talking earlier about Dylan not texting or contacting anyone, there were lots of posts here explaining why that might be.

"There was no cell reception, no landline, no wifi, he had no computer password, no i-pod access..."

All of the above explanations in MR's defense were incorrect. So now we have this new one, " ER must have blocked the number from D's phone..." I think his excuse will soon go the way as those listed above, JMO.

I guess I'm not allowed to have a new thought? As far as I'm concerned, some other other reasons are not yet discounted. Is there not room for that here? I'm back to the Borg.....blah!

 

[Emma Ems]

I notice an interesting pattern here. When we were talking earlier about Dylan not texting or contacting anyone, there were lots of posts here explaining why that might be.

"There was no cell reception, no landline, no wifi, he had no computer password, no i-pod access..."

All of the above explanations in MR's defense were incorrect. So now we have this new one, " ER must have blocked the number from D's phone..." I think his excuse will soon go the way as those listed above, JMO.

Did we prove(with Dylan's phone) that there was cell reception? I think a phone, when it's away from a tower will still try to communicate with it, and while it may reach the tower, the tower may not be able to reach it, but then again, this is something I know nothing about.

 

[Bayou Mistress]

BBM
Really?

Then why did you just say:

Given the animosity of these two parents, I wonder if EH didn't block MR's number from Dylan's phone. This is a possible explanation for Dylan not returning text messages to his father.


Isn't THAT^^^ undermining the loving relationships of a missing child and his parents?

No, I don't see it that way. But I think the divergence in thought processes/ways we look at things won't let you see my perspective, so, I'll agree to disagree with you. What Elaine does with Dylan's phone is not reflective of her love for and bond for Dylan unless she herself saw it as a war for affection. Do you think she did?

 

[catswhiskers]

Add me to the horrible napping parents club. I'm about MR's age and so freaking tired all the time I have little snoozes whenever I can, and sometimes when I don't even want to. IMO when MR got home he didn't know his son was "missing" in the sinister sense of the word - just that at that point he wasn't in the house, and that was obviously not alarming to him at that point. If he had picked up the phone and called LE straight away, could you imagine their reaction? Much has been made about the nap - if he had sat down on his famous recliner and read the newspaper for an hour, would it be any better or worse?

 

[dlc]

Well it's a shame the other side of a story just can't be told under any circumstances. To me that told a story about a warm and loving relationship between the members of that extended family. I question why people can't bear that info to be aired and seen for what it is. So sad for Dylan and his entire family on every single level.
:moo:

?

Which story?

 

[Tonto]

Wow. So some folks think a 14 year old boy going off on his own for a bit when out in the sticks while his pops is gone to town is cause for panic, and a pop who comes home and thinks little of it for an hour or so is irresponsible and evil. Unreal. No Huck Finn for you.

 

[Lordeebee]

Again, different strokes for different folks. Everyone has an idea of how everyone else should raise their children. You say tomayto, I20- say tohmatoh. Over the course of the various interviews that despite what MR said about being strict, he wasn't. Same with ER. You act like he went into a RiP Vanwinkle sleep instead of took a 20-30 minute nap(that's what he stated how long the nap was.)

Personally I don't believe he took a nap - I think by this time adrenaline probably took over. But if he did---he told MB he took a nap and then around 2:30 decided he should start figuring out where that boy was. So if his nap was only 20-30 minutes what was he doing for the next (approx) 2 - 3 hours?

 

[katydid23]

No, I don't see it that way. But I think the divergence in thought processes/ways we look at things won't let you see my perspective, so, I'll agree to disagree with you. What Elaine does with Dylan's phone is not reflective of her love for and bond for Dylan unless she herself saw it as a war for affection. Do you think she did?

The only one that was in 'a war' for his affection was Mark. Elaine had successfully moved on with her life and had no focus on Mark at all.

I just think it is kind of desperate for his supporters to explain away Dylan's indifference, by blaming Elaine.

 

[Lordeebee]

I find the discussions about who Dylan had a better bond with to not be particularly helpful. I believe that Dylan loves both his parents and was bonded with both. I refuse to undermine the loving relationships of a missing child and his parents. Wondering independently what those parents may have done as it ties to the child's disappearance is one thing, but this is not a who did Dylan love best contest. I also don't find it odd that both parents think Dylan was bonded and that they both "know' their child. They both did. And maybe each saw different aspects of the same child. I am willing to put money on the fact that Dylan Redwine knew he was loved by his mother and his father. For all their failings, they did that part right.

I completely agree about it not being a love contest. I keep thinking what does all this have to do with anything? But then I remember that jealousy and revenge are fairly common motives for murder. MOO

 

[Emma Ems]

It's not 'bad parenting' to not look for your child when they are not where they say they are going to be? Really? Because I see that as very poor parenting I see it as negligence, imo. It is not about being strict or lax, it is about caring about your child's well being. :moo:

Again I find we are back to tomayto, tomahtoh. I can't get on board with that. Kids often go outside, wonder around their homes, yards, without having to say, "Hey mom, going to be in the tree, hey mom, hiding in the bush, hey mom, I am riding my bike around the neighborhood and while I am at it, I may or may not stop at Jimmy's, then onto Bobby's." Kids aren't prisoners and our jobs as parents is prepare them to be adults, which includes allowing them certain independence. I could see that for a younger child.

See you take issue with that, but I am still trying to understand, in the NG issue with ER why she that Dylan would usually call her to let her know where he "landed" for the night, if not that night, but at least by the next morning. I wish I could clarify that with her because it reads to me like Dylan didn't have to ask permission to spend the night with friends and that as long as he isn't unaccountable for 24 hours it's all good. That one has me more concerned and stumped than MR taking a short nap, thinking Dylan probably went out to play to occupy himself while he waited for MR's return.