CO- Dylan Redwine, 13, Vallecito, 19 November 2012 - #52

[Bayou Mistress]

The only one that was in 'a war' for his affection was Mark. Elaine had successfully moved on with her life and had no focus on Mark at all.

I just think it is kind of desperate for his supporters to explain away Dylan's indifference, by blaming Elaine.

I don't know that I can agree with you at all. Mark appears to have moved on, purchased a home on his own and enjoyed vacations with his son. I see him having no focus on Elaine beyond the son they both are missing.

 

[katydid23]

Add me to the horrible napping parents club. I'm about MR's age and so freaking tired all the time I have little snoozes whenever I can, and sometimes when I don't even want to. IMO when MR got home he didn't know his son was "missing" in the sinister sense of the word - just that at that point he wasn't in the house, and that was obviously not alarming to him at that point. If he had picked up the phone and called LE straight away, could you imagine their reaction? Much has been made about the nap - if he had sat down on his famous recliner and read the newspaper for an hour, would it be any better or worse?

Nobody said he should have called LE. But he had called Dylan a few times earlier, with no response, and then returns to an empty home. That should have been a cause for concern. He NEVER looked to see if the backpack was gone. At that point, since Dylan was NOT where he was supposed to be, imo. he should have started his search IMMEDIATELY. He should have called the friends, driven there if need be, called ER and CR to see if they had heard from him, and taken it seriously. Taking a nap was irresponsible and very revealing, imo.

 

[katydid23]

I don't know that I can agree with you at all. Mark appears to have moved on, purchased a home on his own and enjoyed vacations with his son. I see him having no focus on Elaine beyond the son they both are missing.

I disagree. He seems quite obsessed with Elaine, imo.

 

[dlc]

Wow. So some folks think a 14 year old boy going off on his own for a bit when out in the sticks while his pops is gone to town is cause for panic, and a pop who comes home and thinks little of it for an hour or so is irresponsible and evil. Unreal. No Huck Finn for you.

Of course not (or at least I don't)! Then again I grew up with parents who let me tramp all around rattlesnake infested woods for hours. What I _do_ find odd, and what my parents likely would have as well, is making plans to do something at a particular time, coming home, and finding your child not there. This after you tried texting/calling him repeatedly while you were out, to no avail. Taking a nappy under those circumstances is, IMO, odd.

 

[Redhead72]

I said I wondered if this was the case, as it would explain MR not getting many text responses from Dylan after September 2012. My understanding is that a block on Dylan's line, would not prevent Dylan from sending a text to the blocked number, but would stop MR's texts from being received. This might also explain Dylan's "distance" especially if he felt his father wasn't keeping in touch with him. So, proof for wondering? I don't think so, no more that anyone has proof for asking questions or exploring possibilities.

That's what I was trying to determine from your post - whether you were asking questions and exploring possibilities or whether there was something that led you to believe the number was blocked on Dylan's phone.

I haven't been keeping up here the last few weeks, so I didn't know if I had missed something, or not.

Another poster just up-thread mentioned that Dylan would have seen the number as being blocked from his end, even if the person calling wouldn't see a block.

IMO, a parent who would attempt to block their child from communicating with their other parent wouldn't be at all successful when they are dealing with a child Dylan's age. And, if MR suspected his calls were being blocked then... well, crud... I don't think I can ask the question I wanted to because we aren't allowed to talk about so many things.

Anyway, I don't think EH blocked his phone, but that's JMO. I'm leery about assuming anything about EH's actions from things MR has implied along these lines. Frankly, it seems to me that MR is the one who has the pattern of behavior that is more likely to lead to taking actions to get back at the other parent and prevent communications. I can't remember if we can talk about some of those things so that I can explain better what I'm alluding to...

As always all of the above is MOO! :cow:

 

[katydid23]

Again I find we are back to tomayto, tomahtoh. I can't get on board with that. Kids often go outside, wonder around their homes, yards, without having to say, "Hey mom, going to be in the tree, hey mom, hiding in the bush, hey mom, I am riding my bike around the neighborhood and while I am at it, I may or may not stop at Jimmy's, then onto Bobby's." Kids aren't prisoners and our jobs as parents is prepare them to be adults, which includes allowing them certain independence. I could see that for a younger child.

See you take issue with that, but I am still trying to understand, in the NG issue with ER why she that Dylan would usually call her to let her know where he "landed" for the night, if not that night, but at least by the next morning. I wish I could clarify that with her because it reads to me like Dylan didn't have to ask permission to spend the night with friends and that as long as he isn't unaccountable for 24 hours it's all good. That one has me more concerned and stumped than MR taking a short nap, thinking Dylan probably went out to play to occupy himself while he waited for MR's return.

BBM

NO. That is not what she said. She was speaking about the times D spent with Mark. And in those instances, D would call her from Bayfield to say where he landed.

As for your first paragraph, you are leaving out a very important element to what I said. THEY HAD ESTABLISHED PLANS. Dylan was waiting for his Dad to return to give him a ride. That is not the same thing as returning home and seeing your child was out playing in the yard.

If I make PLANS with my kid, and they are not where they are supposed to be, then I am going to be worried.

But even when my kids were out exploring, they were REQUIRED to leave a note or a voice message, saying where they were headed and with whom.

 

[Emma Ems]

I disagree. He seems quite obsessed with Elaine, imo.

How so? What instances? If we are going by now, I think ER seems more obsessed with MR than he does with her. General premise is that nearly every time she speaks to the media she speaks about MR(she has also had more interviews) yet, MR seems avoided media and even "speaking" with ER until the recent mediation. If he was obsessed with her wouldn't he be calling her all the time, always talking about her in the media, in the earlier media he didn't even want to talk about ER.

 

[Emma Ems]

BBM

NO. That is not what she said. She was speaking about the times D spent with Mark. And in those instances, D would call her from Bayfield to say where he landed.

As for your first paragraph, you are leaving out a very important element to what I said. THEY HAD ESTABLISHED PLANS. Dylan was waiting for his Dad to return to give him a ride. That is not the same thing as returning home and seeing your child was out playing in the yard.

If I make PLANS with my kid, and they are not where they are supposed to be, then I am going to be worried.

But even when my kids were out exploring, they were REQUIRED to leave a note or a voice message, saying where they were headed and with whom.

Doesn't look that way to me.

GRACE: Ah. Ah. Yes, yes. Thank you for correcting me. Question. When he has ever spent the night away -- I have yet to live through my first sleepover with the twins yet because they`re only 5. But when he would go to somebody else`s house, would he text you or call you before he goes to sleep at night?

REDWINE: Yes. Dylan always kept in touch with me because he knew I was the one paying the phone bill, and if he wouldn`t keep in touch with me, I would take his phone away and he didn`t want that. So he made sure that he always -- there was -- there was never a time I couldn`t account for where Dylan was because he was very good at letting me know where he was at all times.

GRACE: So Elaine, let me get this straight. You`re telling me that it would be unusual for him to go to sleep at the end of the day, if he were spending the night somewhere else, and not say, Good night, I`m going to sleep?

REDWINE: Well, not necessarily going to sleep, but he would let me know where he landed for the night. So like, if he was hanging around with his friends in Bayfield, you know, he would let me know what friend he was sleeping with that night or whatever the case may be.

I made the question she was answering RED. It does not read that way to me at all and the whole exchange is just weird, IMO. I find that more disturbing than MR taking a nap. I take the last part to be, when they were living in Bayfield, that's how it was when he went off with his friends.

I get the feeling that MR didn't expect Dylan to twiddle his thumbs for 4 hours waiting on him to get home to give him a ride.

 

[katydid23]

Of course not (or at least I don't)! Then again I grew up with parents who let me tramp all around rattlesnake infested woods for hours. What I _do_ find odd, and what my parents likely would have as well, is making plans to do something at a particular time, coming home, and finding your child not there. This after you tried texting/calling him repeatedly while you were out, to no avail. Taking a nappy under those circumstances is, IMO, odd.

THANK YOU. That is exactly what I was trying to say. They HAD plans. If a child is not where they PLANNED to be, then one needs to immediately look into that.

My kids went out to play in the neighborhood too. But if they had asked me to be home at a certain time to give them a ride somewhere, and they were not there, I would be worried. JMO

 

[catswhiskers]

Of course not (or at least I don't)! Then again I grew up with parents who let me tramp all around rattlesnake infested woods for hours. What I _do_ find odd, and what my parents likely would have as well, is making plans to do something at a particular time, coming home, and finding your child not there. This after you tried texting/calling him repeatedly while you were out, to no avail. Taking a nappy under those circumstances is, IMO, odd.

IMO the time of day could have played a part in his reaction. I believe I would react differently at mid morning, to say, later in the evening, if one of my teens wasn't sitting waiting for me in the house. I really don't see the issue with MR waiting for a period of time to see if Dylan showed up of his own accord. He waited, and then acted. I also think many of us mothers are again possibly expecting a father to react the way we would. I know the fact that my boy's father didn't react fast enough, see impending difficulties or conflicts, or anticipate some perceived danger that all stood out a mile to me - all of which drove me nuts, and still do. Men are different - the things that raise alarms for some mothers ... meh - lots of men can just shrug off. IMO he didn't shrug off the fact that Dylan was missing - he probably didn't think that was the case until a couple of hours later.
:moo:

 

[Lordeebee]

Wow. So some folks think a 14 year old boy going off on his own for a bit when out in the sticks while his pops is gone to town is cause for panic, and a pop who comes home and thinks little of it for an hour or so is irresponsible and evil. Unreal. No Huck Finn for you.

An hour? How do you figure? we have Mark supposedly getting back home around 11:30 (if we take his word for it) and then being at the Marshals office - was it 5 or 6? So for all we know he thought about it for 5 - 6 hours.

 

[Tennlyn]

For those so inclined, you might want to peek at FMDR and say a prayer for Dylan's home in Colorado Springs.
lease:

 

[katydid23]

Doesn't look that way to me.



I made the question she was answering RED. It does not read that way to me at all and the whole exchange is just weird, IMO. I find that more disturbing than MR taking a nap. I take the last part to be, when they were living in Bayfield, that's how it was when he went off with his friends.

I get the feeling that MR didn't expect Dylan to twiddle his thumbs for 4 hours waiting on him to get home to give him a ride.

"So like, if he was hanging around with his friends in Bayfield, you know, he would let me know what friend he was sleeping with that night or whatever the case may be."

She is talking about BAYFIELD. That is where Mark was, She was 6 hours away.

 

[katydid23]

How so? What instances? If we are going by now, I think ER seems more obsessed with MR than he does with her. General premise is that nearly every time she speaks to the media she speaks about MR(she has also had more interviews) yet, MR seems avoided media and even "speaking" with ER until the recent mediation. If he was obsessed with her wouldn't he be calling her all the time, always talking about her in the media, in the earlier media he didn't even want to talk about ER.

Well YES, now she is BECAUSE HER CHILD IS MISSING and he was the last one to see him. So looks like his plan worked, because the tables have turned.

 

[Dee10]

How so? What instances? If we are going by now, I think ER seems more obsessed with MR than he does with her. General premise is that nearly every time she speaks to the media she speaks about MR(she has also had more interviews) yet, MR seems avoided media and even "speaking" with ER until the recent mediation. If he was obsessed with her wouldn't he be calling her all the time, always talking about her in the media, in the earlier media he didn't even want to talk about ER.

Hasn't he repeatedly said he wants to sit down & talk to her from the first interview? I see it as a control thing blocking her calls & texts, but is willing to SEE her in person.

 

[Emma Ems]

"So like, if he was hanging around with his friends in Bayfield, you know, he would let me know what friend he was sleeping with that night or whatever the case may be."

She is talking about BAYFIELD. That is where Mark was, She was 6 hours away.

Yeah and they lived in Bayfield prior to moving to CS. Perhaps he had not spent the night OVER at someone else's house since he moved to CS. Maybe all his friends stayed over at his house? The question wasn't about what he did when he was in Bayfield, it was what did he does when he spent the night away from home with ANYONE.

 

[Emma Ems]

Well YES, now she is BECAUSE HER CHILD IS MISSING and he was the last one to see him. So looks like his plan worked, because the tables have turned.

And you considered it to be this way, why? Because ER said that MR does things to hurt her? If she hadn't have said that would you have come to that conclusion on your own?

 

[catswhiskers]

For those so inclined, you might want to peek at FMDR and say a prayer for Dylan's home in Colorado Springs.
lease:

This really is terrible for everyone in the area affected, but gosh this family doesn't need another tragedy at all I hope their property (and everyone else's) is spared.

 

[Money Girl]

Being at the new school and being around his extended family was something he loved. He was very happy there. It was not something negative that he struggled to deal with.

If he had a close bond with his father he would not have been distant when he landed in Durango. Look at his picture in the Walmart. Does he look happy?

Sorry, but I don't agree.

 

[rebeccaeee]

How so? What instances? If we are going by now, I think ER seems more obsessed with MR than he does with her. General premise is that nearly every time she speaks to the media she speaks about MR(she has also had more interviews) yet, MR seems avoided media and even "speaking" with ER until the recent mediation. If he was obsessed with her wouldn't he be calling her all the time, always talking about her in the media, in the earlier media he didn't even want to talk about ER.

In November, MR said Elaine was making more of this than it needs to be and just recently, he said the only reason LE got a search warrant was because of Elaine's words. That tells me that from start to finish since Dylan went missing, he has been vocal about criticizing Elaine instead of looking for Dylan. Because she believes MR knows more than he says, when she mentions him in an interview it is to help find Dylan. When he mentions her, it is to berate and distract. IMO.