That one sucks, big time. It was awful to have while in high school, where jerks think it's the height of humour to try and provoke that startle, often on a daily basis.
What people without trauma don't realise is how boring it is. "This again? Really?" I spend my life bumping up against limitations my brain created in a desperate attempt to keep me safe. Sometimes, you can slowly, painstakingly dismantle one, but for most of them, you have to learn to live with them, or navigate the long way around to get anywhere. And when your trauma began when you were very, very young, there is no memory or template of a 'before' to work back to - what you've got is what you've got, it's how you grew and developed, like a plant that grew up through the pavers. You spend your life struggling to find a response for people looking at you blankly and asking, "Well, why can't you just xyz?" They never understand that they might as well be asking why don't you just teleport to the moon for a holiday. It's just as fanciful as assuming anything for someone with trauma is straightforward.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, people with trauma related mental health conditions and disorders like PTSD, CPTSD, DID and other dissociative disorders, and anxiety and depression conditions linked to their trauma, are just doing the best they can with what they've got to work with. Trauma disorders aren't on trial here. The unrepentant murderer of an eleven year old is.
MOO
