Do you think the other side of Cindy is worse than we think?

[jujube]

CA, IMO, did the best she could with her daughter.

I can tell you from experience that you can raise 3 kids pretty much all the same way and have 3 different types of children. You cannot blame a parent 100% for the way a child turns out especially if there's a personality disorder. That's usually congenital.

 

[Blaise]

Suzet, I agree with much of what you say. But Cindy needs to prove that by telling the whole truth unconditionally.

And she will never find peace until she does. I know people say, "she'll never find peace. her daughter killed her grandbaby" but the reality is that this happens somewhere every day. Someone you love kills someone you love.

I think there's this amazing capacity in human beings to overcome . . . to try to move toward happiness.

It's been six years since diary day, and this year, for the first time, when I woke up on January the 3rd, I didn't automatically think, "it happened on this day".

I no longer hate my ex-husband. Our Sainted Counselor, Dr. Kay, said, "the opposite of love is not hate. It is disinterest." We've gotten there. We simply no longer care what happens to him.

Cindy can get there. She will always be broken. But if she come clean, first to herself, and IMHO then to the public, she can start to heal. Because her lies or denials have been so very public, she needs, for her own sake, to make a public accounting. First to LE, and then to some credible media person, and I'm not talking NG or GR. Maybe Barbara Walters or Meridith Viera. Answer all of their questions. And then she need never speak of it in public again. LE would probably prefer that she wait until after the trial, if so, follow their advice.

If LE says get nekkid and quack like a duck, start quacking.

She's still young. (I'm 53, so I think 50 is a child).

If I could give her any advice, it would be to start kicking people to the curb. I'd make one visit to the prison. If KC wouldn't see me, I'd send a letter via JB. If he chooses not to give it to KC, that's his problem, I'd make the letter available to the media. Then I'd know KC knew.

One paragraph -- "I love you. I will always love you. But I know you killed Caylee. If you're ever able to begin to truly deal with this, I'm here for you. Until then, I will no longer communicate with you or support you."

I'd go back to work. I don't think her job was patient care, I think it was more a liaison between with insurance companies.

Screw the alimony or the house payment. George Anthony would be outta there.

Tell Kidfinders I'm on to them and to stay far, far away from me or I'm getting my hammer.

I'd be in heavy duty therapy

I would ignore the media trucks outside my house, and simply put one foot in front of the other. I'd go to the grocery store. If Fox News wants to follow me around Piggily Wiggily, have at it.

I'd go visit the memorial. Look at every card. Marvel at how many people loved Caylee.

I'd bury Caylee privately. If KC is controlling that little one's body and wouldn't let me bury her, I'd let it go because it was OUT OF MY CONTROL, and the Caylee she knew and loved isn't in that box of bones.

If someone wanted to have a public memorial, I'd let them. Keeping a 'bad list' is beyond ridiculous. Let it go, woman

I'd fire my lawyer. If my actions broke a law, I'd plead guilty, even if it meant a prison term.

I'd come to terms with the fact that many, many people hate me, and that I brought much, if not all of this, on myself, and I'd go forward because I sure as heck can't go backwards.

She's going to have to reach rock bottom, and lose everything she ever had. And then she can start to climb up. Very slowly. Step by step.

She can do this. I've heard some say she even reads this forum. If so, this is my message to her.

Blaise

 

[suzet]

I think you can tell a lot by a person's relationships with their friends and family. Cindy seems to have ZERO friends that we've seen these past 6 months. If she does, none have really come forward to support her. Neither have any of her co-workers. Also, she seems to have contentious relationships with her family, namely her brother, and now her mother, as well.

I think Cindy is one of those very difficult, controlling people that is very hard to be around once you get a peek inside their personality. We all saw her in action during her interviews with LE and the FBI - SHE continually attempted to wrestle control away from them and dictate how things were going to go. I don't think most people can stand to be around her for very long because she's overwhelmingly bossy, domineering, and controlling of everyone she comes in contact with. It's always got to be HER way.

Actually, I think Cindy had a good relationship with her parents. She visited her dad. She went out to eat with her mom and Caylee. The source of irritation between Cindy and her brother was guess who!!! Casey! Rick was ticked at Cindy living in denial all the time and he didn't much like George either, but if you take away the murdering daughter and the troubled husband, I think Rick and Cindy would be like any other grown brother and sister.

Cindy is always on the phone. I believe she is talking to people that support her. Perhaps friends do not want to come to visit in that volitile situation in front of the house, never knowing what you will encounter with the Jerry Springer candidate protesters. Anyone who goes to visit the A's at home virtually say goodbye to any privacy they had previously known.

Lee and his girlfriend had no trouble coming over for chili on Caylee's birthday. Cindy welcomed many people, including reporters, inside her home. She didn't have to. I just don't think she is such a bad person. She has done some crazy things and I don't understand her love for media attention, but she had made a good home for her family through her hard work.

 

[radio]

Blaise...

"When you see the torches, you keep going. When you hear the dogs, you keep going. When they call your name, you keep going."
Harriet Tubman

 

[feddup]

No, she's probably much nicer than we think.

She seems like a person in a family who is always the one trying to make it works. We have never seen CA when everything was OK.
We have only seen her when her whole life was coming apart and under alot of stress.
Im surprised she has kept it together this long considering she had to try and figure out what happened to her Grand daughter, wonder if her daughter did something horrible, Media camped outside her house, protestors, wow! Then she finds out the worst about her Granddaughter and is looking at her daughter maybe sitting in prison the rest of her life.
What can one expect of her? I think she had a pretty nice job, tried to help raise Caylee, visit her disabled elderly Dad, she seems alright to me. God bless her.
Mother and daughter relationships get messy. I think Cindy wanted a good one with KC it just didnt work out. KC was going to do what she wanted and no one could stop her.

 

[SewingDeb]

CA, IMO, did the best she could with her daughter.

I can tell you from experience that you can raise 3 kids pretty much all the same way and have 3 different types of children. You cannot blame a parent 100% for the way a child turns out especially if there's a personality disorder. That's usually congenital.

You have a good point. There were six children in our house when I was growing up. We are all as different as night and day even though we were raised with exactly the same rules and expectations.

I still can't help but wonder if Casey had been raised by different parents if maybe her personality problems would have been dealt with in a different way and the outcome would have been different.

 

[chefmom]

And she will never find peace until she does. I know people say, "she'll never find peace. her daughter killed her grandbaby" but the reality is that this happens somewhere every day. Someone you love kills someone you love.

I think there's this amazing capacity in human beings to overcome . . . to try to move toward happiness.

It's been six years since diary day, and this year, for the first time, when I woke up on January the 3rd, I didn't automatically think, "it happened on this day".

I no longer hate my ex-husband. Our Sainted Counselor, Dr. Kay, said, "the opposite of love is not hate. It is disinterest." We've gotten there. We simply no longer care what happens to him.

Cindy can get there. She will always be broken. But if she come clean, first to herself, and IMHO then to the public, she can start to heal. Because her lies or denials have been so very public, she needs, for her own sake, to make a public accounting. First to LE, and then to some credible media person, and I'm not talking NG or GR. Maybe Barbara Walters or Meridith Viera. Answer all of their questions. And then she need never speak of it in public again. LE would probably prefer that she wait until after the trial, if so, follow their advice.

If LE says get nekkid and quack like a duck, start quacking.

She's still young. (I'm 53, so I think 50 is a child).

If I could give her any advice, it would be to start kicking people to the curb. I'd make one visit to the prison. If KC wouldn't see me, I'd send a letter via JB. If he chooses not to give it to KC, that's his problem, I'd make the letter available to the media. Then I'd know KC knew.

One paragraph -- "I love you. I will always love you. But I know you killed Caylee. If you're ever able to begin to truly deal with this, I'm here for you. Until then, I will no longer communicate with you or support you."

I'd go back to work. I don't think her job was patient care, I think it was more a liaison between with insurance companies.

Screw the alimony or the house payment. George Anthony would be outta there.

Tell Kidfinders I'm on to them and to stay far, far away from me or I'm getting my hammer.

I'd be in heavy duty therapy

I would ignore the media trucks outside my house, and simply put one foot in front of the other. I'd go to the grocery store. If Fox News wants to follow me around Piggily Wiggily, have at it.

I'd go visit the memorial. Look at every card. Marvel at how many people loved Caylee.

I'd bury Caylee privately. If KC is controlling that little one's body and wouldn't let me bury her, I'd let it go because it was OUT OF MY CONTROL, and the Caylee she knew and loved isn't in that box of bones.

If someone wanted to have a public memorial, I'd let them. Keeping a 'bad list' is beyond ridiculous. Let it go, woman

I'd fire my lawyer. If my actions broke a law, I'd plead guilty, even if it meant a prison term.

I'd come to terms with the fact that many, many people hate me, and that I brought much, if not all of this, on myself, and I'd go forward because I sure as heck can't go backwards.

She's going to have to reach rock bottom, and lose everything she ever had. And then she can start to climb up. Very slowly. Step by step.

She can do this. I've heard some say she even reads this forum. If so, this is my message to her.

Blaise

Excellent post, Blaise! Let's all hope she reads and heeds it!

 

[Bev]

I think you really have it there, feddup. We are all flawed human beings and the media chooses what they show about people - anyone's faults will be magnified in this kind of scrutiny. I see no reason why Cindy or George or Lee has to make a public renunciation of their child or his sister. That may satisfy our needs but it certainly wouldn't help in her situation, especially if she's doing everything possible to keep the lines of communication open with her daughter. KC is the only person who can answer the questions this family has about the death of this little girl and I'm sure the Anthonys don't want to alienate KC anymore than is necessary. People forget that CA is the one who turned her daughter in and it would be normal for her to feel tremendous guilt for that. Even if it was necessary, which obviously it was, she will never forgive herself for doing so.

 

[affinity]

I understand why CA went "stumping" for Casey like she did. She was in her "get something done" mode and delusional about the facts. I identify with how she handled things...filling notebooks and making the website...it all gave her hope and she is the type of person who feels that taking action will make positive things happen. The poor woman thought if she presented an image of someone who believed the Zanny story that the Zanny story would actually become true. It was magical thinking, but I can't blame her. The flip side would have been to understand and process what had really transpired and she could not take that in like the rest of us could. Even the hair brush thing...by that time she honestly believed the police were the enemy. I may have done weird things too.. in a state of hyper-mania and deluded hope.

I haven't understood why she has been so vilified. I almost felt like writing her a letter the other day to express my condolences. I stopped myself because it seemed to me that she wouldn't read it. Based on the hatred leveled at her...if I were her I would not open any letters...they all might contain anthrax.

 

[Openmyeyes]

Janis396, I agree with you completely. My hinky meter went off the charts when I heard CA's first interview, and it didn't let up after the release of the 911 calls. While she owes us nothing, she carried on with her 'version' of events (June 9th, pizza challenge in the car trunk, and Caylee is alive) to manipulate us into believing that her vile daughter was above the charges pending. What good purpose was there for that?
Everyone that didn't agree with what she believed or was saying was a recipient of her verbal abuse: LP, TM, LE and various reporters, regardless of their experience or knowledge. I don't believe for a second that CA suddenly displayed this kind of behavior, I think this is how she handled everyday life. I keep thinking back to the situation when LA returned to the house with KC's purse the night LE was called. What did CA do? She pocketed the cash that came out of KC's purse. This was in the middle of a police investigation. I keep thinking about how she wanted KC arrested for car theft when the real issue was that Caylee was missing. She knew there was an issue before the police were even called, yet she played her game. Why didn't the A's call the police as soon as they retrieved the car? Why did they feel they were the appropriate people to do the investigation as to where KC and Caylee were? Why did they clean the car first, then go look for KC and Caylee? Why all the lies by the A's?

Whatever was going on in that household is something none of us will ever really know, however, one has to wonder why CA chose not to take advice from the counselor she
visited in regards to dealing with KC. She was told to make KC be responsible for herself, and take legal actions to get custody of Caylee. My question here is why did she let KC leave the house with Caylee the night of the arguement? Somehow, I don't see CA allowing this to happen. She just found out her daughter stole money from someone other than her. If she wanted her to leave, does anyone really think that CA would allow her to leave with Caylee? I believe that CA did love Caylee, so I really can't see her allowing KC to split with Caylee while an arguement was going on. It goes totally against what I perceive CA's personality to be.

This is my only stickler point and I am hoping this issue is addressed at trial and I welcome ideas by our fabulous WS team.

 

[jennyb]

I understand why CA went "stumping" for Casey like she did. She was in her "get something done" mode and delusional about the facts. I identify with how she handled things...filling notebooks and making the website...it all gave her hope and she is the type of person who feels that taking action will make positive things happen. The poor woman thought if she presented an image of someone who believed the Zanny story that the Zanny story would actually become true. It was magical thinking, but I can't blame her. The flip side would have been to understand and process what had really transpired and she could not take that in like the rest of us could. Even the hair brush thing...by that time she honestly believed the police were the enemy. I may have done weird things too.. in a state of hyper-mania and deluded hope.

I haven't understood why she has been so vilified. I almost felt like writing her a letter the other day to express my condolences. I stopped myself because it seemed to me that she wouldn't read it. Based on the hatred leveled at her...if I were her I would not open any letters...they all might contain anthrax.

I don't understand why CA went *stumping* as you say. Maybe keeping quiet and not offering help to LE would sit right with others. But going on the stump and telling IN YOUR FACE lie after lie? There's no excuse for that. IMO.

 

[TxRose]

I think you really have it there, feddup. We are all flawed human beings and the media chooses what they show about people - anyone's faults will be magnified in this kind of scrutiny. I see no reason why Cindy or George or Lee has to make a public renunciation of their child or his sister. That may satisfy our needs but it certainly wouldn't help in her situation, especially if she's doing everything possible to keep the lines of communication open with her daughter. KC is the only person who can answer the questions this family has about the death of this little girl and I'm sure the Anthonys don't want to alienate KC anymore than is necessary. People forget that CA is the one who turned her daughter in and it would be normal for her to feel tremendous guilt for that. Even if it was necessary, which obviously it was, she will never forgive herself for doing so.

I agree with you Bev. The A's are attacked for not coming down hard enough on Casey and forcing her to give them answers about Caylee. But they know that won't work. Casey will respond the way she did in the recently released jail visit...she will explode and storm off. She is what she is at this point in her life...and now they have to deal with her in the only way which gives them some glimmer of hope. They try and gently pry her for info and hope they don't set her off...because then they will get nothing.

I can't help but wonder though if someone with really detailed knowledge of the facts and all her lies could get in there (without JB of course) and TRULY confront her without her being able to leave the room....I think she might just get angry enough to say something stupid. She truly seems to "lose it" when angry - and the real Casey comes out. If you could corner her and not let her escape...not let her get away with lies and keep pushing her...she might slip up in anger. I think we all know enough about Casey to know what buttons to push that might push her over the edge. But that obviously can't be done. Too bad - because I can't help but think she might snap. That has been what is so frustrating..watching people try to question her and then they have to back off. ERG!

 

[azwriter]

I think Cindy wants more than anything to have a picture perfect family. I think she had a daughter with a personality disorder that made that very difficult. I think she tried her best to maintain appearances...to fix things that weren't perfect...but as a result ended up enabling Casey by covering for her time and time again. Casey turned into a narcissistic little princess that screams and gets her way. Nothing is ever HER fault. I think Cindy stepped in to help raise Caylee when it was obvious that Casey was not up to the task, and again, because she wanted to keep up appearances that everything was picture perfect in the A household. I do believe they had knock-down dragout fights when Casey did something wrong...yet I doubt any consequences were ever imposed. So the behavior and enabling continued. I think there was resentment on both sides. IMO, I see them both as victims and as the causes of their own problems.

Very well stated and probably very close to the truth of the relationship between mom and daughter. I agree Cindy was very mindful of other people's opinion of her family, expecially within her own family. Cindy may have been brought up constantly being put down by her own immediate family. She strived for perfection and wanted everything to appear normal. That goal can cause lies, coverups and constant friction within any family. Too bad Caylee was the one who paid the price. jmo

 

[TxLady2]

I think you really have it there, feddup. We are all flawed human beings and the media chooses what they show about people - anyone's faults will be magnified in this kind of scrutiny. I see no reason why Cindy or George or Lee has to make a public renunciation of their child or his sister. That may satisfy our needs but it certainly wouldn't help in her situation, especially if she's doing everything possible to keep the lines of communication open with her daughter. KC is the only person who can answer the questions this family has about the death of this little girl and I'm sure the Anthonys don't want to alienate KC anymore than is necessary. People forget that CA is the one who turned her daughter in and it would be normal for her to feel tremendous guilt for that. Even if it was necessary, which obviously it was, she will never forgive herself for doing so.

I agree, Bev, and I think it is unfair to judge people when we did not know them before this horrible event happened. For that matter, maybe their lives before this had very little to do with Caylee's death. As parents, we want our kids to be near perfect, but in reality, all we can do is try to teach them the values that make them decent people and hope for the best. I'm sure that they never expected something like this to happen, and I would guess that the mothers of all the murderers in the world never expected they were raising one themselves.
Sometimes, as much as we hate to admit it, people just snap and do something so horrible, that despite all the research in the world, cannot be blamed on the lack of parenting skills, the environment they grew up in, or any one thing related to their childhood or teen years. Things happen that makes us ask WHY... but sometimes we will never know the answer.
It's all well and good to say, "I think this, and I believe that..." because it makes for good discussions... but the truth is... we just don't know what happened to cause Casey to do this. One thing I believe... once your children are adults, you have very little control over what they do. Your job as parents are done... you've done the best you can, all you can do is hope and pray that it worked.

 

[FightTheOstrich]

In short, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

[debbie0604]

Agree with you Dotty.

It's good we're discussing the "other side of the coin".... if only to keep it balanced. Though I don't condone Cynthia's general behaviour or morals (good heavens, early on this woman admitted on camera that it's okay to lie) we all agree CA loved her grand-daughter.

What I'm not sure is to what degree CA's attention towards Caylee was deliberately at Casey's expense, and whether CA therefore is partly to blame for what has occurred.

Mmmm.

I have sympathy for GA and CA for the loss of their precious granddaughter.... however, whenever I see that jailhouse video of KA...having a meltdown... "so beyond frustration".. and "so hurt".. she "can't even swallow"... I have absolutely no sympathy for her... her statements of her being a victim is outrageous!!! and her parents placating her, calling her "sweetheart", "beautiful", telling her she's the "boss", begging her not to end their visit.....shows me the parenting style of which she's been accustomed.

 

[aprilshowers]

I often wonder ... if KC ever threatened to kill Caylee, Cindy ... etc. in a fit of rage, therefore causing Cindy to be VERY cautious around her, give in to her, and not push her. She would NOT want to take a chance of losing Caylee .. yet that's exactly what happened. Sad ... very very sad.

 

[Bev]

I think you're right on the money TxLady. It's not a case of nature or nurture, we're a result of nature AND nurture and we have no idea why KC did this or what makes KC, KC. In my career I've seen many kids just like KC with parents who are bewildered at what their kids do as we are. No matter how much control and supervision and nurturing and caring we give kids, they are still individuals with their own psychological motivation and personality I've seen good parents with bad kids and bad parents with good kids and all the variations in between.

p.s. and TxRose, almost missed that!

 

[Fridawolf]

Not making a comment here, just an observation because I really don't know what goes on in their household behind closed doors, but I've noticed everyone in that family seems to be scared to death of making CA mad - wonder why that is? GA and LA both seem to have anger issues, I wonder if CA is even worse?

I don't see Casey as being "scared to death" of her mother. In watching those jail house videos she seems extremely annoyed by her mother--and able to bully her parents into submission. The only person that really seems fearful of CA's wrath is GA.

 

[Fridawolf]

no criticism meant but I am sick to death of hearing crap about the As. they might be delusional, they might be angry, they might be dysfunctional, they might have had their hearts, souls, privacy, and world ripped out of them and stomped on for 7 months. But they are not the monsters, casey is. and you can go all day long talking about how people were raised, well you know what? I was raised by far worse than the As and MY kids are in the kitchen dancing. There is nurture, but there is also nature. they did not make her who she is. some people make themselves who they are.

Agreed!