Jaycee's Bio dad

[Natal]

Actually in my mind...the only thing to be questioned is: Does Jaycee want to see him? If not...shove off dude. She should never be forced to have a relationship with anyone she does not choose to....her power has already been taken away by a monster...her bioFather is only repeating that emotionally by trying to force her to do something against her will.

It is not just a question of Jaycee though (assuming she knows anything of this at all - it is quite possible she hasn't been told), it also involves the two grandchildren.

I could be wrong, but they might just have fairly strong feelings about being denied access to blood relatives. What about their choices?

 

[stilettos]

It is not just a question of Jaycee though (assuming she knows anything of this at all - it is quite possible she hasn't been told), it also involves the two grandchildren.

I could be wrong, but they might just have fairly strong feelings about being denied access to blood relatives. What about their choices?

If you know anything about abuse victims...you would know that at no time should any of them be forced to do anything against their will....it takes you back to the time of the victimization....these children and Jaycee need long term counseling. All attempts at reconciliation should come from them, through the therapist. If no attempts are coming from Jaycee and/or the girls....the man should put their interests above his own...THAT is what Fatherhood actually is.

 

[stilettos]

You are just POed that he didnt fall on the sword the way you think he should have.

If I am passionate about this issue...it is because I know whereof I speak. Please do not presume to know what I think. If by falling on his sword you mean that the man should place the interests of his child and her children above his own...you are correct. I make no apologies for it.

 

[Openmind]

Right now Jaycee has more family and connections than she has ever had in the last 18 years. Just me, but why would Jaycee's girls be worried about Ken as a grandfather? If Jaycee's grandfather is alive, he can be grandfather to these girls, and he undoubtedly was an active and loving part of Jaycee's life before she was taken. Jaycee's stepfather has more claim as grandfather than Ken. He actually helped raise her and is the father of Jaycee's sister and the girls' aunt. He has had the good sense to step back and let time resolve relationships.

What does burn me about Ken is he didn't share any of the responsibility for raising Jaycee, and he doesn't appear to have shared any of the burden or profound grief of her kidnapping, but now that she is found he wants to be an equal member in the celebration. I call that very self-serving.

Parenting is what you do each day not a donation you make during a "fling."

Stilettos:

If I am passionate about this issue...it is because I know whereof I speak. Please do not presume to know what I think. If by falling on his sword you mean that the man should place the interests of his child and her children above his own...you are correct. I make no apologies for it.

Totally agree.

 

[kbl8201]

The Garridos are SOLELY responsible for this. LE, PO, Molinos, neighbors etc. were negligent and stupid, but not at all responsible for the life that became Jaycee's. Phil n Nancy forced their will upon her all on their own. And you shouldn't throw Mr. Slayton in the mix because all the facts about him aren't out there, yet. We have the facts that the Garridos deserve our anger and disgust. We have the facts that LE PO Molinos neighbors and so on failed her and likely many others. By failing Jaycee they failed all of us. How many other crimes go unnoticed just like this one?

I hope that if and when the Garridos go to prison, they're in general population and not protective custody. :dance:THAT is when justice will be served.
Also, I like the family's lawyer. Very wise choice.

other then about slayton i agree totally :woohoo:
sadly they protect sickos like this and dont put them in general population, or so i am hearing. maybe he gets shanked in the shower instead.......

 

[kbl8201]

to me this is jaycee's choice. she wants to do the paternity test, and get to know ken slayton, and if she wants him to be parts of her daugther's lives, thats her choice. my personal opinion, none of ours, matters really. but i find it hard to believe she is gonna like a court ordered visitation rights for slayton to her girls............he never saw her, why should he get to see them?

 

[Tizzle]

Actually in my mind...the only thing to be questioned is: Does Jaycee want to see him? If not...shove off dude. She should never be forced to have a relationship with anyone she does not choose to....her power has already been taken away by a monster...her bioFather is only repeating that emotionally by trying to force her to do something against her will.

1. I'm not a dude, you can call me Tizzle, which is my cat.
2. I've never said anything about forcing Jaycee to do anything, quite the opposite, actually. Maybe you could go back through and read ALL of my posts to gain a better understanding of where I'm coming from......

I hope Jaycee finds comfort in the idea that her father really does want to be a part of her life after spending the last 29 years thinking he didn't care. That was the last she knew, that he wasn't there for her. I hope that him coming forward and expressing his love and desire to help is what she has wished for more than anything her whole life. Because now she gets her wish, in all of this terror, she gets what SHE wants for a change. Imagine Jaycee in that dreary backyard compound dreaming of her long lost daddy coming to rescue his princess. It's not that far out of the realm of possibility that she fantasized along these lines, is it? It's also not way out that she probably still identifies with these fantasies.

But Mostly, I hope that Mr. Slayton is truly sincere in what he is doing. Not because I have to be right about him, but because I'm hoping it would make Jaycee happy to know that she wasn't just abandoned by her dad, after all. She was 11, she knew her dad wasn't there for her. I hope all of these things, because I don't want Jaycee to have walk through life with any more anger or empty feelings than she needs. I want her to find peace.

All I'm sayin....

 

[stilettos]

Tizzle...I am sorry that you thought that I was referring to you....I was referring to Jaycee's bioDad. I do not refer to other posters on WS like that. Sorry again for your misunderstanding. My point is that Jaycee and her girls alone should make all the choices and not be forced to do anything they do not wish to.

1. I'm not a dude, you can call me Tizzle, which is my cat.
2. I've never said anything about forcing Jaycee to do anything, quite the opposite, actually. Maybe you could go back through and read ALL of my posts to gain a better understanding of where I'm coming from......

I hope Jaycee finds comfort in the idea that her father really does want to be a part of her life after spending the last 29 years thinking he didn't care. That was the last she knew, that he wasn't there for her. I hope that him coming forward and expressing his love and desire to help is what she has wished for more than anything her whole life. Because now she gets her wish, in all of this terror, she gets what SHE wants for a change. Imagine Jaycee in that dreary backyard compound dreaming of her long lost daddy coming to rescue his princess. It's not that far out of the realm of possibility that she fantasized along these lines, is it? It's also not way out that she probably still identifies with these fantasies.

But Mostly, I hope that Mr. Slayton is truly sincere in what he is doing. Not because I have to be right about him, but because I'm hoping it would make Jaycee happy to know that she wasn't just abandoned by her dad, after all. She was 11, she knew her dad wasn't there for her. I hope all of these things, because I don't want Jaycee to have walk through life with any more anger or empty feelings than she needs. I want her to find peace.

All I'm sayin....

 

[Tizzle]

Tizzle...I am sorry that you thought that I was referring to you....I was referring to Jaycee's bioDad. I do not refer to other posters on WS like that. Sorry again for your misunderstanding. My point is that Jaycee and her girls alone should make all the choices and not be forced to do anything they do not wish to.

You can see how I would misunderstand, yes? Thank you for clarifying, but is that all you took away from that post? Only the first line?:waitasec:

 

[kbl8201]

would just like to say im not personally trying ot offend anyone even if i come off that way. i get very aggrivated when people dont see things my way and i apologize. we all have our right to our opinions.......no matter how right/wrong/crazy/ they are

 

[Natal]

Right now Jaycee has more family and connections than she has ever had in the last 18 years. Just me, but why would Jaycee's girls be worried about Ken as a grandfather? If Jaycee's grandfather is alive, he can be grandfather to these girls, and he undoubtedly was an active and loving part of Jaycee's life before she was taken. Jaycee's stepfather has more claim as grandfather than Ken. He actually helped raise her and is the father of Jaycee's sister and the girls' aunt. He has had the good sense to step back and let time resolve relationships.

What does burn me about Ken is he didn't share any of the responsibility for raising Jaycee, and he doesn't appear to have shared any of the burden or profound grief of her kidnapping, but now that she is found he wants to be an equal member in the celebration. I call that very self-serving.

Parenting is what you do each day not a donation you make during a "fling."

Stilettos:

Totally agree.

Well, I don't doubt that Mrs. Probyn has negative feelings about the Slaytons. Maybe Jaycee does too, but if so it is a reflection of her mothers feelings, not her own, since she didn't know him. It is equally possible that she is ambivalent, since she was kidnapped just after she turned 11 and probably hadn't given it much thought since he wasn't in her life at that point. Maybe she would even be curious, but has been denied that opportunity. Who knows. I don't, and I'm damned sure you don't either.

One thing I am sure about however is that the grandchildren will have no such feelings, unless it is impounded into them. From their point of view, they have just discovered a big batch of new relatives, the Slaytons are just some of those. From that point of view they are true innocents, and IMO it is crime to steal that innocence from them in the name of ancient history or a strangers sense of divine justice. What you propose taking from them is not yours to take, it is not Mrs. Probyns and it is not Jaycees. It is something that belongs to those girls, and unless there is threat of harm, they SHOULD NOT be denied that experience.

 

[kbl8201]

Well, I don't doubt that Mrs. Probyn has negative feelings about the Slaytons. Maybe Jaycee does too, but if so it is a reflection of her mothers feelings, not her own, since she didn't know him. It is equally possible that she is ambivalent, since she was kidnapped just after she turned 11 and probably hadn't given it much thought since he wasn't in her life at that point. Maybe she would even be curious, but has been denied that opportunity. Who knows. I don't, and I'm damned sure you don't either.

One thing I am sure about however is that the grandchildren will have no such feelings, unless it is impounded into them. From their point of view, they have just discovered a big batch of new relatives, the Slaytons are just some of those. From that point of view they are true innocents, and IMO it is crime to steal that innocence from them in the name of ancient history or a strangers sense of divine justice. What you propose taking from them is not yours to take, it is not Mrs. Probyns and it is not Jaycees. It is something that belongs to those girls, and unless there is threat of harm, they SHOULD NOT be denied that experience.

to me he never exercised his rights to jaycee when it mattered, so why does he get to play gramps now? please give a real reason other then "hes there grandfather" his is the bio granddad. that means nothing when your an absenttee dad to the mother

 

[JBean]

to me he never exercised his rights to jaycee when it mattered, so why does he get to play gramps now? please give a real reason other then "hes there grandfather" his is the bio granddad. that means nothing when your an absenttee dad to the mother

Not really a response to your specific question, but
just to play devil's advocate consider this and maybe some food for thought.
perhaps he respected Terry's presumed wish to stay out of their lives and not complicate things for jaycee at that time because they did not stay together. Maybe that WAS the correct thing to do, sometimes it is. Some have said here that terry seem to embrace raising her alone and perhaps she wanted it that way. I know several women that did not want the bio father involved. right or wrong, none of us can say. but I repsect Terry's decisions as correct for her and her daughter.
Then once she was kidnapped and presumably dead he was faced with the truth that he never even bothered to know his own daughter and this has been heavy on his heart maybe forever changed his life.
then he was unbelievably given a second chance by virtue of Jaycee being found alive so he is going to move mountains to meet her and wants to do anything and everything he can to make sure she knows he is ther for her. Is it ever too late? Don't know. Maybe he wants to everything he didn't do before.

Obviously many of us are putting our own life experience in interpreting his behaviors. So, this is a reasonable possibility imo. However, my dad may have created an optimist, but he did not create a dummy LOL.

But as I say I don't know what to think at this point and am running all kinds of possiblities through my mind. I do know that if this is about him then he should go back to being absent.
FWIW, I don't think he really is a grandfather or father in anyway except biology at this point.

 

[WholeLottaRosie]

He was a married man with children that had a brief affair with a much younger woman. It appears when she told him she was pregnant, he didn't want to take responsibility for the baby and instead decided to question if Jaycee was his child. Terry obviously felt she could raise Jaycee without his support and never expected a single thing from him from the moment Jaycee was born up to this very minute. I don't question her actions one bit. I think she was very brave to accept his response and raise her child alone.

When Jaycee was kidnapped and Slayton was told she was his child, did he contact Terry to offer any kind of support or help? No. He did nothing when she was born. When she was kidnapped, he did nothing, but when she comes back and is the center of all this attention he suddenly feels he needs to hire a lawyer and demand a paternity test. A lawyer could have privately contacted Jaycee and offered his support, but, no, he had to hold a news conference to make his demand. He may not want anything from Jaycee, but I am sure he would sell any story of their reunion for a pretty penny. I would almost prefer his motive is for money rather than think he is so selfish he thinks soothing his bruised ego is more important than allowing Jaycee and the girls time to adjunct to their new lives. If he was this self-centered when they had their "fling," I can understand why Terry didn't want him in their lives.

ITA! I think he and his family are out for their 15 minutes and whatever money they can grab. They sicken me.

 

[WholeLottaRosie]

It is not just a question of Jaycee though (assuming she knows anything of this at all - it is quite possible she hasn't been told), it also involves the two grandchildren.

I could be wrong, but they might just have fairly strong feelings about being denied access to blood relatives. What about their choices?

They are minors. They don't get that choice right now.

 

[Openmind]

Well, I don't doubt that Mrs. Probyn has negative feelings about the Slaytons. Maybe Jaycee does too, but if so it is a reflection of her mothers feelings, not her own, since she didn't know him. It is equally possible that she is ambivalent, since she was kidnapped just after she turned 11 and probably hadn't given it much thought since he wasn't in her life at that point. Maybe she would even be curious, but has been denied that opportunity. Who knows. I don't, and I'm damned sure you don't either.

You're absolutely right. I damned well don't know. None of us know how any of these people truly feel or their motivations. All my comments are my opinion. I think Terry hasn't given Ken a second thought in all these years, and when Jaycee was recovered, she didn't give him a second thought even then. Why should she, when he has never made any effort to be a part of their lives? I would not assume there is any vendetta here just indifference. The family merely expressed surprise at his request, not disgust.

One thing I am sure about however is that the grandchildren will have no such feelings, unless it is impounded into them. From their point of view, they have just discovered a big batch of new relatives, the Slaytons are just some of those. From that point of view they are true innocents, and IMO it is crime to steal that innocence from them in the name of ancient history or a strangers sense of divine justice. What you propose taking from them is not yours to take, it is not Mrs. Probyns and it is not Jaycees. It is something that belongs to those girls, and unless there is threat of harm, they SHOULD NOT be denied that experience.

Again, I doubt anyone is concertedly denying the grandchildren anything because Slayton was not a factor in their lives before and by his own actions. IMHO, I think his request is way too early. I think it would be hard to explain to these girls that their mother's biological father never had any contact with her and showed no interest in her until she was rescued. At this point, I am sure they have innocently thought everyone loved their mother, and they were always looking for her and were always desperate for her return. No one is out to punish Slayton, but just because he has a news conference doesn't mean he can wipe away his lack of involvement. That fact does matter and it might impact how Jaycee feels about his request. If Jaycee does seek him out for a meeting, I hope they all can form a loving and healthy relationship. She deserves nothing less. My opinion, this is not the time for him to push for a meeting.

 

[JBean]

I completely see your points and agree right up to the moment he appeared on TV with Gloria and we heard discussion of court orders to determine paternity.

There are many definitions of love, but the one I've always liked is the condition where someone else's happiness is more important to you than your own. Telling Jaycee via a press conference that a lawyer with a briefcase and a phlebotomist with a needle will be coming around to see her with a court order doesn't fit that definition in my world.

Well, I listened to an interview with him and Glo and it didn't sound like that LOL. Adnoid, do you know if he actually could try and force a paternity test?
I don't know if staying out of Jaycee's life was selfless or selfish. But I assume that Terry knows.
I think given a second shot at some mistakes I made in my life, I would jump at it. But I would not do it with Glo that's for sure.

 

[kbl8201]

Not really a response to your specific question, but
just to play devil's advocate consider this and maybe some food for thought.
perhaps he respected Terry's presumed wish to stay out of their lives and not complicate things for jaycee at that time because they did not stay together. Maybe that WAS the correct thing to do, sometimes it is. Some have said here that terry seem to embrace raising her alone and perhaps she wanted it that way. I know several women that did not want the bio father involved. right or wrong, none of us can say. but I repsect Terry's decisions as correct for her and her daughter.
Then once she was kidnapped and presumably dead he was faced with the truth that he never even bothered to know his own daughter and this has been heavy on his heart maybe forever changed his life.
then he was unbelievably given a second chance by virtue of Jaycee being found alive so he is going to move mountains to meet her and wants to do anything and everything he can to make sure she knows he is ther for her. Is it ever too late? Don't know. Maybe he wants to everything he didn't do before.

Obviously many of us are putting our own life experience in interpreting his behaviors. So, this is a reasonable possibility imo. However, my dad may have created an optimist, but he did not create a dummy LOL.

But as I say I don't know what to think at this point and am running all kinds of possiblities through my mind. I do know that if this is about him then he should go back to being absent.
FWIW, I don't think he really is a grandfather or father in anyway except biology at this point.

well hes certianly "complicating matters now" isn he? :banghead:

 

[JBean]

well hes certianly "complicating matters now" isn he? :banghead:

He sure is.

 

[LillyRush]

Since they've never met it would not really be a reunion, more like an introduction.

You got me. lol Sorry, I was on a tangent. Indeed, it would be more of an introduction than a reunion between Jaycee and her father. Although, I suppose I was also thinking that it would be a reunion of sorts (good or bad) should Jaycee let him back into her life and then he ended up running into Terry again at a family gathering or something.