Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[pdx]

Well one question was answered for me. Conflicting reports of who threw James out of the house. Many said KH. Now I know it's TH.

In February, Terri sent James to Roseburg to live with his maternal grandparents.

"I was on a business trip when she made that decision," Kaine said. "She called me on my first day (in California) and said they had gotten into a fight. She couldn't handle it anymore. She was going to call his dad to talk about other options."

This topic continues to nag me.. I haven't yet read two compatible versions of it! I guess if I get whipped up about it enough, I'll pull all the quoted information, but January has been mentioned as the move time, more than once (as well as Feb). And it's very unclear how long he stayed (if at all) with his grandparents vs with his bio dad+wife.

I'm eager to dig out more about the camping trip/weeklong visit (during the last week of school) to Portland story conflict.
These 2 things just don't make sense to me.

edit to add in this quote, because this is part of the same mystery for me:

The timing of her son's name change seems very interesting in retrospect and the name it was changed to.

1) She had his name changed in January of this year, according to this article. Why now, after all these years?

2) His last name was changed to Moulton, her maiden name, and not to Tarver.

If he has spending summers and weekends with his grandparents, I can see why the name might be changed to Moulton. But if he's been spending summers/weekends with his biological father and now lives with him, wouldn't J want it to be changed to Tarver?

J moved to Roseburg sometime in January. He lived with his grandparents for a short time before moving to his father's. So it seems he has a good relationship with his father. I can understand he feels no connection to the name 'Ecker'. But who (Terri or James) wanted his name changed and what did James want it to be?

 

[eyes4crime]

Someone help me here. How does sign language help someone who can't see?

I got little sleep last night. Do I need more coffee to understand this?

Highly doubt Kyron was blind, certainly his other parents would have noticed that.

The article says Terri taught him sign language to enhance his ability to communicate. I wouldn't have any more coffee over that one. moo

 

[pdx]

With regards to finding a full time teaching job. First, we don't know if KH wanted TH to be a stay at home mom, or if they both agreed or what.

Most importantly, teaching jobs are not easy to find. I have a friend that has tried for a full time position for over 10 years, there are none available. So, you either teach part-time substitute work, or find other employment. Once you have a full time teaching job you are not likely to give it up, so not many positions open up. If they do, someone who has been doing it longer will likely get the full time job over you. Just not an easy job to find at all.

Don't know why, but I do want to put this to rest. On of my best friends of the last 25 years is an elementary school teacher in Portland. These cuts and no-hires have been going on 10 years+ (the Doonesbury Debacle comes to mind).
It's hard to get a teaching job in the Portland metro area. I don't find that inconsistent.

There are also many people on unemployment for 2 years; look up "99 weekers". Generally, a person must have worked sufficient months prior to that to qualify.

 

[gitana1]

Huh? What? I haven't said a thing about any disciplinary problem anywhere in this thread. In fact I don't think anywhere in this entire forum ever. :waitasec:

Here's my post you quoted:

The comment was really directed to several posts or a general trend among several, not really specifically to you. Everyone was discussing whether TH was being harsh or whether Kyron had a behavior issue. In response to that convo, you hunted for an interview regarding "discipline issues" at school and what the parents said regarding Kyron's behavior. That hunt seemed to tie in with the debate so I chose to make my comments with your quote as a reference. I hope that makes sense.

 

[eyes4crime]

Is it possible Terri was on disability from her accident rather than unemployment? That makes more sense to me. moo

 

[SurfieTX]

This topic continues to nag me.. I haven't yet read two compatible versions of it! I guess if I get whipped up about it enough, I'll pull all the quoted information, but January has been mentioned as the move time, more than once (as well as Feb). And it's very unclear how long he stayed (if at all) with his grandparents vs with his bio dad+wife.

I'm eager to dig out more about the camping trip/weeklong visit (during the last week of school) to Portland story conflict.
These 2 things just don't make sense to me.

edit to add in this quote, because this is part of the same mystery for me:

If she was going to call his dad (which one?) to discuss options, I wonder how her parents got involved.

 

[T-Rex]

I thought it was an interesting article, and Terri came off as a normal, goal-oriented person.

But skating over any marital problems, or affairs in the last year, made me think of the "One Big Happy Blended Family" article--full of information, but misleading.

The yellow-mark thing seemed like a bit of a red flag, but then an old co-worker told of her keeping kids she substitute-taught in quiet, straight lines in the hall--so maybe she's just strict.

I guess, if Terri helped run a storage facility, she might think of one, if she needed a place to hide something.

Desiree's ex could be a long-shot person with a grudge.

Terri's many years of restaurant work made me think of mine; people who work together are often very close, and drink and party together at the end of the night. Romances are casual and common. Back-of-the-house is often illegal, or at least off-the-books, and sometimes open to shadier sources of income.

The comment about Terri thinking she could do a better job than Kyron's teacher made me wonder if she held some kind of grudge--and might want to show up the people who held the job she couldn't get.

 

[Amster]

My one and only comment on this thread....I never worked outside the home after our we started our family. I never felt I was only a nanny and maid and hubby "owed" me. He worked his tail off and gave me the opportunity to do the most fulfilling and precious "job" I ever had.....being a mom who got to stay home with our boys.

Different strokes for different folks.

 

[LisaB]

True.

When my oldest was having issues with slacking off in school (and I found out she wasn't doing homework and neglecting to tell me she HAD homework), I bought her a notebook and every day in every class she had to write "I've completed all of my class work and home work" and have the teacher initial it before she left class. Then I checked it when she got home. If it wasn't signed, I didn't care if she forgot to have it signed or left the notebook at school or truly didn't do the work --- the punishment was the same.


It worked like a charm.

Me too. When she got older, the school began offering an "online gradebook" program so you could check your child's grades, upcoming deadlines, and behavior (including visits to the nurse) WITHOUT bothering the instructors. Some parents may not have used this at all, but for a while I checked daily to be sure we were on target.

 

[debirlfan]

I cant help but wonder if Kyron would share your opinion of Terri. To me her punishments seemed excessive and i wonder just much how time he had to spend in his room for next to no reason.

Sorry but no wonder he cried when he had to go home. At 7 I think I would also.

Why is being sent to one's room automatically considered a punishment? When I was a kid, I would have considered it a reward - uninterrupted reading time!!!

 

[Emma Peel]

Someone help me here. How does sign language help someone who can't see?

I got little sleep last night. Do I need more coffee to understand this?

LOL, yes I can see how that would be difficult to understand.

I'm going to tell you why it made sense to me. Not saying I'm right. Just sharing my similar experience.

We didn't realize our oldest needed glasses until kindergarten. She'd also had many many ear infections as a toddler/pre-schooler.

Kindergarten came & went, then 1st grade and then spring of first grade - NOT reading at 1st grade level.

She was tested extensively by a child psychologist. Great experience for all, and I learned a lot (about reading readiness).

She was found to have a strong visual/aural "learning difference". Advanced in her vocabulary, comprehension, recall, language, social intelligence and problem solving, she tested high intelligence - but was clearly behind in understanding what she could see (numbers & letters) and how it related to what she can hear. Consequently, she was slower to learn to read.

The psychologist said now that ear and visual issues had been resolved (tubes & glasses) as she became more accustomed to seeing & hearing things correctly at the same time, she'd come right along - catch right up.

He recommended simply repeating 1st grade - no other support. (He was totally right.)

To speed things along with her development in this area ... in ways that didn't feel like "school homework drudgery", he made an additional recommendation.

He suggested one or two of a variety of "fun" non-school related activities to speed her along in the areas of development she'd fallen behind in.

Learning American Sign Language was one of them. Piano lessons another. (small muscle/vision/hearing)

(Keep in mind, in learning Sign, speaking can happen while the signing is done - so the audio/visual relationship are happening)

As mom, I didn't know Sign, but I could play the piano, so we went with that. It worked like a dream. As she learned to play & associate notes on music with the keys on the piano and the sounds, her reading followed suit. She trained her brain on something "not-school" and low stress like the piano and it boosted her reading.

Long story short, it made sense to me that learning sign could have been a way to help strengthen Kyron's vision/learning issues.

 

[eyes4crime]

My one and only comment on this thread....I never worked outside the home after our we started our family. I never felt I was only a nanny and maid and hubby "owed" me. He worked his tail off and gave me the opportunity to do the most fulfilling and precious "job" I ever had.....being a mom who got to stay home with our boys.

Different strokes for different folks.

How wonderful you had the opportunity to spend your time doing the most precious job ever! Sounds like mutual respect is what your marriage was all about - everyone benefits, how can that be beat? :yes:

 

[LisaB]

daily feedback on one child is one thing, but what if all 25-30 parents want daily feedback. Personally, with all of the ways that teachers are required to accommodate every little thing, teach to the tests, deal with helicopter parents, etc. etc. I can't see how they find time in the day to actually teach.

If you are assigning a "color" to each child daily ANYWAY, how much extra work is it to send them home with an appropriately colored "dot" sticker on their shirt? Or just to have the parent ASK their child what color they got? My sister's son is in private school, and they have a system like this. Each day, there is an overall evaluation, with notes added if something really extreme (biting, fighting, namecalling) occurs.

 

[LisaB]

bbm
It's very interesting how different children respond to different techniques. Some children could care less about positive reinforcement (treats, stickers, etc.). Some children would hate to miss out on any "treat".

I'm sure that Terri, as a trained teacher, knew all of this. Kaine probably doesn't even realize the positive reinforcements that Terri probably offered Kyron, because he wouldn't have seen them as the *label* "positive reinforcement"... MOO

For instance, a planned trip out for ice cream to celebrate the science fair success?

 

[PDXMom]

Wow, what an interesting informative article. There's so much more insight into Terri and more actual dates to go by. She worked much more than we realized over the years and was a take charge type of person. She was very beautiful in her pics and looked lovely in the wedding gown. It's obvious that Kaine was a typical man and very insensitive about her complaints about weight. He got tired of hearing it, hah. No wonder she got upset, IMO. According to the article both Terri and Kaine were strict. It's hard to think of little Kyron being sent to his room all evening with no TV unless he got a "good" every single day at school. Yet, Kaine simply says that Kyron was being "actively worked with" about school issues. I agree with Terri that the teacher probably should have sent a daily behavior record home with the kids. My kids' elementary school always has, but I think it can lead to abuse. I've seen a little boy come out crying and sobbing because he got an "okay" instead of a good. Coincidentally, this little boy's Dad also expects perfection but also got a DWI last year himself just like Terri did at one time. If I punished my grandson every time he didn't get a "good" he'd never be out of his room. Terri was too strict and should have only disciplined for Kyron being sent home or getting a call from the school over behavior. Kaine should have stepped in on that issue if he didn't agree and he also needed to learn symptoms of drug abuse. Also, it sort of makes me nauseated thinking of people so strict and expecting kids to be perfect yet they went around comitting adultery and one got a dwi. That's not a "good".

My sentiments exactly. The "thanks" button didn't seem like enough. Too, too strict and hypocritical.

 

[For The Kids]

Why is being sent to one's room automatically considered a punishment? When I was a kid, I would have considered it a reward - uninterrupted reading time!!!

I think most people would consider it a punishment. If she was stopping him from playing with his toys...or watching a movie or putting him in a room on his own apart from his family...then yes she punishing him. Personally I cant help but wonder if she sent him to his room to make she he didnt get any attention from Kaine.

Jmo

 

[cluciano63]

Yikes I'm glad I'm not a kid these days...every move kids make is so monitored and diagnosed and dissected...

Glad I'm not a mom either...I would be considered a lousy one for sure.

 

[eyes4crime]

Just what are the contradictions in Terri?

I see a woman who wanted a loving relationship, yet all she found was 'unfounded' love. She was misinterpreted and misunderstood as evidenced by her x MIL who felt there was ulterior motives for flowers and poems.

She has a history of unfortunate and untimely experiences such as the accident that left her with a pinched nerve and migraines.

She used her misfortune to get an education. She turned carp into roses.

Terri has an obvious love of children so why she didn't get a teaching job after a masters is beyond me. Her marriage to Kaine seemed unfortunate for both, for everyone.

What are the big contradictions - A thread of sadness and misfortune runs through her life; unfortunate and untimely relationships; the obstacles are numerous, so maybe Terri learned to retreat rather than fight. For me, not a single thing points toward Terri being a murderous psychopath.moo

What was the motive? Guess I'm not seeing what others see and those who deem her guilty may not be seeing what I'm seeing. moo

Guess it's all in the eyes of the beholder. :waitasec:

All just my opinions and all that stuff!!

 

[cluciano63]

I am still on the infamous fence, this article does nothing to change that. As it has been stated before, very few of us have lived lives that could stand up under such intense scrutiny. I pretty much manage to "not recall" my years from age 20-30 on purpose. I hope I am never under a microscope and if I were to be, my computer browsing history alone would indict me.

I'm still waiting for some proof or strong evidence that Terri did away with Kyron in some fashion.The more we learn of his life, I'm inclined to believe he might run off into the woods.

 

[Emma Peel]

Background articles such as this are certainly interesting, but they are also frustrating.

Is Terri really a profile in contradictons?

Or are some people in her past thinking of something, anything they saw in Terri to reconcile Terri's current situation. e.g. Oh, yes, she killed my bookcase - so - she could have easily killed her son Kyron. (just to pull an example provided in the article)

And some people confirm that nothing they ever witnessed would lead them to believe Terri would harm her child, or any child.

Is it Terri that's contradictory, or is it people's selective recollections - some offering positive, some negative, some offering both - that are contradictory?

Are we even looking for past behavior patterns - I mean, can't a person just quickly change in response to current stressors and just snap?

Kaine & Desiree & J were closest to Kyron & Terri. I care about their anecdotes, because I think they were in a position to evaluate changes in Terri and to know about Kyron's life with Terri. For me, it's important to remember that while they sensed and experienced Terri's emotional ups & downs - they never believed Kyron was in danger.

I note that J, her son, who was there the first weekend says until Kyron disappeared, he'd never seen Kaine cry, and that his mother was absolutely hysterical. (IIRC, that's the first time we'd heard of Terri's more immediate reaction to Kyron's disappearance...)

Side note - It would be nice to know the straight story on why J moved. It seems there are 3 versions. It's beginning to sound like J wanted to move as much as anyone - as if he was of an age where he was ready to spend more time with his bio-dad (after summers with bio-dad). Maybe he could pursue the horse interest easier with bio-dad.

All I get from the article - as far as Terri's profile in contradiction - is confirmation of what I'd already expected Terri's personality to be like. Smart, charming, pushy, self-disciplined, a little self-centered, with some history of disposable relationships and a judgement problem or two.

I know plenty of people like Terri. They are just not in Terri's situation. And I don't expect they ever will be.

I don't think we've learned much related to Kyron's disappearance from this article. We have learned a little about Kyron, and more about the blended family and the timeline of the family relationships - some of that was quite helpful.

We've not learned much about recent the Kaine/Terri dynamic. A little, perhaps. So far, sounds like normal marital issues that folks have. Interesting that Kyron's father officiated at the bathing suit marriage. That's different, anyway. LOL.

I guess I'm still waiting for shoes to drop - when maybe there are none.

Where's Kyron? The article didn't tell me that. Did they forget to ask?

JMHO.