this is my first time checking in for a few days, i just finished reading everyone's heartfelt posts and figured i'd chime in..
Zuri, do not second guess yourself as a mother. I know this is easier said than done but it's true, kids don't come with instructions and as long as they are shown unconditional love and you do everything you believe in your heart to raise them well then you did and are continuing to do your job. I can't speak from experience because my kids are 22 months and 8 months old, but I do know that once kids start hanging out with their peer groups outside of the home, and in other peoples homes, things can get dicey. We really can't control what our kids are going to do
I grew up in a very wealthy area (not my family specifically but everyone else it felt like) and if anything, I felt like the drugs were just as prominent there, if not more so, it just wasn't talked about. Kids who started off raiding medicine cabinets in high school are now addicted to heroin, it's very sad to see but at the same time, they chose to play with fire and it is the families i feel for more than anything who have to deal with the aftermath of their addictions. Many used cocaine, which seemed to be the most prominent drug in my area that the kids had no issues paying for. I'm not even in contact with most of my friends from high school, only a select few. My worst offense (aside from the typical drinking in college) was taking adderall once in awhile in high school. It was handed out like candy by kids who had prescriptions and I can tell you, my choice to do that had NOTHING to do with how I was raised, i also think taking that medication set something off in my brain chemistry and started my panic attacks. The anxiety attacks I have also have nothing to do with my parents or how i was raised, just like what happened to your daughter is not your fault and you can't control how she is going to handle it, all you can do is offer support and unconditional love. I think setting up a life coach is a great idea and just further shows what a wonderful mother you are. Maybe one suggestion I would have, is tell her that she has a certain timeline in which to enroll in school or find a job. Even if she just starts off taking the Gen-Ed requirements at a local community college or something. You might have to set a hardline and stick to it. When I graduated college, I worked in social work and didn't make much so I lived at home for two years. My parents charged me rent and put it in an account which they then gave me when I was ready to move out so I got used to having to save and living in the "real world." This worked out well although it was a pain at the time, I now am grateful for it. When I was ready to move in to my first apartment, I had my security payment and first year of rent basically paid for. I also found that supporting myself, making my car payment, student loan payments, etc made me feel more of a purpose in life.
Also, substance abuse can affect every family and I think most everyone has a family member who is addicted to something, many just don't talk about it and try to hide it. I commend you for speaking out about your experiences with your son.
