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Guess I've gotten lost in other threads and didn't realize the "side bar" was at thread # 25.......OMG.
The monsoon started here the 30th of June........it's just wonderful! Already pulled 2 of our trucks out of #1. Slick as snot mud, and #2. Dry wash with a flash flood of a height of 2 1/2 feet. It's an ADVENTURE!!!!!:happydance:
Killed our first rattler a few days ago. My son has seen many more at his place, but doesn't want to dispatch them, just hoping his "snake sense" doesn't get the best of him. *OK, you guys banned me from posting snake pics, so I'll just put this: :snake:
*Think* I have a tentative due date for Kissy, the horse, September 8th. Just figuring in the moon phases (full moon that night) and her Royal Fatness's appearance.
Weirdness yesterday. My little brother got a call from the Swedish Hospital Social Services in Washington. Seems our "father" is in end stage dementia, on a 30 second loop saying someone in the family is out to get him. Social Services is contacting his children before giving end care over to his boyfriend, guess they didn't get married. My lil' bro was the only sibling with a public contact phone number. All the rest of us have changed our phone numbers specifically because of not wanting contact with "dad'.
I have had no contact with "dad" for about 18 years. He's 78...........
And I feel absolutely nothing.
My son got me to call last night out of his concern for medical history and anything that might be genetically pre-disposed for him or any future children. I talked to a nurse who's 2nd language is English........seriously, why do hospitals hire people who can't communicate with the public at large?
So I got the name of the Dr. handling "dad's" case, and left my name and number for a call back this morning.
I guess the humanitarian thing would be to make sure he signed a DNR and Medical Power of Attorney, or whatever it's called, and if he didn't, sign it for him.
I figured I wouldn't feel anything.........it's just weird that that's actually what I feel now that it's here.
It's kind of a tragic commentary that a man looses his mind in his later years, needs care, and none of his 4 children and 1 foster child could care less. But you reap what you sow. Sucks to be him.
In my entire lifetime, he said he loved me only once, and that was under duress. The last time I talked and hung up on him, I told him he was a piss poor excuse for a father and he'd die a lonely old man.......
My lil' bro says I'm just too prophetic.
I envy any of you who had a good family life growing up, but I have no idea what it would be like. I know what it's like to be a mother and love my children, but I don't know what it's like to have loving parents. Won't ever have it. :sigh:
Oh, Bernina, I can totally understand how you can be so disconnected from your father. I remember idolizing my father until about the age of 7 or 8, after that I can't remember much of anything good about him at all. He was a harsh, cruel, stingy, self centered tyrant with a rage disorder, and we were subjected to his daily rages, verbal abuse and belittling of our mother, and of us. We would all just cower, including my mother, and hold our breaths waiting for it to pass.
Yes, I totally agree with Dr. Laura Schlesinger , that just because a man is a "sperm donor" does not make him a "father".
Sadly, my mother was too meak and sweet to withstand his abuse and remain emotionally well, so she became little more than a shadow during the last 10 years of my childhood, which made it even worse for us. I felt like nothing more than an abused indentured servant . I remember him sending me and my sister out to the pea fields in 100 degree weather, I was 8 or 9 years old. Got sick from the heat, and my uncle laughed, thought I was just making it up to get out of picking peas. Funny thing, my uncle didn't have his daughter, my cousin, who was a year older than me, out there.
I have to remember to forgive my father almost daily, some days it's next to impossible. Not that I believe that he's even capable of ever admitting he was wrong about anything, much less ask for forgiveness. Just something else I have to accept. I realize that the forgiveness is for myself, not for him at this point. Oh, he has finally learned that he can't get away with his harsh temper tantrums and cruel criticisms, or we, or at least I, have no problem completely ignoring him and shutting him out of my life. So these days, he's just all about manipulation, a little sad and pitiful to watch because I can see through him, but at least it makes it possible for me to be in his company, even if only for occasional and limited periods of time.
As you, I have always envied those who had caring, nurturing parents that made them feel safe and loved. What I did get though, is the determination to give to my own child what I never had, which I am very grateful for.