The reason Steven's testimony was Sooooo Gripping-- was the fact that he was speaking for himself whereas Samantha was speaking "for the family." You can't be quite as personal when you are speaking for others as well as yourself.
I watched his testimony with my hand over my mouth and tears running down my cheeks. It took me straight back to the PTSD memory I have worked with since 1994 -the day they told me my son was dead. I had no idea you could have such a powerful physical reaction upon hearing bad news.
Immediately I screamed and was hit by a powerful pain in my chest, then in my stomach and I fell to the ground, retching while still trying to scream. This took place in slow motion on the driveway in front of my mother's house. I can tell you the temperature of the cement, the exact color of the sky. I couldn't hear, I couldn't breathe. I was in agony.
For three months I was a zombie. I didn't eat or care for my other children. My sister took me in and relatives took the kids. I slept, cried, ate, cried, walked, cried, showered and cried. That was my day. I drove recklessly, lost track of time constantly and spent hours staring at the ocean wondering if I could go on living.
One day my sister called the police because I didn't come home until 3:00 am. She told the officer something was wrong with me ever since my son died and nothing seemed to help. Not pills, not doctors, nothing because I was just going through the motions of living. The only thing that brought me back was my other children needed a mother.
Steven only told you the tip of the iceberg. I am sure he lost interest in sex and smoked/drank too much like I did. I kept hurting myself bumping into things because I was not really there--I was in some kind of a dissociated trance. In my mind I said, " The worst possible thing has happened and I am now afraid of nothing. What can anyone say or do that could hurt me? Nothing! I'm invincible!"
There is a way out of PTSD after such a powerful tragedy and I am sure Steven is on the path to recovery.
I wish I could give the Alexander family this advice: Have a "We Are Still A Family" picnic outdoors. Bring the games, the volleyball net, whatever you used to do when Travis was there. This HONORS him because it is what he would have wanted. I know they have the hardiness inside, all they need to do is point that strength at their grief and REFUSE to let the monster kill the whole Alexander family as well as Travis Alexander.
The first step of recovery from grief is to stop being afraid of it. Have an empty chair there and have Travis' name on it. Have pictures of him all around because you are doing this FOR HIM. There is nothing you can do for him now that he is gone but honor what YOU KNOW his wishes would be for your family.
Raise yourselves, Alexanders! Don't let Jody Arias have any more victims!
It was totally weird, and I didn't realize what it was until I heard local news that evening.
