Dmacky, how is your DD today? I bet she is on an emotional roller coaster. Regarding what she about Dick telling her it is easier to give in than fight with his mom? My DH said the same thing too so That is why I typed it. My DH and I get along so well and rarely fight, but his mother sent me into orbit many times and there were very angry words said by me that were hurtful and deadly aimed at my DH, who would just shut down and not respond. I am not proud of my behavior.
I can remember my in laws and my parents were here for Christmas Eve dinner. My MIL said something derogatory about me or to me, which my parents heard, and I can still here my father saying "Rise above it". I was so tired of rising above it, but did so for 27 years.
I figured out long ago that what my MIL did was done out of insecurity. She liked that I came from a well to do family, was educated, well mannered, had good taste, etc. I had a Southern mother who thought me well. What she didn't like was that I had married her precious son, the perfect one, who was actually not so perfect. My DH SIL said she dodged a bullet marrying the imperfect one, because she left them alone.
Your DD has just been saved years of grief, sadness, resentment because the dynamic does not change. She won't be thinking or saying "What about me and what I want"? She won't have to avoid his family's functions because she would be fodder for ridicule. It takes a tremendous amount of energy, self restraint, tongue biting, avoidance and patience to endure this kind of MIL. She would NEVER be good enough, even though she may have been far superior in so many aspects. Trust me! LOL. Dick's mom probably had a very critical parent who withheld love, causing her to be the way she is. At least I can trace it to my MIL's mother who caused my MIL to be the way she was.
My MIL died on her 85th birthday, and we (I) had planned a birthday party for her the next day. We still had it calling it a Celebration of Life party as it was catered with a tent, tables and chairs etc. I have been married for 28 years and that was the first time most of her friends had ever met me. They knew my BIL, SIL and DH as they had grown up summering in that area. They had never met me, and the look of surprise on their faces told me all I needed to know. I was not what they were expecting lol. I got thank you notes from her friends saying how lovely I was and what a great hostess I was and I had to laugh. Yes. Yes I am.
Payback is a witch with a capitol B. If Dick ever gets married, it will be to someone who doesn't have an opinion nor is competition for Dick's mom. Dick's mom will name their children and run their lives. When the focus is on her, she will be happy. I truly doubt, if your DD is as lovely as you, that your DD would have ultimately been happy. Maybe if they moved to Alaska or the Far East, but those tentacles are vast and wide. The umbilical cord stretches far and wide lol.
The betrayal of trust and the dashed hope for a future of love and happiness must be huge. Please tell her to Trust me when I say that when one door closes, another one opens. There is a lid for every pot and her pot just happened to be from Williams-Sonoma, not Kmart. She will find love and happiness that will be so much more fulfilling and rewarding. And yes, she will be able to name her own children... Xoxo
's dad's side ~ who by the way paid absolutely NOTHING on this wedding. < That's another story, another day :wink: I don't know how many more people my daughter actually invited, (friends and colleagues) etc...but it was in NO WAY even 3/4's of 200.
