SIDEBAR #55 - Travis Alexander forum

[YESorNO]

Niner, hang in there!

I'm going through a similar situation with the BF. 4 trips to the VA Hospital emergency room in 2 days. He's been having issues for 6 weeks, they don't know what's going on. Started as intense restless leg syndrome (RLS)......and medication hell.

But my situation ends there............

I am at the end of my rope. Seriously. BF asked me to marry him right before I took him in for the first of 4 times in the last 2 days.
I'm like stunned. I'm a coward. I did not sign up for this. I've spent 12 years with someone who lied about his interests and his intentions, capabilities, etc., etc. He kept the drama coming in for the first 4-5 years so I really didn't take the time to step back and say "Hey, that seems off" or "I thought he said he knew how to do this". He lies for the sake of lying. We have nothing in common but PTSD and depression.
Does he fear being by himself? Dying alone? Wanting someone to care for him?
My head is ready to explode. He calls and says he deposited a check into my account this morning. He gets home and says he didn't. WTF. Same stuff, different day. He's been slowly killing himself with bad eating habits, junk food, and no excersize, but lies right to my face when I SEE what he's eating and doing.
I have had maybe 6 hours of sleep the last 3 days because he's up all night watching TV......sleeping all day. Add to it all the other medical issues he has.....GAH. 13 years older than me and he's not going to change, he's gotten racist and bigoted, harsh and verbally cruel.

Holy crap, excuse the pity party. My life is in chaos and I just need an anchor.

No pity from me- just concern: :therethere:

My poor Bernina. Trying to figure out the right thing to do is always a hard thing. You're not a coward- just trying to find the right solution for all involved I think.

BUT- "harsh and verbally cruel" is something that is not negotiable in my book and IMO. You don't need that in your life (no one does). I personally don't let anyone verbally abuse me or talk down to me anymore no matter what the deal is (and that's a long story anyway).

It seems that you're not very happy anymore having your BF around and for a long time, and you said " We have nothing in common but PTSD and depression"- not pleasant things at all, IMO. Are you afraid about being alone? Aren't you alone now? I think so. So, you love him and he loves you? but sometimes love is not enough - and is this "bad" love or "good" love- you should accept nothing less than "good" love, IMO. We grow accustomed to whatever we’ve lived with. Some who know better would rather have no love at all than to put up with bad love. It just feels bad and who needs that? Only someone as needy as a child. Good love is a gift, given freely, with no strings and no catch to it. The best thing, though, is when two adults give it to each other. Because they want to and because they can).

Doesn't look very healthy for you at this point or so it seems to me.

Don't keep trying to be strong just to be strong- doesn't work all the time, so cry here if you need to- we all care very much about you, but do yourself a favor and revisit that website I sent you last year and reconsider your options now. Seems the situation is just getting worse for both of you now. Make a decision or continue with what you are doing. It's all up to you, you know.

-Time to move on? :thinking:

(you could tell me to GTH now, if you want)

Time for bed (allergies are killing me and the pills for them are killing me too- I'm so tired all the time :crazy: )

See you all in the AM. God willing. :seeya:

Thanks GigiG for that article, but I don't see the correlation- she didn't get the DP.

 

[GigiG]

No pity from me- just concern: :therethere:

My poor Bernina. Trying to figure out the right thing to do is always a hard thing. You're not a coward- just trying to find the right solution for all involved I think.

BUT- "harsh and verbally cruel" is something that is not negotiable in my book and IMO. You don't need that in your life (no one does). I personally don't let anyone verbally abuse me or talk down to me anymore no matter what the deal is (and that's a long story anyway).

It seems that you're not very happy anymore having your BF around and for a long time, and you said " We have nothing in common but PTSD and depression"- not pleasant things at all, IMO. Are you afraid about being alone? Aren't you alone now? I think so. So, you love him and he loves you? but sometimes love is not enough - and is this "bad" love or "good" love- you should accept nothing less than "good" love, IMO. We grow accustomed to whatever we’ve lived with. Some who know better would rather have no love at all than to put up with bad love. It just feels bad and who needs that? Only someone as needy as a child. Good love is a gift, given freely, with no strings and no catch to it. The best thing, though, is when two adults give it to each other. Because they want to and because they can).

Doesn't look very healthy for you at this point or so it seems to me.

Don't keep trying to be strong just to be strong- doesn't work all the time, so cry here if you need to- we all care very much about you, but do yourself a favor and revisit that website I sent you last year and reconsider your options now. Seems the situation is just getting worse for both of you now. Make a decision or continue with what you are doing. It's all up to you, you know.

-Time to move on? :thinking:

(you could tell me to GTH now, if you want)

Time for bed (allergies are killing me and the pills for them are killing me too- I'm so tired all the time :crazy: )

See you all in the AM. God willing. :seeya:

Thanks GigiG for that article, but I don't see the correlation- she didn't get the DP.

Exactamente! It's smoke and mirrors. Does not compute. There is no equivalency. Again, just proves 1) How very limited her avenues of appeals are, and, 2) How she's still a control freak.

Her lawyers likely know this tactic has little chance of success, but she's pushing them to follow her agenda. Because, of course, she is smarter than they are. Okay. They probably think "what the heck," (just like Nurmi did), because, well, it's money in the bank. Boohoo. Sorry, not sorry.

 

[coffeejunkie]

Niner, hang in there!

I'm going through a similar situation with the BF. 4 trips to the VA Hospital emergency room in 2 days. He's been having issues for 6 weeks, they don't know what's going on. Started as intense restless leg syndrome (RLS)......and medication hell.

But my situation ends there............

I am at the end of my rope. Seriously. BF asked me to marry him right before I took him in for the first of 4 times in the last 2 days.
I'm like stunned. I'm a coward. I did not sign up for this. I've spent 12 years with someone who lied about his interests and his intentions, capabilities, etc., etc. He kept the drama coming in for the first 4-5 years so I really didn't take the time to step back and say "Hey, that seems off" or "I thought he said he knew how to do this". He lies for the sake of lying. We have nothing in common but PTSD and depression.
Does he fear being by himself? Dying alone? Wanting someone to care for him?
My head is ready to explode. He calls and says he deposited a check into my account this morning. He gets home and says he didn't. WTF. Same stuff, different day. He's been slowly killing himself with bad eating habits, junk food, and no excersize, but lies right to my face when I SEE what he's eating and doing.
I have had maybe 6 hours of sleep the last 3 days because he's up all night watching TV......sleeping all day. Add to it all the other medical issues he has.....GAH. 13 years older than me and he's not going to change, he's gotten racist and bigoted, harsh and verbally cruel.

Holy crap, excuse the pity party. My life is in chaos and I just need an anchor.

:hug: love you!

 

[ILikeToBendPages]

Niner, hang in there!

I'm going through a similar situation with the BF. 4 trips to the VA Hospital emergency room in 2 days. He's been having issues for 6 weeks, they don't know what's going on. Started as intense restless leg syndrome (RLS)......and medication hell.

But my situation ends there............

I am at the end of my rope. Seriously. BF asked me to marry him right before I took him in for the first of 4 times in the last 2 days.
I'm like stunned. I'm a coward. I did not sign up for this. I've spent 12 years with someone who lied about his interests and his intentions, capabilities, etc., etc. He kept the drama coming in for the first 4-5 years so I really didn't take the time to step back and say "Hey, that seems off" or "I thought he said he knew how to do this". He lies for the sake of lying. We have nothing in common but PTSD and depression.
Does he fear being by himself? Dying alone? Wanting someone to care for him?
My head is ready to explode. He calls and says he deposited a check into my account this morning. He gets home and says he didn't. WTF. Same stuff, different day. He's been slowly killing himself with bad eating habits, junk food, and no excersize, but lies right to my face when I SEE what he's eating and doing.
I have had maybe 6 hours of sleep the last 3 days because he's up all night watching TV......sleeping all day. Add to it all the other medical issues he has.....GAH. 13 years older than me and he's not going to change, he's gotten racist and bigoted, harsh and verbally cruel.

Holy crap, excuse the pity party. My life is in chaos and I just need an anchor.

Why do you think he decided to pop the question this late in the game? Am I terrible to say I'd be questioning his love and motives? Does he have anyone else that would take care of him, and willingly? Has he had his come to Jesus moment because of his visits to the ER? and is making amends to you? Is that what you really want? What would change in your relationship if you did get married? Your living arrangement would still be the same - I'm sorry if that is harsh.




My sister is taking care of her brother in law after he had a heart attack last September, and she moved him into her home because she promised his wife that she's take care of him when she died five years ago. He then found out has/had stage three throat cancer and has had a total laryngectomy, and she had taken care of before and since his surgery. He's has her do this or that right now. He expects her to make all his appointments or get his meds, even though he didn't turn over the notes or scripts until after hours then gets po'ed, he won't take some of his meds, and other's he takes too much of, but you can't tell him that. He had COPD emphysema and congestive heart failure before the heart attack, and has been on oxygen since, and smoked until his laryngectomy while connected to the machine. He will be on oxygen until he dies. I asked her if she feels like she had fulfilled her promise.

 

[ILikeToBendPages]

1957 - Chances Are/The Twelfth of Never - Johnny Mathis

[video=youtu;NEH3uqbpsm8]http://youtu.be/NEH3uqbpsm8[/video]

 

[daisymae]

Sure is quiet in here ... have any dirty jokes to share?

 

[neesaki]

I hate butter--really I hate both.

I can't believe I found someone else that hates butter ! :woohoo: Zoey! Seriously, it makes me ill, as in sick to my stomach, and to me it has a horrible, heavy aftertaste. I don't really use milk much either, and only eat fat free ice cream rarely, if at all. Cream is as bad as butter to me, though I can stomach small amounts of light cream in some sauces as long as it's not the predominant ingredient, such as a light Roasted Red Pepper cream sauce that we eat on this crab ravioli dish that we love. Yum!!! As far as margarine, I very occasionally use small amounts of it, not often. When I eat toast I just eat it with jelly, no butter. I use olive or grapeseed oil to saute stuff in. From what I've read over the years, dairy products in general aren't really healthy for most people as we don't digest them properly. I actually wish I could eat more dairy, I just can't. Maybe this is why.
http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/06/24/dairy-6-reasons-you-should-avoid-it-at-all-costs-2/

 

[Spellbound]

So many posts I would like to respond to, but cannot add much to what has already been said. Bernina, I am concerned a touch, but I do believe you know what is the right choice to make. Listen to yourself, your heart and brain are guiding you. Come and share whenever you need to vent or work through the situation. Above all, put yourself as first priority.

Daisymae, GigiG, and others in the path of this storm, hope it all works itself out with little consequences for ya.

Yes/No, allergies season must be in full bloom. I am in the same boat....sniff, sniff, sneeze.

 

[ILikeToBendPages]

Lily goes out to dinner with Loli Pop. The dogs are happy Lily came along. They don't have to wear dorky clothes anymore. We have a wedding next week and Lily has a princess dress in purple, along with a tiara, that match the brides colors.

 

[daisymae]

She is such a pretty baby, Page, I so much want to hold her and buy her a red dress! Can't wait to see a princess photo.

 

[Jasper52]

Pages, she's so adorable I just want to hug her!!!

 

[ILikeToBendPages]

I was thinking about old fashion sewing bees, and how women got together and gossiped as they sewed, and I though that ours wouldn't be about who sleeping with who ever, but blood splatter and crime scenes.


[video=youtu;7X7d7Ul6PmI]http://youtu.be/7X7d7Ul6PmI[/video]

 

[coffeejunkie]

Lily goes out to dinner with Loli Pop. The dogs are happy Lily came along. They don't have to wear dorky clothes anymore. We have a wedding next week and Lily has a princess dress in purple, along with a tiara, that match the brides colors.


View attachment 82426

ADORABLE...I just want to hug her and love on her!!

 

[coffeejunkie]

 

[coffeejunkie]

 

[coffeejunkie]

 

[coffeejunkie]

SHOUT OUT to our dear friend DMACKY!! She is missed and hope her back problems are getting better...we love you!! :grouphug:

 

[coffeejunkie]

My Town

Main Street 1900's


Main Street today (same area)

 

[Bernina]

Sometimes people will lie to continue their 15 minutes of fame.......to attach herself to the Pope in the twisted way she did is a disgrace. For her attorneys to endorse her lie is abhorrent.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/03/w...ml?emc=edit_na_20151002&nlid=58395070&ref=cta

[h=1]Pope Francis’ Meeting Wasn’t an Endorsement of Kim Davis’s Views, Vatican Says[/h]I wonder if her visit was a tax paid vacation?:gaah:

 

[Spellbound]

Lily goes out to dinner with Loli Pop. The dogs are happy Lily came along. They don't have to wear dorky clothes anymore. We have a wedding next week and Lily has a princess dress in purple, along with a tiara, that match the brides colors.

If it is possible, she gets cuter all the time. Lovely outfit she is wearing, and the Princess dress is going to be perfect. What a grand and happy life she is living now. Hope all is well with Loli Pop .... gets exhausting raising babies after we have been out of that stage for awhile, but it looks like the job wears well for them.