Seeking, if you are not a writer, you should be! Another beautiful, yet heartbreaking post.
I am the child of a criminal, my mother. She has been in and out of prison (long term, 3-5yrs, each time) since i was about 7 years old, due to a heroin addiction and its associated crimes.
Thankfully, in my case, i had a wonderful Dad, who made up for my mothers complete emotional destruction by being eveything my siblings and i needed. He has since passed away, and on the day i lost him, i felt like i lost both of my parents.
As a child, until about the age of 15, i desperately clung to the hope that my mother would stop being the neglectful, spiteful, lieing, sneaky, self-centred and psychopathic person that she was, and miraculously turn into the type of mother that all of my friends had. Even at my young age, I
knew that she had made the
choice to hurt us, i knew that she was responsible for breaking my Dad's heart, my heart and my siblings hearts, yet, i remember at times that i would beg my Dad to get back together with her, in the hope of having a complete, happy family.
So yes, in my case, i did still want to see the parent who had destroyed all of our lives, even with the elementary understanding i had.
As i grew older, wiser and more aware of what we actually had to endure as a result of my mother choosing drugs over us, i began to resent her, and now, unfortunately, i feel almost nothing towards her. She has only seen one of my children, and i intend to keep it that way. I have no idea how i would feel if anything ever happened to her, or how i will react when she finally succumbs to the ill-health that is the result of her 'alternative' lifestyle. It's just sad, really!
Has it effected my adulthood? Absolutely! on the negative side, I have OCD, agoraphobia (both mild) and
had a drinking problem when i was younger. In the middle ground, I am a paranoid wreck when it comes to protecting my own children... completely smother them with love
I
have to let them know how much i love them regularly, or i panic. They will be absolutely horrified when i embarrass them as teens, lol, but of course, this is also a good thing, as they know i am always there for them, and will love them unconditionally. On the absolutely positive side, i am a criminologist because of my experience, i am extremely empathetic (almosty to a fault), and i feel a strong social responsibility to fight for children's rights :heartbeat::scale:
I am sorry for the huge post. I started writing and it just all came billowing out :blushing:. Anyway, just my 2c, and all my personal opinion in order to highlight the experiences of a child with a rotten parent.