You won't get an argument from me, I agree with you 100%. I grew up with a prime example of nature vs nurture.
My Aunt was raped daily by her father from before Kindergarten until she ran away at 16. Then she married a guy who almost killed her, he tried to kill their son as well. Then her next husband raped her son for years before she found out. She handled the four daughters they had... after he also killed himself when the abuse was discovered. She
finally met and married the right guy and he got terminal cancer a few years later. While he was dying she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. He died once she was in remission and another daughter lost a child to SIDS right after his death in addition to the oldest daughter's 2 babies that died previously.
There are not many people who have had it as hard as her...and I left out quite a few things as well.
She was a wonderful mother, I preferred to stay there and often did. Her son would have been fine without his stepfather abusing him. Her two oldest daughters are a lawyer and a doctor. Both have been married for 10+ years, own homes, cars, are very stable.
Her youngest two haven't done as well. But they don't have criminal records, they aren't abusive. They just aren't as stable. They had a bit of a harder time with their Dad's suicide and that screwed them up.
She was a wonderful mother but there was other factors...and her daughter are just different people who made different choices.
I think if Kristi had been given up for adoption at birth, to a loving family that we wouldn't be having this conversation.
I think Casey Anthony probably would be completely different if she had been given up for adoption as well.
You think Misty Croslin would be where she is, if she had been raised from birth by the Holloway family, or the Smart family or another loving family??
Yes, I think the frontal lobe was different to start with, to allow the lack of impulse control. But then there was something in Kristi's childhood that happened, to prevent the bonding...which allowed the abuse to occur.
Yes, a large part of breaking that cycle is a choice. You can control your impulses if you CARE enough to do it. The problem here is that I don't think Kristi learned how to care.
If you don't CARE, then why would you make that difficult choice?
I hope I'm making some amount of sense here.... :waitasec:
BBM-
I believe there is a certain amount of 'nurture' that comes into play, but we can still make choices about the direction of our lives no matter how traumatic the childhood or who our caretakers were.
For example, I come from a family of 4 girls. We had a fantastic mother but an abusive father.
I'm the youngest and I have two children who I adore, and treat like lil princesses because I don't want them growing up with the same isssues I did.
IMO, I'm a pretty good mum....my girls are my everything, and there is nothing I wouldn't do to protect them.
Yet my oldest sister who has 4 kids (and doesn't have custody of any of them) doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body. It's all about her.
We both grew up with the same nurturing, loving mum, so why is my mothering so very different from my sisters? (ETA: and all of us have been dxed with various mental illnesses- the difference being I got help, and she didn't and never will)
I think we grow up beliveing that maternal instinct kicks in when you have a child- but I don't think that's the case. Some mothers have to work really hard and LEARN to be a good parent, and to others it does come naturally. Then there's the others who just don't give a damn, and are merely breeding.
JMO