I'm not saying anything new here, as this is implicit in what all of you have written... There's a big difference between having similar outward values, and having similar outward values fueled by old wounds, and acting out those wounds in how you represent and impose your values on others.
I do think it's important to reserve some empathy for the two women, purely on the possibility that they were trying to rescue themselves from their own demons through the kids, and running away from their responsibilities whenever they were confronted with the futility of remothering their way out. Not because that mitigates the reprehensibility of what they did, but because a lot of kids with untreated attachment disorders end up being adults with untreated personality disorders, which just perpetuates the cycle.
And (again, strictly IME) the only thing worse than having an untreated personality disorder as an adult is recognizing how toxic you can be, undertaking the often futile search for affordable, effective treatment that will address your issues, and constantly hitting up against the perceived message that- on a larger social level- you are not worth helping. Jen's comment about everything feeling like a "proceed no further" sign, as dramatic as it was, seems like one of the few honest things she put on social media. But even so, the point where they conflated the value of these six children with whatever devaluation they felt personally, is the point where empathy leaves the room.
