CA - Roman Anthony Lopez, 11, found deceased, poisoned , Placerville, 11 Jan 2020 *arrests*

[Beth11311]

Wow, I’m sorry this happened to you. No child should feel unwanted and yet so many do and are reminded they are a burden in some way to their family. MOO

Thank you, as a parent now it’s even more difficult for me to comprehend how anyone can do anything like this to their children, and yet they do. I just hope that his life wasn’t as sad as it appeared

 

[Teche]

I completely agree that neglect is a form of abuse.

After my father died, my mother stopped allowing me to come to dinner, took away my mattress (I slept on an old box spring - the kind with wood slats), and allowed me to come and go as I pleased with zero parental oversight (I was 12 when he died). I had no heat or hot water on my side of the house, while my brother and step siblings did. While she was also emotionally and at times physically abusive, the neglect alone was enough.

Ironically, my stepdad was a psychiatrist and you’d think he would have stopped some of this, but no. I was the IP (identified patient), essentially the black sheep of the family that allowed our “family” unit to “function”. Perhaps Roman was, too.

Roman looks sickly to me, and perhaps it’s my own experiences as a child coloring my views, but I absolutely believe at the very least, he was being neglected.

Hugs, Beth11311! Thank you for sharing.

 

[NoSI]

Wow, thank you for sharing your story and a possible explanation for the bruising. If not CTD, then I suspect some other issue will be revealed.

The step-Mom & Dad did a fairly extensive interview right after Roman was found. Not one mention of Roman having a health issue? If he did have CTD or some other health issue, wouldn't you think they would have stated that? Instead we heard about bagels & cream cheese. Color me very confused ...

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) could also be a possibility. Signs and symptoms include joint hypermobility, hyperextensible joints,
and fragile skin that tears or bruises easily (bruising may be severe) etc. It is also considered a UCTD.

In EDS "The connective tissue a person with EDS is built with is not structured the way it should be. With a badly-constructed or processed connective tissue, some or all of the tissue in the EDS-affected body can be pulled beyond normal limits which causes damage. Connective tissue can be found almost anywhere, in skin, muscles, tendons and ligaments, blood vessels, organs, gums, eyes, and so on."

Resource: What are the Ehlers-Danlos Syndromes? | The Ehlers Danlos Society

 

[Lusitana]

Poor kid.

 

[UnapologeticallyAspie]

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) could also be a possibility. Signs and symptoms include joint hypermobility, hyperextensible joints,
and fragile skin that tears or bruises easily (bruising may be severe) etc. It is also considered a UCTD.

In EDS "The connective tissue a person with EDS is built with is not structured the way it should be. With a badly-constructed or processed connective tissue, some or all of the tissue in the EDS-affected body can be pulled beyond normal limits which causes damage. Connective tissue can be found almost anywhere, in skin, muscles, tendons and ligaments, blood vessels, organs, gums, eyes, and so on."

Resource: What are the Ehlers-Danlos Syndromes? | The Ehlers Danlos Society

The diagnostic criteria for keeps changing EDS as it becomes more prevalent. It looks like there are an additional 7 types since the last time I looked, a few years ago, according to the EDS Society: The Types of EDS
The cardiac-vascular (not to be confused with the vascular type) is a new one to me.

@NoSI thank you for pointing out the potential diagnosis of EDS! You’ve done this before & I lilac (I like) that you have this kind of medical knowledge & that you share it with us!!

 

[Aloe]

I completely agree that neglect is a form of abuse.

After my father died, my mother stopped allowing me to come to dinner, took away my mattress (I slept on an old box spring - the kind with wood slats), and allowed me to come and go as I pleased with zero parental oversight (I was 12 when he died). I had no heat or hot water on my side of the house, while my brother and step siblings did. While she was also emotionally and at times physically abusive, the neglect alone was enough.

Ironically, my stepdad was a psychiatrist and you’d think he would have stopped some of this, but no. I was the IP (identified patient), essentially the black sheep of the family that allowed our “family” unit to “function”. Perhaps Roman was, too.

Roman looks sickly to me, and perhaps it’s my own experiences as a child coloring my views, but I absolutely believe at the very least, he was being neglected.

" IP (identified patient), essentially the black sheep of the family that allowed our “family” unit to “function”. " Wondering if you would mind explaining this in further detail, Beth11311. Thank you.

 

[UnapologeticallyAspie]

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) could also be a possibility. Signs and symptoms include joint hypermobility, hyperextensible joints,
and fragile skin that tears or bruises easily (bruising may be severe) etc. It is also considered a UCTD.


In EDS "The connective tissue a person with EDS is built with is not structured the way it should be. With a badly-constructed or processed connective tissue, some or all of the tissue in the EDS-affected body can be pulled beyond normal limits which causes damage. Connective tissue can be found almost anywhere, in skin, muscles, tendons and ligaments, blood vessels, organs, gums, eyes, and so on."

Resource: What are the Ehlers-Danlos Syndromes? | The Ehlers Danlos Society

The bruising can be severe & last for weeks and sometimes months!!

I really really hope for Roman’s sake that he did not have EDS. Chronic subluxations and dislocations, among the other stuff that’s experienced is not fun & is very painful.

EDIT: my response somehow ended up in the wrong place...whoops. In addition to moving my response, I wanted to add to my response.

 

[NoSI]

The diagnostic criteria for keeps changing EDS as it becomes more prevalent. It looks like there are an additional 7 types since the last time I looked, a few years ago, according to the EDS Society: The Types of EDS
The cardiac-vascular (not to be confused with the vascular type) is a new one to me.

@NoSI thank you for pointing out the potential diagnosis of EDS! You’ve done this before & I lilac (I like) that you have this kind of medical knowledge & that you share it with us!!

Thank you so much @UnapologeticallyAspie! My medical knowledge is still pretty limited. Have so much to learn! Everyday learn something new. I have psychiatry background, but see several pts with EDS as they struggle with chronic pain and sometimes meds like Cymbalta can help pain as well as depression that very very often accompanies chronic pain. And yes, there are so many sub-types. Hard to keep track off...

Thank you so much for your reply! I really appreciate it.

 

[Beth11311]

" IP (identified patient), essentially the black sheep of the family that allowed our “family” unit to “function”. " Wondering if you would mind explaining this in further detail, Beth11311. Thank you.

Happy to. Here is a definition from Wiki to help:

Identified patient, or "IP", is a term used in a clinical setting to describe the person in a dysfunctional family who has been unconsciously, or sometimes consciously, selected to lay blame upon to draw attention away from the family's true inner conflicts, true problem behaviors, and their perpetrators. The identified patient is a diversion and a scapegoat. This person, often a child, is "the split-off false carrier of a breakdown in the entire family system," which may be a transgenerational disturbance or trauma.[1]

Essentially, the IP allows the family to continue to function in its’ dysfunction by taking all of the blame/frustration to distract from the real issues at hand.

Many children who are IP’s also take the role on and fulfill it, even if they weren’t problems to begin with. While I graduated from high school with a 4.6 and was a model student, dancer etc at home I was an angry, sullen, miserable child who developed a raging heroin addiction. I have one brother and three step siblings who could do no wrong. I moved out at 17 and never went back. Does this help?

 

[Subiechik21]

Happy to. Here is a definition from Wiki to help:

Identified patient, or "IP", is a term used in a clinical setting to describe the person in a dysfunctional family who has been unconsciously, or sometimes consciously, selected to lay blame upon to draw attention away from the family's true inner conflicts, true problem behaviors, and their perpetrators. The identified patient is a diversion and a scapegoat. This person, often a child, is "the split-off false carrier of a breakdown in the entire family system," which may be a transgenerational disturbance or trauma.[1]

Essentially, the IP allows the family to continue to function in its’ dysfunction by taking all of the blame/frustration to distract from the real issues at hand.

Many children who are IP’s also take the role on and fulfill it, even if they weren’t problems to begin with. While I graduated from high school with a 4.6 and was a model student, dancer etc at home I was an angry, sullen, miserable child who developed a raging heroin addiction. I have one brother and three step siblings who could do no wrong. I moved out at 17 and never went back. Does this help?

So sorry you had to go through that Beth! Glad you are here to tell your truth!

 

[cds0902]

If he liked to hide in small places, is it possible he hid in or under something in the yard, and accidentally suffocated?

Why would the mom go up to get him out of bed and realize he wasn't there,was he in that bed the previous night?, Did she not check on her kids before turning in herself?Was he missing the entire night and no one noticed!!

 

[susiQ]

I completely agree that neglect is a form of abuse.

After my father died, my mother stopped allowing me to come to dinner, took away my mattress (I slept on an old box spring - the kind with wood slats), and allowed me to come and go as I pleased with zero parental oversight (I was 12 when he died). I had no heat or hot water on my side of the house, while my brother and step siblings did. While she was also emotionally and at times physically abusive, the neglect alone was enough.

Ironically, my stepdad was a psychiatrist and you’d think he would have stopped some of this, but no. I was the IP (identified patient), essentially the black sheep of the family that allowed our “family” unit to “function”. Perhaps Roman was, too.

Roman looks sickly to me, and perhaps it’s my own experiences as a child coloring my views, but I absolutely believe at the very least, he was being neglected.

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you suffered through that I just will never understand how anyone can treat a child this way never mind one's own flesh and blood. She was obviously a sick woman. I sincerely hope life has been good to you since breaking free from the abuse. I imagine this is an especially hard case for you.

 

[carbuff]

Why would the mom go up to get him out of bed and realize he wasn't there,was he in that bed the previous night?, Did she not check on her kids before turning in herself?Was he missing the entire night and no one noticed!!

Assuming everybody is telling the truth, it sounds to me like probably he was there when she went to bed, and left after that. Which could mean many things--something happened that frightened him, somebody tried to hurt him and he ran, he wanted to go out to see an owl or the moon (my daughter did that once, fortunately didn't go far). Or of course somebody might have taken him.

I hope we get answers soon.

 

[carbuff]

I completely agree that neglect is a form of abuse.

After my father died, my mother stopped allowing me to come to dinner, took away my mattress (I slept on an old box spring - the kind with wood slats), and allowed me to come and go as I pleased with zero parental oversight (I was 12 when he died). I had no heat or hot water on my side of the house, while my brother and step siblings did. While she was also emotionally and at times physically abusive, the neglect alone was enough.

Ironically, my stepdad was a psychiatrist and you’d think he would have stopped some of this, but no. I was the IP (identified patient), essentially the black sheep of the family that allowed our “family” unit to “function”. Perhaps Roman was, too.

Roman looks sickly to me, and perhaps it’s my own experiences as a child coloring my views, but I absolutely believe at the very least, he was being neglected.

I'm so sorry they treated you that way. How can people be so cruel to other people?

 

[Beth11311]

Yeah absolutely, you definitely could be right! Roman could have just been hypermobile without any form of any genetic JHS (joint hypermobility syndrome). Thanks for pointing that out!

And that’s cool! On a side note can she do any of the maneuvers of the Beighton score? And/or hypermobile in wrists? No need to answer I am just curious & can send you a message or vice versa.

Funny, I guess I’m somewhat hypermobile because I can do both of those things pictured. Her elbows bend a bit inside out (hard to describe) and she can bend all four of her fingers back together to touch her wrist. Each finger on its own can also bend backward to the back of her hand.

I’m totally not discounting that Roman could have had an underlying disease, I just doubt that’s what ultimately caused his death.

 

[Beth11311]

I'm so sorry they treated you that way. How can people be so cruel to other people?

Thank you - I don’t understand it, it’s pathological and I think to understand it, one has to be similarly ill.

 

[Luckyzmom]

Beth, thank you so much for sharing this with us, I am glad you got out and have made a happy life and family. That's a big win !! Very much appreciate your insight

 

[Beth11311]

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you suffered through that I just will never understand how anyone can treat a child this way never mind one's own flesh and blood. She was obviously a sick woman. I sincerely hope life has been good to you since breaking free from the abuse. I imagine this is an especially hard case for you.

Thank you. Yes, she is absolutely a very sick individual and I stay far away. My life is so much better between years of therapy and thousands of miles of distance.

Thanks to my work, I’m a master at compartmentalizing (which isn’t always a good thing), but it keeps cases like this from affecting me in the ways they might otherwise.

 

[Aloe]

Happy to. Here is a definition from Wiki to help:

Identified patient, or "IP", is a term used in a clinical setting to describe the person in a dysfunctional family who has been unconsciously, or sometimes consciously, selected to lay blame upon to draw attention away from the family's true inner conflicts, true problem behaviors, and their perpetrators. The identified patient is a diversion and a scapegoat. This person, often a child, is "the split-off false carrier of a breakdown in the entire family system," which may be a transgenerational disturbance or trauma.[1]

Essentially, the IP allows the family to continue to function in its’ dysfunction by taking all of the blame/frustration to distract from the real issues at hand.

Many children who are IP’s also take the role on and fulfill it, even if they weren’t problems to begin with. While I graduated from high school with a 4.6 and was a model student, dancer etc at home I was an angry, sullen, miserable child who developed a raging heroin addiction. I have one brother and three step siblings who could do no wrong. I moved out at 17 and never went back. Does this help?

Thank you for taking the time to educate me. I'm sorry for what you have been through. I wish you the best.

 

[Beth11311]

Thank you for taking the time to educate me. I'm sorry for what you have been through. I wish you the best.

Happy to explain! No need to be sorry, I’m honestly a better person for it all.