Pretty much the same here, although it's been longer for me (out of the relationship) and it does get better. I still have PTSD and I still have bouts of struggling with it each year. My ex was diagnosed with 3 different personality disorders, at different times, but on top of Bipolar II. Now that his Bipolar II is under control (20 years later), I think his doctors have revised his other diagnoses - he seems to be doing pretty well.
All of these conditions cause problems with impulse control. However, as in your case, the impulses are against some person who is close to them. I remember asking one of my ex's doctors why in heck he could be SO well behaved at work (and in other social circumstances) but was so crazy at home. People really had a hard time believing what he was like at home. His doctor said, "Because family life is more stressful and there are no outside eyes on the situation." Doctor explained that such people are comfortable in structured situations, often do well at work, seek structure in life, but cannot handle such things as spouses and children, who do unpredictable spontaneous things.
The number of times I had my purse contents dumped on the floor (because he couldn't find his keys or because he blamed me for not remembering to give him cash - my job was to do everything possible to make his existence easier) or something thrown at me...I can't even remember now. It was humiliating and at the time, it did seem like my fault. I was the one who went to the store, got a little extra cash, I knew he needed it for lunches etc., why did I not remember to give it to him? (Why didn't he ask in a normal manner??)
I hope you are feeling well and much safer. I was always a very optimistic person, which was part of the problem and I don't think I'll ever be that person again.
