I haven't posted on this particular topic, but to me an accident may play out as he became angry at her, shoved her, she trips, falls hits her head..boom. That verses striking her to purposefully, forcefully cause her deadly harm. Moo
You know... don't think poorly of my father after you read this.
My father met my mother and proposed the first evening they went out. She did not take him seriously at first, but he was unbelievably loyal. They had to wait for a year as they lived in different cities and he did not have the money for a plane ticket. Eventually, they got married and lived together for 41 year. They had a great family. Mom died of leukemia and with me living in another country, it fell on my dad to take full care of her as she was ailing. I can't tell you how caring he was. Later he told me he never cheated on her, never ever in his life. Honestly, knowing how he helped her during the four years of her slowly dying, history of cheating was the last thing on my mind, but this adds one more dimension to his personality.
But once, he also said, "do you know that during the first year together, I nearly killed her, with the chair?" Knowing my mom, I assume she was pushing and pushing for something (she was very ambitious, my mom). So they were young and did not know each other's emotional limits, he says he felt so cornered that he started crying, and then he grabbed a chair and raised it in the air, and she ran away in haste.
So, in answer how it can happen. Is it an episode of potential DV? Surely. Was my dad prone to DV? Never in life. Not even close. Of them, I think he was the loving one. And yet, it might have happened. Two very good, but highly emotional people, can make a great family, if they work hard at it, although I don't advise a couple with high level of expressed emotions to try it. It might not work. Or it might be highly successful (my parents both achieved a lot), but there will be bumps on the road.
I am far from making conclusions about people being abusive or controlling. Truth is, things might happen to the least abusive people. It is another thing that my dad would never hide anything and probably would be the first to call whatever was 911 where he lived at that time. One of his main traits is honesty.