It’s like what cults do. Find people at a low period, financially broke, emotionally low and offer to help with the goal of making them submissive & exploiting / using them.
From what I’ve seen, Controllers constantly tell partner that they are nothing, dumb, ugly, undesirable, always making mistakes, couldn’t survive on their own, can’t do anything right. Controller puts everyone down, the stupid neighbors, don’t be friends with them. So nosy, don’t want them in our business.
Until the person actually cannot decide which paper towels to buy without being told. Would never question anything, because they believe they are lucky to have what they’ve got. The controller hides money, hides secret life and the people/person being controlled feels lucky for the basic minimum of attention. Controller 100% confident that he has total control.
We had the “wife” of one of these controllers at work, we saw her shrink into a skinny empty robot. He controlled her clothes (thrift shop always too big & new clothes a waste), no make up (*advertiser censored* wear it), no chapstick (smells & he’s allergic), daily calorie controlled box lunch (too fat), no drinks after work, no Xmas party, no working late, same train every day he picks her up. (no kids he couldn’t spare the extra love). No friends/no family - he only wants time with her, can’t share her. He doesn’t work, has a legal wife in another town who apparently thinks he’s a secret agent. Whole thing is crazy, she tells coworkers all this crazy crap, she will never leave him because she thinks the sun shines out his *advertiser censored*. She thinks what they have is so special, better than anyone else marriage - because who else has a partner who cares so much making the diet box lunch, doesn’t want to share you with friends or family or kids, picks up every day, buys your clothes for you at charity shop …