<modsnip>There are many cases where everyone (parents, neighbors) say, "We NEVER would have thought he would do this!" While there's sometimes a covert pattern of abuse (uncovered by talking to the deceased wive's friends and therapists), there are MANY times when there's no prior evidence of spousal abuse.
Look up Patrick Frazee.
As a psychiatric anthropologist, my job is in fact to assist in field diagnosis (using DSM). Narcissistic injury (in the context of severe narcissism) is one motive for murder (but rare-ish).
People often think they are in relationships when they are not. I've seen completely estranged couples (in crime cases and in other research contexts) where neither person was able to notice that their relationship was exceptionally distant.
At any rate, it's impossible to discuss all the possible diagnoses of all these men who kill their departing wives or girlfriends. I know that strangulation is a common method, but nearly every other method in the world has been used. Sometimes the men are the ones leaving, as well, but when a woman decides to leave a man (we'll call him "controlling" rather than narcissistic and then I'll list the OTHER diagnoses and personality disorders that are associated clinically with this kind of crime).
Manic-Depression
Depression
Schizophrenia
Anxiety
Antisocial PD
Borderline PD
Dependent PD (rare, but occurs)
Histrionic PD (rare, but occurs)
Mixed PD (IOW, sociopath)
Cluster B (possessing 2 or more Cluster B diagnoses - can be narcissism)
And of course, lots of murders of women are committed by men
with no formal diagnosis and who integrate themselves well into communities, professions and extended family. They include doctors, lawyers, judges, politicians, professors and every other job occupation category, rich or poor.
But across all of these categories (and more), the event trigger of a wife finally deciding to leave is statistically associated with domestic violence, some of it homicide. It's often part of a cycle of domestic violence, for sure, which is often scrupulously hidden by the couple in question.
What's striking is when it occurs and the husband/boyfriend has no criminal record and is considered quite the peaceful person. Women obviously murder for the same reasons, but it's far less common (and actually more associated with a prior mental health diagnosis - but then, women may seek treatment for anxiety and depression more readily.
If there's any good news for women, in this set of facts, it's that we are far less likely to be murdered than men. But when we are murdered.
Page 3 of this summarizes the findings - which are international:
