But even if you thought your kids would be better off with their father, why give him full custody? Is that like signing over your parental rights? You could agree for the kids to live with dad whilst still having joint custody, couldn't you?
I know of two cases in my "family" where both mother's voluntarily gave up their rights.
I have an adopted daughter from Russia. She was found, severely malnourished and with pneumonia, at the age of 6 months in a cold apartment in Siberia. When neighbors found her, they called an ambulance. The police found the birth mother and basically told her...save yourself the trouble and just relinquish your rights now, because it's going to be a huge pain for us to do it legally but we WILL win and do so if we have to. Thankfully, she agreed to relinquish my daughter and she was placed in an orphanage. Yes, this was Russia, and not the US, but I believe something similar would have happened (exept the child would be placed in foster care, not in an orphanage of course).
The second instance involved my late husband's brother's child. My BIL had died of a drug overdose. When that was confirmed by autopsy, the mother was required to go in for drug testing. They found evidence of cocaine and other drugs in her system. We got temporary custody as she went to rehab and very slowly met the conditions to where she could parent her child again. She again lost custody, and he was returned to our home. She eventually recovered her rights to parent. However, not long after, she was caught drunk driving with the baby lying on the front seat of the car. This time, a meeting was held with CPS, a lawyer, a family therapist, our family, and the baby's mother. It was not very formal, but basically all the cards were laid out on the table. It came down to the same thing...relinquish your child for adoption, or go through a nightmare to have him taken away by the courts, who WOULD succeed. She agreed to adoption, and we agreed she could send letters to him, and that we would provide yearly pictures and updates to her on his life and how he was doing. (We did not end up adopting him as I filed for divorce from my husband, so his brother's family stepped in). Not surprisingly, she had 2 daughters who were around 7 and 8 years old at the time, who she'd lost custody of. She was allowed supervised visits ONLY if there was advance notice and permission granted by her ex-husband. Throughout this mess we talked to him a few times. She had only seen them a few times over the years but was pretty passive about it, knowing the deck was stacked against her. Several times she showed up drunk at his house, and was denied visitation. She however, did want her kids and cried all the time about not being able to see them. Yet she was unable to take care of herself let alone children. At times, she was homeless.
Just sharing two firsthand experiences. It will be interesting to see (and I hope we will) why she does not have physical custody of her other children.
