MI MI - Danielle Stislicki, 28, Southfield, 2 Dec 2016 #7

[SherlockJ]

Assuming 5 was normal quitting time in her department, and if Danielle is believed to have driven out of the parking lot at 5, then she did leave a little bit early, just not a lot early. It takes time to pack up one's stuff, get to the elevator, go down whatever hallways there are , wave to the receptionist, walk to the car, etc. (I am making up the specifics because I don't know her building, other than that it's pretty large and pretty typical-looking). To leave my old office buildings, and to to be driving out of the lot at 5, I would have had to have stopped working and turned my computer off by about 4:40 or earlier.

Your point is valid. In my mind leaving early means at least 30 minutes. And maybe I thought the 4:15 text went something like this; "Yes, I'm leaving now...will stop off at blah, blah blah....." But your right. She may have asked to leave 10 minutes early. And then she would pull out by 5PM. Still I do not know how anyone can say when the car left unless they got it on camera or had a reliable witness.

 

[Momma2cam]

Good. I really didn't want to go out again this crap weather anyway.


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I took a snow day today. Didn't feel like making my 90 mile commute into Detroit in this mess!

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[soanyway]

Lia, you have done an excellent job of putting down my thoughts! You've opened my eyes to a more compassionate view of what may have taken place. I had considered the sexual complications created by caring for a sick SO. But the feminist in me viewed it as a purely selfish act in that an absence may have triggered him to seek satisfaction elsewhere (mission being sex, not intimacy). I'm trying to tread carefully to stay within the TOS. But as you noted, not everyone is fortunate to have someone who will stand by their side and stay committed when your world has been turned upside down. (I'm glad you had your Mike). Norms have changed a little over the years, but I still think that the majority of women have more outlets for expressing feelings (receiving less critique and more validation) than men do. IMO, SG would still be a monster for his involvement relating to DS's disappearance. Just important to note that there may have been some deep underlying issues not portrayed in SM pics.

Thank you

I agree with you completely, I used to tell my spouse that he had a harder job having to see someone he loves suffer and not be able to do anything about it, than I did as a patient..but I know the toll being a caretaker can have on people can be disaster on relationships, your comment about my superman comment got me thinking lol

I remember when I first began becoming very sick I went to read those online support group forums and I realized over the years how very lucky I was to have mike stand by me how he did.

When your stressed out taking care of your spouse but feel guilty for feeling that way and keep quiet, you feel alone ,it seems neverending, it can become so frustrating but I feel that a lot of men are scared to open up about that. they don't want to sound like they are whining about taking care of their spouse while their spouse is gravely ill. I remember this guy saying, "What am I supposed to say to her? Sorry hunny but your cancer is really putting me in a bad mood and having to help you with everything is making me feel resentful towards you. Plus, I know your in horrible pain and can barely get out of bed, but our sex life is non existent and that is also putting me in a really bad place emotionally"

In fact, I noticed that a lot of relationships where there is a longterm or terminal illness end up failing. I cant say what causes it for all of them, but a repeating theme I had noticed was the guys were misdirecting their anger and frustrations--they were really mad at the situation, at the disease even--but it ends up being taken out on the patient. Of course, since the guy feels that if he were to voice his struggling with being a caretaker, he would be a jerk or whatever, this leads to finding outside comfort in some cases.

Of course I have no clue how the SG is feeling or the status of their relationship, however you've brought up a really good point

Picture it, SG has been feeling the stress and strain of being a caretaker to his wife. he loves her, but hes getting frustrated, feeling under-appreciated and he believes telling his wife how depressed or down he is, would be insensitive since she is the sick one--perhaps he feels his family may also view his complaining as selfish as well in his mind.

so, eventually, he begins opening up to other women about his stress, his feelings and it starts almost an emotional "affair" in HIS mind. He begins telling a sweet, kind woman about how down he has been and he feels like she really cares, she really is listening to him and that feels good, something he hasn't felt in ages. However, to the woman, she may see this as simply comforting someone in a frail mental spot struggling with all these heavy things and not even notice that he would consider taking it any farther because shes been comforting him about his wife.

but in his mind, he could view the sympathy as an opening, an innocent comment of support from the woman begins to bloom into much more in the SG mind and as he has so much stress and hurting in the other portions of his life, he begins obsessing and revolving his thoughts around her.

In many cases of people who are really sick, the sex life for the couple goes out the window. I remember reading a lot of women would post on these support boards. To the women, its baffling that the male can even THINK about intimacy when she feels like shes been ran over by a train and has no energy but with the guy, it is just one more area of frustration and potential growing spot for resenting his spouse even though it isn't her fault.


In 2009, my friend was seriously ill. She would talk to me about how her boyfriend as time went on, pushed away and she ended up snooping around, and discovered he was having what she called an "emotional affair about to turn physical". She said it would of hurt less if it had just been him looking for physical intimacy but she found email after email of him complaining about the stress and exhaustion of taking care of her on top of his hectic work schedule. That he had begun to feel unappreciated, and the woman would comfort him but for the most part her responses were therapeutic and emotional in nature, not sexual yet but his intentions seemed clear to lin.

Perhaps if a guy who is really struggling with his job as caretaker finds a woman he feels he can finally confide in and talk about all of the things he wanted to talk about with his wife but couldn't, if the guy began making more intimate moves and the woman rejected those moves, I guess I could see how this guy would feel his world falling apart because he had created this obsession with her to block out things in life he didn't want to deal with anymore and the guy becomes enraged and flips out and abducts someone?

Again, this is long lol, sorry, the thought in my head is hard to explain and say right when im writing it down!

 

[Blue5591]

But I also questioned whether it was very unusual for her to ask to leave early. And even more concerning, why she did NOT leave early. Her mother is persistent at the press conference that she left at 5PM. A also have ben curious if she fed her cat wet or dry food. Not a cat owner but knowing you might stay at a friends it seems you'd pack your bag, dump a bunch of food in your cat's dish and go directly from work to the friend's house. Especially since it was said she did this nearly every weekend!
I don't believe leaving early had anything to do with having to get up early on Saturday in terms of sleep patterns. Not at her age!

Are we positive that the 5 pm time wasn't leaving early? Do we know what time she normally worked until? Also, there are plenty of times I have asked to leave early, but due to getting caught up on cleaning up my desk or answering an email I received last second and ended up not leaving early at all. I don't know how long it takes to get from her office to her car. Also, in my younger years many moons ago I was good friends with a coworker whom I also was intimate with here and there maybe once or twice a year and I assure you no one would have ever guessed and would have bern the story of the year.

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[SherlockJ]

It is possible that someone pulled into Met Life in a van, snatched her and they remained in Met Life's parking lot until the next day. I lived in Detroit suburbs for 55 years. Cars are left in lots overnight. Saw them all the time. Friends hook up for a night out, designated driver, Friday night, yada, yada, yada....

But nobody says, "We aren't sure when the car pulled out". The family and LE didn't have that 1st press conference immediately. There were days to consider every possible scenario. Still, all are firm on when the car would have exited. The only plausible way for me to understand this is that something or someone was able to verify the car. And the likelihood of seeing if a 2nd passenger was in the car, pretty good.

Would you want the suspected POI to know you had him on video? Probably not. You would want to catch him in a lie.

 

[soanyway]

OT, but Zebra Lady, I think we may have been separated at birth. :thinking:

Yes , please continue to be aware of your surroundings. I have a daughter the same age as DS and we go over quite frequently safety reminders. I also gave her a dog for her birthday a VERY BIG DOG ! He is her guardian and takes his role seriously. I tell her to keep her car keys in her hand at all times going to / from her car with her thumb on the panic button and to push it if she ever feels uncomfortable no matter what the reason is. I would rather be embarrassed than risk it being a real threat. I remind her to take her keys to bed with her and use the panic button if she hears things outside ( usually ) the dog gives good warnings. She also text me where she's going just so someone knows . Probably sounds a bit much but I too am street smart and work in a job field that has given more than enough reason to feel these things need to be addressed. Well that and I am a MaMa bear and I protect what's mine the best I know how. Things can happen even with all the safety precautions in the world I just like to think I am one step closer than behind.

Listen to your gut , if somethings not right follow your instincts. Mine have always been right.

 

[SherlockJ]

Are we positive that the 5 pm time wasn't leaving early? Do we know what time she normally worked until? Also, there are plenty of times I have asked to leave early, but due to getting caught up on cleaning up my desk or answering an email I received last second and ended up not leaving early at all. I don't know how long it takes to get from her office to her car. Also, in my younger years many moons ago I was good friends with a coworker whom I also was intimate with here and there maybe once or twice a year and I assure you no one would have ever guessed and would have bern the story of the year.

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I have a similar story. A married goofy, silly nice guy at work we all called "safe". Everyone knew Bob would never cheat. He was active at his church, and a great family guy. One day I walked into the small room which housed the copy machine. There he was... and I think she was half his age. You just never really know...

 

[SherlockJ]

I didn't mean she left early to get up for work...not sure how you interpreted that, I meant sometimes you are tired, it's Friday and you don't want to start another project and you feel you've done enough for the day especially since you are working again in a weekend....I've done it a gazillion times myself

Sorry to confuse. Some people have theorized she left early because she would have to get up early for work Saturday so she wanted to get a jump start hanging out at her friend's house. Now I understand what you are saying. But to the others who have expressed that, I disagree. At 28 you don't necessarily worry about what time you go to bed. I think.

 

[soanyway]

I think we may be putting too much emphasis on why she left work early. She was apparently a good worker, was scheduled to work the next day (Saturday) and may have just wanted to get a few minutes ahead of traffic leaving the parking lot. Just saying we don't really know if this was routine (having some comp time built up, worked through lunch etc.). IMO, leaving a little early on a Friday afternoon after a long work week is really not that uncommon. It could have just been luck on the SG's part that he was in the lot a few minutes early that day to catch her (or knew it was fairly routine).

It sounds to me she went to her friends
Every weekend .
Why leave early this time?

 

[pjsmommy1215]

tragedy death illness - all reasons a suddenly seemingly wonderful spouse can change at drop of a hat- i had a very happy marriage until
my dad died unexpectedly . i then got pregnant and dealing with my emotions and sadness proved to be too much and my husband turned to a coworker for comfort. i've since seen it happen to so many of my friends i've lost count - heartbreaking and selfish but he turned out to be a narcissist - only thought of himself . danielle may have been an ear to vent to- he may have wanted more . nothing is out of the realm of possibility - truly you never really know what a person is capable of- i know this first hand .


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[Blue5591]

I have a similar story. A married goofy, silly nice guy at work we all called "safe". Everyone knew Bob would never cheat. He was active at his church, and a great family guy. One day I walked into the small room which housed the copy machine. There he was... and I think she was half his age. You just never really know...

Totally agree, nothing against men because women do it too, but in my life experience I have known more men living double lives than women. Most likely why I stay single.

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[ChazAldi]

I work on the same street (Telegraph) less than a 1/4 mile from MetLife. I can confirm that leaving even 15 minutes earlier makes a HUGE difference in your commute home. Especially on a Friday.

I think we may be putting too much emphasis on why she left work early. She was apparently a good worker, was scheduled to work the next day (Saturday) and may have just wanted to get a few minutes ahead of traffic leaving the parking lot. Just saying we don't really know if this was routine (having some comp time built up, worked through lunch etc.). IMO, leaving a little early on a Friday afternoon after a long work week is really not that uncommon. It could have just been luck on the SG's part that he was in the lot a few minutes early that day to catch her (or knew it was fairly routine).

 

[BetteDavisEyes]

Thought of something before I drifted off to sleep last night. We're told that Danielle asked to leave early, but there seems to be confusion about what time she left: 4:00, (text to friend at 4:15) 4:30? Possibly a thirty to sixty minute time gap. LE will eventually clear this up, I'm sure. Mrs. Stislicki said that Danielle left the parking lot at MetLife on Friday, December 2 at 5:00PM.

Ann Stislicki was allegedly not working that Friday. If she had been at MetLife, would she have known for sure when DS left? Would they have seen each other on the way out of the building and/or in the parking lot as they both departed for the day? I guess I was trying to figure out if there was some connection to Danielle going missing on a day when her mom wasn't at work. If Danielle's mom had been at work on December 2, would DS have gone missing? :waitasec:

 

[Skigirl]

I think we should develop a series of symbols for certain questions and arguments for the sake of efficiency

-.- = We don't know for sure that the security guard lived at the house his wife owns
--- = It was probably human trafficking because human trafficking is a huge problem and more common than you think.
--. = There had to have been video footage of her at MetLife.
--.. = There was definitely no video footage of her anywhere.
..- = The security guard is not the type of person who would abduct someone.
..-- = There must be something more to the story of her leaving early because a) she didn't leave early, or b) shouldn't have had to ask because she worked there for a long time
.-.-. = The security guard would be wrong, but not that wrong, to have an affair -- and would it would definitely be wrong to kidnap someone.
----- = Her disappearance is definitely drug-related because she may have smoked pot at some point and lots of governmental agencies are involved.

I know I'm missing a few.

 

[soanyway]

The need to get gas had crossed my mind earlier. When it appeared she had driven home, I thought it likely that she may have needed to get gas and could hopefully have been seen on some gas station surveillance on route. Some people have patterns and I would typically need to fill up after the work week, just because I didn't like to add the stop to an already long work day (especially if it was dark out). By week's end, I would need to tank up to get through the weekend. So, what if the SG jumped into DS's vehicle not realizing that she was running on empty? Would they stop somewhere and possibly have been seen together? Risky, but possibly unavoidable.

Had an errand to run? Needed to get gas first, groceries, didn't feel like staying since had to turnaround and be at work at 8am, got a text from sg to talk, realized forgot to feed cat that morning so had to run home quickly before going to friend, forgot glasses and doesn't sleep in her contacts...

 

[Flatbush]

So sad she has not been found.
I think if each of us (who wanted to of course), would get a little nosey/aggressive with apartments and businesses in our own areas to see if cameras are up and actually working. I recall her apartment complex didn't have any until after she disappeared, and it's questionable if the place she worked had working cameras.
We never know if these things might save a life. As far as this case I am of the opinion good working cameras would answer a lot of vital questions. Maybe have saved this girls life, we just don't know.

 

[DakotaMayi]

I think we may be putting too much emphasis on why she left work early. She was apparently a good worker, was scheduled to work the next day (Saturday) and may have just wanted to get a few minutes ahead of traffic leaving the parking lot. Just saying we don't really know if this was routine (having some comp time built up, worked through lunch etc.). IMO, leaving a little early on a Friday afternoon after a long work week is really not that uncommon. It could have just been luck on the SG's part that he was in the lot a few minutes early that day to catch her (or knew it was fairly routine).

soanyway!

I agree with you... again... what a shock lol

Hm, yes I wouldn't look to much into that. If I was working an extra day, esp a saturday!! I would expect my director to be okay with me taking half an hour. In fact, I would be taking it for definite for a full day extra on the weekend!

 

[gam]

tragedy death illness - all reasons a suddenly seemingly wonderful spouse can change at drop of a hat- i had a very happy marriage until
my dad died unexpectedly . i then got pregnant and dealing with my emotions and sadness proved to be too much and my husband turned to a coworker for comfort. i've since seen it happen to so many of my friends i've lost count - heartbreaking and selfish but he turned out to be a narcissist - only thought of himself . danielle may have been an ear to vent to- he may have wanted more . nothing is out of the realm of possibility - truly you never really know what a person is capable of- i know this first hand .


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They can change at the drop of a hat, but signs were there leading up to the change or circumstances. Rare a person just snaps, most often though people don't see those signs, sometimes they do and ignore them or write them off.

Pet peeve for me, as I have worked in mental health, in substance abuse and I've been involved with many family law cases. I find the need to always add something to open people's eyes up.

 

[SherlockJ]

I think we may be putting too much emphasis on why she left work early. She was apparently a good worker, was scheduled to work the next day (Saturday) and may have just wanted to get a few minutes ahead of traffic leaving the parking lot. Just saying we don't really know if this was routine (having some comp time built up, worked through lunch etc.). IMO, leaving a little early on a Friday afternoon after a long work week is really not that uncommon. It could have just been luck on the SG's part that he was in the lot a few minutes early that day to catch her (or knew it was fairly routine).

Early departure, we all do it, but we haven't vanished. I guess it's just natural to look at even the smallest hints, hoping something will click and a perpetrator is caught. Did she usually leave early? Did she usually stop at home before heading to the friends? Did she usually bring a change of clothing with her? Was it uncommon for her not to show up at that friend's house? Yes, we grab at anything we can .

Today I listened to a video produced by one of her friends. She told a story about DS. A bunch of girls scheduled to meet in Detroit for dinner, DS arrives late, She explained her dress ripped, and when she went to fix the situation she tripped over a box of confetti.

One person hears that story and laughs. Another infers the confetti is a sign that maybe she parties too much. A third suspects she may have been preempted, buying drugs in the hood A fourth is convinced it was the result of a secret romance.

But the beauty is that everyone is trying to grab onto anything with the common interest of getting her home. And one day someone writes something, and something clicks, and a crime somewhere is solved.

To be tolerant to the others theories, even though we each know our own is the truth, is necessary to make this thing work.

 

[AtomicAngela]

So sad she has not been found.
I think if each of us (who wanted to of course), would get a little nosey/aggressive with apartments and businesses in our own areas to see if cameras are up and actually working. I recall her apartment complex didn't have any until after she disappeared, and it's questionable if the place she worked had working cameras.
We never know if these things might save a life. As far as this case I am of the opinion good working cameras would answer a lot of vital questions. Maybe have saved this girls life, we just don't know.

The apartment complex still does not have cameras. There have not been any installed since Danielle's disappearance.