I've been trying to delve into Oscar's psyche. I want to understand the why of who he is. It just didn't seem complete that he could simply be labelled as a Narcissist or Sociopath. It's always nagged at me that maybe Oscar's mother took the wrong route in the way she raised Oscar........things that she told him regarding his disability. I'm certainly not blaming her because I'm sure, as all mothers, we do the best we can. It always seemed to me that there should have been a bit more nurturing with his horrendous disability. Of course, I'm only going by what I've read and what Oscar, himself, has said about his mother. Seems to me, you just can't ignore the disability especially one like Oscar's. So I did some googling and came across this article:
http://www.timeslive.co.za/ilive/20...-and-psychology-of-poor-oscar-pistorius-ilive
.......There must be something very rewarding about having such a mother. She commanded he be normal, she made him fit in, she got him to play rugby at school. What a miracle-worker. And how he loved her. How well he must have known from the start not to disappoint her! Indeed such early machismo, such a hard-headed denial of reality, such determination, may be just the way to create a world-beating champion. And so it came to pass
But there may also be something deeply damaging about such an upbringing, such a hard-headed denial of reality, so little chance to weep or mourn the absence of limbs or feel afraid because of their loss. To be denied being disappointed, even angry, at what you – as a fact – cannot do, or could never do with ease.......
Why Oscar treated women the way he did, is a mystery. Take Samantha, who he punished by making her sit on a stair.
On top of it all, we have fame and fortune and a bunch of enablers around him. He never had to be accountable for his poor behavior.
I believe that Reeva was the first person that ever stood up to him and he just couldn't handle it. He 'lost it' that nite and now he is suffering the consequences.
I believe he needs serious psychological treatment and with his family and all that money, I believe that they should come to terms with this and get him the medical treatment that he so desperately needs. I'm not cheerleading for Oscar. I just believe he's very very sick.
You’re not alone, Jilly - I’m fascinated with OP’s psyche, too!
Contrary to what the author thinks, IMHO, there was
no “hard-headed denial of reality” involved in OP's upbringing. Quite the opposite - Sheila (and all her kids) met reality head-on from day one. She never “commanded” his normalcy, she never “made” him fit in (how does a parent do that?) - he simply was normal and fit in all on his own. She rightly never coddled him, never allowed him to wallow in his condition, never allowed him to view it as anything other than normal for HIM, never allowed him to cry over his differentness (why would he - it was normal!). She never allowed him to view it as a disadvantage and most importantly, never allowed him to use it as an excuse, either for pity or preference. Had she done those things, she would have done a huge, debilitating disservice to him.
Unlike older children and adults who’ve lost limbs (i.e. MIT’s Hugh Herr, Natalie de Toit, etc.) - Oscar has never known anything other than his stumps and prosthetics, from 11 months and 17 months respectively. (What does anyone remember from that age? Nothing!) His life was 100% “normal”, as he had nothing different to compare it to, so could never have felt “deprived”. “Normality” is always subjective, both personally and culturally.
By all accounts I’ve read, OP was a self-propelled rocket from the word go. LOL No one could stop him or slow him down, a trait that many able-bodied kids also have. IMHO, whatever went wrong or right in OP’s life had very little or nothing to do with his disability. Had he not taken up athletics (totally on a fluke), he no doubt would have been a success in life in some other area(s).
There’s every chance, had he been able-bodied, he still would have been just as fast and successful on the track - he clearly had the genetics, mental attitude, drive and support.
By all accounts, OP was a very popular, very well-liked kid in school, both by teachers and students. He participated in ALL activities, was treated exactly like everyone else. He was always first to throw off his legs and jump into the pool, no sport was off-limits - even rock climbing didn’t phase him! I can’t find any account that he was anything other than a well-adjusted, happy kid. Isn’t this the very definition of normal?
By all his own self-admissions, he never considered himself “disabled”.
[Well, up until he murdered Reeva.]
Why do some insist that he somehow never properly “grieved” over his disability?
Grief requires loss.
If one never grew up eating Korean kimchee, would one “miss” it? Impossible.
What did OP lose?
His “legs” were simply a normal part of “him” - like other kids’ red hair, tallness, freckles or braces (which he also had LOL). He never knew anything else.
Sometimes there’s simply nothing to grieve.
Humans too often make the mistake of judging others’ lives and reactions by their own life and experiences ... or expectations.
Not everyone is broken or devastated by the same things; some people are FAR more adaptable and resilient than others ... indeed, some thrive on endless challenge and adversity.
We should not expect that every disability is always a “problem” that must be “fixed” - sometimes there’s no problem and nothing to be fixed.
While I think OP’s mom had a profoundly positive influence on him, I also believe other familial influences were not so good - especially his father. By his own self-admission, Henke could be “cruel” and “exacting” towards the young Oscar. Cruelty of any kind never bodes well. This alone could explain at least some of OP’s personality and problems (as well as the father-son estrangement). Abuse of any kind begets abuse, whether subtle or overt.
With mom gone as the wise, grounded, common-sense counter-balance, I think the greatest detrimental influence on OP was a deadly “perfect storm” of two factors.
First, SA’s entrenched, macho, sports-as-religion, patriarchal, gun-obsessive culture.
Second, throw in sudden fame and fortune at the tender age of 17, escalating to global status of sports demi-god - and well, there it is.
OP isn’t the first young person to be ruined by sudden fame, money and power - sucked into deductive narcissism, that sense of invincibility.
I imagine it’s much like a drug. An addictive, destructive, all-consuming drug that profoundly changes life, relationships, reality, one’s very core.
Like any drug addict, not only did OP eventually pay the terrible consequences - so did everyone around him.
In the end, Oscar’s disability was never his legs - it was ego.