I had horrible nightmares last night. Nothing to do with this directly but of not being able to get away from someone and not being able to call out or scream. My husband woke me up and I was inconsolable and had to sleep snuggled up to him so he would be able to sense sooner if I went into the dream again.
I was truly shocked and horrified yesterday. I follow a lot of missing and murder cases. I started reading true crime when I was 15. Psychology was my major in college. I have read a good deal of information on sociopaths and psychopaths and I can't really explain my reaction yesterday. It was deep in my soul. I will admit that there have been times that I wondered about Jodi, wondered wether she was just a personality disordered girl who could not handle abandonment and who was somehow able to keep exes around, and that allowed her some sort of ability to cope and that the situation with Travis and what he said to her just broke what little bit of sanity she had and well... we all know what happened.
I know I look for reasons, explainable reasons, I suppose to some degree because of my own childhood and experiences but in large part because there is not one single thing we can do for a person who is just evil.
I look at pictures of her as a child and cannot connect the two? It is something I need to come to terms with. Not everyone can be fixed. Not everyone has been hurt. I love children, I always have, even when I was not much more than a child myself I loved babies and anyone younger than myself. I probably should have been a teacher. I love my families kids, my neighbors kids, kids in my children's classes and on their sport teams and I can't even fathom how one of them could someday turn out to be evil like this. Yesterday was a window into something that closed some hidden notion or question- entirely. Forever. For me.
I truly believe the Alexanders have and will rise above this. I believe they learned this same lesson several years ago. I think it was as hard for them being victims in their own childhoods as anyone... I wonder what benefit of the doubt they initially, momentarily gave her, and how quickly it was shut off forever after the letter and more information was received. I wonder how they struggled, in their faith, believing that we are all children of God and how they had to reconcile that with the fact that Jodi is no child of God and pure evil. I see them united, unwavering and together. They have lost so much but you would almost never know it to look at them in moments they are not filled with pain. I hope more than anything that Jodi gets the sentence they feel she deserves and then they move on and heal, to the best of their ability together, stronger than ever. I hope they never cross paths with evil again.
They have suffered enough for several lifetimes. I am comforted that Travis is with his beloved mom mom and his father and mother and this time their connection is different and that together they watch over all of the siblings that were left behind.
For me personally, I hope this trial wraps up soon. I have a lot of wonderful activities coming this spring and I am going to commit to taking a break from all of this.
. Because Jodi and the other dumb criminals out there do know right from wrong. Jodi is just so narcissistic she doesn't care. She must satisfy her needs first.
