I have a sister who was diagnosed BPD- within a short period of time (1 or 2 sessions) she dropped the therapist. As I read up on the disorder I came to the conclusion the diagnosis was accurate. My sister does have a heart but her spirit has been damaged and injured through her experiences in our family. She is definitely not a sociopath, so maybe there in lies the difference. She tries really hard to be a good person and most of the time she is a lot of fun to be around (for short periods of time- we live two hours apart). She just loses it at times and has an extremely difficult time in male/female relationships. She does have longtime friends but has never been able to work for someone- she seems to only be able to work for herself. Her business relationships always seem to end in disaster too. Her abandonment issues are all consuming. I really do believe her disorder stems from familial trauma.
And I was married to a guy later diagnosed both antisocial and narcissistic. I spent years after our relationship learning everything I could about the Cluster B's. I was determined to never fall victim to someone like that again. He was horrifically abused and humiliated as a child. There's pretty substantial evidence to suggest conduct disorder (used to dx antisocial) by his mid-teens.
He was the epitome of any predator or abuser someone reads about. Charming, perfect, funny, gregarious. Everyone who met him loved him. He didn't have any long-time friends but I didn't think about it because he'd moved around a lot. He'd been married previously too and that relationship lasted 7 years.
Every personality disorder is different and everyone that is afflicted with them is different too. I consider borderlines to truly be their own worst enemy - but there are some who are highly manipulative and extremely emotionally (at least) abusive. All four of them are so similar, but with different motivations.
Any borderline fears abandonment. But so too does a narcissist - though they fear what it projects to those they deem matter and loss of their narcissistic supply. The overwhelming majority of them have issues with interpersonal relationships because, in reality, dealing with their PD 24/7 is
exhausting. The best way I have to describe it is loving a porcupine. They might be cute and look friendly - but damn they hurt. They push everyone away. Narcissists and antisocials tend to hurt outward. Borderlines and histrionics tend to hurt inward - but their actions can have incredibly harmful affects on those around them. My ex systematically sabotaged every relationship - very often doing the unthinkable to those who once loved him. It seemed a self-fulfilling prophecy since he often told people they'd end up leaving him.
Borderline and severe early childhood trauma go together like peanut butter and chocolate. Most borderlines are women and most of those women have suffered abuse. Many times a cluster B disorder is co-existing with other disorders or illness - which contributes a lot to why some turn out like Jodi while others could never harm a fly.
I am sorry your sister has such a rough go of it. There's a lot of stigma (some well deserved) when it comes to PD. I think of all of them borderline is probably the most misunderstood. This is a really great website that probably saved my sanity, should you ever need it:
http://outofthefog.net/
