I’ve read many posts where folks have, understandably, wondered why Travis would have let Arias in his home after all that had happened, and why he didn’t do anything preventatively.
A few of my late night, can't sleep, listening to the Oregon rain thoughts:
1. From my own experience as a DV/SA advocate, I can say that only rarely did men come to the center for any kind of help or advice. On the rare occasions, he would come alone, embarrassed, openly humiliated and reluctant to cast blame on his partner or admit he was being mistreated. As an advocate, we could hear the potential danger in the events he relayed to us, but the men would downplay it in a kind of “I can probably handle it myself” attitude. It’s only recently society has accepted and spoken loudly about domestic abuse toward men. Men have always been considered the abusers, not the abused. Women would usually come with a support person/group/family to corroborate the incident(s) and offer help. They were instantly believed and embraced by a caring staff offering a wide range of help and support. When a man would come in to our advocacy center, I'm ashamed to admit there were certain immediate and likely subconscious responses from many workers: check the doors, approach with care, insure the safety of any women currently being sheltered in the building, phones in hand, looking around for male colleagues should something happen. It’s unfortunate and thankfully slowly changing.
2. The few times I accompanied a man through the legal system to obtain a restraining order, he was scrutinized in a way women weren’t. The clerk would respond with surprise, the court personnel would ask where my client was, as they were looking toward the man. The judge would ask many more questions and in more depth about the incident(s) involved in an order request. Almost always he was asked if he was sure this is what he wanted to do, something not asked of women seeking the same.
3. Coming from the perspective of a victim of assault, I knew my perpetrator and knew of his violent and creepy past, his potential, his threats toward me and my family. I saw him as a punk who threatened, who bullied, who loved attention. I had known him since he was a baby and despite his verbal and physical creep factors, could not see him perpetrating the kind of horror on me that he ultimately did. I let him in my home. I lent him money on occasion. I attended family gatherings on occasion with him present. I didn’t go out of my way to see or speak to him, but neither did I run the other way, lock the door and reject him. Even when he was younger I kept my own children away from him, “rearranging” family celebrations and such so that we stayed separately and had as little time together as possible, and always heavily supervised by both my husband and me.
Perhaps because I knew a lot of his history and what he was capable of, I did NOT want to be on his bad side. To keep him happy, through allowing these few safe social exchanges, seemed appropriate and much better option than angering him or ostracizing him. I always had that ick factor feeling when he was around, but placating him seemed the best way to handle him.
That is, until it wasn’t. Had he knocked on the door the evening he attacked me, I probably would have let him in even though it was late and I was alone. Again, I didn’t want to reject him and appear frightened and until then I had been able to pacify any anger with words, money, or cookies. But that night he didn’t knock on the door, but instead broke through the window into my bedroom. How I wish I had done so many things differently, listened to that little voice in my head warning me, taken measures months earlier to keep him away, installed security………it’s endless if you go the “what if” route, and it doesn’t change the outcome.
4. I believe Travis had no idea, nor did he have any perspective to even believe Jodi was capable of more than being a giant, persistent, stalking, tire slashing pest. Yes, he could have asked for a restraining order but in this case it would have probably only angered Jodi more and made her even more resolute to destroy him. He could have locked his doors more securely, refused her entrance. But why would he have feared this kind of outcome? It sounds as if he had “talked her down” many times, listened to her cry for hours, forgiven her repeatedly, and had been the brunt of her manipulation. But again, why would he have feared her next step was murder?
She's either 27 or she's not. But for PTSD experts can and very often do disagree.
